WCW Monday Nitro - November 22nd, 1999
WCW Monday Nitro - November 22nd, 1999
Detroit, Michigan
- It's is GOOD to be back!
- I understand the PPV was anywhere from decent to good to excellent, depending on who you talk to. Personally, I hope WCW stays mediocre for a little longer, until I can get a raise at work and afford 5 PPVs every 2 months...!
- Thanks to everyone who sent me mail, sorry I didn't respond, it's been a *very* hectic week. And apologies in advance if I don't respond to future E-mail - I'll do my best, but no promises.
- Let's cut to the chase, shall we?
- Jeff Jarrett walks backstage: "It's MY time. *I'm* the chosen one. Tonight, I take matters into my own hands."
- Opening sequence! Pyro! Explosion! New Heavyweight Champion!
- ...hey, speak of the devil, here's BRET HART!
- Stills from the PPV last night, first the Sting/Hart match that wouldn't die, then the all-Canadian special with guest appearances by half the roster.
- Hart's got the belt, and it's even got his name on it!
- Bret: "It's been a long two years... You know, it wasn't too long ago that I wasn't even sure about coming back."
- He says he'll be the best World Champion that WCW has ever had.
- After thanking the fans, he dedicates the win to his 84-year old father (Stu Hart).
- He talks about Goldberg, how he got screwed (stop it) and offers Goldberg a title shot at Starrcade.
- Fans boo that - I guess they wanted that match tonight.
- HOOOOOOWL! Wolfpac music, and here come the Outsiders.
- I wish they'd go back to the OLD Outsider music, pre-nWo. The Seal-style music.
- (long delay) "Hey, yo."
- Hall: "Hey, Canadian hero, hey Hitman." Mockingly, he repeats what Bret said about being an honorable champ and doing things the right way.
- But they don't care about all that.
- Bret should take some lessons from the guys (Outsiders) who 'took this place from the outhouse.. to the PENThouse!"
- Big Lazy says just because Bret got an iron-on that says "The Best" doesn't mean he is - that would make Kevin "Joe Boxer".
- Nash challenges Bret and Goldberg to a tag team match, and Bret accepts.
- Hitman music starts, but Jarrett slides in and SHATTERS a guitar on Bret.
- Jeff: "Hey, Slapnuts!" HA! Can't help it, that line just sticks in your head... slapnuts...
- You see, HE is the Chosen One, and that's HIS title. So he takes it and leaves.
- (shrugs) Makes sense to me.
- While reviewing the matches for the evening, Tony mentions Spice taking on Tigress.
- Heenan: "These girls know how to claw, bit, scratch, rip, tear, destroy, scream, yell, cry, and that's just putting their make-up on!"
- HA!
- Mike Tenay gives Hennig a quick post-retirement interview.
- See, Hennig got pinned by Bagwell at the PPV, and Curt said if he got pinned, he'd retire.
- He says he will never wrestle for WCW again, but they can't stop him from seeing his fans.
- Oddly, as the spot ends, the camera pans to where The Maestro plays a piano, complete with candleabra.
- Weird.
- The Filthy Animals tour the backstage area.
- Kidman is upset about his camera missing.
- Konnan says not to worry about it, they'll get a new one.
- "Oklahoma" Ed Ferrera walks in with "Dr. Death" Steve Williams.
- In the back, Tony talks to guys fresh out of ECW.
- Johnny the Bull and Big Vito are they're names - I just knew them as two of the Baldies.
- It's Tony Fetticuini - no wait, Marinara, that's right.
- Big Head wants a cheese sandwich, but Tony offers to talk to his father, the Don.
- Vito talks about getting a horse's head, and Tony tells them to cut back on the TV watching. Heh.
- They talk about doing it New York Style, like they used to in Bensonhurst and Brooklyn.
- What, with a thin crust? :j
- But the goons realize they don't know who they're taking out, so Tony has to tell them it's Disco.
- Elsewhere, TP speaks to the PTB.
- He claims he's got a right to book Liz in matches, since HE has HER contract. Interesting.
- After going on about how he basically owns Liz, PTB agrees to the match - Liz v. Meng.
- TPB: "Package, book it."
- In yet another location, Liz is in total shock.
- Hey, there you go - since Luger has been renamed just "The Total Package," Liz's new gimmick could be her running around gasping - they just call her "Total Shock."
- Creative Control vs. the Filthy Animals (Kidman & Konnan) for the WCW World Tag Team Championship.
- Walking to the ring with their somewhat cool but slightly generic rock music, it looks like two clones.
- Or a split-screen with both sides showing the same guy.
- As the Power Twins head to the ring, they show footage last week of Torrie being involved in a literal 'cover-up' by the Animals after wearing her, er, 'referee's uniform.'
- I say literal because they threw a jacket over her.
- THAT'S how you use the word 'literal', guys.
- Kidman and Konnan head out to the weak-ass rap theme and a fairly decent crowd pop.
- Tony can't tell them apart (neither can I), and Bobby declares Gerald is the one with the tie.
- The joke is they're both wearing ties, you see...
- Quickly Kidman goes down to a bigkneelift and a belly-to-belly.
- BIG double flapjack on Kidman. Get the spatula.
- Lots of quick tags and double-teaming on Billy the Kidman.
- HUGE whip into the corner, and Kidman looks like he's been shot.
- Snap powerslam by Creative, and he tags in Control, holding him for a big kick before tossing him to the corner
- Kidman fights out of the corner with an Irish whip, followed by a tornado bulldog out of the corner.
- Hot tag to Konnan, who lays out Bald Thug 1 with the tumbling clothesline.
- Tumbling clothesline takes out number 2, and K-Dawg is a house of fire.
- Facebuster on one twin, but the other interferes for the save.
- Kidman visibly says "What the F*@&?!" as they show black & white footage (KidCam?) of Eddy in the back discussing something with Torrie, then runs off.
- Now just a lamb to the slaughter, Konnan gets crushed by both men.
