WCW Saturday Night - September 25th, 1999
Heya, folks. The unabashed king of the DDT Digest scab squad returns
to you, butt splinters and all, to cover our good man Dan's Saturday Night
report this week.
The overall feedback from my Nitro report was overwhelming--I never really understood that putting one of these reports together was such a time-consuming labor of love, and trust me, after having done it twice in a little over a week, I have a newfound respect for all of your usual suspects.
But now we come to WCW Saturday Night. Formerly the flagship program of the Molasses Wrestling Federation, Saturday Night has felt the wrath of WCW's generally declining quality in booking and character work over the last year or so. There's been idle chatter about turning the block into a recap-only show, and nixing Worldwide, but I concur that such a decision would be expressive of a new level of stupidity: Believe it or not, WCW Saturday Night has a huge cult following, since it's the last bastion of true match-by-match wrestling to be found on our cable boxes.
Jimmy Hart is in line to handle the show's booking and anglework, which may be explanative of as to why we've seen a stronger interest in Saturday-exclusive angles a'la the Alan Funk/Kid Romeo work, the Darsow angle-memory crisis deal, and such. Hart has a much less exclusive eye when it comes to his booking, and is willing to make gold out of greens and has-beens. I say
more power to the guy.
As a final note before we throw some ketchup on the shank of the wrestling week, I was called on my dubious ICP error by several diehard juggaloes in the DDT Digest bleachers after the Nitro report. To clear things up concerning the Dead Pool theme song, I dropped a line to Bob Barnett.
He replied that the ICP/Vampiro theme isn't on the Jekel Brothers album at all, but will instead be featured as an exclusive on the upcoming WCW: The Themes disc, which will be released sometime before we're all vying for a spot at the rest home vista window.
Sorry for the confusion.
We are TAPED for two hours of Saturday Night WCW action!
- Scott Hudson and Mike Tenay, coming to you from the secret WCW Saturday Night recording facility, deep beneath Lake Michigan.
Match Number One: El Dandy vs. Lenny (w/Lodi) for the WCW Cruiserweight Title.
- El Burro makes his way out first, with a fist of stone, and a gut of peach jam.
- He'll be getting a shot at the WCW Sid Sacrifite Memorial Title Belt, courtesy of the West Hollywood Blondes.
- Random, pre-taped Lodi signs tonight.
- "Lodi Rulz" "We Love Blowpops".
- Mike teases a new member of the Saturday Night broadcasting team, and Scott gives himself a mental hotfoot trying to figure out who it is.
- Lenny fakes a lockup, then repeats.
- Lodi gets a hug, and Dandy gets a jump on things by kicking Lenny in the butt.
- No, not a dropkick. He just walked up, and kicked him in the butt. Seriously.
- Action off the ropes, with Lenny eating a hiptoss, then coming back to serve some girly two-handed slaps to Dandy's back and chest.
- Dandy hits a slow-motion crescent kick off of the ropes.
- Lenny spills Dandy outside, but Bowels of Stone retaliates with a headbutt, and a somersault senton.
- Kicks by Lenny in the corner.
- In an absurd moment of alternate reality, Dandy refuses to sell for Lenny until he looks up, to where Dandy's pointing his finger. When Lenny finally does, he gets belted by the hand of stone.
- That was.. odd.
- Lenny manages to work in a wheelbarrow catch into inverted Rydeen Bomb (Courtesy: Wade) for a two count.
- Lenny with a scoop slam, and his blonde bombshell slinky-rink cover for another two.
- I keep waiting for Tenay to call that as an "unorthodox cover". Come on, baby.
- Dandy ekes out a two count of his own, after some sluggish gymnastics.
- Lodi gets involved, and you can basically call it from here.
- Is Lenny's full-nelson inverted russian legsweep also known as the "Memory Lane"?
- Three cover, and Lenny retains.
- Despite the fact that Dandy chafes my lucha-loving right brain lobe like a pair of attic insulation boxer shorts, that was a decent match.
