WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, March 20^th, 2000

• Seems someone liked my last report, so I'm back.

• Mailbag:
  • Allan writes:

    I read your Thunder report and must congratulate you on a great job. In that report, you mention that Kidman attempts a Fame Booty-er (I don't cuss, so I make up clever-yet-pointless euphamisms) and asked what the real name of that move was. As far as I know, there are three names for that move besides the one Billy Gunn chose: the showstopper (when done by Marty Jannetty), the Rocker Dropper (when done by Marty Jannetty in his days in the Rockers) and the leg-drop DDT (when done by anyone excepting, of course, Marty Jannetty and Billy Gunn). I hope that helps. Anyway, keep up the good work on the reports and the Kanyon web site. Have a nice day!

  • Neil was the first person to tell me why Vampiro has new music.

    Vampiro stopped coming out to his old music (which was a mix of a Misfits instrumental) after Jerry Only got pissed at him and the Misfits quit WCW. I suppose he can still use it at house shows because there's nobody there to sue him...well there'd be nobody there to sue at TV tapings too, but never mind.

  • Judy writes:

    Just want to say how much I love reading the reports here. Then I don't have to watch the program. You all seem to have a talent for taking something soooooo boring and making it fun. For over a year now I've watched WCW sink like the Titanic (how sad), and I almost lost interest. But then I ran across this site by accident and found it's a hell of a lot more fun coming to this site and reading what happens on WCW. Sorry you have to endure the pain of watching...but it's for a good cause. I must say if WCW had announcers like you guys, ratings might go up a bit. I know I'd watch for the laughs. Thanks for great reporting.

  • Almost forgot this one:

    man it was great. you can wrestle very good. your my favorite wrestler. i have your flag and lots of posters, your the coolest.

    I swear, I get like three of these a week. Here's the deal, I run Chriskanyon.com, an unofficial fan site for Kanyon. So please don't send me e-mail meant for Kanyon, it won't get to him.

• Anyhow, let's begin.

• Recap of Uncensored last night. Stills, of course.

• Sid is shown arriving ealier.

• Opening montage.

• We are live from Gainesville, Florida

• Gene is in the ring to interview Sid.
  • Yes Aldo, it is possible for a show that hasn't started to come to a screeching halt.
  • Sid is struggling to remember what he's supposed to say, but remembers he's master and ruler of the world.
  • After Gene asks what's next for Sid Vicious, Jarrett and the Harris Twins come out.
    • AGAIN WITH THIS FEUD??
  • Jarrett wants another shot. He proposes a tag match, if Jarrett's team wins, he gets another shot. If Sid wins, no more shots for Jarrett.
  • Jarrett introduces his partner before Sid can answer.
  • Scott Steiner comes out, with 2 hoochies and tape over his mouth reading "Censored".
  • Steiner talks about how WCW couldn't censor him or stop him.
    • Meanwhile, Hogan's music cues up for a split second, ruining any surprise.
  • Sid says there are at least 20 people backstage that would want to help him.
  • Instead of elevating someone to help Sid, Hogan comes out to put me to sleep.
    • Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
  • Blah, blah, kick your ass, blah, blah, can't draw anymore, blah, blah, another ratings slaughter for Raw.
  • So tonight we get Jarrett and Steiner vs. Sid and Hogan.
  • Wow, that's.. um, pretty boring.

• "Fat" Tony runs through the results from last night, then discusses the lineup for tonight.
  • Sting vs. Flair, Luger vs. Vampiro, Chris Candido vs. Lash LeRoux.
    • It's gonna be a looooong night.

• Team Packages are backstage, they say tonight they're taking out Vampiro and Sting.

• Chris Candido is coming to the ring.

• Spring Break Out BS.
  • If St. Stevie is our Patron Saint, what does that make Rachtman?

• Gene interviews Chavo Guerrero Jr.
  • Chavo says he needs the money you get for being Cruiserweight Champion.
  • He distracts Gene, then swipes his wallet.
  • Chavo's great, hopefully WCW starts using him.
    • Instead of paying him to sit home, like Kanyon.

