WCW Thunder - Thursday, January 6, 2000

• Venerados ponders:

  I don't get how Kanyon is supposed to be a Godfather ripoff. The only similarity I see there is the hos. I know the Godfather isn't the first wrestler to come to the ring flanked by women.

  The first impression I got of "Champagne" when he made his Nitro re-debut was of a Godfather ripoff due to his outfit, women and general attitude at the time, but I feel that Kanyon has been able to tailor his character into something different with his "movie star" gimmick.

  I think the first impression is the reason why people feel the way you described others think about Kanyon. Technically though, all he has is the women, and he doesn't even offer them to his opponent before the match. Plus, I think that Chris Kanyon is a much better wrestler than the Godfather, despite the fact that WCW is trying to get the gimmick of Champagne over and not Kanyon's own ability.

• Ty W. mentions:

  Know what's worse than the boy band gimmick? Beating people with plastic silver bats and spraypainting them while they're unconscious.

• Phil has a better idea for booking a team of Hunchbacks:

  Better yet, make them lose to the Ding Dongs in a grueling 30-minute match -- grueling for whom would be the true question.

Since ideas such as "Hot Pokers Up the Ass" are taken, I'm going to utilize a type of system to rate matches in this report. Now, I understand that everyone has their own opinion on what happens in a match, and one person's match of the year is another person's DUD. But, this is intended to be my opinion and used as a measure of how *I* enjoyed the match. You, the reader, are free to feel different if need be.

Keep in mind, I won't be using stars. What I will be using is, well I won't spoil it for you yet. You'll know what it is when you see it.

In any case, I would like your feedback on how well I can pull this off. Be it good or bad, I'd like to know so I know whether to continue this method, or just not use ratings altogether. Please e-mail me at aldod2112@hotmail.com and let me know what you think. Thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy this week's report!

• Skank Ho and Spice come out to further tarnish the Cruiserweight title.
• Tonight's designated victim: Asya.
• Wasn't there a women's belt at one time for these matches?
• The Oklahoma Fight Song brings out Oklahoma. Sigh...
• I can already tell this show is going to suck.
• Oklahoma hits the booth.
• Asya grapples with Madusa but gets sent to the mat.
• We see Shane Douglas and Dean Malenko come to ringside.
• Asya with some punches to the gut and a monkeyflip.
• Asya hits a legdrop as Oklahoma makes some Paul E. Dangerously-worthy comments about women.
• Madusa gets whipped to the corner and does a Flair Flip of sorts.
• Back in, Madusa with a suplex.
• Shane Douglas distracts Mark Johnson as Malenko argues with Madusa.
• Perry Saturn comes in and nails Asya from behind.
• This allows Madusa to apply the German Suplex for the win.
• YOUR WINNER: Madusa via German Suplex in 1:42.
• Post-match, Madusa jumps on the announcer's booth and runs down Oklahoma and The Powers That Be.
• The Filthy Animals then rush the ring as the Revolution flee.
• Apparently, Oklahoma bashed his BBQ sauce on Madusa, as we see her on the safety mat covered with the stuff.
• Wow, maybe we'll see Ed Ferrera put himself over Madusa at Souled Out!
• My rating for this:  

• Tonight, Jeff Jarrett faces Norman Smiley in a U. S. Title Bunkhouse Brawl.
• David Flair and Crowbar defend the tag titles against Konnan and Kidman.
• The Wall faces Jerry Flynn in a "shootfight rules" match.

• The Juice thinks this is "Greenville."
• Juice says there is juice everywhere. Well, maybe in the locker room.
• Juice threatens Schiavone to leave the announcer's booth.
• Sadly, I'd rather see Schiavone in the announcer's booth than Juventud.
• Psychosis lifts Schiavone out of his seat and shoos him away.

