WCW Mayhem
Sunday, November 21, 1999

A WCW PPV FROM CANADA, FEATURING TWO CANADIAN WRESTLERS,
RECAPPED BY A CANADIAN WRITER. (ARE YOU STILL AWAKE? HELLO?)

It's a pay-per-view. It's a video game. It's a booking philosophy.
 
WCW Mayhem.
 
Live tonight from my hometown, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
 
This is WCW's first ppv from Canada. And it's about damn time, if you ask me.
 
Wrestling has a long, storied history in Canada. I won't bore you with it, but there are reasons why so many Canadians have left their mark in the world of rasslin'.
 
Those Canadians include Bret Hart, Chris Benoit, Vampiro, Val Venis, Chris Jericho, Edge, Christian, Luna Vachon and all those who thrilled us in the past (including Stu Hart, Owen Hart, Gene Kiniski, Rick Martel, Dewey "Missing Link" Robertson, Ivan Koloff, Mad Dog Vachon, Abdullah the Butcher and so many more).
 
Okay, so I did bore you with it.
 
Remember: all writers are liars. I believe Carrot Top said that once.
 

• The opening montage rolls. The usual hype ensues.

• Your hosts: Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan. Iron Mike Tenay is your backstage interview lackey.

• Tony and Bobby run down the card. We're starting strong...

• Match 1: WCW title tourney semi-final -- Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett
  • Boot to the gut by Benoit to start.
  • Benoit's wearing a maple leaf on his ass.
  • Oh, Canada.
    
    
  • Jarrett responds with a legtrip, but catches a series of chops.
  • Benoit with a boot to the face and a tornado DDT.
  • Two count.
  • JJ whipped into the corner. He gets hit with an atomic drop and a neckbreaker.
  • Two count.
  • Benoit places JJ on the top turnbuckle. Superplex.
  • Two count.
  • Jarrett rolls outside. Benoit misses a baseball slide.
  • But his chops connect.
  • JJ responds by crotching Benoit on the ringpost.
  • The crowd is into this match.
  • Benoit slammed face-first into a chair.
  • Benoit dropped on the rail.
  • Back inside, JJ stomps Benoit.
  • JJ misses a clothesline, but hits a powerslam for two.
  • Vertical supplex. Two.
  • They trade pin conbinations.
  • Clothesline by JJ. Two.
  • Jarrett with a sleeper. Benoit gets out of it with elbows.
  • Jarrett regains the advantage with a shoulder tackle.
  • Benoit reverses a whip, and locks a sleeper.
  • JJ breaks it with a jawbreaker.
  • Slugfest! Slugfest! Slugfest!
  • Benoit with the German supplex combo, leading to a two count.
  • Ah, shit... here comes Creative Control.
  • Benoit hits a few elbows, but gets tossed from the ring by JJ.
  • This can't be good for Benoit.
  • The ref is counting out Benoit, and for some reason Jarrett goes out and tosses Benoit back in.
  • Jarrett with a flying bodypress. Benoit rolls it over for two.
  • JJ tries a sunset flip. Benoit grabs JJ's legs, leans forward, and nearly gets the pin.
  • Benoit whipped to the corner. JJ tries to supplex him, but Benoit reverses it.
  • Benoit signals for his finisher.
  • He hits the swan dive headbutt.
  • 1-2... and Creative Control pulls the ref out of the ring.
  • As the ref argues with one guy, the other attacks Benoit.
  • JJ hits his front Russian leg sweep, "The Stroke", and the ref counts.
  • 1-2... Dustin Rhodes leaps to ringside and pulls JJ out of the ring to break the count.
  • One Creative Control member fights Dustin as the other assists Jarrett.
  • Jarrett collides with the CC guy.
  • Benoit gets Jarrett's guitar and hits him.
  • Benoit covers.
  • 1-2-3!
  • Benoit advances to the tourney finals.
  • Creative Control and Jarrett beat down Benoit as security comes to the ring.

• Backstage...
  • Tenay talks to Disco Inferno.
  • Jarrett & Creative Control attack, just because they feel like it.

• Match 2: Cruiserweight title vs. $25K -- Disco Inferno vs. Evan Karagias (w/Madusa)
  • Karagias comes out first, no doubt suffering from the first symptoms of Mad Cow Disease.
    