Promos for the Hogan and Flair Superstars Series videos.
We're back, with Mike and Scott in the mystery box they call their studio.
- Generalized corporate-friendly blathering.
- However, they do discuss the recent Armstrong/First Family dealings.
- Tenay teases the new guest announcer once more.
- Then things go into aural applesauce mode as both start to wet themselves over the six-man workfest tag on the impending Monday's Nitro.
We run some footage from the Alan Funk/Kid Romeo matchup on last week's edition of WCWSN.
- I'll never complain about seeing fresh cruiserweights get a push, but Kid Romeo looks like the illegitimate love child of Ken Shamrock and Rocky Maivia.
Match Number Two: Kid Romeo vs. Alan Funk
- Apparently, we've got a rematch. Funk gets the first entrance.
- Romeo comes out next.
- Is it just me, or has he been dipping into the Alex Wright Brand® Trunk Stuffin'?
- We get a lockup to start. Armdrag takeover by Romeo.
- Romeo continues to control, with a drop toehold into a resthold, then
a two-count rollup.
- Romeo with a side headlock, some lockup exchange, and a rollover into
a shoot-style anklelock. I KNEW it!
- Funk powers out with a backwards drop that gags Romeo on the top rope.
- Funk with a chokehold, boots, and another.
- Funk hits a really crummy looking powerbomb that ends with something best-described as an inverted jacknife. He hefts Romeo up, then just kinda lets him go over his shoulder.
- Funk slaps on a knee-press submission hold, then nails a suspension suplex for a two count.
- Romeo's back in the game with a takeover headscissors off of the ropes.
- Yes, we have another boot choke.
- Funk with a throat shot, strung into a dragon sleeper. He lays the forearms to the Kid's chest, then drags him up and over in a dragon suplex.
- Funk charges the corner with a running kneelift, but Romeo rolls out of the way.
- Funk into the ropes, and it looks like he completely misses the mark on a sunset flip, but manages to somewhat sell it as a back bodydrop.
- Romeo drives a dropkick and a pancake slam home, but following some confusing and sloppy rollup exchanges, Funk ends up on top.
- Funk doesn't pin the shoulders, but still gets the benefit of the doubt, and a three count.
- Not a bad match at all. Green, but not bad.
Halloween Havoc promo, with Sid and Goldberg.
Chromebean Gene shills the hotline, with a bunch of garbage about the WCW backstage shakeups and the WWF-Playboy dramatics for the Save Rena Mero's PseudoCareer Drive '99.
Match Number Three: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. "Beautiful"
- Eaton always looks like someone woke him up about four minutes before the opening bell.
- And naturally, since we've had two solid cruiserweight bouts to open the show with, we need to slow things down.. someone give Hacksaw his medication!
- Aforementioned goofball stumbles down to ringside, drooling and making faces.
- Exene prays for a quick ending on the couch nearby.
- Hacksaw comes out fighting! A butterfly suplex! Dropkick! Spinebuster off of the ropes!
- Actually, if you assumed that he stomped around and yelled "USA!" a lot, then you're right.
- I bet I can call this match with less than five moves.
- Stumbling lockup to start with. (One.)
- A lariat, and a USA chant from Hacksaw, with Eaton rolling outside. (Two.)
- Tenay: "Why does Duggan have the crowd chanting 'USA'...where does he think Eaton's from...England?"
- Eaton back in, punches, and a USA chant. (Two.)
- Duggan comes on with elbows in the corner. (Three.)
- Eaton retaliates with an elbow of his own, punches in the corner, and a choke on the ropes. (Three and.. ummm.. three and a half. Yeah, that's it.)
- Duggan powers out, and Eaton ends up chomping on ten punches in the corner. (Three and a half.)
- Duggan with a tilt-a-whirl powerslam! An actual move! An actual move! (Four and a half.)
- Hacksaw ends things with a running clothesline, and the Old Glory kneedrop. Damn! (Five and a half.)
- The more I see Duggan, the more I keep expecting him to whip out Socko.