• Funk takes out Juvi and powerbombs Psychosis on the announcer's table.
• Funk then steps into the ring and demands the mic.
• The crowd chants for "Terry."
• Funk tells the nWo that they can do this the easy way or the hard way.
• The Easy Way: The nWo brings Arn Anderson to the ring.
• The Hard Way: Funk takes care of it all himself.
• Jeff Jarrett comes out with his guitar and some censored words.
• Jarrett tells Funk that the nWo has some demands.
• Jarrett says the nWo will be out here in an hour or so before promising some torture to Arn.
• Funk rebutts.
• Jarrett tells Funk: "Don't piss me off." Gee, haven't heard that in a while.

• As Douglas rants, a ticker at the bottom of the screen shows Thunder's new time: Wednesdays at 9:05 P.M.
• Saturn tells the Animals to be like a midget at a urinal -- on his toes.
• Malenko promises to get Jim Duggan to renounce his country.
• Juventud runs in and takes over Okerlund's spot with permission.

• Gene talks about Stevie Ray's actions recently.
• Booker refers to the time where Stevie Ray got hurt.
• Booker talks about getting his ass kicked and needing someone watching his back.
• That someone is Midnight.
• Booker talks about Stevie's slapjack attack recently.
• Booker wants Stevie and Midnight in his corner.
• Booker thinks Stevie and Midnight need to come together.
• Stevie walks out to the ring.
• Stevie tells Booker that Midnight is not ready.
• Stevie says Midnight cost him four matches.
• Stevie says he started Harlem Heat.
• Stevie wants Booker to set-up a match between him and Midnight.
• Booker has two stipulations:
  1. The match must be fair and square. Isn't that a stipulation of every match?
  2. If Stevie wins, he can have his way. If Midnight wins, Harlem Heat must reform with Midnight.
• Stevie agrees.

• PG-13 comes out and raps.
• Their partner: Chavo!
• They'll be facing Three Count, who plan to perform after this match.
• Shannon attacks Chavo from behind to start.
• Shannon tries a legdrop DDT but Chavo flips him into the ropes.
• Shannon tags out to Shane.
• Just announced for Souled Out: Oklahoma vs. Madusa.
• JC Ice and Shane are in the ring.
• Evan comes in with a missile dropkick after a tag.
• Evan dumps Wolfie D from the ring and hits Chavo on the apron.
• Evan hits a springboard bodyblock on Wolfie outside.
• It's now a pier-six.
• Chavo goes for a Tornado DDT on Shannon but Shane hits Chavo with his green circle.
• Shannon covers for the win.
• YOUR WINNERS: Three Count in 1:31.
• Post-match, Three Count performs.
• The gimmick sucks, but Three Count could be over heels by proxy.
• Also, where is the explanation between Chavo, Jr. and PG-13 joining forces? That's just crackhead booking.
• A trainwreck here, so I'll go  

• As the bell rings, Tank Abbott walks out, ensuring that each and every match will not end clean tonight.
• The Wall has his way to start.
• Flynn kicks Wall out of the ring as Tank joins the broadcasters.
• Flynn runs Wall to the rail and brings him back in.
• Flynn with his kick and punch offense.
• Wall reverses a whip to the corner and lands a clothesline.
• Wall with a choke.
• Wall slams Flynn and goes to the middle rope but misses the gullotine legdrop.
• Flynn whips Wall into a chop.
• Flynn with some kicks in the corner.
• Flynn with his corner whip-spin kick combo.
• Flynn taunts Abbott outside and gets decked from behind.
• Abbott rolls Flynn back in the ring for the Wall pinfall.
• YOUR WINNER: The Wall in 2:44.
• Post-match, Abbott roughs up Wall until security enters the ring.
• Doug Dillenger gets decked as we go to commercial.
• DUD.

