WCW Monday Nitro - December 13^th, 1999

• So, did anyone catch the PPV on the ol' boob tube last night?

• We start off seeing Jeff Jarrett beating up on Chris Benoit in the back
  • Benoit gets some offense in, tosses Jarrett into a stack of cardboard boxes, and snots on Jarrett.

• And we're LIVE from New Orleans, LA!
  • This weekend, I'll be live from New Orleans, too.

• Match 1: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea (w/Paisley) vs. Maestro
  • The purple rain brings out The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, with Paisley.
  • Paisley has a mic.
  • Paisley: "So, daddy, everyone wants to know what you have to say today."
  • TAFKA: "Yellow."
  • Maestro plays his piano, with Symphony at his side.
  • The piano gets lowered from the ceiling.
  • Zzzzzzzzzzzz.......
  • Ring entrances took about six minutes.
  • Lots of bubbles float through the crowd.
  • TAFKA starts off brawling, but gets dumped to the floor.
  • He keeps up the punishment on the floor as the ladies jaw at each other.
  • NICE spinebuster from Maestro back in the ring.
  • TAFKA with a short spinebuster, and lands an atomic headbutt.
  • Symphony slaps TAFKA, and Paisley slaps Maestro.
  • TAFKA rolls up Maestro with a handful of tights.
  • Jeff Jarrett runs in and lays out both men with guitar kabongs.
    
  • Jarrett gets a mic, and talks some smack to Benoit.
  • He challenges Benoit to a bunkhouse brawl.
  • Aldo reports the time of the match at 1:55.

• Dinky and the Brain are at the booth
  • Tonight: Benoit vs. Jarrett, Tank Abbott vs. Meng, Sid vs. Dr. Death, and Sting & DDP vs. Torgo and TP.

• Bret Hart and both of his belts walk.

• Kevin Nash calls for Scott Hall.

• Evan Karagias is flirting with Spice
  • Madusa finds out, and we've got a catfight.
  • Mmmm....Spice.....
  • I see a new movie tie-in angle for an unused wrestler here: "Bam Bam Bigelow - Male Gigolo."

• Bret Hart makes his way out
  • Bret, it's not "The WCW," it's just WCW.
  • Hart talks about having to step in the ring with Goldberg.
  • Hart talks about his respect for Goldberg.
  • Hart says that Goldberg won't beat him, though.
  • Hart guarantees a win.
  • Goldberg's music hits.
  • Goldberg needs security to come out for his interview.
  • Great. More wasted time.
  • Goldberg: "Unfortunately, for you, matches aren't won based on your confidence level."
  • Goldberg takes issue with Hart's guarantee.
  • Goldberg: "You're next"
  • Wolfpac music hits.
  • The Outsiders come out and wave.
  • Hall says they have something that belongs to the Outsiders.
  • Hart gets the tag belts.
  • Nash asks them to kiss and make up.
  • Nash wants a tag title shot tonight.
  • Hart accepts.
  • The Outsiders start toward the ring, then Nash says "I'm going to finish my coffee."

• Gene talks to Madusa's breasts
  • Madusa says that Spice had no business talking to Evan.
  • Madusa promises to wrestle Spice tonight.

• Roddy Piper and his little assistant arrive.

• TP runs into Terry Taylor
  • Taylor gives TP the bad news and bad news.
  • Bad news: He's in a tag match against Sting and DDP.
  • Bad news: His partner is David Flair.
  • A delivery man has a package for David Flair. Torgo chases him off with a crowbar.

• Match 2: Madusa vs. Spice
  • "Skank Ho #1" comes out.
  • Her opponent: Spice.
  • Madusa with a takedown, and starts punching Spice in the head.
  • Madusa pulls the hair.
  • Evan comes out to restore order.
  • Madusa wants Evan to hit Spice.
  • Madusa berates Evan.
  • Spice runs into Madusa from behind, and Madusa and Evan knock heads.
  • Madusa falls into the ropes.
  • Spice covers her anyway, and the ref counts the pin. Spice wins!
  • Spice high-tails it to the back.
  • Madusa seduces Evan, then delivers a German suplex.

• Russo talks to Curt Hennig
  • He's ready for his match.
  • He asks "Shane" if the remote control is ready for the next segment.
  • Rhonda Singh comes in. Russo says he doesn't talk to her unless she has an agent.
  • Russo sends for Roddy Piper.

