WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, 05/17/99
WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, 05/17/99
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Revenge of the Nipple on Nitro
- Welcome to the Nitro Report! Nitro is coming off what I can honestly say was their most
interesting, coherently booked week in recent memory!
- No pre-show notes, due to the overwhelming feeling of dread I have about how bad this show is
going to suck.
- A note for any DDT Digest readers who are going to be at the Linux Expo this week in Raleigh. If you want to meet your favorite
Nitro reporter on the internet (no, not Steve Schroeder,
fool. Me!), I'll be at the Ki Networks reception at the Expo on
Tuesday night. Stop by, talk wrestling, see some great Linux software, and you'll even have a
chance to win prizes like a digital camera, PalmPilot, or amazon.com gift certificates!
- Well, here goes. Wish me luck.
- We see a white limo pull up
- And we're LIVE from Cedar Rapids, IA!
- Asya, Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, DDP, and Charles Robinson get out the limo.
- Charles Robinson has his Ric Flair look going on.
- We go backstage again
- The President's office has Roddy Piper's name on it. Charles Robinson replaces the Piper name
with Flair's.
- We now get the normal Nitro opener.
- Mean Gene is in the ring
- Gene calls out Ric Flair.
- Flair and Co. come down the aisle.
- Ric has to make a statement.
- But Arn will take the stick first.
- Arn says Malenko and Benoit will bring the tag gold back to the Horsemen tonight.
- Flair says he's the president.
- Flair says Bischoff has no right to make decisions about Flair's company.
- Flair tells Ted Turner that if he doesn't move Bischoff out, Flair's coming to get Jane Fonda.
He offers Jane Fonda a ride on Space Mountain.
- Flair sets up Ric Flair/Charles Robinson vs. Randy Savage/Gorgeous George. Sigh.
- Flair sets up Nash vs. DDP for the belt tonight.
- Flair calls DDP down, and says he's going to help Page get the belt back.
- DDP comes down.
- DDP praises Flair's decision.
- DDP says he got screwed at the PPV.
- DDP says he has his own backup, since Nash has Bischoff in his pocket. He calls out Bam Bam
Bigelow.
- Hey, guess what's for sale on EBay? The dartboard that Kevin Nash uses to do the booking.
- There's an LWO shirt in the crowd.
- In an attempt to get an 0.1 rating, we see DJ Ran.
- Ran tries to get cheap heat by mentioning Nash.
- Shoot me.
- A "special" interview with Eric the Grey
- Bischoff talks about his pitiful little face turn.
- Bischoff says WCW was #1 for 88 straight weeks.
- Bischoff says that things are more competitive now, and he got complacent.
- He talks about learning from his mistakes, and has learned what it will take to make WCW #1
again.
- Hey, Bischoff, how about not booking from your sphincter if you want to get back on top.
- Some kids have Surge® shirts in the front row.
- They talk about the Rick Steiner "Random Turn of the Week".
- We take an unspecial look at Bret Hart.
- We also see Big Booker on the Tonight Show.
- Nash challenged Hart to wrestle on the Tonight Show. The match will actually happen on the
Tonight Show.
- You smashed my head. Get off my nose.
- It's 8:24. HAVE A GODDAMN MATCH!!!! AAAHHHH!!!
- Another look at Eric the Grey
- He says he did what he felt was right in Flair/Piper and Page/Nash.
- Eric says that Nick Patrick did what he thought was right, too.
- This is so boring.
- We tease leaving the interview, but go right back.
- Bischoff talks about changing, and rebuilding the company. I talk about throwing my TV out the
window.
- Aldo: I think Bischoff is trying to out-shoot Troy Martin.
- A grey limo pulls up
- Roddy the Gimp gets out of the limo.
- Eric the Grey is with him.
- This show is finding new and innovative ways to suck. I guess you've got to give them credit
for THAT.
- Mike Tenay joins the booth, and talks about Bret Hart
- Tenay says that Bret Hart is aware of the Nash challenge, is amused that Jay Leno considers
himself a promoter, and he'll be on the Tonight show Tuesday night to respond to Nash.
- We see footage from Gorgeous George vs. Charles Robinsion
- Match 1: Evan Karagias vs. WCW World Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio Jr.
- Aldo puts in his Drivin N Cryin CD for Evan "Fly Me" Karagias.
- Frosted Mini Hood comes out with his Eternal Belt.
- Karagias and Erik Watts need to team up in a "White Boys In Da Hood" gimmick.
- Some sloppy wrestling to start, but Evan misses a springboard.
- Rey with a split-legged moonsault.
- Evan with a short-arm clothesline.
- Springboard cross-body from Evan.
- Rey with a bronco buster.
- Rey puts Evan up top, but Evan fights him off.
- Rey crotches Evan.
- Rey signals for the Hurricanrana, and hits it.