• This is a "bunkhouse brawl" for the United States title. Smiley's belt is not at stake.
• Smiley runs from Jarrett as the bell rings.
• Typical "hardcore" fare involving the trash can.
• Jarrett chairs Smiley on the back and brings him to the ring.
• Jarrett smacks Smiley with a broom twice.
• Smiley drop toe-holds Jarrett on the trashcan.
• Smiley with various weapon shots.
• Smiley whips Jarrett to the corner but eats boot.
• Jarrett comes off the top with a cowbell but misses.
• Smiley beans Jarrett with the cowbell and gets 2.9 when Jarrett's leg touches the ropes.
• Smiley thinks he's won so he celebrates.
• Jarrett brings Smiley back to reality with a guitar shot to the noggin.
• Jarrett ends it with The Stroke.
• YOUR WINNER: Jeff Jarrett via The Stroke in 2:34.
• Post-match, Terry Funk walks to the ring and confronts Jarrett.
• David Flair chokes Jarrett from behind with his crowbar.
• Funk handcuffs Jarrett's hands together as David continues the assault.
• Funk gives the nWo two minutes to get out to the ring.
• Smiley's hardcore gimmick was funny at first, but it's really getting old, especially when he's doing the same thing week after week.
• I'll go    here.

• Basic gist: Kevin Nash challenges Terry Funk to a match at Souled Out with the winner being commissioner of WCW.
• Funk agrees but demands it will be a hardcore match with the nWo banned from ringside.
• Funk challenges Bret Hart for the World Title tonight in a hardcore (surprise!) match.
• Funk says he doesn't give a damn about the belt but wants to embarrass Hart in front of his peers.
• Hart accepts the challenge and says he might have to kill Funk.
• Hart offers a swap, "Beirut-style".
• The two sides exchange Arn Anderson (doing a great selling job by the way) for Jeff Jarrett.
  
• Arn attacks Jarrett from behind until Hart gets a bat shot in.

• Stevie walks to ringside.
• Midnight gets her usual entrance. One day, she's gonna trip while running and won't make it to the ring when the lights come back on. :-)
• Midnight starts with a headlock.
• Dropkick by Midnight.
• Midnight with punches in the corner.
• Stevie sends Midnight to the corner and clotheslines her.
• Stevie lands some rights.
• Booker T is banned from ringside thanks to Funk.
• Stevie runs Midnight over with a lariat.
• Stevie with a scoop slam.
• Stevie drops an elbow and covers, but pulls her up at two.
• Stevie whips Midnight to the corner, stalls and kicks her.
• Stevie whips Midnight into a back elbow.
• Stevie does his bad-ass pose and covers, but pulls Midnight up again.
  
• Here comes the chinlock!
• Midnight tries to fight back but a forearm ends that thought.
• Stevie with a side slam.
• Stevie pulls out the slapjack from his tights.
• Booker T heads to the apron and tells Stevie to beat Midnight fair and square.
• Stevie hands the slapjack to Booker.
• Stevie whips Midnight into a powerslam.
• Stevie lifts Midnight's dead arms to prove a point.
• Stevie continues to check on Midnight and it proves costly -- Midnight gets the roll-up and victory.
• YOUR WINNER: Midnight via pinfall in 4:41.
• Post-match, the three embrace.
• Booker and Midnight celebrate until Stevie beans the two with the slapjack.
• Stevie kicks Booker while he is down and leaves the ring.
• 

• The Juice comes to the interview area with a blonde, who calls Gene sexy.
• Gene acts like he's about to get an orgasm and walks off with the woman.
  

• Gene asks DDP what took place between Buff Bagwell and Kimberly.
• DDP denies the accusations of Buff doing Kim.
• DDP notes that Buff was hitting on Kim, though.
• DDP offers bringing out Bagwell tonight to talk face-to-face.
• DDP says that Buff's first wife left him and that he cheated on her.
• DDP says that Buff loves the women and the women love him... and so do the guys.
• DDP tells Buff he won't make up for his shortcomings (holds thumb and index finger to indicate a "shortie") on Kim.
• Buff charges the ring and exchanges blows with DDP.
• They take it to the crowd until security breaks it up.

• Why, it's that top-notch worker Kevin Nash!
• We go to a shot of the entryway, then a prone Bigelow.
• Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett assault Bigelow and wheelbarrow him to the ring.
• Jarrett dumps Bigelow on the safety mat.
• Nash grabs the bat and jabs Bigelow with it.
• The match is thrown out at 0:22.
• Nash continues to assault Bigelow with the bat.
• I'll admit, Kevin Nash is finding innovative ways to avoid doing work in the ring.
• DUD.