• Match 1: Chris Candido Vs. Lash LeRoux
  • The Artist and Paisley are out to do color commentary.
    • Thankfully, we are spared TAFKAPI's entrance.
  • Candido grabs a mic and talks about how he has no gimmick.
    • Which in itself is a gimmick..
  • He doesn't need a trashy valet.
    • Um..
  • Seriously, this should be good.
  • Candido starts talking about his hard life, like a handicap match against 10 guys.
  • Lash starts the match by dropkicking him in the back of the head.
  • Some reversals to start, Candido into the ropes for the break.
  • Candido runs into a drop toe hold.
  • Lash with some punches, then he whips Candido into the corner, followed by a hip toss.
  • Lash with a body slam and a drop kick.
  • Side headlock, Candido whips Lash into the ropes, but gets met with a shoulderblock.
  • Candido dodges Lash, hitting an enzaguri (No clue how to spell that one.)
  • Candido with a cover for 2.
  • Long vertical suplex, only got a 2 count.
  • Candido hits a guillotine leg drop, only got 2 again.
  • Candido with some chops.
  • Candido whips Lash into the corner, then runs and leaps in, but Lash moves.
  • Lash whips Candido into the ropes, back body drop.
  • Lash whips Candido into the ropes again, this time a pancake.
  • Lash with some punches, does the splits, then knocks Candido down.
  • Lash goes up top, but Candido stumbles into the ropes, knocking him down.
  • Candido with a super-plex, followed up by a diving headbutt for the pin.
  • Your Winner: Chris Candido via pinfall

• Backstage, Rave and Lane are pondering what Miss Hancock was talking about and why she turned them down.
  • She happens to walk by right at that time.
  • She says she found Latin America's most desirable men, Los Fabulousos.
  • She's bringing them to Thunder.
    • Damn you Aldo, I get Hogan on my show and you get El Dandy.

• Backstage, La Parka is preparing for his match.
  

• Match 2: Fit Finlay Vs. La Parka
  • La Parka grabs the mic, more of the phantom voice.
  • Another chair shot for him, one for his homies.
  • "Hey buzzcut, I'll give you one chance to step off, or I'll take this chair and bust your Lucky Charms @$$."
    • After this, the guy doing the voice had to run to Chicago to run G-TV over on Raw.
    • Too bad the oWn turned him down though.
  • La Parka is trying to tell Finlay that he didn't say that.
  • Finlay brawls to start.
  • Only gets a 2 count.
  • Finlay whips Parka into the ropes, catching him with a clothesline.
  • Goes for a pin, only gets a 2 count.
  • Finlay puts Parka up in a fireman's carry, then drops him neck first on the ropes.
  • Finlay clubs Parka in the corner.
  • Finlay misses a tackle in the corner, falling outside.
  • Parka dives through the ropes, knocking Finlay down.
  • Parka sets up a chair outside.
  • Parka kicks Finlay on the chair, then goes in the ring.
  • Parka tries to slingshot himself to the outside, but Finlay moves and Parka eats chair.
  • Finlay rolls Parka inside.
  • Parka imitates the Karate Kid.
    
  • So does Finlay.
  • Parka charges Finlay, who ducks and counters with a fireman's carry into a forward roll.
  • Cover and 3 count.
  • Your Winner: Fit Finlay via pinfall
  • Finlay throws La Parka a mic, who throws it away.
  • 2 matches down, 2 clean wins. A new record?

• Backstage, Torgo and Daffney come to the ring
  • Daffney's top says "Wall Sux"
  • Preach it, Sister Daffney!

• Backstage, Vampiro (W/Green light and mist) is talking about how Luger hurt him, but he has to undo it.
  • He begins to rip off his cast.
  • What about him? What about Vampiro???

• Recap of Bigelow/Wall last night.

• Gene is in ring to interview David Flair, who comes out with Daffney.
  • He sets up a table by the ring (taking about five minutes to do it, until Daffney helps), then gets in the ring.
  • Torgo demands Wall come out right now.
  • Wall comes to the ring, grabs Torgo by the throat, then lets go.
  • Torgo turns around, Wall clubs him in the back.
  • Wall takes Torgo out to the apron, where Daffney sprays him with a fire extinguisher.
  • But this is Wall, so he gets to no-sell it.
  • Wall chokeslams Torgo through the table.
    