- Spinning neckbreaker off the ropes on Konnan - this doesn't look good for the dawg, yo...
- He tries to fight one off with a forearm, but the other catches him with a spinning back suplex (after Konnan misses his cue the first time) and we have NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS of the WORRRRRLD!
- Backstage, Kidman bursts through the door and attacks Eddy until security pulls him off.
- Of note: Bobby correctly called that Eddy and Torrie weren't actually DOING anything, just talking in a very friendly tone.
- World Champ Bret Hart is interviewed by Tenay backstage, and Goldberg waits for his turn.
- Bret and Goldberg are going to take on the Outsiders, then that 'lousy little scumball' Jeff Jarrett will be 'excellently executed.'
- At least he didn't call him a 'big stupid dummy'...
- Goldberg tells Bret to go take care of Jarrett, and he'll take on the Outsiders by himself if he has to.
- Tenay: "We're talking about a handicap match!" Goldberg: "Not necessarily."
- Spice is met by Skye in the back.
- Skye tries to talk her out of it, but Spice says this is something they just have to do.
- Despite the convincing argument of "C'mon, PLEEEASE!" Spice is still taking the match.
- Hennig speaks to Bagwell in the back somewhere.
- There's the piano music again, in the background.
- Curt says no hard feelings, they both had to do what they had to do.
- Buff says it's cool, no problem.
- Sniff. Sniff. I smell something here - do you?
- "Screamin'" Norman Smiley hits the ring.
- The fans have signs all over and cheer him big time. Heck, I like the guy who's *accidentally* hardcore!
- "YOU are looking at the new WCW Hardcore Champion!" Heh.
- "Look up the definition of hardcore, and you'll see this rough, tough mug."
- He's got the football player's dark lines drawn under the eyes. Heenan: "He's got three moustaches!"
- "Just how hardcore am I? This morning, I drank milk that was TWO DAYS past expiration!"
- And I spit mine out laughing...
- He issues an open challenge to ANYONE (bad idea!) for the title.
- Out comes FIT FINLEY!
- Wow, he looks to be in pretty good shape!
- Smiley tries to.. inspire? Finley with the SMBU dance, but keeping with the football motif, Fit kicks a field goal right between the crossbars (legs).
- Finley then grabs the football helmet, slips it on, and headbutts Smiley!
- BREET!! Unnecessary roughness, 15 yards, First Down!!
- Finley stomps a mudhole in Smiley, using the football helmet as a weapon, then hits his forward roll Samoan Drop.
- Damn, Mister Finley looks rather irate.
- Okay, forget that, he's outright pissed!
- Finley yells at Smiley, something about how he's not tough, and throws the Hardcore title at him.
- Hey, how come the WCW Hardcore belt is in only one piece?! That's not as cool... :j
- What's more upsetting is seeing a guy in a polo shirt beating up a football player!
- We get some quality time with our announcers, in case we forgot what they look like.
- Bobby talks about Jeff Jarrett getting his title shot, and how perhaps it was his whole plan.
- Liz vs. Meng is confirmed.
- Goldberg will face the Outsiders (possible handicap match?)
- Liz pleads with the Total Package.
- He says he doesn't tolerate mistakes, and Liz has to learn her lesson.
- Toilet Paper wanders off, and Liz follows like an obedient puppy dog.
- You know, I bet *I* could learn to tolerate her mistakes... :j
- ...and in the distance, the piano player plays on...
- Tenay is backstage with the Outsiders.
- Hall does the "I'm not scared" finger wave.
- Scott gets One Cool Point by uncovering Goldberg's 'master plan' - "spear, spear, jackhammer, jackhammer..."
- Nash says it'll be like a garage band warm-up, he's out of retirement, and they're getting the band back together.
- Hall: "And where are we going?"
- Nash: "ALL the way to the top!"
- Review of last weeks' frisking and raping of Evan Karagias by Madusa.
- Oh right, forgot - can't rape the willing...
- It's the Mayhem match from last week, for those who care about that sort of thing.
- Ad for WCW Mayhem, the soundtrack - is it just me, or are you all about Mayhem'ed out?
- Chavo is selling gold chains to Tony Marinara's thugs.
- They question the karats of the gold.
- While the music plays on, Disco starts to walk in, freaks, and doubles back.
- One asks if Chavo will wait while he runs out back to call him mother, and Chavo says he'll take a check from their Moms.
- A wrestler with a trenchcoat and a mask/ facepaint walks in. Heh.
- That's like, what, FOUR angles crossing paths? That's GOT to be a new record!
- Jeff Jarret talks to Slappy, er, Tenay.
- Mayhem was just a detour, Jarrett is still the Chosen One.
- Jarrett was hand-picked to win that tournament, he says, and no matter what Bret does, Jeff is walking out the champ.
- Evan Karagias vs. Saturn (non-title, I believe)
- Accompanied by Madusa, NEW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION Evan heads to the ring, and he's even got new music!
- Talk of how Disco meant to hit Evan with the chair in their match last night, but hit Tony Ravioli by mistake.
- Welcome to the Red Light District - say, is that the Godfather?
- Saturn doesn't allow Evan a clean break on Madusa's figure-four liplock as he belly-to-belly's Evan, then HE tries to get fresh with Madusa instead!
- Death Valley Driver doesn't do it, as Evan slips out and hits a sunset flip!
- There's a tie-dyed guy with a sign out here, but he goes to the booth instead of just causing trouble like the sign guy currently infesting the WWF.
- Heenan: "He's got more colors than Sherman-Williams."
- Despite the fake dreads and goofy Dude Love attire, he looks suspiciously like Brad Armstrong.
- He says his name is actually "Buzzkill," and he's high on life.
- Heenan: "How do you do, Mr. Kill?"
- Buzzkill, on the match: "These cats are great, man!"
- Oh yes, the match. Evan hit a spinning DDT, but an overhead belly-to-belly (not a Gargoyleplex) plants Evan.
