WCW Thunder - Thursday, January 7, 1999

• Valium Baby spots yet another inconsistency in a WCW storyline:

  I was hoping somebody else would mention this in the Nitro report 12/29 but maybe it was missed.

  Obviously that Raven segment with his mother is pathetically fake, but I think I caught a major screwup in it.

  Whenever my fiancee and I get in an argument, I always make a nice ham sandwhich to antagonize her. She's Jewish and Jews cannot eat pork products.

  I believe I read on DDT Digest that Raven is one of four Jewish WCW wrestlers. How nice of his mom to offer him a ham sandwhich.

  [Note from Bill: I'm sure that was done on purpose. Just to clarify, the dietary rules do not apply to all Jews, only those that keep Kosher, which is actually a pretty small percentage.
  However, you only caught half of the gag. He was offered a glass of milk with his ham sandwich. Anyone really keeping Kosher never has meat and dairy products in the same meal. In fact, a truly Kosher household will have two sets of plates, silverware, etc. One for meat and one for dairy.]

• How the mighty have fallen. Well, that's what WorldOPeek hints at:

  Hollywood Hogan, former leader of the nWo is long time WCW Heavyweight Champ of the World, then "retires"...

  And what happens to the new leader, Scott Steiner? He wins the TV Championship... A step down? YES A biiiig step down? YUP...

  Time for the Black and White to join the B&W Television in the "items of the past", I'd imagine...

  Just a few cents worth...

• Rich Persaud compares and contrasts WCW "then" and now:

  I was watching Nitro (Dec 28), and when I flipped channels, lo and behold, Starrcade '97 was on my TV. So I thought I'd take some time to contrast it with Nitro.

  Wrestler	Then	Now
  Buff Bagwell	"Delicious", feuded with Luger	Scott Steiner's "hoochie", recruiting Luger.
  Scott Steiner	Tag-team champ, human	"Leader" of nWo B&W, full of roid (road)-rage.
  Scott Norton/Vincent	"Vicious"	Is there any difference?
  The Giant	Quit the nWo	Quit WCW
  Randy Savage	Got beat up by everyone	New girl... low-blow
  Four Horsemen	Mommy, what's a horseman?	Malenko, Benoit, Flair, Mongo?
  Konnan	Pull up those pants	Talking Spanish, pull up those pants
  Scott Hall	Half of the Outsiders, part of nWo	Will be known as "The Mountie Wannabe," has no affiliation
  Kevin Nash	Half of the Outsiders, part of nWo	WCW Champ, booker, and all-around nice guy, leader of nWo B&R
  Larry Zbyzsko	"Living Legend," beat Bischoff.	"Unfortunately Living Legend" is a crap announcer.
  Lex Luger	3-move man who hates the nWo	3-move man, can't decide which nWo to join
  Bret Hart	Heel-Face referee, doesn't want screwjobs.	Heel, face, heel, face, heel, face, heel...
  Sting	Kick-ass face. Jobbed to Hogan but still won	Where'd he go?
  Ric Flair	Kicked Bischoff's ass in the courts	Kicked Bischoff's ass
  Hollywood Hogan	Lost title, you pretty much know the rest	"Retired," rumors of his return circulating
  Eric Bischoff	Got ass kicked by Larry Zbyzsko	Got ass kicked by Ric Flair
  Goldberg	Who?	173-1 later, Jackhammer-Splat-Win... Who's next?

One of those guys is Kevin Nash. I know, he's like 39. But he's got some years left in him. As much as I rag on Nash, he does have a touch on the fans. His charisma is great. Furthermore, he's been waiting two years for his chance to represent WCW as their World Champion. So, Nash gets the belt, and all is right in the world. Until Nash agrees to a booking in which he intentionally loses the belt to an already-wasted Hogan. What a cluster****.

During the course of 1998, the 'net was abound with rumors that Bret Hart was to be WCW World Champ by year's end. So much for that. I'm sure Hart is happy with playing second-fiddle to Hogan and feuding for a less important U.S. Belt. The Giant, what can I say? He should have been in the hunt all this time. Not many big men, especially 500 pounders, can go from the top rope. Even "The Three-Move Package" Lex Luger could benefit from holding the belt (for more than five days). This was a guy who, along with Sting, was WCW. Now, he's being rewarded for his years of loyalty (and shooting at the WWF) by being just a pawn in the nWo.