• Look back at the Revolution's anti-American angle.

• Gene calls out Jim Duggan
  • Duggan will have three mystery partners with him against the Revolution at Starrcade.
  • If Duggan's team wins at Starrcade, the Revolution must become janitors for 30 days. If the Revolution wins, Duggan must renounce the USA.
  • Duggan talks about the lack of respect for the USA.
  • Duggan talks about being thankful for surviving cancer surgery, and having time to grow old with his wife and kids.
  • Duggan promises to get off his deathbed if he has to to defend the flag.
  • The lights go out, and static appears on the video screen.
  • A flashing strobe is on the ring, and someone runs in to lay Duggan out.

• Roddy Piper comes in with his ref shirt to talk to Russo
  • Piper will ref a match between Curt Hennig and Buff Bagwell.
  • Russo says it's in the best interest for Piper to do the right thing.

• TP wanders around looking for Torgo.

• Match 3: Buff Bagwell vs. Curt Hennig
  • Referee Roddy Piper makes his way out.
  • Buff Bagwell is the first one out.
  • Hennig makes his way out solo.
  • Tony actually makes a good point in noting that the Powers have always let the referee's decision stand.
  • Piper says he wants a fight. He makes it a no-DQ match.
  • Piper calls for the bell.
  • Buff with an armdrag, dance, and pose.
  • Buff with a hiptoss, dance, and pose.
  • Hennig gains the advantage.
  • Buff with a bodyslam for two.
  • Hennig gets rolled up while he argues with Piper for two.
  • Hennig lands a running kneelift.
  • Buzzkill walks through the crowd with a "Save The Baby Seals" sign.
  • Hennig punches Bagwell on the rope break.
  • Hennig opens up with chops and the somersault neck snap.
  • Piper with a noticibly slow count when Hennig covers.
  • Piper eggs Hennig on to slap him.
  • Hennig instead chokes Bagwell against the ropes.
  • Bagwell fights back, and hits a clothesline.
  • Swinging neckbreaker from Buff.
  • Buff covers for two.
  • Hennig gets his knees up on a Bagwell splash.
  • Piper gets between Hennig and bagwell in the corner.
  • Piper punches Hennig.
  • Bagwell covers, and Piper counts a lightning-quick count to give Bagwell the win.
  • Creative Control waits at the top of the ramp.

• TP approaches Torgo's locker room, and knocks
  • TP sees something in the locker room, but I can't figure out what.

• Match 4: Bunkhouse Brawl - Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit
  • Jarrett gets the first entrance for the Bunkhouse Brawl.
  • Jarrett has a guitar, stool, and bullrope.
  • Benoit makes his way out next, carrying a ladder.
  • Jarrett attacks in the aisle.
  • Jarrett uses his sample stool to attack.
  • Jarrett chokes Benoit with the cowbell.
  • Benoit ducks a cowbell and starts his comeback.
  • Benoit chokes Jarrett.
  • Benoit dumps Jarrett with a stool, too.
  • Back in the ring, Benoit breaks out our first wrestling move (a snap suplex).
  • Pendulum backbreaker from Benoit.
  • Jarrett with a forearm to the back of the head.
  • Benoit ducks a bullrope clothesline and hits a lariat of his own.
  • Benoit goes for the ladder, but Jarrett baseball-slides it into his face.
  • Jarrett sets the ladder up in the corner, and whips Benoit into it.
  • Benoit reverses a ladder whip.
  • Jarrett gets introduced to the ladder a second time.
  • Benoit clotheslines Jarrett with the rope.
  • Benoit sets the ladder up, but Jarrett trips Benoit with the bullrope.
  • Jarrett comes off the top of the ladder, but gets met with a shot to the nads.
  • Benoit climbs to the top of the ladder.
  • Jarrett tries to lasso Benoit, but it doesn't work. So Benoit puts the rope over his own neck, much to the crowd's chagrin.
  • Jarrett biels Benoit off the top of the ladder by the rope.
  • Dustin Rhodes comes in with a bionic elbow on Jarrett.
  • Dustin sets up for Shattered Dreams. Charles Robinson stops it.
  • Dustin sets Robinson up.
  • Jarrett kabongs Dustin.
  • Dustin catches Jarrett, too.
  • Both men are down as Benoit climbs back up.
  • Jarrett whips Dustin into the ladder, and Benoit falls face-first to the mat.
  • Jarrett covers Benoit for the win.