- Heenan: "What year is it?" Buzzkill: "Uh, 1968?"
- The Rings of Saturn are locked on, it's over for Evan.
- Madusa has to pretend she can't get in the ring, then suddenly Asya remembers to run over and hold her back. Sheesh.
- A small catfight breaks out until their respective men pull them back (why?!) briefly.
- That's okay, the last catfight attempt I saw in WCW was that Nitro Girl push-and-shove match. I'll pass.
- In my old neighborhood, third-grade girls fought better than the Nitro Girls.
- Who am I kidding, in my old neighborhood, third-grade girls were packin'! :j
- Kidman grabs the mike away from Tenay, so it's not technically an interview.
- He says that when Eddie hit on Torrie, it went beyond FA business.
- Just don't say it's 'personal', please?!
- He doesn't have time for this (talk).
- Eddy is challenged to a match later - cool!
- No, wait - I'm still too far behind in my typing trying to keep up with Crash TV, this will give me Carpal Tunnel for sure!
- Okay, okay, it's a good thing, I'll admit it.
- Misfits are walking en masse.
- AAUGH, I can't keep up with all this! SLOW DOWN!
- The abomination that is Ed Ferrera comes with Dr. Death down a hallway.
- Personally, I think it's wrong - and Ferrera needs someone to show him respect.
- For the record, I went to the WWF house show here in Oklahoma City last month. Jim Ross got a STANDING OVATION just by stepping in the ring to start the show. Now THAT'S respect!
- Tenay wants to know if Eddy accepts the challenge.
- Eddy isn't proud of what's happened here tonight. But what's done is done.
- He's surprised that Kidman can't listen to what he has to say, so he'll have to show him - in the ring.
- I'd listen to what you had to say if it wasn't taking you so long to read it off that cue card...
- No really, his eyes stay focused off camera over Tenay's shoulder, and his spacing is too long to try and be dramatic.
- Vampiro defeats The Wall by DQ after a Berlyn chairshot.
- This, by the way, is the Mayhem Match of the Week. In case you wanted to know.
- The mob of Misfits, a pyro burst, a bizarre half-image on the left side of the screen, and stills of the chain match from last night accompany Vampiro to the ring.
- From death metal to opera as Berlyn and the Wall come to the ring.
- "Boomer Sooner," the University of Oklahoma theme music plays.
- I resist the urge to grab a blunt object.
- See, what really gets me is, I *like* Dr. Death! But why saddle him with this.. this CRAP?!
- Okay, I'm better now. Deep breath. In and out. In and out.
- Tony cues for Oklahoma to talk, but Bobby says Tony turned it off! Heh.
- Ferrera says there is no place for this 'vaudeville' here in WCW.
- The irony here runs SO deep, I would need a whole 'nother report to cover it!
- NOT that I'm asking for one...!
- Wall ducks an onrush, but Vamp counters with a chop, a kick, and a clohtesline over the top.
- After seriously posting Vampy, he tosses him back in. Yeah, Ferrera's babbling away, but I won't dignify it any longer.
- The Wall is attacked en masse by the Misfits, and Nick Patrick takes something like ten seconds to notice, despite standing three feet away.
- Vampiro smartly kicks Wall in the knees repeatedly, then hits a tornado kick to the chest. Sweet.
- Wall ducks out of the way of a clothesline and catches him in a choke, but Berlyn hits Vampy with a chair, getting the DQ win for the painted faced man.
- Not happy, the Wall stares down Berlyn, then won't let him walk away.
- So Berlyn slaps him. Geez.
- This guy's a few tacos shy of a Grande Meal...!
- Wall runs him off to the back, while one of the Misfits calls out Steve Williams. Aw cripes, is stupidity contagious tonight?!
- Dr. Death jumps into the ring and cleans house on all the Misfits, including one with the Oklahoma Stampede.
- Let's just hope no one gets injured this week...
- But Vampiro nails Senor Death with an excellent tornado kick that knocks him out of the ring.
- That was wild! A veritable three-ring circus of a match!
- Jeff Jarrett is seen walking with the World Title, surrounded by Creative Control and THEIR titles.
- So is Bret, sans title belt.
- Liz, on the other hand, is RUNNING!
- I applaud the change of pace.
- She nearly jumps into a small 'shark' cage (think Torrie two weeks ago) and locks herself in. Heh.
- A limosine arrives backstage, conveniently just shy of the top of the hour.
- Jeff Jarrett vs. Bret Hart, for the WCW World Heavyweight Title.
- WHAT THE?! "Cowboy" by Kid Rock?
- Oh, never mind, it's close but no cigar. Another Jimmy Hart close approximation.
- I like it, though. It's apparently Jarrett's new music.
- Bret Hart arrives to a mouthful of the worst CRAP Tony's ever served us.
- Supposedly Bret is a guy who doesn't talk down people. REALLY.
- I believe when he referred to his own brother-in-law going back to work where he first made his name, Bret likened it to a dog rolling in its own feces. Nice.
- Despite the ref's warning, Jarrett tries an early attack, but Bret overwhelms him.
- Jeff is quickly crushed in the corner, and gets a helping of boot from Hart.
- Tossed out of the ring, Jarrett goes into the rail, the ring post, and Bret's eyes to turn the tide.
- Bret fights back, with another whip to the rail, then returns the fight to the ring.
- Thank you - my biggest complaint with WWF is that title matches seem to always end up ANYWHERE other than the ring...
- With Jarrett on the second rope, Hart puts a leg over him for a quick choke.
- Bret hits a headbutt to the, uh, solar plexus. Yeah. Right.
- The champion drags Jeff face-first over the top rope.
- He locks in a side headlock on Jarrett, but Jeff counters with an atomic drop over the top rope.
- I can hear that little Army Man from the commercial saying, "Nutcracker." :j
- Audience boos the match as it goes outside again, with Jeff hitting the crotch headbutt on Bret.
- Jarrett shows us his WWF training by ramming Bret into the rail a few times, the steps, then into the announce table.
