- Candido and Tammy walk into the ring.
- Candido says it feels so good to be the first couple of sports entertainment. His words, not mine.
- Candido calls himself the luckiest guy alive for waking up to Tammy every morning.
- Candido and Tammy smooch, then Tammy breaks some windows by speaking on the mic.
- Tammy gets stripper music as she takes off her jacket.
- Candido will face... The Artist?
- Why is this guy employed?
- Paisley gets a mic and proceeds to bore the hell out of me.
- We cut to an interview with Gene Okerlund and Daffney for no reason.
- Daffney (wearing a black gown) says she wanted a ring (points to finger) and not a ring (points to wrestling ring), then goes nuts as usual.
- Daffney skips to the ring.
- Daffney is boxed in by the other four people in the ring but she ducks as the men and women square off.
- Miss Hancock walks on the raised aisle. For the record, I am thankful that Mark Madden doesn't work Thunder because I will throw my TV if I hear "smoochie-moochies" come from his mouth again.
- Candido with a powerslam for two when Daffney saves.
- Artists attacks Candido from behind and whips him into a Samoan Drop for two.
- Both men go down and Daffney covers both men for two.
- Daffney backs away from Artist but gets whipped and drop toeholded (toeheld?).
- Candido then nails Daffney on the mat.
- Crowbar then hits the ring and battles Artist outside.
- We see Tammy pay off Miss Hancock for the clipboard.
- As Candido has Daffney on the ropes, Tammy takes a swing and hits her lover by accident.
- Daffney covers for the pin. Welcome to hell, Chris.
- YOUR WINNER: Daffney via pinfall in 2:07.
- Post-match, Tammy tends to Candido.
- Remember when we had nine-minute Rey Mysterio, Jr. vs. Kidman matches on Thunder for this same belt that finished decisively?
- From Nitro: Terry Funk gets a major beatdown.
- Hey, at least Douglas will get it right this week when he says, "Saginaw, Michigan!"
- Douglas says that he single-handedly took out Funk.
- Douglas mentions "Dick Flair," saying that he would cut him like the cancer he is.
- Douglas says he'll give a couple jabronis a chance at the hardcore champion.
- Ralphus comes out in a gorilla suit tonight. Smiley has a trashcan of plunder.
- Bischoff and The Cat say that Douglas can't give Smiley and Ralphus a title shot.
- Douglas attacks Smiley off the bat with a trashcan.
- Ralphus threatens Douglas with a cookie sheet but gets jabbed with a kendo stick.
- Douglas with a variation of a rolling snapmare on Smiley.
- Smiley comes back and nails Douglas with a trash can.
- Smiley directs traffic with Ralphus, but he drops the trashcan lid.
- This allows Douglas to take over.
- Ralphus bails out of the ring.
- Smiley whips Douglas into the corner and delivers his spinning bodyslam.
- Ralphus re-enters the ring and covers for one.
- Smiley tries the SMBU dance but gets lowblowed.
- Douglas threatens Ralphus some more and beats on Smiley.
- Smiley whips Douglas, who counters with a swinging neckbreaker.
- Douglas boot-chokes Smiley near the ropes.
- Douglas slaps Ralphus (who is stuck in the turnbuckles) on his ass.
- Douglas applies a delayed vertical suplex.
- Douglas walks toward Ralphus, who puts up a trashcan lid to defend himself.
- Ralphus teases using the weapon but chickens out.
- As Douglas grapples Smiley, Ralphus gets a weak hit in.
- Douglas brings Ralphus to the corner and then throws Smiley on the rampway.
- Douglas brings Smiley back into the ring and then chases Ralphus towards the back.
- Ralphus picks his ass and then heads towards the ring as Douglas readies a chair.
- Smiley can't even stand at this point.
- Douglas chops Smiley to the mat and hits him with a lid.
- Ralphus re-enters the ring as Smiley mounts some offense.
- Smiley with another lid shot.
- And another.
