WCW Thunder - Thursday 03/05/98

• Howdy, all, it's me...Bill. I was swamped this week and Xavier Doom agreed to pinch hit for me tonight. I will be back next Thursday. However, I had already typed up my pre-show report before I bailed tonight, so I'm giving you that and it will be followed by Xavier's report. If you haven't already, you should check out Xavier Doom's Slayground. It's the only page on my A-list that is on it for reasons other than news or rumors. The "Vince McMahon Hall of Shame" is a must-see for anyone who's a wrestling fan.
• Trivia Question: What move did Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine use to beat Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham for the WWF World Tag Team Titles? (Answer at bottom of my comments)
• The mailbag:
  
  
  • It's kind of hard to explain, but a friend of mine in California is good buddies with one of Louie Spiccoli's best friends, Dave Hannah. As I understand it, after Louie's death, someone posing as Louie's friend Dave posted some nasty stuff on the Web. I told my buddy I'd post this letter from the real Dave Hannah. Sorry it's so late. It got lost in the pile in my inbox:

    It hasn’t even been a week, since the tragic and untimely death of my friend Louie Spiccoli (Louis).

    Yet you have probably read many reports since late Sunday night, including one in particular. An individual claiming to be me, Dave Hannah, put up a web page update claiming that among other things, Louie had a dark side and that he had all sorts of weird sexual deviancies.

    I am unsure of just what kind of human being would make these kinds of comments about my friend. The one thing I am sure of is that they are absolutely untrue, and anyone who knows me, knows that first of all I don’t even have a web page (hence using this one) and second, I would never dishonor Louie’s memory by writing things I know are untrue about him.

    This business can sometimes be a breeding ground for lies innuendoes, half-truths, and tasteless allegations sparked by professional jealousy. I just don’t see how someone could even say these things, before he was even buried. My only question to you is "How can you stand to look at yourself in the mirror every morning?"

    The article that was first seen Monday should have read something more like of this:

    Louie worked hard to get where he was, He started as a preliminary wrestler, worked his way to Mexico, then onto the WWF, ECW, and then WCW, respectively. He achieved this all by the young age of 27. Because of his accomplishments, and his hometown of San Pedro, he was like a hero to many Southern California independent wrestlers who aspired to do just half of what he achieved. He was on his way to being a major star in WCW until his unexpected passing Sunday morning 2/15/98 in his San Pedro home.

    Louie, you may be gone, but you will never be forgotten. Nobody knows what the future holds, but we can be sure of one thing. Someday we will all see you again. Until then, brother, rest in peace.

• I watched Nitro on Monday night and Juventud Guerrera really does look like Michael Jackson.
• I will probably have around five extra tickets for Thunder at George Mason University in Fairfax, VA on Thursday, March 26th. They are row O, $35 a piece plus the Ticketmaster charge. I am selling them at face value (plus the Ticketmaster charge). The price is non-negotiable since I am not making any money on them. If you are interested, let me know how many you want.
• Speaking of which, WCW has posted their tentative schedule for April through June. The number of shows they are doing this Spring is absolutely incredible.
• Trivia Answer: Brutus Beefcake ground Luscious Johnny Valiant's lit cigar into Barry Windham's eye.
• And now on to Xavier Doom's report.

• Dark Match: Saturn made Yuji Nagata submit to the Rings Of Saturn.

• Hot damn! Time for WCW Thunder. I'm yer host, Xavier Doom. My bud Red is here to catch the show. And so is my fiancee Trixie, who absolutely hates wrestling.

• The show is starting, and our order of Mexican food arrives. I tip the delivery guy three bucks. If that sounds like a lot, it isn't.It's three Canadian dollars. Good food,good company, good wrestling. What could be better?

• Opening montage: Randy Savage accepts the Harvard Lampoon Real Man of theYear award. Little did we know at the start of the show how this lame segment would set up the main event. Geez...