- Have a nice day!
We see the Sting retrospective once again.
- Well, at least we have some continuity. Randy Savage is shoving women aside in his Slim Jim ads as well.
The Bluster Brothers are alive and well in the studio.
We're about to meet our new member of the WCW Saturday Night announcing team.
- It's Madusa. Yikes.
- That's like giving a microphone to Charles Manson.
- Madi creaks and croaks and introduces forth the Brothers Armstrong.
- Out comes Steve, Scott, and Brad.
- Brad does the mic work, and cuts a really decent promo.
- Though I can't listen to him without hearing Road Dogg's voice. Damn WWF and its cranial poisoning!
- Brad talks down the First Family, and Madi wheezes forth some more uninspired rhetoric as we go.
We take a look back at the Sid/Booker T incidents from Thunder.
- Well, at the very least, if WCW isn't going to put the World's Title around Booker's waist, they're not jobbing him cleanly to F***ing Sid.
- Rick Steiner, the Leather Lawn Gnome, makes his useless presence felt by adding to a Sid powerbomb.
- Yawn. That sucked then, it sucks now.
Match Number Four: Erik Watts vs. Lord Steven Regal (w/ Squire Dave Taylor)
- It's Weird Al!
- Nah, just Xavier Doom's favorite luchedore, Erik Watts. It's all about the pants, baby.
- The British Gentry arrive on the scene, and it'll be Regal with the honors against Mini Diesel tonight.
- Watts starts off by mocking Regal's Chutney Strut.
- Regal takes offense, and the wrestling clinic commences around armbars and their many reversals.
- Watts hits a couple of elbows, and a sorry-ass hurricanrana.
- Well, not as sorry as the one he nearly killed Bam Bam Bigelow with a few months back.
- Watts gets rolled outside, and Taylor thrashes him with the Union Jack.
- Back inside, and Regal takes the pole with a pair of two-counts.
- His Lordship with European uppercuts, a snapmare, and a few kneedrops.
- Regal applies an ingenious, if not utterly unpainful-looking resthold.
- Watts eventually gets loose, and fells Regal with a clothesline.
- Watts botches a corner splash, but follows up with a chancery attempt--during a muddled exchange, Taylor takes to the apron and flattens Lil' Brian Adams with the flagpole.
- Regal straps on the Regal Stretch, as Hacksaw runs.. no, waddles down to ringside.
- Hacksaw beats Taylor up, then rolls his banana slug ass into the ring to thrash Regal a bit.
- The Gentry take off, leaving Hacksaw to gurgle unintelligibly on the microphone.
- The highlight of this spot is when Hacksaw offers a grudging partnership to Watts to take on the Brits, and Watts appears to lovingly caresses his cheek by accident.
Halloween Havoc Promo.
We take a look back at Sting and Benoit from Nitro.
- More appropriately, the ratings-peak 6.6 Sting and Benoit match from Nitro.
- We continue into a recap of the DDP, Luger, Hogan, and company pileup from later in the same show.
Match Number Four: Disco Inferno vs. Spyder
- Yes! The only known case of six-pack potbelly known to modern science arrives on the Saturday Night scene!
- Disco's sacrifice will be Art Flores, resurrected in WCW by the magic of modern tape delay science.
- Disco gets on the stick, and bags on Flores' past with Eddy G. and the fact that Spyder ain't one of the Filthy Animals.
- Disco offers to be Art's friend, but Spyder cusses him out in mild Spanish.
- Disco with cheap shots to start, a knee to the stomach, and blows to the back of the head.
- Art breaks loose, and hits Disco with a couple of clotheslines, and boots to the midsection.
- Spyder with a scoop slam, elbow drop, a headbutt, and rather bland punches.
- Art tries his luck with an Irish whip, which is reversed--after several duck and covers, Disco nails a back elbow.
- Last Dance!
- Disco easily caps the three count.
- Hudson: "Just like a rattlesnake, it strikes from nowhere!"
Gene Mean shills the hotline as if he's got something new to report over the last half hour.