- He gets the pin.
- The Horsemen bring Buddy Lee Parker to Ric's
- Ric promises Buddy an office with a secretary.
- Ric says that every promoter has always pushed their kids. Watts, etc.
- Ric says he's going to push his kid down people's throats, so they'll love him.
- Ric says that all Buddy Lee has to do is lay down for David Flair.
- Buddy Lee agrees, and leaves.
- Ric calls Dave and Torrie from the dressing room, and gives them the plan.
- Mean Gene calls out Booker T
- Gene tries to get Jiggy with it.
- Booker comes down the aisle.
- Booker says everyone knows what went down with the TV belt.
- Booker challenges Rick Steiner.
- Booker says he's not worried about Stevie Ray.
- Booker says he's the true people's champion.
- There's no diggity doubt that Booker will be the seven-time champion.
- Aldo - 1-800-COLLECT... the best way to phone in your wrestling match.
- Match 2: Buddy Lee Parker vs. David Flair (w/Torrie Wilson)
- Buddy Lee is already in the ring.
- David and Torrie walk out. Ric and Asya are in the ring.
- Charles Robinsion is the ref.
- Robinson's wearing shorts and a long shirt, so it looks like he's not wearing pants.
- Parker and Dave lock up. Dave breaks clean in the corner.
- Parker with a headlock.
- Shoulderblock by Parker, followed by a hiptoss.
- Clothesline from Parker.
- David with a headscissor, and a headlock takeover.
- The Horsemen are around the ring.
- Avalanche clothesline from the Sarge.
- The Horsemen come on the apron, and Parker stops.
- David with some weak chops in the corner.
- Dave with a hiptoss, but misses an elbow.
- Parker slams David, and goes up top.
- Parker misses the Top-Rope kneedrop.
- David grabs the leg, and applies the worst Figure-Four in history.
- Robinsion immediately calls for the bell.
- Parker, God bless him, even sells the move after the match.
- Match 3: Ric Flair and Charles Robinson (w/Asya) vs. Randy Savage and Gorgeous George
- Asya looks lost.
- Flair's on the stick.
- Flair calls Savage & Co. down.
- Savage comes down with his Ho Train.
- George is on crutches. Madusa will apparently take her place.
- Savage talks some incomprehensible smack on the mic.
- Robinson and Madusa start out.
- Robinson whoos and struts.
- Robinson with an armdrag.
- Madusa with a punch, armtwist, and leg trip.
- Robinson bounces off the ropes to get out of an armtwist, but gets met with a clothesline. HUGE
Flair Flop by Chuckie.
- Madusa with a leg-splitting wishbone.
- Savage and Flair tag in.
- Savage with a shoulderblock, and punches to the head.
- Flair begs off.
- Savage with punches in the corner. Flair flops out of the corner.
- Savage no-sells chops, but does sell a low blow.
- Robinson tags in to beat on Savage, but Savage has none of it.
- Savage biels Robinson by the hair.
- Madusa tags in with a series of snapmares.
- Madusa with a piledriver on Robinson.
- Robinson goes to the eyes. Flair tags in, and gets a drop-toehold from Madusa.
- Madusa rides Flair around the ring.
- Madusa with chops in the corner, and a sloppy backdrop.
- Flair with a backdrop suplex on Madusa.
- Flair drops an elbow.
- What is this...Saturday night at Tommy Lee's house?
- Flair works Madusa's knee over on the ropes.
- Flair goes for the Figure Four, but Madusa small-packages him for two.
- Madusa with another rollup for two.
- Flair with another backdrop suplex, and he then applies the Figure Four.
- Savage breaks the hold.
- Madusa with a nutshot, and she makes the tag.
- Savage cleans house.
- Double-clothesline on the heels.
- Flair goes to the eyes, goes up top, and comes down the hard way.
- Savage sends Chuck down too.
- Flair and Robinson do stereo Flair Flips in the corner.
- Savage beats on Robinson in the ring while Madusa beats up Flair on the outside.
- Savage goes up top, and lands the Big Elbow on Robinson for the win.
- DJ Turn-The-Channel makes some noise with more absurd commentary.
- Mean Gene is in the ring
- NOOOOOOOO . . . Piper.
- Henry, on a comment about Thunder spoilers: can you actually "spoil" thunder?
- Piper remembers his name. He also says he's President.
- Piper works in his cheap heat sports reference about the Iowa Hawkeyes.
- Where's our Patch Adams quote, funny boy?
- Piper goes through an asanine "Top Ten" list that I refuse to dignify.
- This is so very sad.
- This is like watching a train wreck.
- Aldo: More like a 747 losing all four engines and plummeting 32,000 feet.
- Piper must have set a record for using the most old jokes (Viagra, Hillary Clinton, etc.) in one
sitting.
- Piper calls Eric Bischoff down.
