WCW Thunder - Thursday, December 9, 1999

• Heinous Lee writes:

  The way I read your 11/27/1999 WCW Saturday Night report, you couldn't determine all of the words bleeped out by Shane Douglas.

  By far, the word most bleeped out by the censors was the word foreigner. Tenay and Hudson actually made a comment (I forget the exact words) essentially saying that it was silly for the censors to bleep that word out.

  I find it odd that "foreigners" escapes the censors, but "jackass" gets by them on a taped program.

• VileEnce counters with:

  In your WCW Saturday Night report for 11/27/99 you wrote:

  "I highly doubt that most of the words bleeped out from Douglas' tirade were actual profane words."

  I was at the show and can assure you they were. BTW, Doug's thought police were in full effect that night, taking two signs from me: "Today is Tuesday" and "We are Taped! 11/23/99!" But then they let my brother keep the following signs: "Buckle up Eddy, it's our law" and "Is Chyna in Asya?" Ah well...go figure. Just wanted to let you know.

• Mick Yarber of Triton Championship Wrestling gives an invite:

  Everyone in Southwest Virginia is invited to come out to Triton Championship Wrestling's Season's Beatings 99: Christmas for Kids this Saturday night (December 11^th) at Chilhowie High School in Chilhowie, VA.

  The show starts at 7:30 and admission is one new, unopened toy or any cash donation that you wish to make. All toys and cash go to needy children in the area so they will have a merrier Christmas.

  Expect to see Hoot Gibson, Ronnie Garvin, The Nerdy Boyz, the Underground, Deathrow 2000 and many others including the main event of TCW Champ Tony Richards vs. UWA champ Eddie Bruiser in a title vs. title, company vs. company cage match! Come out and support a good cause!

  Thanks for your time,
  Mick Yarber
  Triton Championship Wrestling

• Finally, on a lighter, non-wrestling note, a good friend of mine sent me the following passage from somewhere on the 'net:

  HOW THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF MICROSOFT BUILT CARS

  1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.
  4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.
  5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. (Wait a second -- it's that way NOW!)
  6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
  7. The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
  8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.
  9. We would still be waiting for the 6000 Sux 58' model to come out.
  10. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas^TM.
  11. Lee Iacocca would be hired-on as Bill Gates' chauffeur.
  12. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.
  13. New seats will force everyone to have the same size ass.
  14. Ford, General Motors and Chrysler would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting a radio in all its models. If cars had experienced the same technological progress that computers have experienced in the last two decades, cars would get 400 miles per gallon, have 40,000 horsepower, cost under $500, and blow up at least once per week, killing all occupants.

• WCW U.S. Champion Scott Hall (w/ ladder) and Kevin Nash head out to the ring.
• Hall forces Nash to carry the ladder into the ring. It amazes me as to how lackadisical Nash is even when he isn't wrestling.
• Hall sets the ladder upright, goes to the top and feigns falling off.
• Hall wants to give a shout-out to Chris Benoit (crowd boos).
• Hall says that Benoit wants to make a name for himself to get a payraise.
• Hall says Benoit couldn't handle him in a regular match, but wants him in a ladder match.
• Hall tells Benoit to pick up a copy of WWF's Greatest Hits at Blockbuster and watch his ladder match against Shawn Michaels.
• Nash says a lot of guys are walking around in the back with big chips on their shoulders. One of which is Sid.
• Nash (to Sid): "You're the master of the powerbomb? This ain't no videogame, Sid!"
• Nash says he's the only badass around.
• Nash says if Sid wants to stick his big chin of his into Starrcade, he will powerbomb Sid straight to hell.
• This prompts Sid (w/ music) to come out and rant.
• Sid says Nash's days of political stroke are over.
• Sid says when the clock strikes, it's his time.
• Sid talks about Nash stabbing him in the back. As opposed to a 'roided monster stabbing a fellow worker twenty times with a pair of scissors.
• Sid says that he's the man, to which Nash asks, "Is Vader booked?"
• Sid says he's going to give an example of what the fans will see and charges the ring.
• Nash punches away on the apron but gets clotheslined.
• Sid knocks the ladder (and Hall) over and sets up to powerbomb Nash.
• Hall drives the ladder into Sid from behind.
• Hall sets up the ladder again.
• As Nash readies for the powerbomb, Dustin Rhodes comes in and cleans house.
• Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring and ka-bongs him with the guitar.
• Chris Benoit heads out and chops Jarrett to oblivion.
• Benoit works over Hall in the corner until he gets whipped into the ladder.
• Jarrett crushes Benoit with the ladder.
• The ladder gets set in the corner and Benoit gets whipped into it back-first.