- Jeff jumps on top of the table and furthers the attack, chasing off the referee by threatening to lay the smack down on his rooty-poo candy ass!
- Not out loud, he just did The Rock's half-slap.
- Inspired by Grant Hill at ringside, Tony declares the match a full-court press. Sheesh.
- The champ is tossed back into the ring, and Jarrett hit a SINGLE axehandle blow off the top. Weird.
- Hart misses a charge to the corner, so Jeff school-boys him for a two-count.
- Rolling cradle gets another two-count, so Douba Jay switches tactics with a sleeper.
- After a bit, Hart breaks out, but both go down with a double-clothesline.
- They kill time while both men fight the ten-count by showing us Grant Hill again.
- You don't impress me by showing me who's at ringside.
- Bret blocks two punches and hits two of his own, gutshot.. uh-oh...
- Here comes Bret Hart's FIVE MOVES OF DOOM!
- Trademarked by NetCop Scott Keith.
- I kill time waiting for the five moves to end by wondering what's on RAW - I haven't brought the 2nd TV into the room yet, you see.
- Oh, there's no superplex! After a block, Jarrett comes off the top rope with a quick clothesline, but the pin only gets two.
- Sunset flip gets countered with a sit-down, but only two.
- The Champ gets a flying bodypress for two, Jeff gets Bret for the same on a reversal.
- Hart stops short of a Jarrett dropkick to set up the Scorpion Deathlock!
- I know, leave me alone. :j
- Bret instead gets shoved off and to the outside - and here comes Creative Control. Ah no.
- Smartly the referee slides outside to keep Hart from being worked over.
- ...and TOTALLY misses a Bad-Ass Dustin Rhodes sliding into the ring and NAILING Jarrett with the title belt!
- Bret rolls back in, sets up for the Sharpshooter - then realizes Jeff's out cold and just rolls over him for the three-count.
- Good match, despite the interference!
- The Maestro is backstage with a girl who looks a lot like Christina Applegate...or Ken Shamrock.
- It's not.
- He's also getting harassed by the Goons, they want him to play New York, New York - "Play some Sinatra!"
- You know, the Maestro could be the WWF Gangrel's brother.
- The Goons start karioke to Maestro's music.
- Tony Marinara shows up and drags them away by their ears. Heh.
- Total Package tries coaxing Liz out of the small cage.
- Lex says he knows sometimes he gets carried away.
- He just wants to fix everything.
- She finally gives up the key, but TP grabs it, saying she WILL face Meng later.
- He says he'll pick the cage up and put it in the ring if he has to.
- You know Luger's turned so many times, it's about time someone took use of it and just incorporated it into his character.
- Back from commercial, Liz still hasn't figured out how to get out of the cage.
- She tries to get help from a passing Sting, apologizing for what Luger's done.
- They've been friends 14 years, yadda yadda yadda.
- Sting: "Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie - you made your own cage, now you gotta sleep in it. Can't help ya." HA!
- Eddy Guerrero vs. Kidman
- Before they come out, we see a better angle over the shoulder of Kidman, seeing Eddy backstage and running off on his partner.
- The music starts, and out comes Kidman and Torrie, in a blue bikini top. Yowza.
- Tony: "Look at Torrie!" Bobby: "I'd be glad to!"
- I think the point was that Torrie is trying to pull Kidman away from the ring
- Tony calls this match "the complete demise of the Filthy Animals." Damn shame.
- The music keeps going, and Eddy walks out with Konnan.
- Tony informs us that Arn Anderson was fired by the PTB, who were unaware he was even still working for WCW.
- The two Mexicans hang out talking until Kidman hits a SWANK swan dive over the top rope! WOW!
- Quick exchange on the outside, then they go back in the ring, though Eddy forgot how to roll under.
- Billy slaps Eddie twice, argues with Charles Robinson, then punches and kicks his former teammate in the corner.
- Kidman misses a corner charge, and Eddy takes over with European uppercuts, and a few punches and kicks of his own in the corner!
- Heenan comments that if the Filthy Animals are over, "Torrie's going to need a ride home!"
- Eddy picks up Kidman for a suplex, then drops him out over the top rope!
- On the outside, Kidman gets a chop, a whip to the rail, and an earful of trash talking.
- Back in the ring, Eddy follows up with a big back suplex.
- I'm momentarily distracted by Vince McMahon attacking the DX limo with a bat, so WCW smartly counters with a shot of Torrie's ample cleavage.
- Eddy gets whipped to the corner chest-first, leading to the rebounding clothesline by Kidman. Hmm, bad bump?
- Guerrero on offense - oh wait, are we just supposed to call him G. now? Like Booker?
- VERY badly blown spot as Kidman goes for a leapfrog, but runs into Eddy's head. Might have been a carryover from that blown clothesline a second ago.
- Tony calls it a headbutt to Kidman's crotch. Sheesh, WHATEVER Tony!
- I wonder what Scott Hudson is doing...
- Charles Robinson offers to stop the match, but Kidman doesn't him to, so Eddy kicks him a couple times instead.
- My guess is a blown spot, but Kidman's okay and wants to finish the match.
- Meanwhile, Malenko and Douglas are out, assaulting Konnan. Nasty spot as they slam the steps into his arm.
- After a spiked back suplex, Kidman goes up top for the Shooting Star Press, but Torrie tries to point out Konnan lying at ringside, which allows Eddy to hit a HUGE top rope superplex. Looked to be of the Belly-to-Belly variety.
- That's enough for Eddy to get the Froggie and the win.
- Strange match - I'm wondering if the second bad spot was planned or not.
- Creative Control (w/ belts) are talked to by PTB.
- CLEVER bit as he asked which one is Patrick, and they subtlely point to each other. Heh.
- First, go get Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Big goof, one kidney...
- Second, go find out who's in that limo outside, the PTB don't want any surprises.
- Jarrett storms in, I guess someone forgot to not piss him off.
- Meng shadow-boxes in some hallway backstage.