- Eric the Grey is in the ring.
- Piper grips at Bischoff a bit.
- Piper says he doesn't buy Bischoff's apology.
- Randy Savage's music comes on.
- My GOD this is sucking.
- In an amazing cosmic coincidence, Randy Savage and the Godfather both bring out their ho trains
at the same time.
- Savage demands a title shot with Kevin Nash.
- Piper says Savage has to wait his turn.
- George whacks Piper with the crutch, and Savage piledrives him.
- Savage slams Bischoff, and goes up top for the Big Elbow.
- Nash hits the ring, and Savage hops off the turnbuckles and leaves the ring.
- Savage challenges Nash.
- Savage wants Nash to hand the belt over to him, like he handed it over to Hogan.
- Nash: "I see you've used your American Express card already tonight with your dates."
- Nash and Savage agree to the match.
- A look back at Piper vs. Flair, Sting vs. Goldberg, and Page vs. Nash.
- Match 3: Hak (w/Live Bait) vs. Fit Finlay
- Hak and Chastity come down the aisle.
- Hak gets the mic.
- Hak turns up the cheap heat machine.
- Hak rambles about being Hardcore.
- Fit Finlay comes on the big screen, and says he's on his way down!
- Finlay makes his way down.
- Hak asks if Finlay knows what a Hardcore match is.
- Hak hands the mic to Finlay, and Finlay calmly brains him with it.
- Finlay opens up with the kendo stick.
- Hak sends Finlay into the corner.
- Hak gets a ladder.
- Finlay catches him, though, and does some ladder offense with Hak's head.
- Commercial.
- We're back with lots of tables.
- More pedestrian brawling.
- Hak gets whipped into a ladder in the corner.
- Nick Patrick stops Finlay for using the kendo stick in the hardcore match, for some reason.
- Heenan: "This looks like a fight at a bingo hall"
- Hak with a ladder whip and a clothesline.
- Finlay with a ballshot, and then jabs the kendo stick into the throat.
- Double-clothesline spot.
- Brian Knobbs comes down for our requisite cluster***.
- Knobbs whips Finlay through a table, and Hak through another.
- Who's Knobbs blowing?
- Knobbs clears the ring.
- Nick Patrick throws the match out.
- The three brawl to the back.
- Match 4: WCW World Television Champion Rick Steiner vs. Booker T
- Rick has a blonde streak dyed into his beard to look like his brother.
- His opponent - Booker T.
- Steiner isn't wearing his headgear.
- Booker T's music comes on.
- No Booker, though.
- We see Booker laid out in the back.
- Rick says that Booker can't beat anyone without his brother.
- Rick challenges the locker room.
- Rick says nobody's coming out, and goes to leave.
- Sting makes his way down the aisle.
- Sting charges Steiner, and starts beating him.
- Sting takes Steiner's ass to the cleaners to start.
- Sting with a hair-grab bulldog as the bell rings to start the match.
- Rick avoids a Stinger Splash.
- Steiner runs Sting gut-first into the corner.
- Steiner beats on Sting.
- Sting suddenly remembers that he doesn't have to sell, and pops right up.
- Steiner beats on him a bit more.
- Steiner sends Sting to the floor, and posts him.
- Steiner removes the floor padding, and tries to suplex Sting. Sting reverses, though.
- Steiner chokes Sting with a TV cable.
- Back in the ring, Sting hits an inverted atomic drop and a nice dropckick.
- Two clotheslines, and a flying clothesline.
- Scott comes down to ringside.
- Lex Luger hits the ring.
- Johnny Boone calls for the bell.
- Sting and Luger stand back-to-back.
- And with that, we go to commercial.
- Match 5: Konnan vs. Curt Hennig
- I should have figured that I'd have to suffer through Gonnad tonight.
- Konnan shouts out to Tommy Boy records.
- His opponent - picked out of a hat - Curt Hennig.
- I think this is Battlebowl - The Lethal Lottery all over again tonight.
- They trade armdrags.
- Why is this Hour #3?
- Hennig cartwheels, but gets clotheslined.
- Floatover bulldog from Konnan, followed by the seated dropkick.
- Hennig stalls.
- Hennig chops Konnan in the corner.
- Hennig tells Heenan that he's wearing new boots. Why he does this, I have no idea.
- Hennig seems to be checking his nipple for some random reason. That was scary. Is he
lactating? WTF????
- Just to make things more surreal, we go to commercial.
- Konnan's opening up a can on Hennig as we come back.
- Hennig clotheslines Gonnad.
- Hennig in control.
- Hennig with his neck snap.
- More Hennig.
- Hennig slows it down with an Indian freakin' deathlock.
- More leg-based offense from Hennig.
- Konnan fights back.
- Hennig with a slam, but comes off the buckles and gets a foot to the face.