So, what's the point? Simple, and you've probably heard it before. Give the belt to someone who can benefit from it, not just for a trophy. I dunno, I apologize if I am coming across as bitchy, but I am really disgusted with the way things have turned out. We went from what could actually be called the biggest Nitro in the history of our sport to the re-appearance of a reason as to why WCW's ratings drop. Even worse, announcer Tony Schiavone blatantly shows disrespect by ragging on the WWF's taped main event and a former employee in Mick Foley. One can only wonder what the morale in the WCW locker room is.

I dunno about you readers, but after what went down Monday, I'm really looking forward to Guilty As Charged.

• Tonight, we are subjected to Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Mike Tenay.
• Schiavone talks about Bischoff doing announcing duties Monday night.
• A "Goldberg" chant erupts.
• According to Schiavone, words cannot describe what Hollywood Hogan and Kevin Nash did to the World Title.
• Tenay talks in disgust about Hogan being handed the belt.
• Heenan discusses Liz's role in trying to get Goldberg arrested on Nitro.

• In this montage of clips, we see the Atlanta Falcons come in to accompany Goldberg after the show went off the air.
• Goldberg challenges Nash, but to no avail.

• A wrestling match would be nice right about now.
• Gene tells Flair that the title match was a sham.
• Flair: "Gene..." No "Meeeeeaan Gene", just "Gene" in a soft voice.
• Flair says this arena reeks of tradition.
• Flair talks about wrestling Harley Race in this very arena in 1981.
• Flair says he's walked behind Hogan his entire career.
• Flair says that ten years from now, Hogan and Nash will look at their kids and say that this title match was a scam.
• Flair lies down and yells about the match being a scam and gets Gene to count to three.
  
• Flair blames himself for having the match take place.
• Flair talks about Luger, saying he has everything going for him except for leadership skills.
• Flair: "Luger, you s[MUTE], pal!"
  • Uhh, wasn't this the same guy who yelled "bitch" and "shitcan" weeks ago without any editing?
• Flair talks about Bischoff's announcing patterns, staying mostly silent until the end of Nitro.
• Flair orders Bischoff in the front office at 8:00 A.M. sharp to talk about the situation with Hogan and Nash.
• Flair mentions Dory Funk, Jr., Jack Brisco, Dusty Rhodes, Ronnie Garvin, Terry Funk, Harley Race, and himself and says they all were champions.
• Flair then Whoo's three times, then points to the cameraman outside the ring.
• Flair: "Don't you wrap me up, baby, I run the company now!"

• Featured: Norman Smiley, Steve "Mongo" McMichaels, the team of Kaos and Bobby Eaton (??), and Bam Bam Bigelow.

• Okay. It's 8:28 P.M. EDT. We finally get a match. They bring out The Cat. Folks, what's wrong here?
• He'll be taking on Perry Saturn. I smell a screwjob.
• Mickey Jay is your referee.
• The Cat stalls to start.
• Lockup and Cat starts in control.
• Cat pounds on Saturn in the corner.
• Saturn turns Cat around and mudholes him.
• As Saturn turns around, he is met with a side kick.
• Cat chokes Saturn on the mat.
• Whip and a side kick by Cat.
• Cat with another whip.
• Saturn tries a sunset flip, but Cat drops on his face.
• Saturn rolls up Cat from behind for two.
• Cat whips Saturn into the corner, but meets a boot on the charge.
• Saturn suplexes Cat for two.
• Saturn goes after Onoo on the apron but gets beaned by Cat.
• Saturn applies a T-Bone suplex.
• Saturn hits his Saturn Bomb.
• As Mickey Jay counts the pin, he is pulled out of the ring at the count of two by Jericho!
• Jericho has a Calgary Flames jersey on tonight.
• Saturn turns to confront Jericho and is rolled up from behind by Cat.
• Scott Dickinson runs into the ring and counts the pin. The Cat wins. Bah.
• Post-match, Saturn is angry in the ring.
• On the replay, you can see Dickinson count to one, then wave for the bell.
• YOUR WINNER: The Cat via roll-up in 3:04.

• A limo arrives and out comes the Wolfpac!
  • For clarification: The Black-and-Red consists of Hogan, Nash, Hall, Luger, Steiner, and Buff.
  • The Black-and-white is made of Giant, Hennig, Adams, Norton, Horace, Vincent, and Stevie Ray.
  • Stevie Ray was not at tonight's show (yet), by the way.
• Giant is asking Hogan what's up.
• Hogan responds by saying he'll meet Giant in the back room in five minutes.