• We go to the live shot. Tony sez we got Raven and DDP coming up tonight.Potential for a good one, there. We're live and in colour in Columbus, Ohio.(By the way, I didn't misspell "colour" in the last sentence -- that's just the way we do it here in the Great White North.

• Uh-oh, "Voodoo Chile" starts up over the house speaker system. That can only mean that Hollywood Hogan is on his way out. Yep, here he comes...
  • Eric Bischoff, Scott Norton, Rick Rude, Curt Hennig, Konnan, Scott Steiner, Vincent and Brian "Crush" Adams follow Hollywood.
  • I always hated the name Crush. I used to mock the monicker by calling Adams "Crunchie".
  • I have a hard time staying awake during these nWo segments. Time for a beer: Upper Canada Wheat with a twist of lemon.
  • After Hogan natters about Savage's Real Man of the Year award, Crunchie takes the microphone and says he'd fight Savage -- if Savage were in the house.
  • I'm sure you all know what's coming up.
  • We break for a commercial with the promise of a Bill Goldberg match.
  • Ten minutes in, and Trixie hasn't said a bad word about wrestling yet.

• Match One: Bill Goldberg squashes Vincent
  • We get our first look of the night at Schiavone, Heenan and Marshall. Marshall really makes me miss Dusty Rhodes -- I guarantee it!
  • Vincent comes out. He has all the charisma of a dung beetle. Somebody buy this guy a personality.
  • Someone has a "Goldberg is God" sign. The hysteria surrounding this guy reminds me of the buzz around Lex Luger in 1985-86.
  • Goldburp, er, Goldberg comes to ringside and is attacked on the apron by Vincent.
  • Goldburp no sells the attack.
  • Spear, jackhammer, 1-2-3.
  • Brad Armstrong gave Goldburp a better match at SuperBrawl.
  • Trixie: "Goldburp's got a nice butt." Good thing I'm not the jealous type.
  • Before we cut to commercial, Eddy Guerrero does a spot promoting a TBS movie. It's the most interesting thing so far tonight.

• This week in WCW Motorsports. Somebody change the channel...

• Match Two: Eddy Guerrero vs. Prince Iaukea
  • The Prince seems to have a right eye twitch tonight.
  • My bud Red about Iaukea: "This guy's a cheap Superfly rip-off."
  • Trixie about Eddy: "Why's he so greasy? Why doesn't he wash his hair?"
  • Eddy draws good heat from the crowd.
  • Heenan calls Guerrero the fastest wrestler he's ever seen. That's a little generous, I think.
  • Guerrero nails Iaukea with a dropkick to the knees. Because it's low, Red and I start laughing. This brings back memories of an Erik Watts dropkick at Starrcade '92. It was the worst dropkick we ever saw.
  • Iaukea nails a good thrust kick.
  • Iaukea pulls a good Northern Lights supplex.
  • Guerrero ends it with a dropkick and a frog splash.
  • With a bit more time, these guys might have built a good match.

• Promo for WCW Saturday Night.
  • They tease a Dean Malenko-Billy Kidman match.
  • In-joke for readers of the DC comic "Preacher": Every time I see Kidman, I say "Humperdido!!!"

• Kimberly and two Nitro babes tease the next Monday show.
  • Anyone out there remember the WWF's failed attempt at getting more babes into their broadcasts? They were called the Federettes. Anyone who has access to a pic of the Federettes, please e-mail me.
  • Red: "Get the meat off the screen so we can get to the main event."

