WCW {Pro} - Sunday, 11/30/97
WCW {Pro} - Sunday 11/30/97
- I, Chan, will be flying solo this week. No, Charlie is not still in mourning over the demise of Beavis and Butthead. Well, he is, but that is not the reason for his absence. He is at the WCW House Show in Johnson City, with, of all people, a church group that he convinced to make the trip. Before he left, we discussed the majority of the column so he will be in it in spirit. In a somewhat related issue, it is sad to think that we have converted far more people to wrestling thorugh the years than to religion.
- Last week Charlie and I discussed the importance of the proper wrestling vittles when watching {Pro}. Apparently, Charlie failed to notice that chili was not included in our listing. Charlie, using his time wisely as always, ate his weight in chili in between {Pro} and the pay-per-view last week. Fortunately, neither of us are smokers because lighting a flame near us last week could have caused some serious problems. That was this week's report on wrestling vittles and the dangers of excessive chili mixed into your wrestling diet. Next we will list Charlie's recipe for Kool-Ade. In true wrestling fashion, we wanted to begin the recipe this week and claim not to have the space to finish until next week to keep our readers tuned in. Unfortunately, the recipe can be written in one sentence, negating our efforts.
- While watching Monday Nitro this week, the announcers commented that the Flair-Hennig match meant more than a championship to the Nature Boy. That claim can be substantiated by the fact that Flair has not held a championship during 1997. That led us to this week's trivia question: When was the last calendar year that Flair did not hold a championship?
- We also decided to have a contest to estimate our readers' prognosticating abilities. We could best be described as financially challenged, so there will be no prize. The question is: Pick who will administer Ray Traylor's weekly beating tomorrow on Nitro. E-mail us your suggestions. Any worthy predictions could be posted next week. Hint: Probability is in the nWo's favor.
- We also considered the survey: Do you watch {Pro} to see WCW or do you watch {Pro} to see the n-W-o? Then we realized that Vincent being the only member of the nWo to appear on {Pro} solved that for us because we do not believe insane asylums have Internet capabilities. Watching a program simply to see the former Virgil is grounds for being institutionalized in all fifty states.
- We watched the pay-per-view last week and were wondering what would have happened had Hogan won WWIII. Would he have beat himself up a la Jeff Conaway (who incidentally was involved in wrestling in the dying days of the
USWA) on an episode of Taxi? Could he have both won and lost the match? Would they allow this on television? Would anyone pay to see it?
- Speaking of WWIII, WCW hyped Luger locally in Detroit as a possible favorite because that is where he won the world championship earlier in the year. For a similar reason, they should have claimed the Giant was too traumatized to compete in the event. Remember, that is where he fell off the roof of the Cobo Arena leading to his apparent death at Halloween Havoc 1995 (10/29/95). Also, his right hand was broken. They have not covered this properly either. They have claimed it is the hand they he admintsers his deadly chockeslam with. This is true, but our knowldege of Kevin Nash leads us to believe the significance of that is that it's the hand that he opens up beer with.
- We also had some questions stemming from last week's Nitro, particularly with the Disorderly Conduct/Steiners match. Not only because of the finish, which to say they blew the finish would rank up there with Scott Hudson's "Vincent is not the most impressive member of the nWo" in terms of being an understatement.
- First, as we discussed last week, was WCW's ineffective philosophies on presenting new talent. Disorderly Conduct is a prime example. Two weeks ago they debuted in a dark match, losing to the Villanos. Losing to the Villanos is equivalent to losing to the Washington Generals (the perennial Globetrotter opponents) in basketball. In their Nitro debut, they were squashed by the tag champions. If that was not bad enough, WCW has labeled them "Tough Tom" and "Mean Mike." Even if they were undefeated, could people take them seriously with those names?
- Secondly, Disordely Conduct wore sunglasses. Also on the program, Vincent wore sunglasses. Hogan wore sunglasses. Bagwell wore sunglasses. Jimmy Hart wore sunglasses. The last time we checked Nitro is held outdoors
and at night which led us to the question, why the sunglasses? Our theory centers around the Corey Hart song "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night." It was released off his "First Offense" album in 1983. We feel Hogan is exercising his power over WCW by forcing the crew to "wear their sunglasses at night" as a reminder of when he was still in his prime.