    • Note to WCW: You can't get someone over by having them squash jobbers.
      • Unless you resort to the taped chant again.

• Brian Knobbs has a message for you.
  • Be friends with Hogan, it'll make or break you in WCW.
  • Oh, and don't try this at home.
    • Don't wrestle at home, that is. No one is actually friends with Hogan at home, so they don't worry about that.

• Match 3: WCW World Tag Team Champions Harris Twins Vs. Booker and Kidman (W/Torrie)
  • The Harris Twins come out to a flat reaction.
    • Gee, booking them as champions wasn't such a hot idea, now was it?
  • Booker and Harris #1 start off, Booker dominates.
  • Booker with a Harlem Sidekick.
  • Booker with an axe kick.
  • Booker spins up.
    • My urge to shoot Madden rises as he shouts "Spinnerooni" 3 times.
    • And they ridiculed Ross' style?
  • Ahh, mute button. Where were we? Oh yeah, Booker goes for a cover, but Harris #2 makes the save.
  • Both teams make tags, the Harris Twins double team Kidman.
  • Harris #2 with a slooooooooooooooooooooow motion tilt-a-whirl slam.
  • Kidman makes a brief comeback with a drop kick, then dives to tag Booker.
  • Booker takes out both Twins with clotheslines, much like Schiavone, I have no clue which is which.
  • Booker goes for a Rock Bottom on one of them, but he drops straight down instead of jumping up into it, so it looks really bad.
    • What's the Rock Bottom called when done by anyone other than the Rock? E-mail me if you know.
  • Booker with another attempt at a Rock Bottom, but the other Harris barely leaves the ground and puts a foot down to break his fall.
  • And these guys are champions???
  • This is pretty bad.
  • Um, a Harris hits Booker with a belt, causing the DQ.
  • Your Winner: The Harris Twins (For sucking that bad and still being employed, let alone champions.)
  • Brawl after the match, Torrie tries to help Booker, leaving Kidman alone.
  • They all leave together though.

Backstage, the Mamalukes tell Disco either he gets them a rematch or he's out.
• Disco blames them, because they lost.
• After he leaves, Vito says he's out and they'll take care of it now.

• Luger and Liz are walking to the ring, as is RavenVampiro.

• Match 4: Total Package (W/Liz) Vs. Vampiro (W/Kidman's music)
  • Luger's entrance.
  • C'mon Luger, this isn't a 3 hour show anymore.
  • Luger gets a mic, telling Vamp to get his ass out here.
  • Vamp's music starts, but he doesn't come out.
  • Fireworks and WarriorVampiro is behind Luger in the ring.
  • Vamp hits Luger with several kicks, then ²/₃ of Luger's offense.
  • Yep, a clothesline and an inverted atomic drop.
  • Vamp gets Luger in the corner and attempts a frankensteiner, but Luger hits him low and throws him off.
  • Luger with a belly to back suplex.
  • Luger with some kicks.
  • More kicks in the corner.
  • Luger sure is teaching Vamp a lesson, how to mail it in.
    • Of course, Konnan was the first to show Vamp how it's done.
  • Luger with a press slam.
  • They brawl outside, Luger in control.
  • Luger is taking his time, due to him being all out of moves already.
  • Inside Luger decides to go for all he has left, the Bird Dance.
  • Vamp starts laughing and submits.
  • Not really, but I would.
  • Luger tries to lift him up, but Vamp flips behind.
  • Vamp with several spin kicks
  • Vamp clotheslines Luger in the corner followed by an X-Factor.
    • What's that called when done by anyone other than X-Pac? E-mail me if you know.
  • Vamp hits Luger with a shoulder block.
  • Vamp goes up top and comes off with a diving clothesline.
  • Flair comes down to ringside for the screwjob.
  • Vamp elbows Flair off the apron, then hits Luger with a standing sidekick.
  • Vamp turns around to hit Flair again, but gets hits in the head by Luger with a bat.
  • Luger racks Vamp, who submits.
  • Your Winner: Total Package via submission
  • Post match, Team Package beats down Vamp.
  • Sting runs down to makes the save.
  • I had the audio kinda low, but I swear you can hear Sting tell Vamp "Stick with me kid, I'll teach you how to take 6 months off when you're 100% healthy."