• This one might be good, if given more than five minutes and Davey is kept out of the ring.
• I think Devon Storm can get a better gimmick, though.
• Anyway, enough rambling. Let's get to the meat of this segment.
• Crowbar and Kidman start.
• Crowbar lays into Kidman.
• Crowbar with a headbutt and whip.
• Kidman with a headscissors takeover.
• Crowbar reverses a whip, tries a slam but Kidman breaks free.
• Crowbar with a spinning heel kick.
• Crowbar with kicks in the corner and a whip.
• Crowbar eats boot in the charge.
• Kidman with a flying headscissors and a dropkick.
• Tag to David.
• Kidman clotheslines David.
• Kidman with rights.
• David reverses a whip and hits a decent suplex.
• Kidman with his Rydeen Bomb.
• Kidman covers for two.
• Kidman puts on a headlock.
• Tag to Crowbar.
• Kidman whips David and takes him down but eats a missile dropkick by Crowbar.
• Crowbar slams David as Daffney takes her screeching to Woman-ish levels.
• Crowbar hits a slingshot gullotine legdrop for two.
• Crowbar whips Kidman who slides under.
• Konnan comes in with a DDT.
• Crowbar whips out a release German suplex.
• Crowbar tries a powerbomb, with predicted results.
• Kidman goes for the Shooting Star Press but David knocks Kidman down.
• Crowbar tries a frankensteiner but Rey, Jr. grabs Kidman and Crowbar goes down.
• Kidman with a flying clothesline.
• Arn Anderson hobbles to ringside.
• Tag to Konnan.
• Konnan cleans house with the usual.
• As Konnan goes for the Tequila Sunrise on David, Arn hits Konnan with the crowbar.
• David covers Konnan for the win in what amounts to the best match of the night.
• YOUR WINNERS: David Flair and Crowbar in 5:04.
• Post-match, the Revolution attack the Animals as Arn walks off.
• Rey gets tied to the Tree of Woe in the corner as Malenko kicks away.
• Konnan and Kidman make the save with a lead pipe and crutch.
• The Animals tend to Rey.
•     

• Hart gets the first entrance.
• Funk comes out next at 9:52 P.M. EST.
• Stalling to start.
• Lockup, Hart punches away at the ropes and Funk goes outside.
• Funk climbs the apron but gets punched off.
• Funk starts throwing chairs in the ring out of frustration.
• Hart hammers Funk as he re-enters the ring.
• Hart drives Funk into a chair.
• Hart plunges a bat into Funk's chest.
• Hart knocks Funk between the ropes and out the ring with a right.
• Hart whips Funk into the rail.
• Hart whips Funk into another rail.
• Hart jabs Funk with a chair.
• Hart with a chair to the head.
• Funk crawls into the ring and Hart follows.
• Funk with a few lefts.
• Funk sends Hart outside.
• Funk charges at Hart with a chair in front of the WCW Power Plant Crew.
• Funk with some lefts.
• Funk lands a chop and shoves Hart into a dumpster bin.
• Funk batters Hart with a trash can then dumps him onto the side of the apron.
• Funk brings a trashcan into the ring.
• Funk with a can shot.
• Funk goes up top and misses a moonsault.
• Hart comes back with a chair to the head.
• Hart puts Funk's left leg inside the chair.
• Hart with his second rope elbow on the leg.
• Hart decks Charles Robinson for fun.
• Backstage, Arn Anderson dons the referee shirt but David Flair offers to do it instead.
• David then shuts the locker room door and locks the door.
• The nWo rush in and lay waste to Funk.
• As Funk heads outside, David stalks to ringside, but Nash halts the momentum and beans him with his own crowbar.
• Baseball bats shots to David and Crowbar as Funk and Nash battle on the Thunder set.
• Daffney jumps on Jarrett's back.
• Nash powerbombs Funk on the set as we fade at 8:13.
• Here's an idea that might get fans to come back to the next show -- let the face have the final blow sometimes.
•