• Match Three: Juventud Guerrera vs. El Dandy
  • There's about 60 capable wrestlers on WCW's roster, and we get El Dandy.
  • In the spirit of the match, Red cracks open a bottle of Corona beer and adds a lemon twist.
  • Schiavone sez that Guerrera is not ugly, as Chris Jericho keeps saying.
  • Guerrera keeps shakin' his noggin' like he's Angus Young. Yup, the '80s are coming back.
  • Lee Marshall tries to sell the skeptical among us on El Dandy. He points out that El Dandy has held numerous titles. Hey, Lee: name one!
  • Match highlight: Trixie goes to the fridge and gets me another Upper Canada Wheat.
  • Raven's Flock makes its way to ringside and grabs some seats. Humperdido!
  • "Never Surrender" is emblazoned on Juvi's butt. Red wonders why Juvi has the title of a Corey Hart song on his rear. I point out that Triumph also did a song called "Never Surrender".
  • Guerrera pulls a decent suicide dive.
  • They do the regular luchadore switches.
  • El Dandy executes a dandy reverse supplex.
  • Is it me, or does Guerrera look like Syxx in a way?
  • DDT by Guerrera. Trixie thinks the name of the move is silly. Bah! Non-wrestling fans...
  • Juvi pancakes Dandy and ends it with a 450 splash.
  • Konnan comes to the ring after the match to tease Juvi about his mask. This is meant to set up their upcoming Uncensored contest, I guess.

• Randy Savage is in the house. Surprise, surprise.
  • He calls out Hogan, Bischoff and Crunchie.
  • Savage tells Hollywood that half of the nWo is ready to turn on him.
  • Thrilled by the ensuing verbal exchange, Red grabs a magazine and starts to read.
  • When the segment is done, Savage and Crunchie agree to duke it out later in the night.

• Tease of the Lex Luger-Scott Steiner match at Uncensored.
  • Red looks at the screen and begs Luger "Don't make me listen to you anymore. Don't make me watch you wrestle anymore."
  • Amen, brother.
  • This segment takes us to...

• Match Four: Scott Steiner vs. Some Guy
  • I think they intro'd Steiner's opponent as Chase Tatum. Or Chase Tater. It's Tater time!
  • Steiner gives the crowd the finger.
  • Lodi with a sign: "WE NEED BETTER SEATS". He's in the front row. Humperdido!
  • This match is just a long squash.
  • Steiner slaps on the "Steiner Recliner" and the Tater taps out.
  • One hour in, and it's been a brutally bad show.

• A commercial for 1-800-YES-B**BS
  • Red: "The commercials are getting more interesting than the matches."
  • My buddy Wheezer© calls. He asks me why Juventud Guerrera has a Triumph song on his butt.
  • Wheezer© then says "Lee Marshall makes me miss Susan St. James." For the uninitiated, St. James was the star of the hit TV show Kate and Allie. She was a guest announcer at WrestleMania II. Even though she was an "expert commentator", she admitted to never having watched wrestling in her life. Otherwise, all she said during the match she called was "Uh-oh, uh-oh!!"

• More Giant-Kevin Nash showdown stuff. They show the jackknife from this week's Nitro.

• Match Five: Curt Hennig (w/Rick Rude) vs. Jim Neidhart
  • Trixie has fallen asleep in front of the television.
  • Neidhart comes to the ring screaming "Yeah baby!" In an unrelated note, I bought the Austin Powers video earlier today.
  • Wheezer© makes an important point: it's a good thing Neidhart only says "Yeah baby!" Other Austin Powers quotes could be very embarrassing. I really wouldn't want to hear Neidhart say "Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?"
  • The match begins, and the headlock derby is on.
  • Neidhart appears to be the master of the headlock-hiptoss offense.
  • As Hennig plays the victim, Rude looks under the ring and finds a two-by-four.
  • With the referee looking toward Cincinnati, Rude nails Neidhart.
  • Hennig executes the Hennigplex and gets the pin.
  • Hennig's shoulders were also down, showing just how lazy he's gotten.
  • Hennig and Rude double-team Neidhart. Davey Boy Smith makes the save. DBS is in the house and we get El Dandy, Vincent and the Tater?

• Mike Tenay brings Raven to the ring. They tease the match for later tonight.

