New Year's Resolutions for 1998
By TheCubs Fan
Any opinions expressed here are solely of The Cubs Fan, and not of Bill
- Hey, you know how I promised something special for a couple of weeks and never got around to doing it? Well, here it finally is, a list of suggested New Year's Resolutions for some WCW wrestlers. Remember, it's supposed to be funny.
- First, WCW guys
- Chris Benoit - To stop getting into never ending feuds with people who can't wrestle. And to finally win a title.
- Ric Flair - To get the Horsemen back together...and become 14 time champ.
- Steve "Mongo" McMichael - To find out what ever happened to that Superbowl Ring
- (Bill) Goldberg - To figure out why he isn't getting more title shots
- Diamond Dallas Page - See above
- Dean Malenko - To learn how to make friends
- Eddie Guerrero - To find some more family to beat up
- Raven and his whole nest (and myself) - To learn how to comb their hair and wear clothes that wouldn't be rejected by the Salvation Army
- Chris Jericho - To get a haircut and give the fans a reason to care about you
- Harlem Heat - To get some titles or plane tickets to Stamford, CT.
- Hugh Morrus - See above.
- The Steiners - To show the fans that, at one time, you could actually wrestle.
- Alex Wright - To join the black and white express?
- All the Luchadors (and many others) - To get some respect and a push.
- Ted DiBiase and Steve Regal - To lose some weight.
- Rey Mysterio Jr. - To gain some weight.
- Ray Traylor - To gain some skill.
- La Parka - To make (and sell) a Chairman of WCW T-Shirt
- Meng - To aplogize to Spock of Star Trek for stealing his finisher
- Disco Inferno - To get something new written on his tights...and keep on dancing
- Sting - To stay the way he is, not go back to his old ways
- Lex Luger, the Giant, Roddy Piper - To get that title shot they all deserve
- nWo
- Hollywood Hogan - To watch his own back, very carefully.
- Scott Hall and Kevin Nash - To remember why they started this nWo thing, for their own gain.
- Randy Savage - To keep being the barely sane person he is.
- Syxx - To stop getting hurt.
- Marcus "Buff" Bagwell - To just keep being his modest self.
- Konnan - To learn some new Mexican swear words
- Scott Norton - To show the American fans some reason you're so popular in Japan
- Curt Hennig - To keep being his perfect self.
- Vincent - To get out of the ring, and stay out!
- Eric Bischoff - See above
- Rick Rude - To buy some throat medicine
- Fake Sting (aka Cobra) - To stay in Japan and away from the real Sting
- Everyone Else
- Tony S. - To pause and think before yelling out "It's Sting!"
- Mike Tenay - To apologize to Spock of Star Trek for stealing his personality
- Bobby Heenan - To keep being the Weasel
- Dusty Rhodes - To publish a Dusty Rhodes dictionary, so we know what the heck he's talking about
- Larry Zybszko - To avoid being beat up to badly by Scott Hall
- Bret Hart - To pick one side and wrestle
I really, really hope you laughed someplace there....If not,sorry.