- Smiley covers for two.
- Ralphus (outside the ring) gives Smiley a table to set-up.
- Douglas with a baseball slide dropkick on Ralphus.
- Douglas uses a chain around his fist and decks Smiley.
- Douglas applies a gourdbuster on the table.
- Ralphus gets ahold of the chain and hits some punches.
- Ralphus then nails Douglas with a chair and pins him for the win!
- YOUR WINNER AND NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION: Ralphus via pinfall in 6:40.
- Ralphus then unmasks to reveal himself as... Terry Funk!
- YOUR NEW WINNER AND NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION: Terry Funk via pinfall in 6:40.
- Match sucked, of course.
- Russo asks for total silence tonight. You need to ask for that?
- Russo says he's going to do another exposé tonight.
- Russo says that it was disgusting that the crowd booed David and cheered Reid on Nitro.
- Russo acknowledges Reid Flair's sixth-grade teacher, Mrs. Snodgrass.
- Mrs. Snodgrass says that Reid is a hellion and that he taught his peers to make flatulating noises.
- Snodgrass talks about how Reid put mirrors on his peers' shoes so they could see up the dresses of female classmates.
- Snodgrass then says that Reid sucks helium out of balloons.
- David grabs the mic and tells the crowd to shut up.
- David says he hopes Reid is crying his eyes out.
- David tells Reid to do what he says to do.
- David says that since he can't retire his father at the Great American Bash, he challenges Reid. As if the show can't tank any more.
- Wolfpac music brings out Kevin Nash.
- R&B security block the aisle as Nash steadies the mic.
- Nash says he can't think of one person's ass he wants to kick more than Russo's.
- Nash says he's going to do just thought in a minute, but he has someone with him who wants a piece of Russo, too.
- Scott Steiner and his women come out.
- Steiner and Nash walk to the ring and bowl over security.
- Steiner and Nash hit the ring and clear it of security.
- Russo shields himself with Snodgrass.
- Russo pushes David Flair into a powerdrop.
- Russo holds Snodgrass in front of him and tells Nash to hit her.
- Steiner kicks David out of the ring.
- Nash says they just came down to make a deal and tells his girlfriend to take a hike.
- Snodgrass leaves and Nash chokes Russo.
- Steiner tells Russo to give him and Nash a title shot against Jarrett or that he gets choked out.
- Russo accepts, yielding a three-way dance for the world title tonight.
- The Filthy Animals make their way out.
- Konnan speaks in his native tongue and even gets in a "hoody-hoo." Eh?
- The Misfits rush the ring and it's a pier-eight brawl.
- Juvi gets press slammed onto Konnan by Hammer.
- Disco gets elbowed and splashed by all four Misfits in the corner.
- Major Gunns then entices Disco in the corner and kicks him in the nuts.
- After the Animals regroup, we return to Juvi vs. Chavo.
- Juvi with some chops.
- Chavo whips Juvi, who ducks under and chops away.
- Juvi clotheslines Chavo out of the ring.
- Juvi sets up on the aisle and runs at Chavo but floats over into the ring.
- Chavo hits a running dive on Juvi from outside of the ring to inside.
- Tag to Lash.
- Lash tries the Whiplash but Juvi slips out and tags Rey.
- A series of ropes runs leads to a Lash side slam.
- Lash with some punches, the Bourbon Street Blues and a clothesline for two.
- Lash whips Rey, who slides under and tags Juvi.
- Juvi tries a roll-up and succeeds when Rey dropkicks Lash for two.
- Lash gets whipped to the corner.
- Juvi tries a monkeyflip but Lash brings him to the corner.
- As Juvi and Lash fight, Disco comes in from behind.
- Disco assists on a Juvi superbomb for three, eliminating Lash at 4:00.
- Hammer comes in and gets a two-count on Disco.
- Hammer with a standing spinebuster for two.
- Tag to Juvi.
- Juvi dropkicks Hammer and goes up top.