- The Total Package escorts the Total Forklift to Liz's cage.
- That is one *really* upset ring rat!
- As the forks rise to attach to the cage, I can't help but hear that song in my head...
- "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage!"
- SPONTANEOUS TRIVIA: What wrestler used that in a promo speech, and what late commentator immediately recognized the source?
- Duggan (w/ bag of aluminum cans and full mouth) is sent to see the PTB by CC.
- Spice is interviewed by Tenay about the upcoming match with Tigress.
- Tigress is holding Spice personally responsible for everything that's happened, she says.
- Skye comes up and again asks her not to do it, but Spice says a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
- Or something like that.
- Meng vs. Liz
- Stills of the impromptu match between Total Package and Meng, where Meng won after an errant spray by Liz caught TP in the face.
- Total Package's cool music beings out.. Liz. Surreal.
- While the Total Forklift beings the cage out to the ring, with Total Package directing traffic, elsewhere Chris Jericho wins a match with a stunning Asai moonsault.
- They put the 'shark cage' right into the ring, and Meng is trying to break through the cage.
- Dude, just pull the bars apart like everyone else!
- Steel just ain't what it used to be.
- What a nice guy. Lex offers Meng the key! How sweet!
- HA! Meng puts the TDG on Lex! I love it!
- Suddenly the crowd goes nuts for.. for.. STING!
- Sting beats the HELL out of Meng with his bat - hurts just lookin' at it!
- The Brandon Lee impersonator unlocks the cage and leaves, with Liz quickly following.
- Luger wakes up, and jumps in fear of an unconscious Meng.
- ...and outside, the mysterious limosine of doom awaits...
- The Outsiders allegedly 'prepare' for their match.
- Actually Nash lays on the floor, and Hall sits on the bench.
- Wait, maybe they're practicing how to sit down and wait during Goldberg's long entrance!
- The Maestro's piano is ambushed by Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
- Ye gods...
- He wants to play chopsticks, but it sounds more like "Trash Can Full of Silverware."
- Ow. My ears hurt. And The Meastro *really* looks offended.
- Lash LeRoux vs. a very distracted Disco Inferno.
- Lash comes to ringisde - I don't know who's he fighting, but this better be good - I'm missing Edge and Christian vs. The Dudley Boys...
- Disco nearly RUNS to ringside, scared as hell, and wants to start the match right off.
- Cool! Angle continuity! He's not dancing, strutting, he just wants to get the match started.
- Disco starts with a side headlock, switching into a hammerlock, but Lash counters with his own hammerlock.
- An elbow breaks the hold, and Disco hits the ropes, but Lash hits a hip toss.
- They exchange arm drags and Lash starts to pose.
- In short order Tony Spaghetti arrives with his Goons, and they surround the ring.
- Disco looks *real* nervous, not sure whether to continue to wrestle or run!
- One of the Goons trips Lash by mistake, enabling DI to get an elbowdrop in.
- Stompfest as DI works over Lash, then nails an inverted atomic drop.
- Last Dance (stunner) is attempted, but LeRoux shoves him off.
- Off the ropes, Lash hits that great crucifix into a sunset flip spot.
- WHIPLASH! It's over!
- The Goons pitch Lash out of the ring and proceed to beat the hell out of Disco.
- Tony is kind enough to preface this bit by saying it's not a match, it's two men collecting on a debt. Thanks Tony, but I wasn't THAT distracted.
- They stomp the proverbial mudhole, but Lash slowly pulls himself up with a chair, which Tony M. misses while taking off his shirt.
- Lash beats the hell out of the Goons, and Tony jumps on Disco with a sleeper, but Lash gives him a sleeper too!
- Tony gets taken out, and they put him in a white 'body bag' that had supposedly been intended for Disco.
- WHOA! Shoulder-assisted superplex by Edge and Christian on D-Von Dudley! Okay, NOW I'm distracted!
- ...but not distracted enough to miss CC trying to peek into the tinted windows of the limo like two autograph-seeking little kids just before the commercial.
- HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK!
- Back from commercial, Creative Control (w/belts) are questioned by local security as to the limo whose car alarm is going off.
- It's not their limo, but it ought to be since they're the champs now. Uh, okay.
- Jim Duggan (w/mop) is in the PTB's office.
- The mysterious Power asks Duggan if he thought it was some kind of joke, when Duggan used the PTB's toilet after eating the Ex-Lax filled brownies.
- Please spare me the bathroom humor.
- Apparently Mr. B has been eating prunes all week, and now HE'S got the runs, and he left a 'present' for Duggan to clean. Ew.
- Sad thing about having two TVs going at once - it's pointless to change the channel. Sigh.
- Spice v. Tigress
- Oh. My. God.
- Spice is out in a bad-little-Catholic-school-girl outfit.
- Hold on, I have to remove this drool from my keyboard before I can continue.
- Grrrr, Tigress.
- Still doesn't beat the school girl outfit...
- Tigress gets up in Spice's face, then slaps her - but responds to Spice's lunge like a matador - Ole!
- After finally tackling Tigress, the girls exchange chokes.
- Then Spice hits a snap mare! Cool!
- She starts pulling on Tigress by the hair, and Robinson has to pull her off.
- Tigress charges back, but catches Spice in the eye.
- While Spice lays down clutching her face, Skye comes in wearing a black leather dress - yeow! She's got some sort of circular purse with her.
- WHOA! Teri Runnels, escorting the gods of the air, the Hardy Boys, is wearing an open shirt and .. nothing?!
- Oh, sorry, a flesh-colored bra. Be still my heart!
- Doubly sorry, got distracted there. ANYway...
- Skye tries to help up Spice, but instead she... can you guess?
- THAT'S RIGHT! Skye nails Spice! I guess that thing she had with her is a make-up kit, because she and Tigress liberally give Spice the WORST makeover of all time.
- Meng Speaks! WOW!