• Madusa says that Singh hasn't been a cruiserweight since birth.
• Madusa says that no one's gonna get a cruiserweight title shot over her dead body.
• Madusa (to Tenay): "Does this body look dead to you?" No comment.

• Oh my God. Juvi's doing a really bad Rock impersonation with "Finally, the Juice..." and gets NO crowd heat.
• Juvi goes to the booth and asks for the millions of the Juice's fans to chant his name. The crowd boos. That's just sad.
• Apparently, Juvi is the new play-by-play announcer. Shoot me now.
• If WCW thinks Juvi's going to get over by mimicking The Rock, then I have a bridge I'd like to sell them.

• Juvi mocks the Revolution on their way out.
• Douglas says to cut the music.
• While Douglas is talking, you can make out a sign about Asya that is edited out by the censors.
• Douglas invites Hacksaw Jim Duggan to bring three of his friends to a match at Starrcade.
• Douglas tells the fans to shut the hell up.
• Douglas says when the Revolution beats Hacksaw and company, Duggan must renounce his citizenship to America.
• Douglas brags about his $25,000 watch.
• Douglas says at Starrcade, the Revolution will take no prisoners.
• Malenko says we are the few, the proud and the Revolution.
• Malenko says the crowd is a sea of useless humanity.
• Malenko brings out a picture of David Penzer and calls him a typical American.
• Saturn makes a reference to "Stripes" and says he will sing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Do and tries to get Asya to sing.
• Booker T. and Stevie Ray come out.
• Booker hits Malenko with a forearm to start.
• Axe kick follows.
• Booker attacks in the corner but alenko gets an eye poke in.
• Off the ropes, Booker with a clothesline.
• Malenko tosses Booker outside.
• As Saturn beats on Booker, Stevie Ray makes the save and pounds away.
• In the ring, Malenko floats over a chop after being whipped.
• Malenko comes off top but eats a spinebuster.
• Booker with a back bodydrop.
• Booker tries the axe kick but Malenko moves out of the way.
• Douglas runs up the apron and hits Booker with the cast.
• Malenko then puts the Cloverleaf on an unconscious Booker for the win as Juvi tries to play face announcer by crying fowl.
• YOUR WINNER: Dean Malenko via Texas Cloverleaf in 1:57.
• Post-match, Duggan cleans the ring.
• What a waste of time. Malenko did NOTHING here.

• We see some candles at ringside.
• Oh, this is just bad. Iaukea comes out looking like "The Prince."
• This has as much chance of getting over as MVP did.
• Prince's opponent: Vampiro, who which Juvi calls a jabroni for stealing his move. That's funny, didn't Juvi steal the bodyslam piledriver off TAKA?
• From Nitro: Oklahoma pins Vampiro. The less said, the better.
• As the bell sounds, College Fight Music brings out Oklahoma. Sigh...
• That's right. Seeing a fat man coming out is more important that viewing the match.
• The bell rings again for some reason.
• Prince touches his hand to his lips and points to his valet.
• Prince gets some offense, including a side kick.
• Prince crawls on the mat and flirts with Paisley some more.
• Vampiro with some kicks for two.
• Prince gets sent to the corner and over the top rope.
• Backstage, Roddy Piper gets out of a limo.
• Vamp sends Prince to the rail.
• Back inside, Prince hits a standing spinebuster.
• Prince with a wishbone elbow drop.
• Oklahoma tries to mac on Paisley.
• Paisley slaps Oklahoma after some sweet nothings being whispered in her ear.
• Prince tries a monkeyflip in the corner but Vamp lands on his feet.
• A standing side kick ends it.
• YOUR WINNER: Vampiro via standing side kick in 2:24.
• Post-match, Prince nails Oklahoma from behind and brings him to the ring.
• Dr. Death Steve Williams makes the save and delivers a backdrop suplex.
• Oklahoma puts the boots to the Prince.