- Which, incidentally, he admits is not the case during the waste of time that commences.
Match Number Six: Norman Smiley vs. Scotty Riggs
- I have a bad feeling, as Scotty Riggs makes his entrance second. Complete with unrequited push to absolutely nowhere, and lame narcissist gimmick.
- Riggs goons into the mirror, and does his snakehip homage' to Rick Rude.
- Smiley treats the crowd to an SMBU tease, but Riggs nails him before he can open a can of jiggy for us.
- Riggs with plenty of slaps to start.
- Smiley retaliates with a back elbow and a hiptoss, covering for a two count.
- And another.
- Norman with a butterfly jacknife suplex.
- Norman slaps on the body scissors, occasionally linked to an armbar, but Riggs manages to weasel loose with a jawbreaker as both men are rising to their feet.
- Riggs with a boot choke in the corner.
- Riggs hits his pretty as a pony dropkick, and postures gratuitously before a snapmare.
- Riggs with a chinlock, and an elbow to the top of Norman's head.
- Smiley makes the best sounds when he sells. Period.
- Norman spills outside after another dropkick, but slingshots back in for a sunset flip and a two count.
- Smiley's up, and Riggs ain't, which means..
- Big Wiggle! And they show it! Kiss my ass, Bischoff!
- Unfortunately, even the best-laid dances occasionally go astray, and as Norman goes for the Norman Conquest, Riggs converts it into an exchange of reversals that lead to the Showstoppah.
- Riggs covers for the three, and goons some more before we finally go to commercials.
- It's been a while, but..
- Get off my NOSE!
We take a look back at the Eddy/Saturn match from last week's Nitro.
- As well as the foreshadowing of the Philly Cheese Steak's heel turn.
Match Number Seven: Lash LaRoux vs. "Crippler" Chris Benoit for the WCW Television Title
- Jeah! Lash!
- One of the seven original acolytes of the DDT Digest makes his way to the ring, complete with Cajun war whoop.
- Unfortunately, he'll be taking part in a televised execution, thanks in big part to his opponent..
- The Crippler hisself.
- Benoit comes to the ring with his title, as well as standard pissed-off expression.
- Regardless of continuity, this should kicketh ass a-plenty.
- Lash mocks the THUMB ACROSS THE THROAT to start.
- And Benoit takes offense, tearing open several new breathing holes on the young 'un with chops, headbutts, and a blunt toss outside.
- Lash back in, and Benoit lays him out with a short-arm clothesline.
- Benoit with a back suplex, and several open-handed slaps upside Lash's head.
- Lash stages some defense with a back elbow, then offense, with a dropkick.
- Benoit retaliates with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker off of the ropes, and Lash is out flat.
- Benoit nails two of his super-stiff snap suplexes, and goes for a third--
- But instead feeds it right into the Crippler Crossface!
- Lash taps, and Benoit retains.
- Short, but satisfying.
Malenko, Saturn, and the Hamburglar make their way to ringside.
- Perfunctory ten-second bleep laid over Douglas' introduction on the mic is implied as profanity by Tenay.
- Yeah, right. Try "We didn't know what city we said we'd be in, not like Shane'll get it right anyways--let's just censor the whole thing and make him look cool."
- Shane throws out catchphrases a-plenty.
- And Benoit does some snarling of his own, running down Sting, Luger, and Bret Hart.
- The Revolutionaries take to the turnbuckles, as we hit Shillsville once again.
- It would be cool to play a horrible joke on someone by getting them a Konnan mastercard. That is, if they didn't retaliate by charging up a new car on it under your name.
Mike and Scott ramble over the Goldberg/Sid NyQuil Challenge 99'.
- We get the obligatory stills from Nitro.
- Except for the fact that Goldberg actually did look like he was trying to hurt Knobbs during that match, that was a waste of life.
Match Number Eight: Little Jeannie vs. "The Great" Mona
- Little Jeannie makes her Saturday Night stopover with an arrival to Barry Windham's old theme music. The WCW Fan Insult Institute's Theme Recycling Program is alive and well on the Muthaship!