- Hammer yanks the ropes, sending Juvi to the mat.
- Hammer with a really bad cobra clutch slam for one.
- Disco brings in a kendo stick and runs wild on the faces.
- Rey goes up top with a chair and hits a sitdown splash on Hammer for two.
- Hammer is eliminated at 5:45.
- It's now Disco and Chavo.
- Chavo gets atomic dropped off the ropes.
- Disco struts and hits a swinging neckbreaker.
- Chavo sets up Disco in the corner and pins him at 6:32 after the Tornado DDT.
- Chavo tries the Tornado DDT but Juvi counters.
- Juvi tries something and Chavo counters that into an inverted powerbomb!
- Tag to Morrus who goes up top and hits the moonsault for three.
- Sean Stasiak comes in after the pin and helps Rey, Jr. with the remaining Misfits.
- Booker T (in fatigues) runs in and cleans house on the Animals.
- Booker hits a spinebuster on Rey.
- We see Hammer and Chavo beat on Disco in the back.
- The referee raises the hands of the Misfits (and Booker) at 8:50.
- YOUR WINNERS?: The Misfits In Action.
- Konnan never came into play here.
- Palumbo just doesn't do it for me.
- Hopefully, The Wall will beat up this fool.
- Palumbo starts off with punches and headbutts.
- Wall comes back with one of his own.
- Wall lariats Palumbo to the mat for two.
- I love that overhead camera view, by the way.
- Wall with a suplex.
- Wall drops Palumbo on the top rope instead of the table below.
- Wall goes on the middle rope and chokes out Palumbo.
- Wall with a yakuza kick.
- Wall points to a table and picks up Palumbo.
- Wall goes for a running slam but Palumbo wiggles out.
- Palumbo with some token offense but Wall grabs him by the neck.
- Palumbo gets out of the chokeslam with an elbow to the face.
- Palumbo punches Wall until he lies on the apron.
- Wall gets up and goes for a suplex but Palumbo counters with a jawbreaker on the ropes.
- Palumbo gets the arm flexor from the corner and nails Wall, sending him into the table for the loss.
- YOUR WINNER: Chuck Palumbo in 2:45.
- Post-match, Palumbo bails as Wall gives chase.
- Kidman and Horace tease dissension on the walkway.
- Meanwhile, Bischoff whips out his airplane pose for old time's sake.
- Bischoff does his fake sincerity bit.
- Bischoff says that the Great American Bash will be the day the music died.
- Bischoff refers to Hulk Hogan's music as the music that will die.
- Bischoff calls his group one happy family.
- Bischoff says that Horace knows what family is all about.
- Horace gets the mic and says that Hulk has ruined careers with his attitude. I love these quasi-shoot comments sometimes.
- Bischoff issues an open challenge to anyone who wants to be famous.
- Kronic's music plays.
- Kronic hits the ring and doubleteams Kidman as Bischoff goes to the announcer's booth.
- Clarke with a clothesline.
- Chops in the corner and a big boot.
- Kidman ducks a Clarke clothesline and hits a dropkick.
- Clarke comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as Kidman comes off the ropes.
- Clarke chokes out Kidman.
- A kick in the corner and a chest-first whip follow.
- Kidman flips out of a back suplex and hits a tornado bulldog.
- Clarke takes Kidman to his corner and tags Adams.
- Adams with a shot to the gut off the ropes.
- Kidman ducks a clothesline off the ropes and tries a sunset flip.
- Adams brings Kidman into a full-nelson and delivers a urinage.
- Adams goes for a press-slam but Kidman reverses into a sleeper.
- Kidman gets thrown to the mat like a rag doll.
- Kidman goes to the corner and leaps onto Adams with punches and a frankensteiner.
- Kidman goes to tag and Horace yells "up yours."
- This prompts Bischoff to hit the apron.
- Horace shoves Bischoff down as Kidman gets slaughtered.
- Bischoff grabs a chair but Horace takes it away.