• Madusa will be facing Rhonda Singh tonight, despite the fact that the video says Evan Karagias will be wrestling.
• I should point out that Tenay and Juvi have NO chemistry at the booth whatsoever.
• Singh takes Madusa down.
• Singh with a right and a whip.
• Singh with a chest-block.
• Madusa tries a sunset flip but gets splashed.
• Singh hits a slam and goes to the second rope.
• Singh misses the body splash.
• Madusa hits a missile dropkick as Evan hits the apron.
• Another missile dropkick by Madusa. And another.
• The two lovers make out on the apron.
• Singh charges and Madusa ducks, allowing Evan to take the brunt of the hit.
• Madusa then rolls up Singh for the win.
• YOUR WINNER: Madusa via pinfall in 1:32.
• Singh wants her music played and she dances. This is really bad.
• Juvi sounds like he's enjoying this.
• Meanwhile, the lights go dark and the sound goes fussy.
• An unidentified person (or object) takes out Singh mid-ring.

• As Flynn charges toward David, Buzzkill tries to talk Flynn out of fighting.
• David hits Buzzkill and goes to nail him with a crowbar until Flynn snatches it out of his hands.
• Flynn beats the hell out of David and chokes him out.
• Tank Abbott comes from behind and beats down Flynn.
• Well, that sucked.

• Creative Control gets the first entrance.
• Hart comes out next. That belt looks pretty swank on him, I must say.
• Goldberg gets the final entrance.
• This is for the WCW tag titles.
• It's going to be Hart and I'm assuming Gerald to start.
• Gerald begs off in the corner.
• They lock up.
• Hart with a armwringer and some rights.
• Gerald whips Hart and hits a clothesline for two.
• Gerald kicks Hart and applies an armwringer.
• Tag to Patrick.
• Patrick with some rights and a tag.
• The twins gets a double elbow.
• Quick count for two.
• Referee Mark Johnson has some words with Goldberg.
• Bagpipes bring out Piper.
• Hart takes down a CC member as Piper and Johnson argue.
• CC doubleteam Hart in the corner as Piper takes Johnson out.
• Goldberg enters the fray.
• Goldberg blocks a suplex and hits a neckbreaker.
• Spears for everyone!
• Hart and Goldberg do their respective finishers as Piper counts the win!
  
• YOUR WINNERS AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Bret Hart and Goldberg via pinfall/submission in 3:00.
• Not a good match, but the best so far tonight.
• Hart gets a mic.
• Hart says that he and Goldberg knows what's at stake.
• Hart says at Starrcade he'll find out the truth about the best there is...
• Assuming the title change stands, Bret Hart is the first man in history to hold all six of the major belts in the WWF and WCW. This includes the WCW Heavyweight, U. S., and Tag Titles as well as the WWF Heavyweight, Intercontinental, and Tag Titles. Kevin Nash has held five, missing just the WCW U. S. Title.

• Stevie whips Saturn into the corner and delivers a clothesline.
• Stevie tries it again but eats a double boot.
• Saturn delivers a Snake Eyes in the corner.
• T-Bone suplex by Saturn.
• Saturn applies an inverted atomic drop.
• Saturn with a springboard dropkick for two.
• Stevie reverses a whip into a press slam.
• Stevie drops an elbow.
• Stevie hammers Saturn in the corner until Charles Robinson stops him.
• Robinson gets decked.
• Stevie with a big boot.
• The Harris Twins break up a Slapjack attempt.
• Saturn pins Stevie with his feet on the rope, like a good heel.
• YOUR WINNER: Perry Saturn via pinfall in 2:18.
• Post-match, the twins beat on Stevie until Booker T. evens the sides up.
• Harlem Heat clear the ring.

• TP and Buff will wrestle in a re-hash of their late '97 feud.
• Juvi wants to see some juice. Go watch Best of Starrcade 83-87 or something, geez.
• Juvi (looking at TP): "That's the Juice." If only he knew.
• Buff makes his way out.
• Diamond Dallas Page makes his way to the announcer's booth.
• Buff flexes for the fans.
• Buff with a headlock.
• Buff goes behind and tries a hammerlock.
• Buff comes off the ropes with a shoulderblock.
• Buff works on the arm until TP comes back with his screaming offense.
• TP whips Buff, who ducks a clothesline and hits two scoop slams.
• Buff with a kick to the netherreaches and a swinging neckbreaker.
• TP bails to the outside.
• As TP begs off, Buff gets into it with DDP.
• TP joins the fray.
• A fan in the crowd yells, "It's pandemonium here!" during the scuffle.
• Security and the road agents (including Terry Taylor and Arn Anderson, to give it that "shoot" feel) come to break up the fight at ~2:25.
• Is one clean, gimmick-free finish too hard to come up with?