- "Meng is no fool, Sting stick his nose where it doesn't belong. He tried to use the bat to crush my head!" ...can't argue with that logic!
- Meng wants to fight Sting, tonight!
- He wants the match no-disqualification, and Sting can use his bat.
- He makes the motion for the Tongan Death Grip just shy of Tenay, who apparently runs like a little girl. :j
- You know, any guy who says "Sure, I'll fight you - bring whatever weapon you want, too" is either dumb as a rock or a legitimate badass. And Meng's no pebble.
- Curt Hennig comes out to the ring.
- Hennig has to wipe his eye on the way out, and looks to be sniffing a bit.
- He takes a moment to hug Bobby Heenan (former manager in WWF) before getting into the ring.
- Curt Hennig starts to speak, but pauses for a moment while getting a standing ovation and a "Per-FECT!" chant.
- He can't get the words out, and manages to keep from choking up. Instead, he rolls out of the ring and leaves without saying more than a dozen words.
- Hmm. Unusual.
- Though one would say he could teach guys like Hogan a lot about interviews. :j
- AHA! The limo doors opens, and it's.. it's.. it's...!
- A LITTLE CAESER'S COMMERCIAL!
- Wow, I NEVER saw THAT one coming!
- Thankfully, the break comes just in time for me to catch Jeff Hardy's gravity-defying somersault senton dive.
- I know, I know - wrong show, Creed!
- We come back to Hacksaw on his way to clean TPB's toilet. GOD SAVE ME!
- Instead he finds a .. ew!
- Oh, sorry, it's just a gold toothbrush case. With a rounded, pointy end.
- Duggan cleans a perflectly-clean toilet with what is supposed to be PTB's toothbrush.
- Shoot me now. Or just tell me it won't get any worse.
- OH GOD NO.
- PLEASE NO.
- ANYTHING BUT THAT!
- Please, I promise - I PROMISE I won't complain about the Hacksaw Duggan/ bathroom humor EVER again! Just please, not this!!
- SIGH! Bagpipes.
- Yes, yes, Roddy Piper comes back out of retirement again. Great.
- Geez, and I thought the dinosaurs were extinct...
- Okay, okay, fair is fair, let's see what Mr. Reality Check has to say.
- Piper: "I love you, DETROIT CITY!" Aw man.
- He does the local sports teams/players cheat heap bit.
- "And Nitro, WCW, don't need no stinkin' writers!"
- "The only time you see these writers is when they're in the shower."
- "They write in sex, they write in T & A - you know why? They can't get any!" Ouch! :j
- "Let's talk about the word-famous entrances that they put..."
- Piper's mike stops working, and I applaud. Wait, wait, wait - I get it...
- Yup - he calls for a new mike. Piper: "I want to..." [mike goes out again]
- COOL!
- The crowd is PISSED, and so's Hot Rod. He goes to the broadcast booth, and Tony explains it to him.
- Roddy goes charging to the back and grabs some producer, wanting to know where the PTB's office is.
- Producer: "I'm gonna lose my job!" Piper: "If they fire you, I'll hire you!"
- Piper kicks in the door and we switch to the PTB-Cam.
- The PTB gets a bunch of old insults tossed his way, and CC get told to back off.
- After some ranting that I can't keep up with, Piper says he'll beat PTB to death with a baseball bat if he EVER has his mike cut off again.
- Heeeyyyy... kill two birds with one stone.. :j
- PTB says Piper needs a reality check of his own, and runs HIM down now.
- Uh-oh. It's suggested that Piper go join Hogan and Flair in Boca Raton.
- Piper has a contract that says he can appear, and threatens to sue.
- The PTB guy placates Piper just long enough to calm him down.
- PTB tells Piper that he'll be appearing on TV all right, but as a *lowly* referee.
- ...and if Piper doesn't go along, HE'LL get sued!
- AHAHAHAHAHA! He fell for the old 'I'll piss you off so you let me be a ref, the most POWERFUL man in WCW!" routine!
- Piper leaves dejected, sighing deeply. Then he figures it out, and starts to grin.
- Piper: "Yes, SIR. Yes, SIR. YESSIR." Heh.
- ...and if that doesn't work, PTB will show Piper - he'll demote him all the way down to COMISSIONER! :j
- Okay, I apologize, I judged a book by it's cover. And this is a GREAT idea!
- After commercial, Piper's outside heading back to his limo.
- Heads: "Yes sir."
- Tails: "I'll referee."
- Flip the coin, say the proper phrase.
- Congratulations, you're now Roddy Piper.
- For Buff vs. Booker, I can't really give you an result - no decision, maybe?
- BUFF! ...DADDY! I'm buff.. and I'm the stuff.. and I'm something you can't really understand anyway!
- Yesyesyes... nonono...
- I guess the PTB is punishing the guys they don't like by making them wrestle each other.
- NICE deep arm drag by Bagwell. Good move.
- A lot of posing and such, then we go to a collar-and-elbow tie-up, a Buff shoulderblock, and an appearance by CC.
- Solid vertical suplex by Booker T. but only two on the lateral press.
- Buff whipped to the corner, blocks a charge with a boot, and OH! GREAT clothesline by Buff that flips Booker T. completely over!
- Brief exchange outside, but thankfully they go right back into the ring.
- Harlem sidekick (leg lariat) sets up a belly-to-belly flapjack by Booker T. Breakdance sets up - Booker turning to catch a CC twin.
- He totally misses Buff on the top turnbuckle - BLOCKBUSTER!
- However, one C distracts the ref while the other C slides in and puts the boots to Buff, killing the 'off the hook' theory.
- Here comes Hennig out the back, and he stops the Power Twin by - talking to him. This ain't good.
- Brain: "Boy, he sure saved Buff's hide!" Hennig STOMPS Bagwell. Tony: "No he didn't!"
- Yup, Hennig sells out someone all over again - it's what he does best.
- When I was sniffing at Hennig earlier? I thought I smelled a heel turn coming. :j
- C#2 covers Bagwell, and for some reason, they ring the bell.
