WCW Monday Nitro - January 31^st, 2000

• Last week, during Nitro, we were getting a little bit of snow in North Carolina. This week, today was my first day back in the office after the largest recorded snowfall in North Carolina's history. Sheesh.

• We start off with the WCW logo, and a look back at Sid vs. Nash last week.

• We see Hall and the nWo on the phone with Nash "Earlier Today."
  • Jarrett is appointed acting commissioner.
  • The phone goes dead as Jarrett hands it back to Hall.

• We see Jarrett in a sport jacket walking with the nWo and ho's through the back.

• And we're LIVE from Wilkes-Barre, PA, with WCW Monday Nitro.

• nWo music hits
  • Mark Madden is in replacing Bobby Heenan tonight.
  • Jarrett leads the nWo out.
  • Madden is playing the nWo fanboy.
  • Jarrett says Nash won't be here. The crowd boos.
  • The crowd boos about Jarrett as acting commish.
  • Jarrett passes the mic to Steiner.
  • Steiner talks smack about Pennsylvania women as his chicks disrobe.
  • Steiner offers the Harris Brothers a spot in the nWo. So much for "keeping it elite."
  • Jarrett congratulates Sid on his miraculous victory.
  • They try to bleep an "asshole" chant.
  • Jarrett gets to decide who, when, and where Sid's next opponent will be.
  • It'll be at SuperBrawl in San Francisco, and it'll be against Jarrett.
  • Jarrett promises to make Sid's night a living hell until SuperBrawl.
  • Tonight: Jarrett and the Harris Brothers vs. Sid and two partners of Jarrett's choosing.
  • Jarrett says he'll take bribes.

• Also tonight: Mamalukes vs. Flair/Crowbar, Booker T vs. Big T, and Ric Flair.
  • Madden says that he's on the show because he bribed Jarrett.
  • Sid arrives to the building.
  • A limo pulls up, and Ric Flair gets out.

• Stevie Ray and Big T show up, and J. Biggs is with them.

• Arn talks to Terry Funk.
  • Funk wants Arn to go get Flair.
  • Arn sends Funk to the back to get Flair.

• Match 1: Cruiserweight Title Tournament: Lash LeRoux vs. Evan Karagias (w/Shannon Moore and Shane Helms)
  • Yes! Lash!
  • Too bad they've squandered all of his heat.
  • His opponent: Evan Karagias.
  • Lash attacks Three Count to start, but Evan powerslams him.
  • Avalanche in the corner from Evan.
  • Lash with a tilt-a-whirl slam, but Three Count attacks on the floor.
  • Evan with a springboard bodyblock to the floor.
  • Evan puts Lash up top, but Lash fights out.
  • Leg lariat from Lash.
  • Lash tries the Bourbon Street Blues, but Three Count pulls him to the floor.
  • Somebody call the coroner - this crowd is DEAD.
  • Lots of contrived spots.
  • Evan with a full nelson, but Evan kicks Moore away and breaks the hold.
  • Lash sets up for a Stunner, but falls backward in a Russian Legsweep-type motion, and gets the pin!
  • Tenay says that the move was the "Whiplash 2000".
  • No, that was a really bad match.

• The nWo isn't happy with their catering.
  • They send it to Sid.

• Dustin Rhodes with a public service announcement reminding people not to do wrestling stuff at home.

• Gene talks to Torgo and Crowbar and Daphne
  • David giggles, Daphne looks like a crackhead.
  • Crowbar does his Gordon Solie impression.
  • The Mamalukes attack, and we go right to the match.

• Match 2: David Flair and Crowbar (w/Daphne) vs. WCW World Tag Team Champions Big Vito and Johnny The Bull (w/Disco Inferno)
  • They brawl outside.
  • Vito gets backdropped into a snowdrift.
  • They bring him back in the building.
  • Torgo has a snow shovel.
  • They brawl down the aisle.
  • Disco Inferno joins the broadcast table.
  • Vito and sounds/tortheme.wav back in the ring.
  • Vito slams David.
  • Vito puts a trash can lid over David's crotch, and hits the lid with a crutch. Nice.
  • Vito with a low kick.
  • Vito continues to mop the mat with Flair.
  • Crowbar and Johnny The Bull come in the ring as Vito and David leave.
  • Miss Hancock makes her way down as Johnny powerslams Crowbar.
  • Johnny press-drops Crowbar.
  • Madden: "Miss Hancock's legs go almost all the way up to the sky." A reference to her former incarnation as Nitro Girl Skye?
  • Crowbar starts a comeback.
  • Crowbar puts a chair on Johnny's face, and hits a slingshot legdrop onto the chair.
  • Crowbar vaults onto the Mamalukes.
  • Flair and Crowbar put a table in the ring.
  • Crowbar tries to set the table up.
  • He puts the table on Johnny, and goes for a moonsault, but Disco runs in and pulls Crowbar down.
  • The Mamalukes put Crowbar on the table, and Vito goes up top.
  • Vito splashes Crowbar through the table, and gets the pin.