• After nearly a year and a half of reporting on DDT Digest, this is my first Duggan match. So help me God.
• Duggan waves his flag in the ring and nearly severs Asya's head.
• Douglas and Malenko walk backstage, but the Powers That Be team charge the ring.
• Duggan holds his own for a while but the numbers are too great.
• The Revolution return with their flag and a bin of hot dogs, pie and some mustard.
• Douglas drives the flag into Duggan's neck.
• Saturn eats an apple pie as his teammates pour mustard and hot dogs on Duggan's chest.
• Malenko stomps on Duggan as pies get thrown on his chest.
• YES!!
• Harlem Heat storm in to make the save.
• I must admit, I am really liking how the Revolution operates.
• Of course, Duggan hasn't gotten a leg up yet, so logical booking says his team should win.
• I doubt it will happen though, as there is a lot of talk about Duggan severing his ties with America.
• NO CONTEST by the way.

• Tenay and Juvi talk about the tiff earlier between DDP and Bagwell.
• Sting comes out. Gee, does anyone out there not think that Liz will turn sometime down the line?
• Lockup, DDP with a couple of rights.
• Sting whips DDP into a couple of clotheslines.
• Stinger Splash in the corner followed by the Deathlock.
• DDP reaches the ropes.
• Sting walks into a shoulderblock near the apron.
• More kicks, but Sting blocks one.
• DDP accidentally kicks Nick Patrick.
• This allows TP to hit Sting with a bat.
• Liz shields Sting until DDP waves her away.
• DDP brings Sting to his feet, sends him to the ropes and gives him a Diamond Cutter for the win.
• YOUR WINNER: Diamond Dallas Page via Diamond Cutter in 1:39.
• This match, like nearly every other one tonight, was a big, honking DUD.

• Yeah, like this one will get anywhere.
• Juvi pulls a Schiavone and says this will be one of the greatest main events he's ever seen. That's nice, all he needs now is an extra 100 pounds.
• The Outsiders make their way out.
• Jeff Jarrett (w/ his Kid Rock ripoff music) is last for the heels.
• I have 9:57 P.M. by my clock.
• The faces all run out and it's a pier-six in the ring.
• Benoit whips Jarrett into the corner but eats an elbow.
• Jarrett with a right.
• Benoit reverses a whip, grabs his leg to block a kick and whips him again.
• Benoit with a urinage-into-a-backbreaker.
• Tag to Rhodes.
• Rhodes whips Jarrett into an inverted atomic drop.
• Jarrett whips Rhodes into Nash's forearm.
• Tag to Nash.
• Nash with some knees in the corner.
• Tag to Hall, who follows with some kicks.
• Jarrett tagged in.
• More punching.
• Tag to Nash.
• Nash with a clothesline for two.
• Tag to Jarrett.
• Jarrett whips Rhodes into a sleeper.
• Rhodes shrugs it off but gets caught again.
• Rhodes applies a forward backdrop and falls to the mat.
• Tags to Nash and Sid.
• Sid beats on all the heels.
• Benoit and Rhodes join in the fun.
• Hall tosses Benoit out of the ring.
• Hall and Nash doubleteam Sid, but it ends with a double-clothesline by Vicious.
• Nash nails Sid from behind.
• Sid with the big boot.
• Sid sets up for the powerbomb but Jarrett gets a guitar shot in.
• Nash covers Sid for the victory.
• YOUR WINNERS: Scott Hall, Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett via pinfall in 4:12.
• Juvi has the gall to call that a great match. I guess you need hyperbole, not baldness, to work as a commentator in WCW.
• Anyway, we fade.

Also, I question the logic toward putting Juvi and his really horrendous Rock impersonation behind the booth when Scott Hudson could be used instead. I used to be the biggest Hudson basher back in the day, but I really, really respect his play-by-play announcing now. He could be a big asset for Thunder if given the chance, as he does his best to put anything and everything over.

On the flip side, I do appreciate the effort toward adding star power to this show, as it was sorely needed. I'm also glad that someone in the back realized that Creative Control as tag champs wasn't cutting it. I'm also really digging the new Revolution, but why are they feuding with Duggan? I mean, the storyline makes sense and all, but a group with that much talent could do so much better.

Thinking about the Revolution/Duggan feud, I wonder how a WarGames would work.

Anyway, I'm hoping that next week will be a more inspired product. See you then.