WCW Thunder - Thursday, May 6, 1999

By Dan

• Welcome to Thunder we are taped from wherever we were last week.  My name is Dan and I'll be filling in for Aldo this week.  I did the Saturday Night report about three weeks ago if you're wondering where you've seen my name before.  Henry who Wade mentioned in his report couldn't make it tonite so I'm flying solo so to speak.
  
• Before we get started I had asked in my last report why would Konnan's rolling clothesline be any better than a regular clothesline and I actually got some answers, the best coming from Aldo himself.  Aldo explained that when rolling the force of a blow is greater than that created by running straight and he's correct, but here's why it won't work with Konnan.  If you don't want to read an engineer's proof of why the running clothesline is crap, skip on down to the next bullet point.
  
  Okay, what Aldo was saying is essentially correct we all know that Force = mass * acceleration.  If you are running in a straight line then body B1 (being you) is said to be translated and all vectors applied to that body have the same magnitude.  So your acceleration at the center of mass is the same as your acceleration at your shoulder.   Now if you're rolling than you could find the accelaration of point b (your shoulder) relative to point a (your center of mass) using the equation Ab = Aa + a x (Rab ( the vector between point a and b)) - |w|^2(Rab) where a and w are angular acceleration and velocity respectively.  Well if you roll at the same acceleration you were running at then Aa is equal to your acceleration running, but of course Ab would be larger cause you're adding other values to Aa.  Now here's why it doesn't work.  Konnan is obviously not rolling as fast as he is running, hard to believe I know, but he is slowing down enough for his Ab to not be as great as it would be just running straight.  All changes of mass due to velocity left out ;-), just kidding, then you can see the force would not be as great rolling as it would have been running.  If you have a problem with my math point it out cause I'm glad to hear some constructive criticism.
  
  Oh yeah, forget to mention.  Not a damn bit of this matters cause when Gonnad actually connects with the clothesline his vector field is no longer that of a rolling object it's that of translating body.  Bottom line here is that Gonnad just sucks.

• Alright time for a warning.  My tape got screwed up and I had to stay up for the replay of the first hour and this wasn't a particularly good Thunder either.  So I'm writing this at 2:00 am.  If you're not in the mood for a lot of biting sarcasm read no further.
  
• We're here for Thunder all a part of a program that WCW likes to call DEEP HURTING.   Ixnay is voiced over a crowd shout to hype Slamboree, of course he is joined by The Living Legend Larry Zybszko.
  
• Oh joy!  We start of with our Reality Check from two weeks ago on Nitro.  It's the used to be Rowdy until the whole hip-thing one.  Y'all want me to give you details?  I didn't think so.
  
• We go to replays of the last two weeks of Nitro, because Thunder rule #457, if it's the Thunder before a pay per view we must show you what you saw three nights ago.
  
• Since we haven't had enough excitement we get a Slamboree promo, followed by some commercials that concludes with a touching look at the new Nitro logo T-shirt.
  
• Since the video crew is obviously non-Union labor we get a Flair montage of his slow dip into insanity.  Some people may complain about this but if any one man can pull this gimmick off it's the Natcha Boy!  Whooo!!!!     