- Everyone hugs (except Buff and T. cuz they're out cold) until the lights go out.
- ...and despite the fact it's only 9:18, suddenly it's MIDNIGHT!
- Damn, girlfriend's bigger than Jacqueline EVER was!
- She helps Booker clean house with a WICKED DDT.
- Mr. Sell-Out and CC speaks to the PTB.
- The PTB welcomes Hennig to the 'family.'
- He talks about how 24 hours ago, he was ready to beat up the PTB and especially CC.
- Then he realized:
- "If ya can't beat 'em, JOIN EM!"
- Hennig is now the boss, the honcho.
- The next assignment for CC is to retrieve Juventud, but Hennig can wait in the office.
- Sting gets an interview with Mike Tenay
- Sting says he didn't come looking for a fight with Meng tonight, but he'll get one anyway.
- Before Sting can talk too much, Liz runs up and tells Sting how cruel Total Package is, and offers any help needed.
- Sting: "You buyin' that?" Tenay: "That's something you have to decide for yourself."
- Sting: "No thanks."
- Asya vs. Madusa
- It's Evan Karagias. Again.
- :blink blink:
- Saturn. With Asya.
- :blink blink:
- You ever get that feeling of Deja Vu?
- Huh? Did I rewind my tape by mistake?
- Ohhhh, I see - it's ASYA vs. Madusa. Sorry.
- As soon as Asya hits the ring, she charges Madusa, and they both leave the ring. Heh.
- Madusa hits some hard chops, but Asya powers her into the apron.
- Asya whips her opponent to the guardrail, but Madusa kicks her way out.
- Brain: "Nothin' wrong with kicking someone while they're down. I have that on a laminated card in my wallet."
- From a chinlock position, Madusa STANDS UP with Asya on her shoulders, then drops back. Cool.
- Madusa hauls off and kicks Asya, then laces in a series to the chest.
- Meduece-a comes off the top with a fallaway dropkick, but the second shot fails as Asya biels her off.
- Asya slaps a leg scissors around Madusa's head for a submission.
- Remember when I said I wanted the other guy's job? I changed my mind!
- Saturn nails Evan to keep him out of the ring, while Madusa taps out.
- Madusa questions the referee afterward as to whether or not she tapped.
- I didn't see it, I couldn't tell you.
- Dean Malenko gets a question from Mike Tenay.
- He says it made him sick to see two Canadians earning American dollars for what is primarily an American goal.
- Malenko will show Benoit what he thinks of Canada with a blowtorch. (!)
- Dean is going to change the anthem from "O Canada" to "Burn Canada Burn."
- Goldberg works out to prepare for his match.
- Dean Malenko vs. Chris Benoit...in a flag match?
- I guess this is an "International Flag Match." - Like a regular flag match, but with two flags, one American, one Canadian.
- Malenko comes out in a red-and-white jersey of some sort, sporting a big maple leaf.
- With fantastic green lasers and new music, Chris Benoit heads out to the ring. Wow.
- Benoit objects to Malenko's Canadian jersey, trying to rip it off.
- In a cool spot, he beals Malenko out of the jersey!
- After choking Dean with the same jersey, Chris finally gives it up.
- Benoit goes outside, passing up his own flag (the condition of winning the match being to get your opponent's flag)
- He takes a VERY long time looking at the can of gasoline and small torch he finds by the ringsteps.
- The gas comes back in, but Benoit chooses to blow snot on Dean instead.
- Low blow gives Malenko a chance, but not much as he follows with chops to the chest.
- Malenko gets dumped upside-down over the top turnbuckle, Tree of Woe position.
- Here comes to Tajiri-created baseball slide dropkick spot - Benoit does it well, but doesn't really do it justice.
- Dean gets Benoit going to the ropes, ducks a leg lariat, then drops to his knees covering his face, so he won't get dropkicked.
- Benoit dropkicks him anyway.
- Malenko ducks under but catches Benoit in a drop toe hold that catches Benoit's throat on the bottom rope.
- This is all Dean Malenko needs to get to the ropes and retrieve the Canadian flag, winning the match.
- Malenko beats on Benoit with the flag, even jabbing the throat.
- Finally Dean blows snot on the Canadian flag
- A trash barrel is suddenly thrown into the ring.
- You know, usually I think the fans who thrown in trash should get punked out by wrestlers, but any fan bad enough to throw a TRASH BARREL all the way into the ring...!
- Oh, my bad, Revolution is here, they tossed it in from ringside.
- Okay, the crowd is mixed - some of these Detroit people might LIKE to see the Canadian flag burned.
- Fortunately, the Revolution plays it smart and decided to burn an American flag, too.
- Bret Hart thankfully saves this piece by running out and cleaning house on the Revolution.
- He hands Benoit the Canadian flag, then takes out the American flag as though he's never seen one before.
- Both flags are waved by the Canadians (go figure) to a big response.
- That was different.
- To close the segment, Sting comes out from behind a curtain backstage, wearing a very cool Sting T-shirt.
- More from the inside of the PTB office, with Guest Star Juventud Guerrera.
- Guerrera denies that his work visa has expired, but they stop him when he reaches in his jacket.
- Juvy openly tries to bribe the PTB with a bottle of.. Juvy Juice?
- Oh, geez, not my night - that's just Tequila.
- And despite what Juvy says, it's horrid, as the PTB spits it back.
- And just to piss ME off, PTB calls for his toothbrush - in the gold case. Ew.
- Meng vs. Sting
- The soft soothing sounds of the jungle bring out a man with a 2-foot afro and a head hard enough to break a 2 x 4 over.
- "Searchinnnn... Seek and Destroy!"
- Sting, with cool shirt, poses with bat to the crowd.
- Meng corners Sting, throwing punches with both fists wildly.
- Now he takes the Scorpion man to another corner, punching him in the midsection.
- Meng just LEVELS Sting with a wicked clothesline!
- So far, it's all Meng. OH, and Liz is at ringside.