• Psychosis comes out to his own music instead of the LWO theme.
• He'll be facing Kidman in a Cruiserweight title match!
• A couple of guys in the front row have yellow "Norman Smiley Fan Club" shirts on. Hell, yes!
• Bell rings and Psychosis gets on the ropes to yell at the crowd.
• Lockup, both men break on the ropes.
• Psychosis gives the crowd a "kiss-my-ass" motion. How sweet.
• Lockup #2, Psychosis puts on a wristlock and turns it into an armbar.
• Psychosis tries an atomic drop but is taken down by Kidman.
• Series of rope runs leads to a Kidman dropkick.
• Psychosis goes outside and Kidman follows with a slingshot crossbody.
• We go to commercials at ~2:00.
• An ad for the Nitro Girls Calendar.
• Back to the action at ~5:00, both men down on the outside.
• Psychosis sends Kidman back into the ring.
• Kidman reverses a corner whip and lands a clothesline.
• Kidman hits his split-legged powerbomb for two.
• Psychosis kicks Kidman and sets up for a powerbomb of his own.
• Kidman reverses by dropping Psychosis face-first!
• Kidman goes up top for the Shooting Star Press but Juventud Guerrera enters the ring.
• Kidman and Juvy go at it, sounding the bell.
• YOUR WINNER: Kidman via DQ in 6:48 to retain the title.
• Juvy lands a headscissors on Kidman.
• Juvy and Psychosis go to town on Kidman until Rey Mysterio, Jr. enters the fray!
• Rey lands a crossbody from the top turnbuckle on Psychosis.
• The new Wolfpac then make their way to the ring.
• The cruiserweights get the tar beat out of them, basically. Psychosis is introduced to the tazer.
  • We don't get to see "Rey Mysterio, Lawn Dart" again, though. :(
• Nash informs Richmond that the Wolfpac is in the house.
• Nash: "Hey, Psychosis, lemme speak on dis." Pot-shot at Konnan.
• Nash calls his title match against Hogan a classic.
  • Nash put more of an effort in his eight-second squash over Bob Backlund to win the WWF Title as Diesel.
• Hogan calls Nash his biggest challenge.
• Hogan says the Wolfpac has set a standard.
• Hogan says that the Wolfpac will take everything in WCW that is theirs.
• Okay, this is sucking.
• Hogan calls Goldberg a coward.
• The Black-and-White, led by Giant, come out.
• Hogan calls the B&W his backup.
• Giant asks Hogan what the deal is.
• Giant asks Hogan if he is hiding anything.
• Hogan says it was a timing thing and is taking care of business.
• Hogan thinks he has a problem with Giant.
• Hogan says that Flair is the president because Giant got suckered by Randy Savage.
• Hogan tells Giant that he dropped the ball.
  • I'm sure Nash could have made a nice Bill Buckner reference out of that statement.
• Hogan plans to trim the fat around the nWo.
• According to Hogan, there is room for only one Giant in the nWo and that is Nash.
• Giant tells Hogan to back off.
• Giant says that he is the only giant in professional wrestling, hence his ring name.
• Hogan says that if he can kick Nash's butt, then he can be the giant of the nWo.
• Both men agree. The confrontation will be for next Monday's Nitro.
• Anybody want to place their bets on Giant? Anybody? Hello??
• Giant tells Hall to back off as Bagwell holds him back.

• They try to get me to care about WCW's new ride for the Winston Cup Circuit: The #9 car driven by Jerry Nadeau.
• It appears Lance Hooper dropped the ball.
• If anyone cares, the WCW car will only make seven appearances for the '99 season.

• That is about as tacky as Mean Gene plugging his stupid hotline on pay-per-views.

• Playing the role of Raven's sister: Chastity, last seen getting her ass kicked by Justin Credible in ECW.
• The family members basically bicker about Raven.
• And next on Springer...

• The wrestler formerly known as Sandman in ECW makes his appearance as "James."
• James and Kanyon get into an argument which results in Kanyon taking a dip in the pool.
• Raven's mom calls his sister Chastity. Either that is her real name, or WCW is lacking originality again.
  • Out of curiosity, if anyone knows Chastity's real name, could ya give me a holler? Thanks!

