Top 10 Reasons To Turn Off Professional Wrestling And Turn On Bowling
Top 10 Reasons To Turn Off Professional Wrestling And Turn On Bowling
1. "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan 
Minuses: Mr. "No Sell" and "No Job". I have a fundamental problem with somone who uses their wrestling stardom just as a stepping stone. Duh! If you had any talent beyond wrestling, you wouldn't have become a wrestler in the first place. Plus, when he turns face again, I don't care what anybody says, the fans will love him. WAV File 1 WAV File 2 WAV File 3
Pluses: Told the fans to "stick it". I have to admit, I am getting satisfaction seeing him as a heel.
2. The Ultimate Warrior 
Minuses: Mr. "No Sell" and "No Job". I have a fundamental problem with somone who uses their wrestling stardom just as a stepping stone. Duh! If you had any talent beyond wrestling, you wouldn't have become a wrestler in the first place. Sound familiar?
Pluses: Puked on TV post-George Bush and pre-Pete Sampras. Cool Tattoo.
3. Jake "The Snake" Roberts 
Minuses: A once truly frightening wrestler who is way past his prime. Back in the early 1980's, when you thought of the DDT, you thought of Jake Roberts. Now, well, you're just waiting for him to retire. He's also responsible for starting the WWF "Animal Kingdom" in the late 1980's.
Pluses: Not jobbing quite as much as Steve Lombardi, but getting there.
4. Steve "Mongo" McMichael 
Minuses: Continually blows spots. Eventually is really going to hurt somebody. Plus, I hate his gimmick of his stupid little chihuahua. Does NOT act like a Horseman. Getting a big push but will probably be out of wrestling within a year.
Pluses: His wife. Hubba-hubba.
5. Glacier 
Minuses: Enough already with the hype and gimmicks. He belongs in the WWF with all his gimmickiness.
Pluses: Now that he is finally wrestling, the promos have mercifully stopped.
6. "Mean Gene" Okerlund 
Minuses: Pompous and arrogant little man. The Bryant Gumbal of pro wrestling except without the talent. Ran into him (figuratively, unfortunately) outside a diner one night when I was a teenager and he was a complete jerk. WAV File 1 WAV File 2 WAV File 3
Pluses: It's always an interesting contest between Okerlund and Glacier for who can blow the most spots on a given Nitro.
7. Golddust (Dustin Rhodes) 
Minuses: I'm straight and even I'M offended.
Pluses: Not nearly as fat as Adrian Adonis 
. A complete embarassment to his father, "The American Dreamsicle" Dusty Rhodes.
8. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan 
Minuses: I know more ways to tie my shoes than he knows wrestling moves. Tries to get the crowd to chant "USA, USA!" even when he's fighting an American wrestler.
Pluses: Slowly but surely moving to mid-card jobber status. I saw him once walking through the Saint Louis airport and he walked right into a chair and banged his shin. It would seem his real life reflects his ring persona.
9. The Booty Man / The Man With No Name / Zodiac / The Butcher / The Barber / Brutus Beefcake 
Minuses: Doesn't do much beside make faces at the camera. Changes gimmicks more often than Hillary Clinton changes her hairstyle.
Pluses: In the span of three weeks, got the living bejeesus kicked out of him by just about everyone in WCW with the exception of Billy Kidman.
10. Chris Jericho 
Minuses: If I want to see a choirboy, I'll watch an old tape of the late Kerry Von Erich. 
Pluses: Jobbed to Chris Benoit after being in WCW for three weeks. I was sure Jericho would get a push at War Games since he was new but I was VERY pleasantly surprised.