• Gene interviews the nWo in their locker room.
  • Jarrett says the same thing he's said for the last three or so months.
  • Steiner then insults WCW more about their inability to censor him, then says the only reason Hogan was World Champion was because he had guys like him to watch his back.
    • Steiner also has trouble remembering what he's supposed to say.
      • Must be some connection between 'roids and memory loss.

• More fun and games with Ricky Rachtman.
  • Fun for some twisted fiend at WCW, making us suffer through this.

• Nitro Girls

• Gene interviews Dustin Rhodes backstage, who talks about how all the old guys are holding him down, naming Hogan, DDP, Flair and Piper. Hennig is first on his list.

• Press conference after Uncensored.
  • Hogan interrupts putting over Sid as champ.
  • HA!!! One of the "reporters" asks if anyone will ever be as good as Hogan?
    • In no particular order: Hart (Pick one), Guerrero (Pick one), Benoit, Malenko, Saturn, Kanyon, Vampiro, Smiley, Leroux, Candido, Steiner (Pick one), Mysterio, Kidman, Hardy (Pick one), Triple H, Angle, Raven, Jericho, Awesome, Van Dam, Lynn, Storm, Psychosis, La Parka, El Dandy, Helms, Moore, Armstrong (Pick one), Meng, Barbarian, Jarrett, D'Lo, Finlay, Hennig, Undertaker, Big Vito, Johnny the Bull, Crowbar, Arn Anderson, Bigelow, Booker, St. Stevie, DDP, X-Pac, Brooklyn Brawler, Douglas, Flair (Pick one) and Horowitz.
    • That's just off the top of my head. I could go on forever.
    • Really, the only people who don't qualify are Warrior, Nash and Wall.

• NitroGirls.com

• Spring Break Out
  • Spare me from Ricky Rachtman..
  • MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY!!

• Match 5: Norman Smiley vs. Hugh Morrus
  • My bad, it's humorous, not Hugh Morrus.
  • Smiley tries to work over Morrus' arms, but gets knocked down by a shoulderblock.
  • Morrus misses an elbow drop out of the corner.
  • Smiley with a big wiggle behind Morrus, who gets mad and elbows Smiley in the head.
  • Generic brawling by Morrus.
  • Smiley with a kick to the gut and an attempt at a double underhook, but Morrus powers out.
  • Smiley counters with a sunset flip and only gets a 2 count.
  • Morrus hits Smiley with an elbow.
  • Morrus dances into an elbow drop, then another.
  • Pin 1, 2. Pulls him up.
  • Hugh Morrus powerslams Smiley.
  • Pin 1, 2, Morrus pulls him up.
  • Morrus tries to body slam him, but Smiley rolls over and school boys him for 2.
  • Morrus slams him down again, then goes up for the Moonsault.
  • He lands it and gets the 3 count as Demon's music plays.
  • Your Winner: Hugh Morrus via pinfall
  • Demon comes down to check on Norman, but gets beat down by Morrus.
  • Makes sense, once again book the guy with no crowd reaction over the guy who's over.
  • Rule #4 in WCW.

• Gene interviews Hennig.
  • He says he's gonna beat Rhodes, did you expect more?
    • I mean, have you ever heard a guy say "I've got no chance, he's gonna pound me."?

• Gene will interview Sid and Hogan after this match.

• Match 6: Dustin Rhodes Vs. Curt Hennig
  • Lock-up, Hennig shoves Rhodes into the corner.
  • Punches from both, Hennig with a knee lift
  • Hennig flips over Rhodes with a neck-breaker.
  • Rhodes takes Hennig outside.
  • Rhodes slams the Hennig's cast into the steps.
  • Rhodes tears Hennig's cast off, resulting in a DQ.
  • Your Winner: Curt Hennig via disqualification.
  • Rhodes keeps attacking Hennig, until some Orange and Saggy creature makes the save.
  • Oh, it's Hogan.
  • Schiavone "Thank God for Hulk Hogan. And I only say that because..."
  • You're an idiot.