• Brian Knobbs shows up at the nWo door with a wad of cash.
  • Jarrett lets him in.

• Knobbs wants Jarrett to book Fit Finlay against Total Package.
  • Jarrett says they'll be in the same ring tonight.

• Booker T's music stops about halfway down the aisle.
  • Mr. Biggs comes out, and says Booker T looks confused.
  • Biggs says Booker T's music is the property of Harlem Heat, Inc.
  • He motions to Stevie Ray and Big T.
  • Hey - didn't the guy in the stocking cap get Mae Young pregnant?
    
  • Biggs says that Booker T can no longer use that music.
  • Biggs says Harlem Heat has collaborated, and have some new music for Booker.
  • It's very generic rock music.
  • Biggs: "It's meaningless music for a meaningless person."
  • Biggs says that Booker's "T" is also property of Harlem Heat.
  • Biggs says that the "T" must be stricken from his name.
  • Stevie says that Booker can't even wear the flames any more.
  • St. Stevie says that Booker T can go find his old G.I. Bro suit from 10 years ago.
  • Big T offers to settle the name right now.
  • Biggs sends Harlem Heat to the back.
  • Biggs says that since he's not in Harlem Heat, he probably doesn't have a wrestling license.
  • Midnight comes from behind, and drags Biggs to the ring.
  • Booker and Midnight beat up Biggs, and Booker gets set to powerslam Biggs.
  • Harlem Heat comes down and beats up Booker and Midnight.
  • Crowd: "Booker T! Booker T!"
  • Biggs gets in the ring, and starts selling a neck injury.
  • Harlem Heat leaves the ring.

• Norman Smiley comes into the arena, but gets beaten up and chased away by Three Count.

• In the back Finlay is talking to Jarrett
  • Jarrett says Knobbs tried to buy him off.
  • Jarrett says that Finlay will be in the ring with TP - as the ref in a match between Knobbs and TP.
  • Jarrett says he can be bought, but he didn't name his price.
  • Knobbs watches the monitor in the back, and isn't happy.

• Norm runs, and finds Demon's empty casket.
  • He goes in, but the casket closes on him.
  • This is so sad.

• Match 3: Billy Kidman (w/Torrie Wilson) vs. The Wall
  • Kidman and the luscious Torrie come down.
  • We see Kidman losing to The Wall at the PPV.
  • Wall comes down with his Wall-Mart sunglasses.
  • Kidman opens up early.
  • Kidman eats a big boot.
  • Kidman ducks another one, but gets met with a press-drop.
  • Pendulum backbreaker from Wall.
  • Wall blocks a sunset flip with a two-handed choke.
  • Short-arm clothesline by Wall for two.
  • Wall lands a gutbuster.
  • Wall puts Kidman up top, but Kidman fights off and hits a missile dropkick.
  • Kidman with a Frankensteiner for two.
  • Kidman goes up top, but tries a cross-bodyblock. He gets caught with a standing powerslam.
  • Wall signals for the Chokeslam.
  • Vampiro makes his way out.
  • As Wall has Kidman up for the Chokeslam, Vampiro comes off the top with a spinwheel kick onto Kidman.
  • Kidman falls onto Wall, and cradles him for the pin!

• Ric Flair walks.

• Hall wants to know who Sid's partners are.