• On that note, we get this return bout.
• We cut to backstage and see La Parka on the ground beaten and spraypainted.
• A black outline was drawn around La Parka with nWo written nearby.
• Commercials...
• We come back to clips of Konnan's godawful rap video.
• This brings out Konnan with the Wolfpac music.
• Konnan's wearing a red nWo shirt with his likeness on it.
• Konnan gets a face reaction.
• Catchphrases.
• As Konnan gets to Arriba La Raza, Jericho attacks, and the bell rings to start the match.
• Jericho sends Konnan outside, beats on him, and brings him back in.
• Jericho knees Konnan who goes down face first.
• Jericho does a "C'mon Baby" cover on Konnan's back.
• Konnan lands a shoulderblock.
• Jericho hits an enziguri and does the goosestep.
• Scott Dickinson is the referee.
• Jericho whips Konnan into the corner.
• Konnan scores a takedown and clotheslines Jericho out of the win.
• Tenay mentions that Scott Dickinson refereed Saturn's very first match and that Saturn and Dickinson both graduated from Killer Kowalski's school, as a wrestler and referee, respectively.
• Konnan sends Jericho shoulder-first into the stairs.
• We get a close-up of Ralphus staring into space.
• Back inside, Konnan applies a wristlock.
• Jericho hotshots Konnan on the top rope.
• Jericho applies a vertical suplex.
• Jericho does the boot choke on the ropes.
• Jericho slaps Konnan's face twice, then whips him.
• Jericho telegraphs a backbody drop.
• Konnan does a bulldog for two.
• Konnan whips Jericho to the corner.
• Jericho goes to the turnbuckle to avoid Konnan, but gets flapjacked for two.
• Jericho whips Konnan into Dickinson.
• Jericho takes an object out of his boot and nails Konnan.
• As Dickinson counts, Perry Saturn comes out and pulls the ref out of the ring.
• Jericho turns his attention to Saturn.
• This allows Konnan to apply his facebuster.
• Saturn enters the ring to do a quick three-count. The bell rings and Konnan wins.
• I'm going to be sick...
• YOUR WINNER: Konnan via facebuster in 5:02.

• According to Schiavone, Tenay and himself commentate in the new Thunder game.
• This means that every time I do Goldberg's Jackhammer, I will hear Schiavone yell "Sidewalk slam." Tenay will follow with "No tape here!"

• Does anyone smell a quick match?
• Lockup followed by a chop-fest by the two combatants.
• Benoit with a whip and an elbow.
• Windham retreats outside.
• Benoit gives chase.
• Chop, kick, punch, headbutt.
• Benoit rams Windham's head on the stairs.
• Windham gets in an eyerake.
• Windham with a few chops.
• Windham rams Benoit on the apron and sends him in.
• Benoit does a backbody drop.
• Benoit whips Windham into the corner.
• Benoit pulls Windham's jacket up and drives his knee into him a few times.
• Windham goes for a kick, but Benoit catches the leg and applies a dragonscrew legwhip.
• Out of nowhere, Windham does a bulldog.
• Windham applies a vertical suplex for two.
• Benoit blocks two suplex attempts and does a snap suplex of his own for two.
• Benoit with five kicks.
• Windham does another eyerake.
• Windham applies a gutwrench suplex for two.
• Benoit gets sent out of the ring.
• Windham goes out and beats on Benoit.
• Back in the ring, Benoit lands a clothesline.
• Benoit hits a backbreaker for two.
• Windham goes for the eyes again. Sad.
• As both men grapple, the ref goes down.
• German suplex by Benoit followed by the thumb across the throat!
• Curt Hennig enters the ring before Benoit can go up top.
• Benoit greets Hennig with the Crippler Crossface!
• Windham comes in from behind and kicks Benoit in the head.
• In yet another lame booking decision for the evening, Windham gets the pin after the kick.
• YOUR WINNER: Barry Windham after a kick to the head in 5:11.
• Post-match, Steve McMichael comes in and cleans house on Windham!
• McMichael tosses Windham out of the ring.
• Hennig and Windham retreat as we fade...

1. We don't get a match for nearly twenty-five minutes.
2. Two matches in the first hour really set the tone for the evening.
3. Some of these matches were obviously thrown together as filler. If a 26-second Bam Bam Bigelow match isn't filler, then I don't know what it is.
4. The second nWo run-in was yet another time-killer. We get the point the first time.
5. Everything tonight seemed to be in the punch-punch-kick mold. On most Thunders we usually get a few matches that break this norm.
6. Who booked the ending to the main event? I've seen Benoit get nailed by sinks and beaten in bathrooms, and we're supposed to believe that Benoit can be put away by a kick to the head? Sakes.

Now, the tag team tournament appears to be a good start to get back on track. But, having two lower-card luchadores and two European guys the average fan lacks familiarity with isn't how you jumpstart any tournament. Also, a good tag team match lasts much longer than three minutes. I know this is a live TV show, but this match would be barely passable under WCW Saturday Night standards. The nWo beating at the end also didn't help matters.

I really do want WCW to succeed and regain its past glory. But, this show was another nail in the coffin. I'm hoping we do better next week. See you next time...