- Today is Tom Zenk's birthday. There have been rumors circulating that Zenk might return to WCW to bolster the roster for the new Thursday program debuting in January. Since WCW has already signed Rick Martel, he could also
bolster a tag team division that Eric Bischoff has contemplated disbanding. Martel and Zenk formed the Can-Am Connection in the WWF and were slated to win the tag titles in 1987 before Zenk walked out on the promotion. If WCW
is not interested in Zenk as a tag wrestler, he could also return as the "Z-Man" and mimic Bret Hart's spelling of WCW on the ringposts after the match with Shawn Michaels by doing the Zorro Z, eventually leading to a feud with Bret. After the Mattel company sued Aqua for the song "Barbie Girl," Zorro might sue WCW. I would love to see how they figure how much money Zenk individually brought in... In a related issue, a Tom Zenk web site was opened today at http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Arena/9893/.
- Before beginnig with this week's {Pro} summary, we will give some details on last week's program. The majority of the show was taped on October 9th during the first day of the Disney tapings. For all the Hacksaw Duggan fans out there, both of you will be happy to know that last week's pro match was his first match since returning to the company. The show did a 1.1 rating. It's nice to know we aren't the only ones who watched it.
- In an attempt to enhance the show's importnace, we devised an experiment by downloading the Nitro theme and playing it at the outset of {Pro}. It was successful until we saw Scott Hudson and then the program had Global
Wrestling Federation written all over it. We hope that this experiment will not have the inverse effect and Nitro will no longer seem important. We will update you next week. Maybe if they created the {Pro} Girls...
- The show opened with Jeff Bradley vs. Rick Fuller.
- Two hairy guys with black beards. Fuller was wearing leather.
Bradley was wearing an amateur singlet. Both were wearing black boots and
black wrists bands. Yes, I am describing at length what the two were wearing.
I am not sure what else there is to discuss.
- The most difficult thing to determine about this match is who is to be
considered the "star." Bradley hit a dropkick from the top rope and Scott
Hudson claimed that it would be a major upset. I guess Fuller is the star.
- Fuller won with a boot to the face. Hudson considered this an
impressive victory.
- For the second consecutive week WCW used a one of World Class' former
stars during the dying days of the promotion. Bradley once defeated the
Dingo (later Ultimate) Warrior for the Texas Heavyweight Chamionship.
- Zbyszko missed last week's {Pro} due to injuries suffered at the hands
of the nWo.
- Say what you will about Scott Hudson and Larry Zbyszko's announcing
abilities. If nothing else they abide strictly by the first commandment of
WCW announcing: Thou shalt not discuss the match in progress.
- This week's topic of discussion was the Zbyszko-Bischoff match. Last
week, we mentioned that it was a bad omen when the most famous man in the
match is the referee. It is worse when the most hyped event on the show is a
match featuring an announcer. What is even worse is when the match they are
hyping is a match featuring an announcer who hasn't wrestled in years facing
an announcer who has never wrestled at all. On this week's Nirtro, Zbyszko
also showed his age when he threatened to turn Bruce Lee into Brenda Lee. We
did not know it at the time, but Brenda Lee was actually a popular singer of
the 1960's. And to think, we just thought the Living Legend was showing off
his alliteration.
- Random Wrestling Question: Shouldn't Scott Steiner place an ad in the
Lost and Found for his neck?
- The match was followed by another exciting rendition of this Week in
Motor Sports.
- After a long promo of the Bischoff-Zbyszko feud, Greg Valentine defeated
Hard Body Harrison.
- The announcers commented on the scowl on Valentine's face. I guess
Hudson didn't know that many old people are ornery.
- They brought up the fact that Valentine's dad was Johnny and that he
wrestled a brutal match with Piper at the first Starrcade in 1983. It is
amazing how Piper is still a prime time competitor while Valentine is
relegated to {Pro}.
- Harrison wore green trunks that were half tights and half trunks. The
man should get credit for fighting through the pain of what has to be a
wicked wedgy.
- The majority of the commentary focused on Zbyszko claiming to retire
Bruno Sammartino and Nick Bockwinkel. I wonder how many of the fans watching
know who they were. Maybe they won't realize how ridiculous it will be for
him to claim to have retired those men. Harbody tried a flip splash from the
top turbnbuckle.