- Konnan with the rolling clothesline, mule kick, and facebuster.
- The ref gets bumped during the series.
- Randy Savage runs down and says that Konnan is the first man on the Savage hitlist, because
Konnan is friends with Nash.
- Hennig sends Konnan to the floor, where Savage pummels on him.
- Savage rolls Konnan back in for the Hennigplex. Hennig wins.
- I missed the Hardys vs. the Brood for this?
- Match 6: Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko (w/Arn Anderson) vs. WCW World Tag Team Champions
Raven and Perry Saturn (w/Kanyon)
- The Horsemen come out first.
- Raven, Saturn, and Kanyon make their way down.
- Malenko and Saturn start off.
- Some back-and-forth to start. Malenko gets sent over the top, and Benoit gets a superkick.
- Saturn with a plancha onto Benoit.
- Raven tags, and he and Saturn do a bit of Total Elimination (legsweep/clothesline).
- Benoit tags in, and we get some INTENSE brawling.
- Raven takes the advantage, and we get a type of Doomsday Device from the champs.
- Benoit flips Saturn with a clothesline.
- Malenko tags in, but ducks too soon for a backdrop, and gets suplexed.
- More doubleteams from the champs.
- The champs are in control.
- Saturn with a nice knee to the gut.
- Raven puts Malenko in a chinlock looking at the Horseman corner.
- Benoit tags in to remove Raven's ribcage with chops.
- Raven with the three rolling vertical suplexes on Benoit.
- Saturn hits a guillotine legdrop as we go to commercial...
- As we come back, Malenko is hitting the leg lariat on Raven.
- Malenko goes for the Cloverleaf, but Raven rolls him up for two.
- Benoit tags in.
- Snap suplex by Benoit.
- Raven fights back, and tags Saturn.
- Saturn T-bones Benoit.
- Saturn hulks up on the Horseman corner, but gets dropped gut-first over the top rope.
- Saturn avoids a baseball-slide dropkick, causing Malenko to eat the move.
- The Horsemen doubleteam the champs.
- The Horsemen work over Saturn's legs.
- Benoit with a leglock.
- Saturn's taking a beating.
- Malenko toys with Saturn, who comes back with a belly-to-belly.
- Raven tags in, and he's a literary metaphor a-fire!
- Kanyon hands Raven a chair.
- The requisite drop-toehold-into-the-chair.
- Raven with gourdbuster, and Saturn hits a splash from the top.
- A train wreck in the ring, and Benoit pulls the thumb across the throat.
- He misses the headbutt.
- Malenko with the tiger bomb on Saturn.
- Raven goes for the Evenflow, but Arn whacks Raven with a tire iron.
- Malenko goes up top, but Kanyon shoves him off the top right into a Spicolli Driver!
- Saturn covers, and gets the win!
- Great match!
- We're following the champs to the back for some reason.
- Bam Bam Bigelow is in the back, talking smack to the champs. Kanyon suggests he get himself a
partner. Bigelow says he might.
- Smash and Slam wrestlers perform their favorite moves! Nash only books his friends! Hogan
refuses to job!
- Match 7: Diamond Dallas Page vs. WCW World Heavyweight Champion Kevin Nash
- DDP comes out.
- As does the champ, amazingly enough.
- They go toe-to-toe to start, and Nash gets the better.
- Nash with the back-elbows in the corner.
- Avalanche clothesline by the champ.
- Nash clotheslines Page over the top.
- Nash with a plancha over the top onto Page! Ooops - my bad. That's in some alternate reality.
- Bigelow comes down to ringside.
- Nash delivers Snake Eyes to Page, and hits a short-arm clothesline for two.
- Bigelow hits Nash on the apron.
- Nash fights back, but eats a clothesline from Page.
- The ref saw the whole Bigelow thing. Oops.
- Bigelow chokes Nash.
- Page chokes the champ with his wrist tape.
- Page up top, and comes off with a flying clothesline.
- Page grinds his elbow into Nash's eye.
- Page hits the swinging neckbreaker for two.
- Russian Legsweep for two.
- Page gets whipped into Bigelow. Nash rolls him up for two.
- Nash with a clothesline for two.
- Nash with a big boot.
- Oh my GOD Bigelow's selling punches that are about a foot from his face. It's funny.
- Savage runs down, and all three beat on Nash.
- The ref calls for the bell. Nash wins by DQ.
- Page and Savage hold Nash for a Bigelow splash.
- The ho's come down to ringside, and Savage is left alone in the ring with Nash.
- Savage puts makeup on Nash's face, for some random reason. I guess they're all out of spray
paint. Budget cutbacks and all.
- A fan jumps into the ring, and gets his ass handed to him by Savage.
- Savage goes up top, measures Nash, and drops a Big Elbow.
- Savage rants a bit more as we fade to black....