• Match #1 The Fairest of them all Scotty Riggs and Mike Enos vs. My Boys Raven and Perry Saturn
  • It's a battle of the former Flock members.  Two good.  One American Male.
  • Saturn's shoulder is all taped up from the Crippler Crossface he took Monday night.
  • Time for sing along with Rave, but afterwards he cuts a pretty good interview.
  • The fact that Larry hasn't seen the clips were we learned it was all an act REALLY irks me.
  • Close up Perry's overpriced glow in the dark contacts.  Nice effect though.
  • Raven and Enos to start things off.
  • Riggs is having some trouble getting rid of the mirror.  Hey Riggs if you're trying to get rid of the homosexual tag from being an American Male, this ain't the way buddy.
  • Raven kicks Enos in the gut and hits a quick tag to Saturn.
  • Saturn whips Enos to the ropes for a Raven shot to the stomach followed by a Saturn kick in the head.
  • Saturn holds Enos as Raven runs from rope to rope and then sweeps him as Raven hits a jumping clothesline.
  • Tag to Saturn for a similar spot where Raven sweeps Enos while Saturn sidekicks him.   I hope Glacier doesn't come running in.
  • Enos reverses an Irish Whip into a shoulderblock on Saturn's bad shoulder.
  • Enos continutes to work the shoulder as he tags in Riggs.
  • Saturn reverses a whip into Raven's knee and hits an over-the-head belly-to-belly on Riggs.  Saturn is selling the hurt shoulder well.
  • Raven tags in and Saturn hits a top rope splash on Riggs hurting his shoulder more.
  • Raven gets got on a whip and gets Snake Eyed into the turnbuckle with Enos' help.
  • Riggs and Enos are beating Raven in the corner then toss him outside.
  • Enos hotshots Raven onto the guardrail outside
  • Chairshots from Enos on Raven outside.
  • Raven is rolled back in and Riggs covers for two.
  • Enos tags in and hits an elbow drop followed by a BIG legdrop on Raven.
  • Enos carries Raven over to his corner to taunt the hurt Saturn on the outside.
  • Tenay informs us we're going to commercial as Enos hits a Reverse Neckbreaker on Raven.
  • We come back to Riggs taunting a prone Raven.
  • Riggs whips Raven to the corner and follows with a jumping knee to the face.
  • Riggs desecrates the memory of Rick Rude by gyrating over Raven's face.
  • Of course he is punished by the wrestling gods as Raven crotches him.
  • Riggs gets ticked and applies a beatdown and a chokehold.
  • Arrogant two finger cover from Riggs.
  • Enos tags back in and continues the smackdown on Raven.
  • Enos continues to taunt the injured Saturn.
  • Riggs is back in and sends Raven outstide for a couple of trips into the guardrail before rolling him back into the ring.
  • Riggs breaks the mirror back out and continues to admire himself some more.
  • Raven is held up by Enos for a chairshot, but Raven ducks it so Riggs belts Enos.
  • Raven then Dropkicks the chair into Riggs' face.
  • Raven is cleaning house big time.
  • After dodging a corner charge, Raven hits a nice Butterfly Suplex on Riggs.
  • Drop Toe Hold into the chair spot.
  • Pin attempt broken up by Enos after two.
  • Reverse whip into a short arm Evenflow from Raven on Enos.
  • Pin attempt broken up by Riggs.
  • Riggs whips Raven into his corner and Saturn manages to make the tag.
  • Riggs is admiring himself in the mirror as Saturn hits A ONE ARM DVD.
  • Saturn covers hurt shoulder and all.  1 . . .2 . . .3.
  • This one is over.
  • YOUR WINNER: Perry Saturn and Raven via pinfall following the Death Valley Driver.
  • An okay match, not the best effort these four could put together, but still pretty good.
  • I really like the way Raven and Saturn have been working together recently.  I really wish I could have seen Saturn in the Eliminators, he sounded fairly impressive.
    
• We have a very special look at Roddy Piper.  Won't WCW ever learn?  No matter how much they overexpose Piper he won't ever be as big a washed up 80's star as Hogan is.   Remember folks all a part of . . . DEEP HURTING.
  
• And we're taken back to Nitro yet again.  We get a montage of the events leading up to Sting becoming a very short-lived champion.  The Piper(shudder)/DDP interview and then a lot of the match itself.  After this excitement what I need to cool down is some commercials and Surge must have cool refreshing Surge at all times.  Oh, sorry, the WCW ad machine was getting to me for a second.
  

• Match #2 Magic Rick Steiner vs. The Best Hurricanranna in the business Erik Watts
  • Steiner argues with Charles Robinson to start.  Why?  I have no clue.   Makes almost as much sense as throwing him in a feud with Booker T.
  • Erik tries to play the crowd.  Imagine this . . . it didn't work.  My faith in humanity is restored for the time being.
  • Watts stalls.  Why? DEEP HURTING . . .that's why.
  • Steiner with a Duck Under and a take down.  I can already tell this match is going to scar me permanately.
  • Full Armdrag and Twist on Steiner from Watts.
  • Steiner punches his way out of it, but Watts follows up with a side headlock.
  • Steiner sends Watts to the rope and follows up a stiff forearm shot.
  • They tie-up and Steiner pushes Watts into the corner.  Clean break from Steiner so Watts like a smart man kicks him in the stomach.
  • Whip into the ropes from Watts followed by an Armdrag Takedown.  Watts mocks Steiner.  Didn't even do that very well.
  • Steiner gets ticked and pushes Watts into the corner and works the body a little.
  • Whip to the corner reversed by Watts, but the Splash misses.
  • Belly to Belly Suplex from Steiner.
  • Beatdown and a face rake from Steiner.  Is he going to decide if he wants to be the heel or the face in this match anytime soon?
  • Front Chancery from Steiner followed by a push into the corner and a clean break.
  • Another Tie-up and why yes they do go back to the corner again. Steiner knees Watts in the gut and sends him outside of the ring.
  • Steiner sends Watts into the guardrail and then head first into the steps.
  • Steiner back in the ring and hits a German Suplex on Watts.
  • Steiner with a pin attempt for a two count.
  • Reverse Chinlock from Steiner.
  • Some really stiff crossface shots from Steiner.
  • Choke and another two count for Steiner.
  • Watts whips Steiner into the ropes hits one leap frog and gets in the second one for a Powerslam I guess from Steiner.  Trust me, you don't want to know, it was bad.
  • Another two count for Steiner.
  • Watts tries to get in some offense, but Steiner snapmares him down into a weird kind of submission type hold.  If you've ever wrestled collegiate rules it was like he had his leg in on Watts' arm and was twisting on his head some.  I can't really describe it, but I can say it didn't really look like it would hurt very much.
  • Scoop slam from Steiner he goes up for the SBOD and hits it. 1 . . . 2 . . .
  • Wait he didn't cover.
  • Instead he goes for a variation on the STF that looks sort of like an STF and Steiner Recliner combo or something.
  