• Torgo has a headless bear
  • TP talks about the match as Dave cackles.

• A Porsche pulls up.

• Piper has a bat, and talks to Russo
  • Hennig jumps him with a chair.

• Match 5: Tank Abbott vs. Meng
  • Tank Abbott makes his way out.
  • The strains of Zamfir brings out Themonstermeng.
  • This will be a hardcore match.
  • They slap at each other to start.
  • Abbott's got a gut that'd make Steve Regal say "Dude, you gotta slim down. Seriously."
  • Abbott with a takedown.
  • They go to the floor.
  • Nick Patrick counts to ten, and we get a cheap-ass countout.
  • The crowd boos.

• Chris Kanyon gets out of the Porche, looking like a pimp.
  • The MortFather?
  • Godfathers At Work?
  • Flatlinin' ain't easy?

• Piper tries to get into the Powers That Be
  • Piper grabs a fire extinguisher. The cops stop him, and take him away.

• More brawling between Abbott and Themonstermeng.

• Match 5: Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, and Asya (w/Shane Douglas) vs. Booker T, Stevie Ray, and Midnight
  • The Revolution comes out. Douglas has a mic.
  • Douglas turns up the anti-American sentiment.
  • Douglas talks smack about Duggan and Americans.
  • Malenko: "America sucks."
  • Saturn grabs the mic.
  • Malenko: "We got heat tonight.'
  • Saturn: "I hear what the boys are saying."
  • Malenko: "No, we got Harlem Heat."
  • Harlem Heat's music hits.
  • The lights go out, the clock strikes, and Midnight is in the ring.
  • When the lights come on, Saturn is beating on Malenko.
  • Booker T and Malenko start out.
  • Booker works the breakdance early.
  • The Patron Saint tags in.
  • Stevie slams Malenko, and Booker tags himself in.
  • Stevie wanted Midnight in.
  • Booker gets beaten on in the Revolution corner.
  • Saturn works on Booker.
  • Saturn with a head-and-arm suplex.
  • Malenko tags in.
  • Malenko runs right into a Rock Bottom from Booker.
  • Stevie tags in.
  • Booker tags right back in.
  • Malenko crotches Booker over the top rope.
  • Saturn accidentally takes Asya out.
  • Stevie tags in again to no crowd reaction.
  • Stevie takes on the Revolution.
  • Malenko gets tossed.
  • Saturn eats a knee.
  • Douglas gets knocked off the apron.
  • Midnight takes on Malenko, but hurts her knee on a leapfrog.
  • Malenko rolls Stevie up, but Booker takes care of Midnight instead of breaking up the pin.
  • Stevie gets pinned.
  • Stevie questions Booker.

• Mike Tenay talks to TP and Torgo
  • David screams at Tenay.
  • TP says that Liz can only work for him, and won't be coming out with Liz.
  • Piper rants about something.

• Rhonda Singh stops Kanyon's agent
  • She wants him to represent her.
  • He says he only represents top Hollywood talent.
  • Rhonda says she can sing and dance.
  • The agent leaves, but Amway Chavo was listening.
  • He has some dancing gear to sell her.

• Paul Orndorff gets summoned by the Powers.

• The Heel Nitro Girls dance.

• Rhonda Singh comes out in a gilttery outfit to dance.
  
  • The other Girls gang up on her, but she's too much woman for them.

• More zany adventures with Brian Knobbs and Sgt. Savings.

• Match 6: Block Match - Jerry Flynn vs. WCW Hardcore Champion Norman Smiley
  • Smiley wanders into the block.
  • Flynn beats up on him as the crappy camera work goes on.
  • Tank Abbott and Meng wander into the Block.
  • Smiley escapes with Meng in pursuit as Flynn and Abbott fight.

• Russo talks to Orndorff
  • Russo says that Orndorff trained Midnight.
  • Russo fires Orndorff because he did such a good job with Midnight.
  • Orndorff talks smack to Russo.
  • Russo says that Orndorff will face Creative Control tonight.
    

• Sid has his "coach" with him
  • It's a kid named Seth who looks like he has Down's Syndrome.
  • The kid says his favorite wrestler is Sid.
  • Tony says that this shows Sid's human side.