    
  • It's his $25,000 vs. Disco's belt.
  • The injured champion, Disco, comes out with Tony Marinara.
  • Marinara starts talking with Schiavone and Heenan.
  • Once again, Marinara says he wants his money.
  • They don't call the match, so why should I?
  • Nothing special here.
  • A bunch of sloppy moves peppered with Marinara talking like a Hollywood gangster.
  • The end comes when Marinara decides he wants a closer look at Madusa's breasts.
  • Karagias goes after Marinara, Disco comes at Karagias with a chair.
  • You know what's next -- Disco hits Marinara with the chair.
  • Karagias hits a top rope crossbody block for the pin and the title.
  • An apologetic Disco carries Marinara back to the dressing room.

• Backstage...
  • Bret Hart has arrived, with a Starbucks coffee.
  • Jarrett and Creative Control talk with the Powers That Be.
  • The voice tells JJ he's had his chance to be champ, but he blew it.
  • He tells Jarrett he has to prove himself.
  • Gene interviews Norman Smiley, who is decked out like a Toronto Maple Leafs' goalie.
  • He screams when he hears a noise.

• Match 3: Hardcore title -- Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs (w/Jimmy Hart)
  • Norman appears to be wearing the same jersey Bret Hart had on when WCW was last in Toronto. You remember -- it was the time Hart wore that metal plate on his gut and KO'd Goldberg.
  • Knobbs attacks Norman with a broom.
  • He then hits Norman over the head with a garbage can.
  • Norman screams.
  • This cycle repeats itself for awhile.
  • Knobbs takes off one of Norman's goalie pads during the battle.
  • Basically, they attack each other with garbage cans and can lids.
  • Occasionally, they use other implements.
  • But there's nothing here of note. It's just bad garbage wrestling.
  • Eventually, they make their way backstage.
  • Norman is thrown through a table, and they battle through some boxes.
  • Knobbs dumps some milk on Norman, who screams. Lactose intolerant, I suppose.
    
    
  • They fight into an elevator.
  • The doors close, and when they open, the men have changed positions.
  • This confuses Jimmy Hart, who hits Knobbs with a garbage can.
  • Norman covers and gets the pin.
  • Knobbs blasts Norman with a garbage can shot that looks, er, nasty.
    
    
  • He attacks Hart.
  • Yawn.

• Backstage...
  • The usual pre-match crapola.
  • This time, it's The Revolution and The Filthy Animals.
  • Disco tries to explain what happened to Marinara, who says he's "bringing the boys" to Nitro. Disco's scared.
  • Jarrett and Creative Control are walking.

• Match 4: Elimination -- Eddy Guerrero, Kidman & Torrie vs. Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko & Asya
  • Konnan's with the Animals, Shane "Can You Believe People Thought I Was an Important Free Agent?" Douglas is with The Revolution.
  • Douglas joins the broadcast position.
  • As soon as The Animals hit the ring, a 5-person brawl begins. Everyone but Torrie.
  • Asya takes a shot from Kidman & Guerrero, and the four men brawl a bit.
  • When it settles down, it's Malenko vs. Guerrero.
  • They tumble outside where Saturn hits both of them with an Asai moonsault.
  • Kidman pokes Asya in the eye, and then jumps off the top onto Saturn.
  • Malenko has words with a fan who has Canadian face paint, a Canadian flag (with pole), a Team Canada hockey jersey and a Blue Jays baseball cap.
  • Mr. Canada pokes Malenko in the gut with the pole and is ejected.
  • Plant?
  • In the ring, Asya clotheslines Kidman, and Torrie pulls Asya down by her hair.
  • Douglas screams like a moron. He's really frikkin' annoying.
  • Torrie slams Asya's head into the mat. Kidman grabs Asya, Saturn grabs Torrie by the foot.
  • Torrie is saved by Eddy, but she's selling an ankle injury.
  • Eddy tends to Torrie. Kidman comes over to see what's wrong.
  • Eddy, who's not looking at who's behind him, shoves Kidman.
  • Kidman is rolled up by Malenko, and is pinned.
  • Kidman shoves Eddy. Eddy shoves him back.
  • "Eddy" chant. Kidman leaves, and Saturn & Malenko attack Guerrero.
  • Malenko hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and holds Eddy in position for a Saturn kneedrive.
    