  
  • Watts taps pretty quickly.  I will admit that this move does look painful.
  • YOUR WINNER: Rick Steiner via submission from a move to soon be named, but for now we'll call it an STF.
  • Well in a match like this aren't really any winners only losers and those poor people were the fans.  Please keep them in your thoughts tonite.

• We get another Slamboree promo. 
  
• And since I might have forgotten we get some more Nitro replays this time the history between Sting and Goldberg.
  
• Another promo this time...the history of the Georgeous George versus Charles Robinson match.

• Match #3 Disorderly Conduct vs. Brian Adams and Horace
  • This is a time when you should ask yourself "What exactly have I done in a past life to deserve something like this?"
  • Don't forget DEEP HURTING.
  • Stevie Ray spends an extended amount of time in the ring making me think he'll jump up that TV-PG rating with the ever-scandalous "Fruit Booty" remark.
  • Well it's Horace and Mean Mike to start things off for us.
  • Horace with some chops in the corner.
  • Whip to the corner by Horace followed by an Avalanche Clothesline.
  • Horace with a beatdown in the corner.
  • Reverse Irish Whip from Mean Mike into an Armdrag Takedown.
  • He follows that with a Scoop Slam and Skeeavone's favorite The Full Armdrag and Twist.
  • Tag to Tuff Tom.
  • Tom hammers on Horaces shoulder, but Horace counters with a big Clothesline.
  • Horace tags in Brian Adams.
  • Double team elbow by the nWo members.
  • Headbutt from Brian Adams followed by some punches.
  • Tuff Tom kicks his way out of the corner and tries a clothesline, but Adams stays up.
  • Tom tries again and gets a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker for the effort.
  • Mike tries to rush in and gets Gorilla Pressed into his partner.
  • Both members of Disorderly Conduct roll outside to regroup, but get met with an nWo beatdown.
  • Mean mike tags in and gets met with a Side Headlock from Adams.
  • Mike whips Adams out of it and gets met with a big shoulder.
  • Tom trips Adams as he's coming off the ropes.  Mike follows with an elbow drop and a stomp to the gut.
  • Tuff Tom comes in with some punches and a jawbreaker.
  • Cover for two.
  • Disorderly Conduct is double teaming Adams in the corner.
  • They go for the Double Clothesline on Adams, but since they thought they were playing Red Rover, Adams breaks through and clotheslines both men.
  • Adams gets the tag in to Horace who slams Mike and follows with an elbow drop.
  • Horace with a cover for two.
  • Horace puts the boots to him and chokes Mike with his foot.
  • Attempted suplex twice before Mike rolls Horace up into a small package for two.
  • Horace pops up with a big lariat.
  • Horace chokes Mike on the ropes.
  • The ref is distracted so the nWo continues the beatdown on Mean Mike.
  • Mike is trying to fight back, but he's in the wrong corner for that.
  • Horace rakes his boot across Mike's eyes and follows with a kick to the back.
  • Brian Adams tags in.  Mean Mike hits him twice for no effect.  Big headbutt from Adams.
  • Adams picks up Mike for a Spinebuster and covers for two before Tom breaks it up.
  • Horace comes in with chops in the corner on Mike.
  • Whip to the corner from Horace and a charge, but nobody is home Mike levels Horace with a clothesline.
  • Mike makes the tag, but so does Horace.
  • Inverted atomic drop from Tom on Adams.
  • Disorderly Conduct with punches in the corner on both men.
  • Adams crotches his man and tosses him out of the ring before saving Horace with a Backdrop.
  • Adams picks Mike up for a piledriver.  Horace spikes it home.  1 . . .2 . . .3.
  • Chalk this one up.
  • YOUR WINNER: Brian Adams and Horace via pinfall after a spike piledriver.
  • The nWo talks trash into the camera, and Norton gives one of the Disorderly Conduct guys a powerbomb for good measure.
    