• Mean Gene is in the ring, and calls out Ric Flair
  • Flair makes his way down as the announcers talk about how nice Flair was not to steal Sid's thunder.
  • Gene says Flair could run for Governor of Pennsylvania.
  • Flair: "Meeeean....whooo!......by God Gene."
  • Flair asks if Gene knows what the adulation means to him.
  • Flair says that the Steelers, Eagles, Pirates, etc. don't equal him.
  • Flair works in a "your girlfriend."
  • Flair says that he, not Lindros, not Jagr, is the man.
  • Flair: "Flair is wrestling, do you get it?"
  • Flair says 15 years ago, he didn't have a peer. Ten years ago, there were a couple of guys who could run with the Naitch.
  • Flair says he's at the ripe age of 50, and still the man.
  • Flair works in an "ask your mother" and a "Space Mountain still has the longest line".
    
  • Flair says that wrestling fans around the world have missed The Naitch.
  • Flair talks about sitting home while the Powers That Be had the audacity to call him up in Charlotte and ask him to be the commissioner.
  • Crowd: "Nature Boy! Nature Boy!"
  • Flair asked them why they'd want the greatest wrestler alive to be the commissioner. Flair said no.
  • Flair says they asked him to come up to the snow, sleet, and mud of Wilkes-Barre. Flair said maybe, if the deal's right.
  • Flair says he's going to get the company up and running again.
  • Flair has to clarify things with one man right now - the former commissioner, Mr. Terry Funk.
  • Funk has been alluding to the fact that Flair might support him.
  • Flair: "You're Terry Funk, and I'm Ric Flair, and there's a big difference."
  • Flair calls out Funk.
  • Flair tells Schiavone that God's standing in the ring tonight.
  • Funk makes his way out to boos.
  • Funk: "Flair, you banana-nosed, horse-toothed, evil bastard. You have been World's Champion more times than any other man in the history of this sport. You have made millions in this sport. You have become a common name in every household throughout the world. But I sense a tinge of jealousy in your voice."
  • Funk says the jealousy comes from Mick Foley's book, and one sentence: "That Flair wouldn't make a decent-sized pimple on Terry Funk's ass on any given day."
  • Funk wants Flair to join him against the nWo.
  • Funk wants Flair to grow up.
  • Funk says that David Flair needs discipline from his father. Funk says he'd beat on David and teach him some respect.
  • Funk tells Flair to go be governor of North Carolina, and leave Funk and Arn to deal with the nWo.
  • Funk says that from Starrcade to Wrestlemania back to Starrcade, he's got more titles than Funk has cows in his chicken ranch.
  • Flair calls Funk down the aisle.
  • Flair: "I'm wearing my Armani suit, my Armani tie, and I gotta beat up Terry Funk. What's happened to this country."
  • Flair laughs at Funk's "Living Legend" shirt.
  • Funk punches Flair, puts on a Spinning Toehold, and punches Flair.
  • Security tries to break them up, and Flair runs toward the back.

• Jarrett is in the back
  • "Looks like we just found Sid two partners."

• Promo for Steve "Sting" Borden in "Shudderspeed."

• Gene brings in Sid
  • Sid rants.

• Miss Hancock is in the back
  • She asks Lenny and Lodi why they're not wearing their suits.
  • They say they're through with those monkey suits.
  • Hancock says that after the last stunt they pulled (West Hollywood Blondes), they're lucky to even have a job with WCW.
  • Lenny: "Oh yeah, we're real lucky to have a job with WCW."
  • Lenny and Lodi says that's the second stupid gimmick they've been stuck with.
  • They need to speak with "Them" about getting their names right.
  • Lodi tells Hancock to come see them when she gets the bun out of her hair.

• Match 4: Total Package (w/Elizabeth) vs. WCW Hardcore Champion Brian Knobbs
  • TP and Liz come out with their Sting chair and bat.
  • Finlay comes out in ref's garb.
  • Hardcore champ Knobbs makes his way out.
  • Knobbs starts off early.
  • Knobbs with a back elbow.
  • He signals for a Pit Stop, but Finlay slaps his arm down.
  • Avalanche clothesline from Knobbs, then a Pit Stop.
  • Knobbs dumps TP to the floor.
  • TP goes into the guardrail.
  • TP begs off from TP, but Finlay forearms Knobbs in the back of the head.
  • TP lands the loaded forearm.
  • Knobbs lands a series of clotheslines, and bodyslams TP.
  • Knobbs drops some elbows on TP, followed by a legdrop.
  • Knobbs goes to the second turnbuckle.
  • Finlay stands in the way of the big splash, and Liz hits Knobbs from behind with a bat.
  • Both men are down as Finlay walks out.
  • Liz puts the chair on Knobbs' arm, and stomps on it.
  • Refs try to stop the damage from TP.
  • TP talks smack to Hogan as he leaves.
  • The refs help Knobbs out.