    
  • Konnan leaves ringside shortly after Kidman does.
  • Asya tagged in. Hanging vertical supplex that gets a pop from the crowd.
  • Eddy kicks out at two.
  • Malenko in. Eddy flips out of a supplex and gets two.
  • Eddy knocks Saturn off the apron, and hits a hurancanrana on Malenko.
  • Eddy gets the pin.
  • Two-on-two.
  • Saturn in. T-bone supplex on Eddy.
  • Asya with forearms on Eddy. Beel-style throw. Clothesline.
  • Asya holds Eddy in position for Saturn, who misses a kick and hits Asya.
  • Eddy dumps Saturn outside, hits Asya with the frog splash, and gets the pin.
  • The first few notes of The Animals' music starts up for some reason.
  • Saturn with a northern lights supplex on Eddy.
  • Sleeper. Eddy escapes with a jawbreaker.
  • Another sleeper.
  • Eddy pushes out, and locks a sleeper.
  • Saturn with a supplex escape.
  • "Rocky" chant?
  • Slugfest! Slugfest! Slugfest!
  • Saturn misses a springboard moonsault and catches a dropkick.
  • Eddy with a tornado DDT.
  • Two.
  • Saturn hits the DVD.
  • Kick out.
  • Douglas screams like a spoiled child. "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SLOW COUNT! SLOW COUNT! SLOW COUNT!"
  • Saturn misses a top rope elbow.
  • Eddy crawls to the corner for the tag, and when he sees that his only partner is Torrie, he thinks better of it.
  • Eddy with a hurancanrana. Two.
  • Eddy to the top. Saturn awkwardly rolls Eddy over.
  • Rings of Saturn! Haven't seen that in awhile.
  • Eddy gives it up. And we're down to the final two.
  • Torrie in. She hides in the corner and Saturn pulls her out by her hair.
  • Torrie with a low blow. Two.
  • Douglas distracts the ref, and Saturn hits a low blow of his own.
    
    
  • Three.

• Backstage...
  • Jarrett and Creative Control attack Buff Bagwell.

• Match 5: Loser retires -- Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell
  • Buff doesn't come out at first -- but Jarrett and Creative Control do.
  • They attack Hennig.
  • Buff comes out with a 2x4, and clears the ring.
  • Hennig attacks and the match is on.
  • Hennig with kicks, chokes and chops.
  • Perfect ring science.
  • "Perfect" chant.
  • They take it outside where Hennig keeps the advantage.
  • Bagwell shoves Hennig off the apron to the rail.
  • Brawling. Hennig with a knee to Buff's stuff.
  • Inside, Buff gets the advantage. Kicks. Elbow. Choke.
  • Crappy match.
  • Hennig regains the advantage, and goes for a bizarre STF-style move.
  • It doesn't work, so Hennig hits Buff in the nether regions.
  • Sleeper by Hennig.
  • It's the night of the sleepers... which is fitting, given the overall quality of the wrestling so far.
  • "Boring" chants.
  • Buff escapes with elbows.
  • Hennig hits him with a knee. Another sleeper.
  • Hennig lets it go, and he beats on Buff some more.
  • Slam and elbow by Hennig.
  • Two.
  • Hennig hesitates and delivers a clothesline. Pretty ugly.
  • Buff regains the advantage. Slam.
  • Buff dances.
  • He goes for a bodysplash and misses badly.
  • Hennig with an inside cradle. Two.
  • Hennig with another substandard clothesline.
  • Buff is whipped into a corner. He kicks Hennig in the face, and hits a blockbuster.
  • 1-2-3
  • Hennig is supposed to retire. Right.
  • Well, that match was a DUD.

• Backstage...
  • Tenay interviews Sting.