  • Actually a pretty good match.  I should have given it more of a chance.  Or maybe that's the lack of sleep talking.  I'll never tell at least not while the sun is shining.
    
• Tenay and Zybszko think they are the Brain and try to screw up the promo for tonite's movie.  You just can't do it right unless you're the Weasel.
  
• We get some commercials and what horrid thing must I endure now?
  
• Match #4 Kanyon vs. WCW Cruiserweight Champion Rey Misterio Jr.
  • YES!!! It's Kanyon, I've missed this guy big time.  I take the horrid thing comment back, this is going to rule.
  • Kanyon is asking he were wondering where he's been the last few months.  Hell yeah I've been wondering.
  • He says shooting a movie so now he's rolling in it.
  • It's survey time.  Who's better than Kanyon?
  • Crowd: "NOBODY!" Yes they really did say that.  Kanyon was quite surprised it seemed.
  • Out comes it's a Thug's Life Rey.  Where's his fellow No Limit Soldier Gonnad " Makes me say UGGGGGHHHHHHHh"
  • This match should be a spotfest.
  • This is a non-title match as Kanyon is not a cruiserweight.
  • Kanyon offers a handshake Rey doesn't bite.
  • Tie-up and Kanyon just power Rey to the corner.
  • Clean break by Kanyon.
  • Lockup again and this time Rey counters with a kick and an Armdrag.
  • Kanyon seems pretty amused.
  • Another lockup Rey gets a side headlock this time, but Kanyon just powers out and back elbows  Rey down.
  • Kanyon and Rey talk some smack to each other.
  • Rey into the ropes and tries for a Springboard Moonsault, but Kanyon catches him.
  • Kanyon goes to ram him into the corner, but Rey wiggles out and pushes Kanyon into the corner.
  • Kanyon staggers out into a Headscissors takeover from Rey.
  • Rey with a standing dropkick that sends Kanyon to the floor.
  • Kanyon dodges when Rey goes for the Suicide Dive, but Rey swings himself back into the ring.
  • Kanyon mugs by a "Whose Better than Kanyon Sign?"
  
  
  • Misterio is waiting in the ring as Kanyon is stalling on the outside.
  • Kanyon finally goes back in.
  • Knee and forearm smashes from Kanyon.  Kanyon plays to the crowd some.
  • Irish Whip from Kanyon, but Rey ducks his clothesline and an elbow, before going for a Rana.  Kanyon manages to hotshot him into the ropes though.
  • Kanyon covers for two.
  • Kanyon locks on a resthold as we go to commercial.
  • We come back to Rey hitting another Headscissors Takeover on Kanyon.
  • Kanyon whips Rey to the ropes, but Rey slips between his legs and puts the boots to him.
  • Rey tries to springboard over Kanyon, but he gets caught in a big One-Armed backbreaker.
  • Kanyon seems to have hurt his knee, don't know if it's legit.
  • Kanyon covers for two.
  • Double underhook slam from Kanyon for two.
  • Reverse chinlock from Kanyon.
  • Rey fights out of the chinlock with some elbows.
  • Kanyon's had enough of that and tosses Rey out of the ring.
  • Kanyon goes outside and tosses Rey into the rail.
  • Misterio reverses a whip and sends Kanyon into the rail.
  • Looks like Kanyon has busted himself open.  Time for the Time Warner blood-cam.   Hope you remembered your oxygen mask.
  • Misterio with a Rana off of the apron on Kanyon.
  • Kanyon comes back in the ring and hits a big kick on Misterio followed by a Scoop Slam.
  • Kanyon heads to the top rope, but Misterio moves out of the way of the splash.
  • Rey with a bronco buster in the corner.
  • Kanyon is coming back into the ring as Rey hits a kind of weak Guillotine legdrop on him as he comes back in.
  • Rey cover for two.
  • Kanyon reverses a whip, Rey tries to leap frog over and he gets caught in an inverted Tiger bomb.
  • Kanyon covers for two.
  • Rey countes a fireman's carry with a sunset flip for two.
  • Kanyon with a new move.  He sets up for a powerbomb, then goes into an old school style torture rack, before sitting down and planting Rey face first.  It was sort of a variation on the Dominator.
  • Another two count for Kanyon.
  • Kanyon heads up top, but Rey sees him coming for the moonsault and gets out of the way.
  • Misterio off the top rope for a Thesz pressesque attack, but he doesn't cover.
  • The Horsemen come in, but get punked by Rey.
  • Kanyon snags Rey and picks him up.  Rey counters with a Victory Roll. 1 . . .2 . . .3. DAMN!!!
  • YOUR WINNER: Rey Misterio Jr. via crappy booking. I like Rey and all, but what nice welcome back for Kanyon.
  • It's okay though cause post-match the Horseman administer a beatdown that includes smashing Misterio's knee in between the steps and ringpost a couple of times.
    