• Match Six: Chris Jericho vs. Ciclope
  • Before the match, Jericho grabs the microphone and says "Everybody have fun tonight, everybody Wang Chung tonight."
  • Amen, Chris.
  • Jericho then tells Dean Malenko that Malenko may know a thousand holds, but that he knows a thousand-and-four.
  • Lee Marshall says that Ciclope is a luchadore like Juvi, and that he didn't like Jericho unmasking the Mexican at SuperBrawl. Hey Lee, go back to sleep.
  • Ciclope blows a suicide dive. He landed nowhere near Jericho.
  • Ciclope tries a rolling headscissors, gets dropped and put into the Liontamer.
  • That's it.
  • Well, except that Jericho doesn't let the move go until Malenko rushes the ring. Malenko slaps on the Texas cloverleaf.
  • Commercial.
  • During the break, an ad for the Loretta Lynn gospel collection appears. I have to keep the phone from Red, lest he max out his credit card.
  • Red: "I have to have the nickelodeon version of Swing Low Sweet Chariot!"

• Match Seven: Scott Norton vs. The Renegade
  • For two solid minutes, Norton holds Renegade in the corner and gives him the knee and the fist.
  • I can't believe Norton is a name in Japan.
  • This match is obviously leading nowhere. Then I see The Giant come out.
  • The Giant grabs Norton, and gives him the jackknife. Disqualification.
  • The Renegade gets in The Giant's face, and gets the chokeslam for his trouble.
  • Security and the police arrest The Giant for using the banned jackknife. Because cuffs won't fit, they padlock a chain around his wrists. The Giant looks genuinely amused.
  • Red points out that The Giant is holding the chain on with his thumbs.
  • Commercial.
  • I have to stop Red from ordering the nWo pin set. If it was a Loretta Lynn-nWo pin set, there'd be no stopping him.
  • Loretta Lynn 4-life.

• Match Eight: Raven vs. Diamond Dallas Page
  • Trixie wakes up and goes upstairs to sleep. Ah yes, I knew she'd cotton on to this wrestling stuff eventually.
  • Raven tells DDP that he'll give him a chance to beg for forgiveness. He also demands this be a no-DQ match.
  • Page points southward and says he "has your forgiveness right here!" DDP demands no referee. Okay, who counts the falls?
  • It's a brawl from the start.
  • They trade whipping each other into the guard rails. Raven really learned how to take nasty bumps during his ECW stint.
  • Raven and DDP brawl all the way to the entrance ramp.
  • They disappear behind a curtain for a second, and both get hammered by Chris Benoit.
  • All three fight back toward the ring.
  • What a cheezy way to tease the triangle match these three will have at Uncensored.
  • They finally enter the ring.
  • Some big goof (Big Ron Studd/Ron Reis/The Yeti) enters the ring. Obviously the newest member of the Flock. Rumor has it that Ron Reis almost got the role as "The Giant" and has been "held back" since Paul Wight won the role as Ron Reis is legitimately taller than "The Giant", hence making The Giant, well, just A Giant.
  • The Flock attack DDP and Benoit. Both take a DDT on a guard rail. Humperdido! End of match. No decision.

• Match Nine: Randy Savage vs. Crunchie
  • Lots of fireworks for Crunchie. Hogan is with Adams.
  • Savage comes out, and blabs away at Hogan.
  • He teases Hogan about who's more manly.
  • Hogan and Crunchie attack Savage.
  • Lee Marshall: "We're going to find out who's the Kahuna, and who's the Kahu-not." When he said that, I almost wet my pants.
  • Savage holds his own for a few minutes until the nWo come out and stomp a mudhole in him (I miss you Dusty).
  • Sting (with bat) runs to the ring. The nWo clears the premises.
  • The credits start.
  • It's over. What a bad show.

• Er, that's it.

Chris J. sends the following arena report:

Wanted to give you a few brief tidbits from Thunder live at Batelle Hall in Columbus, OH:

• Almost every seat in the place is awesome.
• Lodi and The Flock are really entertaining at breaks.
• Some girl in the front row kept flashing her breasts at Lodi.
• DDP got probably the biggest pop of the night.
• The loudest boos seemed to come when the Nitro girls said "Go Blue Devils", I don't know why, Ohio State (my favorite team) has only won one or two games this year).
• The guy in the pink shirt in the front row is also going to be seen on Raw Monday...Check it out!