• Match 6: WCW title tourney semi-final -- Bret Hart vs. Sting
  • The pop for Hart isn't as loud as I thought it would be.
  • Sting looks like he forgot his wrestling gear.
  • Hart stalks Sting into the corner.
  • They lock up.
  • They shove each other.
  • They talk trash.
  • Hart with punches. Headbutts.
  • Sting dumped outside.
  • Sting slammed into the rail. Into the apron.
  • Inside, Hart with an elbow.
  • Headbutt low.
  • Atomic drop. Kick. Forearm.
  • Sting with eye rakes.
  • Kicks.
  • Head into the turnbuckle.
  • Hart whipped to a corner.
  • Into another -- and he comes out with a stiff clothesline.
  • Vertical supplex. Sting kicks out at two.
  • Sting with a low blow. The ref warns him.
  • Sting howls at the crowd.
  • Bodyslam. Elbowdrop. Two.
  • Sleeper by Sting.
  • Hart gets out with a few shots to the gut.
  • Sting responds with a knee to the gut. Elbowdrop. Two.
  • Sting takes it outside.
  • He plants Hart on the announcers' table.
  • Hart moves and avoids a Stinger splash.
  • Sting whips Hart into the rail.
  • Inside, Sting whips Hart to a corner, but runs in and eats a boot.
  • Hart to the top.
  • Sting grabs the ref to protect himself, and Hart wipes out both of them. Hart is down, too.
  • And just because we can't have a clean wrestling match with a satisfying finish, The Total Parcel runs out with Liz and grabs Sting's bat.
  • He whacks Sting in the back of the leg.
    
    
  • Hart attacks Luger, and places him in the sharpshooter.
  • The ref sees Hart fighting Luger.
  • He calls for the bell, and disqualifies Sting for outside interference.
  • Hart doesn't want to win it the cheap way, so he asks the match be restarted.
  • So, it resumes. Hart pounds on Sting, who is selling an ankle injury because of what Luger did.
  • Hart, who didn't want the cheap win, goes after the ankle anyway, locks on the sharpshooter, and Sting taps out.
  • The crowd pops.
  • All-Canadian final, and probably no chance it'll be interference-free.
  • In defeat, Sting offers to shake Hart's hand. They embrace and pat tummies. Aw...

• Backstage...
  • Gene talks to Benoit about his tournament final match.
  • Benoit's microphone skills have gotten better.
  • Tenay talks to Luger, who has a cervical collar on his neck.
  • Luger says he needs the collar to protect his neck.
  • He says he can't fight Meng tonight.

• Match 7: Dog collar chain match -- Vampiro (w/Misfit) vs. Berlyn (w/Wall)
  • Being a big Vampiro fan, I'd love to call this, but as it turns out, the contest is a complete mess, and a complete joke.
  • Steve Williams and the Jim Ross imitator come out.
  • Now, they're actually pretty funny. The JR guy says his name is Oklahoma, and he has his bar-be-que sauce with him.
    
    
  • But because of his presence, the match is not called properly (and barely at all).
  • In fact, it would be hard to call anyway, because you can't tell who's supposed to be fighting who.
  • The Wall gets involved and puts on the collar. The Misfit gets involved.
  • Berlyn and the Wall bitch each other out. It's just a horrible booking mess, as bad as I've ever seen from WCW.
  • Eventually, the Wall leaves Berlyn, and Vampiro locks on a camel clutch for the submission victory.
    
    
  • Post-match: Williams attacks Vampiro and the Misfit, and wipes the mat with them.
  • So much for looking credible after a win.

• Backstage...
  • Tenay talks with US champ Scott Hall, who now has the TV belt.
  • It was given to him for no good reason after the injury to Rick Steiner on Nitro.
  • He issues an open challenge for later in the evening.
  • Curt Hennig walks out of the arena.
  • Kimberly walks in.

• Match 8: The Total Parcel (w/Liz) vs. Meng
  • Luger walks to the ring favouring his neck.
  • Meng rips Luger's warm up gear off his body and beats the tar outta him.
  • A boring brawl takes place.
  • Meng screams a lot, and Luger acts like a coward.
  • Meng tries to apply the Tongan death grip, but can't because of the collar.
  • Rather than rip it off, he just pounds on Luger.
  • The crowd is dead.
  • The end comes when Meng chokes Luger over the rope.
  • Liz accidentally sprays Luger with mace. Gee, how original.
  • Meng tears the collar off Luger, locks on the death grip, and gets the pin.
  • DUD.