• Norman Smiley emerges from the coffin dressed as the Demon.

• Dale Torborg tells the cops that someone jacked his gear.

• Match 5: Shane Helms (w/Shannon Moore and Evan Karagias) vs. Norman Smiley
  • Three Count dances.
  • Norman Smiley comes out dressed as the Demon.
  • Shane Helms will be wrestling Norman.
  • Helms with a Frog Splash, Russian Legsweep, and a series of running legdrops.
  • A series of reversals, ending in the spinning bodyslam from Norman.
  • Hogan will be at Thunder on Thursday.
  • Helms avoids a dropkick.
  • Helms with an airplane spin.
  • Norman knocks Helms from the top.
  • Norman applies a giant swing.
  • Madden: "Now we're gonna party like it's 1969."
  • Norman does the SMBU on Helms' butt.
  • Norm takes out the other two Three-Count members.
  • Norm ducks a Helms clothesline, and locks on the Norman Conquest for the submission win!
  • Norman does the SMBU again and Torborg leads the cops after Norman, and chases Norman through the crowd.
    

• Gene talks to DDP and Kim
  • Kim talks about their relationship.
  • Big Vito gooses Kimberly.
  • Kim turns around, sees Disco, and says "Disco just grabbed my butt!"
  • Disco: "I didn't grab your ass, you stupid bimbo."
  • Kim slaps Disco, and DDP beats him up.

• Match 6: Disco Inferno vs. Diamond Dallas Page (w/Kimberly)
  • DDP and Disco brawl to the ring area.
  • They brawl over toward DJ Ran. They're up in his area.
  • More brawling through the crowd.
  • They get to the ring, and the bell finally rings.
  • DDP with a top-rope clothesline.
  • Page plants Disco with a Rock Bottom.
  • Disco with a low blow and a swinging neckbreaker.
  • Russian legsweep by Disco.
  • Disco drops an elbow.
  • Disco spanks Page, blocks a punch, and opens up.
  • Disco dances, allowing Page to come back.
  • Page with a spinning powerbomb.
  • Page signals for the Diamond Cutter.
  • Disco blocks with a jawbreaker.
  • Page blocks a hiptoss with the Diamond Cutter, and gets the pin.

• Match 7: WCW US Heavyweight Champion Jeff Jarrett, Ron Harris, and Don Harris vs. WCW World Heavyweight Champion Sid Vicious, Ric Flair, and Terry Funk
  • The nWo makes their way out first.
  • Tony wonders where Arn Anderson is.
  • Terry Funk comes out first.
  • Sid's music brings the champ out.
  • The nWo attacks Funk & Sid in the aisle.
  • Flair isn't in the match.
  • Sid and Jarrett fight as the Harris boys beat up Funk.
  • They switch up now.
  • Funk tries to even the odds with a chair, but pays the price.
  • Sid takes on all three nWo members.
  • Sid has a Harris in the ring.
  • Funk throws an announcer chair in the ring. The Harris throws it back out.
  • As he does, someone in the crowd yells "Ow, my eye!"
    • In addition to being incredibly funny, the fact you could hear that at home gives you an idea of how dead the crowd was.
  • Jarrett comes in to make the save.
  • The Harris gets backdropped over the top rope.
  • Sid with a kick to the gut, but the other Harris blocks the powerbomb on Jarrett.
  • Sid gets on the apron and we actually have a bit of tag-match order.
  • Funk has the Toehold on a Harris, but the other one chairs him.
  • Jarrett tags in.
  • Funk continues to take punishment in the nWo corner.
  • Funk with jabs on Jarrett, but Jarrett avoids a big right hand.
  • Funk piledrives Jarrett for two.
  • Funk tags Sid.
  • Funk takes out all three nWo members.
  • Flair runs down the aisle, and he goes right after Funk.
  • Security takes Flair away.
  • Sid chokeslams a Harris.
  • The other Harris makes the save.
  • Sid kicks him in the gut, and powerbombs him.
  • Jarrett has his guitar, and kabongs Sid.
  • Jarrett covers Sid, and gets the pin.
  • With that, we immediately fade to black.

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