• Gene interviews Sid.
  • Um, master and ruler of the world?

• Tank Abbott walks to the ring.

• Road Report

• Gene interviews Sting.
  • He asks how many times must he face Flair? Once more, apparently.

• Match 7: Tank Abbott Vs. Barbarian
  • Meng watches backstage, saying not long.
  • Schiavone says he'd pay to see that.
    • Yeah, you and no one else.
  • Extended squash, Abbott wins with the punch.
  • Your Winner: Tank Abbott via knock out.
  • Anyone else ever wonder how Tank can win using an illegal move? (A closed fist.)

• Flair is backstage walking to the ring, where he starts to cut a promo.
  • Only the camera switches to Sting walking to the ring.
  • I'd bet money Flair doesn't know and it still talking.

• Rather than book another match, we get Rachtman AGAIN?!?

• Match 8: Sting Vs. Ric Flair
  • We've seen this a million times, Flair chops, Sting no-sells.
  • Flair comes back with low-blows.
  • Flair with a figure four, Sting rolls it over.
  • Flair goes up top, Sting throws him down.
  • More chops, more no-selling.
  • Flair gets whipped into the corner, only to flip over.
  • Sting clotheslines him off the apron.
  • Outside, Sting whips Flair into a barricade, then goes for a Stinger Spash, missing and hitting the guard rail.
  • Sting rolls inside, no-sells some more, then lands several Stinger Splashes.
  • Sound convincing? I hope so, I didn't watch the match. Much like most of America, I flipped over to RAW.
  • Reviewing my tape later, I found I wasn't very far off, Luger ran down, Sting fought both of them off, Stinger Splashing both of them, before locking on the Scorpion Death Lock for the win.
  • Your Winner: Sting via submission
  • Post match, Team Package beats down Sting until Vampiro runs down to chase them off.
  • 12 years ago, a classic. Today, boring and overdone. Sting's "big Nitro return" is worthless, because he'll make three more this year.

• Match 9: WCW World Heavyweight Champion Sid Vicious and WCW Talent Holder-Downer Hulk Hogan Vs. WCW US Heavyweight Champion Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner
  • Jarrett grabs a mic, tells the girls to go backstage and get the hot tub started for Steiner.
  • Madden wonders if there is enough room for him to join.
    • Jarrett said hot tub, not Olympic-sized swimming pool.
  • Hogan actually starts and sells a little bit for Jarrett, then gets bored and stops.
  • Generic brawling, not a lot to this match.
  • Sid and Jarrett do all the selling for their respective teams.
  • Steiner gets in the ring and takes control over Sid.
  • Steiner flips Hogan off and clearly says "F*** YOU, HOGAN!"
    • Preach on, St. Steiner!
  • Sid, wheezing, tags Hogan.
  • Hogan takes out Jarrett and Steiner with several weak looking punches and kicks that barely touch their faces.
  • Sid watches Hogan and listens to the crowd go mild for Hogan. Of course, the announcers claim the fans are chanting "Hogan".
  • Sid grabs Hogan by the throat and chokeslams him, followed up by a pin.
  • Sid demands the ref count, so he does.
  • Your Winner: Sid, I guess.
  • Sid celebrates with the nWo.
  • The nWo leaves Sid, who stands over Hogan.
    • The fans finally start to chant "Hogan", a bit too late.
  • Since when could you pin your partner?
  • And didn't Jarrett want a World Title shot? Why would he not attack Sid?
  • Jarrett didn't lose, according to the stipulation, does he still get a shot?
  • I really shouldn't apply so much thought to WCW.

• Feel free to send me feedback here.

The Bad: That "press conference". What a joke.

The Ugly: Despite the ratings and PPV buy-rates hitting new lows, WCW insists upon basing everything around Hogan.