• Backstage...
  • Gene talks with Bret Hart about the main event.
  • Behind him, Luger is walking around like an idiot calling out for "Elizabeth!"
  • Ever see Sandford & Son?
  • Anyway, David Flair is shown stroking his crowbar.

• Match 9: US & TV titles -- Scott Hall vs. ???
  • Hall out first. "Hey, yo." And on it goes.
  • Booker T's music nearly starts up.
  • Then it does. Here comes Booker.
  • They stalk each other.
  • Hall does the crotch chop, and lets fly with the toothpick.
  • Hall gets an armbar on early, and flips Booker to the mat.
  • Booker responds with a back kick.
  • Forearms.
  • Whip to the corner, and Hall boots Booker in the face.
  • "Rocky" chant again?
  • Booker with a side slam that Schiavone calls side salto.
  • Hall pulls Booker into the corner and they brawl a bit.
  • Booker off the ropes with a forearm.
  • Hall rolls outside.
  • They trade moves until Hall hits a chokeslam for two.
  • Hall catches Booker and nails the fallaway slam.
  • Hall clotheslines Booker over the top.
  • Not a bad match so far.
  • Booker tastes the stairs.
  • Inside, Hall gets two.
  • Punch. Two.
  • Hey, look! A sleeper!
  • The crowd is looking away from the ring.
  • In the other direction, Jarrett comes out with Creative Control.
  • Time to ruin the match.
  • Booker escapes the sleeper, hits the scissor kick and the side kick.
  • Booker with a slam.
  • JJ distracts the ref as Creative Control fights Booker.
  • Booker takes care of business and mounts the first rope to jaw with Jarrett.
  • Hall sneaks up behind him, and hooks the Outsider Edge.
  • 1-2-3. Crappy ending to what was a decent match.
  • Creative Control and Jarrett beat down Booker until the lights go out.
  • The clock strikes once, and Midnight has arrived.
  • The lights come on, and Midnight helps Booker clear the ring.

• Backstage...
  • Luger is still looking for Liz.

• Match 10: Kimberly vs. David Flair
  • Flair and his crowbar out first.
  • Kimbo comes to the ring wearing too little for me to think she came to rassle.
  • Davey leaves his crowbar in the corner.
  • He approaches Kimbo, who kicks him low.
  • Davey's too smart for that -- he's wearing a protective cup.
  • Flair grabs his crowbar and hits the ref, who rolls out of the ring in ridiculous fashion, overselling the shot and perhaps turning to dust when he hits the floor.
  • Kimbo begs off by assuming the Lewinsky position.
  • This seems to hypnotise David.
  • Kimbo reaches into his pants.
    
    
  • At this point, I'd like to remind guys like Bret Hart that this is exactly the kind of thing that made them leave the "trashy" WWF.
  • Hey Hacksaw! Hey Hogan! Remember how you said you'd never take part in "porno wrestling"?
  • Back to the "match"... Kimbo pulls out Davey's jockstrap and hits him in the head with it.
  • She kicks him in the groin and kicks him a few times elsewhere.
  • She gets on top of him and slaps him around.
  • We get an eyeful.
    
    
  • Why wear anything at all?
  • Flair throws her off, and grabs the crowbar.
  • It seems to take forever, but Kanyon comes to her rescue.
  • Diamond Dallas Page follows, and hits Davey with a diamond cutter.
  • Arn Anderson comes out to help Davey.
  • Arn clears the ring.
  • Davey gets up and whacks Arn twice with the crowbar.
  • Security and the paramedics take forever to get Arn out of the ring.
  • Whatever happened to the ref?
  • Or the match?
  • No result announced.

• Backstage...
  • Sid says he'll destroy Goldberg.

• Match 11: I quit -- Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious
  • After all the build-up, including a decent match at the last pay-per-view, they mail in this one.
  • A little more than five minutes in, Goldberg locks on a Taz-mission type move, and the ref calls for the bell.
    
    
  • Sid didn't quit.
  • And if you feel cheated reading that short recap, imagine how I feel investing my time and money in this crap.