- Knife-hand chops (whoo!) on Sting in the corner, followed by a big slam.
- Heenan: "You try to spray Meng with mace, he'll take it out of your hands, and spray his underarms with it!"
- Sting fights back, knocking Meng from the ring with a dropkick.
- Liz tries to help Sting, but he moves her aside.
- Meng in the corner, a pair of Stinger Splashes!
- Total Package shows up, but Sting caught him - a necksnap over the drop rope takes him out.
- Meng catches Sting as he turns around with the TDG - it's all over.
- Liz tries to help up Sting after the match, but he pushes her away.
- Backstage, Nash calls for someone to 'come on', but finds Hall down the hall. Huh?
- Meanwhile, Goldberg asks 'Killer' if he's ready. Hmm.
- MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!
- AHAHAHAHAHAA! David Flair runs out, yells at The Maestro, then starts beating the hell out of the piano!
- YES! DAVID FLAIR is heir to his father's throne, just by that ONE.. SIMPLE.. ACT! :j
- Okay, so I'm blowing this out of proportion, but the whole 'piano music in the background backstage' bit was kinda goofy anyway, if ya ask me...
- ...which you didn't, I know...
- The Outsiders vs. Goldberg and.. his partner. :j
- The Outsiders arrive wearing the U.S. and TV title belts, doing the double-point at each other.
- Goldberg's entrance is rushed, as he's already out of his door, but he gets the rest of the tr.. tr.. tr...
- WHAT THE HELL?!?!
- GOLDBERG's PARTNER IS.. IS...
- S I D - V I C I O U S !!
- Whoa! Now THAT'S how you surprise the fans! OH man, WHAT a pop!
- Okay, I'm just trying to express the moment. It's a huge reaction.
- All right, so maybe to you and I it's not a big deal, but it's better than a poke in th' eye!
- Anyway, the Outsiders quickly bail out of the ring when Goldberg and Sid arrive.
- Finally everyone settles down, with Hall and Goldberg in the ring.
- But Hall wants Sid, and with a toothpick and a shove, he gets him as Goldberg tags out.
- Sid shoves him back, and Hall gets knocked on his ass.
- Much like Triple H on the other channel, but we won't talk about that. :j
- Collar-and-elbow, and Sid *CALLS* for a shoulder move by tapping his left shoulder, so Hall performs an arm wrench. Sheesh!
- Sid teases a chokeslam, but Nash comes in, only to get choked himself!
- I won't say a double chokeslam is teased, as nobody really believes Sid could do it...
- Now.. is the crowd chanting for Goldberg (he IS in the match), or are they saying this match is BORING?! (kinda is, actually)
- Nash comes in for the first time, punching away on big Sid. Crotch chop for Goldberg, one more punch for Sid.
- Whip to the ropes is reversed, and Sid gets a big boot on Nash.
- Tag to Goldberg, and he gets the Judo throw, followed by the side kick.
- Goldberg next up for punch detail, he gets three or four in.
- Nash pulls Goldberg down into the corner turnbuckle, then tags Hall.
- Scott tries to whip Goldberg, but he can't. So he settles for a poke in the eye.
- See? I told you it was better...
- Goldberg retaliates by pressing Hall overhead (hmm!) and powerslamming him back down.
- Hall reverses a whip, but Nash nails Goldberg from behind.
- Scott lays Goldie out with a clothesline, but only gets two on the pin attempt.
- Tag in to Nash, and he works Bill G. over with big kneelifts and back elbows.
- Crotch chop for Sid, crotch chop for Goldberg, and another elbow in the corner.
- Goldberg staggers out, but Hall clotheslines him from the apron.
- Hall is tagged in and slaps Goldberg's bald head, then tries to wear him out with a double front-facelock.
- Goldberg breaks out and goes for a tag, bringing in both Sid and Nash. But when Sid is sent out of the ring, Nash comes to get him some.
- The two big men whip Goldberg across the ring, but he knocks them both down with a double clothesline!
- Sid tries to sneak in, but gets sent back out. So he waits for the ref to turn and comes in anyway!
- Clotheslines and big punches on Hall AND Nash, as Goldberg gets back to his feet.
- Chokeslam on SCOTT HALL!
- As Sid knocks Nash off the apron, Goldberg spears Scott right on his ass!
- Power Bomb on Scott Hall, Sid goes for the cover - but Nash sneaks in with a big running elbow on Sid while the referee keeps Goldberg out of the ring.
- Hall rolls over onto Sid, and the ref taps the canvas thrice!
- Goldberg and Nash started another brawl, and a SEA of security comes in to keep all four men seperated, while a set of credits watches the whole event from the bottom left corner.
- Man, it's so loud, my ears are ringing!
- Wait, that's not me, the timekeeper's gone nuts.
- Is there a train coming, perhaps?
- Either that, or David Flair's wanting to MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! :j
Make NO mistake out this, friends. I *am* biased toward the WWF. I love the Hardys, I sing along with the Rock, I say Foley is God and I *do* 'think I know him.' (Edge) I say the three Dudley commandments, and I cheer on Y2J.
Despite that, I can definitely say I enjoy watching WCW again. It's entertaining, and while I like some of the longer matches that allow for the showcasing of true talent like Benoit, Malenko, Kidman, Saturn, Eddy, and the lucha contingent, I am perfectly willing to sacrifice a little ring work for matches that I actually *care* about. And people I actually want to see.
Except for Ed Ferrera.
I know Bill says it's not wrong since WWF and Ross crossed the line way before this, since they brought the matter up first. While I normally support Bill and think highly of his opinion, I offer this rebuttal:
Listen to your girlfriend, spouse, fiancee, or significant other make a complaint about themselves. Wait one week, when the subject is *completely* dropped, notice the same problem on her. Be sure to complain about it in the exact same way she did - you should be okay, considering she brought the matter up first.
Let me know what happens... :j
Trivia Answer: Bret Hart, and the late, great Gorilla Monsoon.