• We head to commercials before our main event.

• Match #5 Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko vs. The Texas Hangmen
  • Yes!  The Horsemen, complete with new attitudes.
  • As they enter the ring their opponents, two local guys I'm guessing, start a beatdown.
  • Both Hangmen throw out the Horseman and taunt them on the outside.  That is really not a good idea.
  • Well now you've done it.  You've pissed them off.  Horseman beatdown followed by whipping the Hangmen into each other.
  • Malenko and a Hangmen in the ring to start thing's off.
  • Malenko starts working on the knee and tags in Benoit so that he can do the same.
  • Big chop from Benoit. WHOOOOO!!!!!!
  • The Hangman is stuck in the corner and Benoit is mercilessly working on his knee.
  • Benoit sends him outside so that Malenko can work on him some out there.
  • Malenko sets the Hangman's leg up on the rail and dropkicks it.
  • Malenko sends him back in.
  • Benoit covers for two.
  • Dragon-screw Legwhip from Benoit.
  • Tag to Malenkon and both men keep working on the knee.
  • Malenko sends his man out.  The other Hangman tries to sneak in, but Charles Robinson catches him and stops that.
  • Malenko rolls out and continues to beat on the legal man.
  • Malenko rolls his man back in and tags Benoit who keeps working on the knee.
  • The Hangman reverses an Irish Whip goes for a clothesline, but Benoit ducks it.
  • Insert Rolling German Suplexes here.
  • Benoit crosses the Hangman's arms and snots on him.
  • The Hangman gets Benoit in a small package, but Robinson was "distracted."
  • Tag to Malenko, they make a wish on the Hangman.
  • Malenko keeps working the knee.
  • My GOD!!! Malenko just made fun of the Hangman and Misterio and had some personality, too.
  • Malenko stays on the knee and tags Benoit back in.
  • Benoit abuses the poor guy some more and follows the beating with a kneebreacker.
  • A series of quick tags where each man took a shot on the guys knee.
  • Benoit in with a knee lock which he rotates over into a back-bridge.
  • Malenko is on the outside and cracking me up with this hurt knee routine.
  • Tag to Malenko he whips the Hangman into the corner follows up and eats a little knee, charges right back in to an empty turnbuckle.
  • The Hangman reaches his partner who is a house of fire.
  • Hangmen both beating on the Horseman.  Benoit tosses his guy out and Malenko's gets a big elbow.
  • Belly to back from Benoit.
  • Looks like the Hangman is going home via the cloverleaf.
  • He taps ring the bell.
  • YOUR WINNER: The Horsemen via submission from the Texas Cloverleaf.
  • That was a good match.  I really like how they are making the Horsemen out these days.  They are interesting again.
    
    
• We finish the show with the longest video clip of the evening.  An almost complete replay of Flair's de-topping of Georgeous George and then his subsequent match with DDP for the title.
  
• One more Slamboree promo and we're out of here.

The Good: That Horseman match took me back to the good old days.  I really miss the Horseman like that.  It gives WCW some viable heels.

The Bad: Rey Misterio is really getting on my nerves and most of the matches were not that outstanding.  Rey really mailed in his performance tonite it seemed like.

The Ugly: I would say that we had a full hour of video clips tonite.   That's the last thing that makes me want to order the pay-per-view.  Even uglier is me writing this at four in the morning.  Hope you enjoyed it drop me a line sometime.  Adios and goodnite.

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