- Valentine won with an elbowdrop to the head. Remember when the Figure
Four was his finisher? I guess Flair won't let his old championship partner
use his finisher.
- Random Wrestling Question: Will Steve Austin's neck injuries effect
his head bobbing ability?
- They began the next segment with a promo for World War III. Disco
Inferno then defeated Johnny Boone with the Chart Buster.
- Hudson claimed Disco is climbing the ladder to get a rematch for the
TV title. He must have hit bottom if he is at Johnny Boone's rung on that
ladder. No, bottom was losing to a woman. No maybe it was having no offense
against Perry Saturn. It is criminal what Bischoff has done to this talented
young star.
- Hudson wouldn't claim Hogan has disgraced the belt but not the title
by painting it with nWo. I guess all those title defenses have helped the
belt keep the prestigious name it has always stood for.
- Random Wrestling Question: Is it us or does Buff Bagwell greatly
resemble David Faustino (Married...With Children's Bud Bundy) in atrophe?
That was inconsiderate of me to mention another one of Charlie's favorite
programs that has been cancelled this season.
- Louie Spicoli claimed, "Today is the day a star is born." He then beat
Keith Sheara with a cradle slam.
- Hudson mentioned that Spicolli once wrestled as Madonna's boyfriend on
AAA's "When World's Collide" Pay-Per-View. I thought WCW was still trying to
forget about that business venture.
- Spicolli is not out of shape, but I wouldn't say he's in shape either.
He is about like when Curt Hennig was in the "best shape of his life" during
his return match at Bash at the Beach (July 13th).
- Both wore the amateur singlets. I guess tights and trunks are just
out of style. Keith was written on Sheara's trunks. Does that indicates
he's an ass?
- Spicoli was obviously playing the heel as he picked the man up at two
twice and slapped Sheara in the face.
- Random Wrestling Question: Who gets custody of the dog Pepe if the
McMichaels get divorced?
- Vicious & Delicious faced the Villanos is the main event.
- Somewhere in between my earlier Villano comment and this match, Ray
Mendoza's boys became main eventers.
- Bagwell played to the crowd as always. Why are there bricks down the
side of Buff's trunks?
- Hudson claims, "It always goes down on Nitro!" Is that a good thing
to say on {Pro}?
- Norton did a double DDT on both the Villanos. Buff won with the Buff
Blockbsuter on Villano IV. It was amazing to see the nWo on {Pro}.
- Random Wrestling Question: How can WCW label Scott Vick "Sick Boy"
with Duggan still on the roster?
- Trivia answer: The last calendar year that Ric Flair did not hold a
championship was 1973. He has held a world championship at least one day in
every year since 1981.
- Wouldn't it be great if {Pro} featured all quality match ups? That will
happen when Hulk Hogan has an original entertaining comment. This week's
"Fee fi fo fum, I'll beat you until you're well done," was not only incredibly
idiotic but Grimm's Fairy Tales could continue that lawsuit motif we began
earlier. They could actually legitimately claim Hogan degraded a couplet
where the first line was "Fee fi fo fum."
- The majority of the show hyped the Sting-Hogan and Bischoff-Zbyszko
matchups at Starrcade on December 28th at 7 p.m. I had to write that after
hearing it about a hundred times during the show. They replayed the incident
of the real Sting bing dominated by the nWo. Is it just a coincidence that
the first signs of Sting's vulnerability and Bischoff's getting tough with
discipline came during the time he was trying to sign Bret Hart? Despite the
obvious hype, the show was not that bad. The show did a much better job of
blending young talent (Bagwell & Disco) with aging veterans (Valentine) this
week.
- We will be reporting more often than normal this week as Charlie will be
doing a house show report of Johnson City. Also, with Nitro in our hometown
tomorrow night, will we be there? Does Ric Flair bleach his hair? Have Sable's
breasts been enhanced? Is decadurabolin in Scott Steiner's vocabulary? You
get the picture. I hope they have some surprises but after all these years
of watching wrestling about the only thing that would surprise us is if Dusty
Rhodes has a degree in English.
- Once again, we encourage any and all feedback. Send any positive
comments to Chan and any criticisms to Charlie. Wait, Charlie will read
this. Cancel that last request. Until next week, remember our motto: We
watch {Pro} so you don't have to!