• Match 7: Steve Williams (w/Oklahoma) vs. Sid Vicious (w/Seth)
  • Oklahoma grabs the stick and talks smack about Mike Ditka.
  • This match will be a suplex vs. powerbomb match.
  • Sid and Seth come out next.
  • Williams attacks Sid on the outside.
  • Doc with a series of chops and punches.
  • Sid has no offense early on.
  • Sid nonchalantly blocks a backdrop suplex.
  • Sid escapes an over-the-shoulder powerslam.
  • Oklahoma slips his boot to Williams, and Williams nails Sid with it.
  • Vampiro chases Oklahoma into the ring.
  • Williams clotheslines Vampiro.
  • Sid tries a powerbomb.
  • Doc backdrops out of it.
  • Sid hits a big boot, then hits the Powerbomb for the pin.
  • Oklahoma eats a Chokeslam.
  • The Outsiders hit the ring to beat on Sid.
  • Nash sets up for the Jackknife, and hits it.

• Sid gets checked by the doctors in the back.

• The Outsiders talk smack about Sid to Tenay.

• Match 8: Total Package and David Flair vs. Diamond Dallas Page and Sting
  • TP makes his way out first.
  • Torgo joins him with the crowbar and headless teddy bear.
  • DDP's music hits, and Page comes out.
  • Sting gets the final entrance.
  • TP takes the teddy from David.
  • Sting ducks a crowbar shot.
  • David eats a Stinger Splash.
  • Sting tags DDP in, and punches him.
  • Sting and DDP battle each other.
  • Sting with a pair of Stinger Splashes on DDP.
  • Sting hits a third one.
  • TP tags in, and tosses the teddy bear to the crowd.
  • TP crowbars Sting.
  • Liz comes up behind TP, and yanks the crowbar away.
  • TP gets a chair.
  • Liz protects Sting.
  • Torgo crawls up behind TP, and crowbars him in the lower back.
  • Liz pulls Sting on top of TP, and the ref counts the pin.

• Gene talks to Chris "Champagne" Kanyon
  • Rhonda Singh asks the agent if he liked her dance.
  • The agent calls for security to take her away.
  • Bam Bam Bigelow tries to talk to Kanyon.
  • The agent stops him.
  • Bigelow threatens the agent, so Kanyon beats up Bigelow.
  • Kanyon: "Triad that."

• Match 9: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Chris Kanyon (w/agent and ladies)
  • Bam Bam Bigelow makes his way out.
  • Bigelow grabs the mic.
  • Bigelow wonders what happened to Kanyon in Hollywood.
  • Bigelow says he doesn't sell out.
  • Bigelow says that three guys from Jersey wasn't good enough for Kanyon, so maybe this ass-whuppin' will.
  • Kanyon makes his way out.
  • He's got his agent and two ladies with him.
  • The agent says he's also Kanyon's legal advisor.
  • Is this Clarence Mason?
  • Bigelow attacks.
  • Kanyon tries to take his coat off, but eats a clothesline.
  • Bigelow tears at the face of Kanyon.
  • Nice avalanche splash from Bigelow.
  • Kanyon blocks a hiptoss with a swinging neckbreaker.
  • Bigelow catches Kanyon for an electric chair suplex.
  • Bigelow continues the punishment.
  • Samoan drop from Bigelow.
  • Kanyon ducks an elbow, tries a cross body, but gets met with a standing powerslam.
  • Bigelow goes up top, and lands a top-rope headbutt to Kanyon's sack.
  • The agent distracts Bigelow, so Kanyon pops right up, hits the Flatliner, and gets the pin.
  • Actually, the move is now known as "That's A Wrap."

• Vito and Johnny The Bull have a body bag
  • They're going to get Lash.

• Piper rants about his "chair match" with Hennig.

• Match 10: Bodybag Match - Lash LeRoux (w/Disco Inferno) vs. Vito (w/Johnny The Bull)
  • Disco Inferno makes his way out.
  • Some jazzy music brings out his tag team partner, Lash LeRoux.
    