- Jeannie will be facing the New School Alundra Blayze, Mona.
- Actually, Mona's a far better wrestler than Madusa was at that phase. That's more an implication of the fact that she's the ONLY one whom we ever see consistently representing the women's circuit.
- Mona sets things off with an armdrag takeover.
- Tieup into an armbar, Jeannie reverses.
- Jeannie throws Mona into the ropes, but misses the clothesline--two count after a cross bodyblock by the former Miss Madness.
- Mona with uppercuts.
- Jeannie comes back with an old school eye rake, and a one-way trip down to Bielsville.
- Jeannie with a decent somersault legdrop off of the ropes.
- Random catfight-style brawling ends up with both ladies on the floor.
- Exchanges of punches and kicks before things roll back inside.
- Mona stomps Jeannie, then drops her with a side salto for a two count.
- Mona nails the back-handspring elbow in the corner, setting off the "Great Mona" thing all over again. Come on, Mikey, you're the Gay Father of the Luchedore Sex. You KNOW that Little Dragon and Ultimo do that move, too.
- Mona applies an interesting indian deathlok-into-surfboard cradle manuever that locks Jeannie down for a three count.
- Tight match, surprisingly.
- There's some video game called "Halloween Havoc" coming out, or something. I didn't catch the whole commercial for it.
We come back to stills of the Brad Armstrong/Berlyn confrontation from our prior show.
Match Number Nine: The Armstrong Brothers vs. The First Family (w/Jimmy Hart)
- Out come the Brothers Armstrong.
- Commercials. Cripes.
- They'll be going up against Jerry Flynn, Hugh Morrus, and the Barbarian, representing the First Family.
- Barbie.. I heard of dreadlocks.. but shitlocks?
- Brad gets the call to start things off against aforementioned Barbarian.
- Side headlock by Armstrong, but he gets flattened by a shoulderblock off of the ropes.
- Brad tacks on a sunset flip, and gets an assist for a two-count by Nick Patrick, who's our official du jour.
- Scott is tagged in, and he and Steve drop Barbie with a back body.
- The Armstrongs clear house, with Jimmy Hart eating his prerequisite punch upside the noggin on the apron.
- Back in, we've got Hugh and Scott handling the canvas.
- Scott munches a corner charge, and the fuse is lit on a long and slightly tedious period of face-in-peril cliches.
- Hugh drops the Laughing Man Mecha-Elbow on Scott, then a legdrop.
- Highlights are Flynn and Hugh splattering Scott with a bearhug-crescent kick combination, with Steve saving the pin.
- Scott fights back, but Barbarian throttles him anew.
- How you say.. get off my nose?
- Hugh tags back in, and plants Scott with a flying elbow.
- Hugh and Flynn wishbone Scott, and then bring the Barbarian in for a cool sequence wherein Flynn decapitates Scott in the corner with a crescent kick, Barbarian follows up with a shoulderblock, and Hugh finishes things with a Ho Train.
- Barbarian with a two count, and Morrus tags in.
- Hugh and the Barbarian attempt a double flying headbutt from opposite sides of the ring, but both miss.
- A fracas ensues with Brad getting the tag, and Steve getting tangled up with Flynn.
- During the confusion, Scott and Steve are thrown out of the ring, and some random taunting occurs.
- However, Brad's still in the squared circle, and kicking, and he rolls the Barbarian up from behind for a three!
- And all's right in Wade's world..
- Our celebration is short lived, however, as Brad suffers a Barry Darsow flashback into No Limits Soulja Armstrong, and asks the camera "Jeah, how you like me now? A'ite?"
- And with that, we fade.
All in all, a great show, and exemplary of Bill's oft-voiced platform for trimming the fat off of Nitro into a lean two-hour show. Considering we had nine matches, the brunt of which were decent contests, in less than one hundred and twenty minutes.. should say something.
I'm outta here, folks. Dan should be back next week. See you off the bench!