• Backstage...
  • Gene talks to Luger.
  • Luger says he can't find Liz. And he says she screwed up and knows it.

• Match 12: WCW title tourney final -- Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit
  • The last match in a card that started strong with Benoit and went straight into the toilet.
  • Let's see if Benoit and Hart can make this worthwhile.
  • I'm calling three instances of outside interference here -- because you know we can't have a bullshit-free match.
  • Hart and Benoit shake hands and get down to it.
  • Hart pushes Benoit into the corner.
  • The ref breaks it up.
  • Arm drag by Benoit.
  • Lock up, arm twist by Benoit.
  • Hart pushes him into the corner.
  • Clean break.
  • Test of strength. Hart turns it into an armbar.
  • He takes Benoit to the mat.
  • Benoit up, and he tosses Bret into the ropes. Knee to the gut.
  • Another.
  • Snapmare into a chinlock. Hart rolls it over for a one count.
  • Hart whips Benoit into the ropes.
  • They run around a bit.
  • Benoit tries a sunset flip, but they're in the ropes.
  • Hart tries the sharpshooter, but Benoit grabs his arm and tries the crossface.
  • Hart reaches the ropes.
  • They get up and shake hands again. Because Canadians are nice people.
  • Test of strength. Hart goes for a kick.
  • He forearms Benoit in the corner.
  • Benoit reverses a whip into the opposite corner.
  • Benoit tossed outside where he's attacked by Dean Malenko, who is dressed like that fan who assaulted him earlier.
    
    
  • Malenko wipes some of the make-up off his face with the flag. He then spits on the flag.
  • Hart comes to Benoit's rescue.
  • Security gets Malenko outta there.
  • Back in the ring, Hart elbows Benoit.
  • Hart with a great piledriver.
  • Two.
  • Legdrop by Hart.
  • Stomp.
  • Boot choke.
  • Headbutts to the kidneys.
  • Benoit responds with heavy chops and a kick.
  • Backbreaker. Two.
  • Backdrop by Benoit.
  • Belly-to-back supplex. Two.
  • Side kick by Bret.
  • DDT. Two.
  • Benoit reverses a grab off the ropes and nails Hart with a tombstone piledriver.
  • He signals for the swan dive headbutt.
  • He hits it.
  • Here come the Outsiders.
  • I think they were supposed to pull the ref out at the two count, but they don't make it in time.
  • So Hart lifts a shoulder, and then Hall pulls the ref out.
  • Hall nails the ref.
  • Hall hits Benoit with a fallaway slam.
  • Nash grabs a chair, but Goldberg runs out and spears him.
  • Goldberg and Hart clear the ring.
  • A new ref joins the match.
  • Benoit with a dragonscrew legwhip.
  • He punishes Hart's left leg.
  • Benoit with a kneebreaker.
  • Benoit stomps the leg some more.
  • Chop.
  • Figure-four leglock.
  • Hart reaches the ropes.
  • Benoit stomps the leg.
  • Hart responds with a kick and some punches.
  • Side backbreaker. Two.
  • Hart puts Benoit on the top rope.
  • Superplex.
    
    
  • Cover. Two.
  • Benoit is slow to get up.
  • Russian leg sweep by Hart. Two.
  • Headbutts to the kidneys.
  • Hart tries a slam, but Benoit moves his legs rapidly and falls on him.
  • Hart kicks out at two, and Benoit falls out of the ring.
  • Some asshole throws a drink at Benoit.
  • Benoit to the apron.
  • Hart tries a vertical supplex, but Benoit flips behind him and nails a pair of German supplexes.
  • He tries the dragon supplex, Hart squirms free, and Benoit tries the crossface.
  • Hart evades it, gets up, drops Benoit and locks on the sharpshooter.
    
    
  • Benoit taps out.
  • New champ.
  • A great example of a match that needed no outside interference.
  • The Hart family joins Bret in the ring.
  • Hart and Benoit embrace.
  • Hart waves the Canadian flag, and you can see Malenko's make-up on it.
  
  In closing, all I have to say is that if it weren't for Benoit, the card would have been a complete loss. Both his matches were highlights, despite the outside interference.
   
  Hey, Russo! After a great Halloween Havoc, this was a real disappointment.

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