  • LeRoux has his own body bag.
  • LeRoux has a mic.
  • He talks to the hometown crowd.
  • He promises to let the good times roll: "Laissez les bon temps rouler!"
  • The Godfather music brings out Vito and Johnny The Bull.
  • Vito opens up early on Lash.
  • Lash is getting the tar knocked out of him.
  • Lash with a sunset flip for two.
  • Nice superkick from Vito.
  • Lash avoids a frog splash.
  • Lash hits the Burboun Street Blues.
  • Backdrop from Lash.
  • Running back elbow.
  • Vito begs off.
  • Lash brings him out of the corner the hard way.
  • Lash hits a side suplex, and a legdrop.
  • Suplex from Lash, who goes to the second buckle.
  • Lash with a Disco Inferno-like diving forearm.
  • Disco deals with Johnny on the floor.
  • Lash reverses a Vito whip into the ropes, and Disco hits Vito with a chair.
  • Lash hits the Whiplash!
  • He goes to cover, then gets the bodybag.
  • Lash gets the bag mostly closed, which is good enough for the ref.
  • Johnny nails Lash with a chain.
  • Vito hits a version of Gangrel's impaler DDT.
  • They put Lash in the body bag, and take him out of the ring area.

• The mobsters put Lash down in the parking lot, and go look for their car.
  • Lash tries to get out of the bag.

• Match 11: Paul Orndorff vs. Creative Control
  • Orndorff makes his way out.
  • Patrick and Gerald are out for the handicap match.
  • Orndorff and Patrick start out.
  • Orndorff takes on both men.
  • Orndorff dropkicks Patrick in the knee, hits a kneelift, and drops a Road Dogg-esque elbow.
  • Gerald tags in, and takes it to Orndorff.
  • Orndorff with a backdrop suplex, and another elbowdrop.
  • Orndorff chokes Gerald with a rope he had in his sweatpants.
  • Patrick comes in to break it up.
  • Gerald chokes Orndorff.
  • Arn Anderson and Larry Zbysko come to ringside.
  • Zbysko hits a swinging neckbreaker on Patrick.
  • Orndorff whips Gerald into an Arn Anderson kick.
  • Orndorff piledrives Gerald for the pin!
    
  • Orndorff, Zbysko, and Arn celebrate going to the back.
  • Referee Slick Johnson comes out to DQ Paul Orndorff, and award the ref to the Powers..

• Vito and Johnny come back to the body bag, and find Norman Smiley in the bag.

• Match 12: Chair Match - Curt Hennig vs. Roddy Piper
  • Curt Hennig comes out for his second match of the evening.
  • Piper out next, and he's got a torn bicep.
  • Hennig works the hurt arm with the chair.
  • Piper sends Hennig into the chair.
  • Piper knocks Hennig over the top rope with the chair.
  • Hennig runs to the dressing room, and Piper wins by countout.

• In the back, we find out that Bret Hart's been attacked
  • Goldberg comforts him.

• Match 13: WCW US Heavyweight Champion Scott Hall and Kevin Nash vs. WCW World Tag Team Champions Bret Hart and Bill Goldberg
  • The Outsiders come out, and taunt Bret Hart.
  • Goldberg takes both belts and walks to the ring.
  • Goldberg tosses the belts at the Outsiders' feet, and clotheslines them.
  • Goldberg Powerslam for Hall! Superkick for Nash!
  • The Outsiders flee to the floor.
  • Hall and Goldberg lock up back in the ring.
  • Hall with the shoulderblock armlock.
  • Hall slaps Goldberg, who just tosses him.
  • Pumphandle slam on Hall.
  • Nash tags in.
  • Goldberg with a diving shoulderblock on Nash.
  • Bodyslam on Nash for two.
  • Hall distracts Goldberg, allowing Nash to hit a big boot.
  • Hall tags in, then Nash comes back in.
  • Tony talks about how severely Hart must be injured.
  • The Outsiders continue their advantage on Goldberg.
  • Hall lands a chokeslam.
  • Hart runs down to the ring.
  • Hart fights the Outsiders.
  • Russian Legsweep from Hart on Nash.
  • Hart goes for the Sharpshooter on Nash.
  • Hall nails Hart.
  • Goldberg with a superkick on Hall.
  • Hart blocks a belt shot fron Nash.
  • Goldberg sets up for a Spear on Hall.
  • Hall gets speared as Nash takes Hart's knee out.
    
  • As Goldberg jackhammers Hall, Nash covers Hart for the pin and the belts.
  • Goldberg can't believe it as we fade to black....

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