- Horace threatens Bischoff with the chair and runs him into the ring.
- Kronic hits High Time on Kidman.
- Clarke sets Kidman up for a Horace chairshot.
- Horace then brains Clarke, with Kidman falling on top
- Horace jabs Adams with the chair and DDT's him on it.
- Charles Robinson counts Kidman's cover for the win.
- YOUR WINNERS: Kidman and Horace via pinfall in 4:09.
- Post-match, Bischoff applauds but Horace and Kidman still bicker.
- The announcers ponder if Kidman and Horace are the new champions. Would it have killed to state if this was a title match or not?
- Shane Douglas asks Smiley what Funk paid him to pull the stunt he did earlier.
- Smiley: "Double what you did!"
- Douglas find out that Funk left the building and decks Smiley.
- Douglas forces Ralphus to help him find Funk.
- Ralphus begs off in the ring.
- Douglas kicks Ralphus in the gut and stomps on him.
- Douglas with a facelock on the ropes.
- Wall makes his way out.
- Douglas slugs away as Wall enters the ring.
- Wall comes back with fists.
- Wall goes to the ropes and hits a yakuza kick.
- They go outside and Douglas whips Wall into the rail.
- Douglas with a clothesline.
- Douglas rams Wall's head on the broadcast table.
- We see Norman Smiley in the ring tending to Ralphus.
- Douglas goes to the apron and dives at Wall but is grabbed by the neck.
- Wall chokeslams Douglas on the table.
- Smiley helps Ralphus to the back.
- Booker wants to be called G. I. Bro from now on.
- Booker says that Sean Stasiak will be his first casualty of war tonight.
- Booker: "Can you copy that?"
- I'd say something, but then again, Booker did start his wrestling career with the G. I. Bro name, so it works in this case.
- Stasiak attacks Bro as he enters the ring.
- Stasiak with a boot-choke in the corner.
- Stasiak whips Bro into a jumping hip block.
- Stasiak with an elbow.
- Stasiak choke Bro on the top rope.
- Stasiak whips Bro, but he reverses and chokes him out with his fatigues.
- Stasiak goes outside and Bro follows with an axehandle off the apron.
- Bro brings Stasiak inside and rams him into the turnbuckle.
- Bro whips Stasiak to the corner and clotheslines him.
- Bro with eight punches in the corner before a hot-shot turns the tide.
- Stasiak with his punch offense and a back rake.
- Stasiak tosses Bro outside.
- Stasiak rams Bro on the makeshift announcer table.
- Bro gets sent to the rail.
- Back inside, Stasiak goes up top and hits a flying clothesline for two.
- Stasiak tries a backdrop suplex but Bro falls on top for two.
- Bro with a roll-up for two.
- Stasiak gets in a quick clothesline for two.
- And to the chinlock we go...
- Booker elbows out but his momentum doesn't last long.
- Stasiak with a kick and a powerbomb for two.
- Stasiak goes outside and brings a chair into the ring.
- Bro ducks a swing, kicks Stasiak in the gut and hits the axe kick.
- Harlem Sidekick gets two.
- Bro tries a suplex but Stasiak counters and gets a kick to the gut.
- Stasiak with a front chancery but Bro gets out with a punch to the gut.
- Bro gets whipped to the ropes and hits a urinage for the win!
- YOUR WINNER: G. I. Bro via urinage in 4:59.
- Post-match, Stasiak chairs a meeting to Bro and stomps away on him.
- Sting says that Vampiro doesn't mean anything to him.
- Sting talks about being in WCW for ten years and how he learned dirty tricks from Ric Flair.
- Tenay talks about the similarities between Sting and Vampiro.
- Sting says that ten years ago he was as sick and twisted as Vamp.
- Sting says he still has the fire in his eyes.
- As Tenay talks, Sting gets uncomfortable and walks around.
- Tenay talks about Vamp getting under Sting's skin and brings up the Inferno Match.
- Sting says that he's never lit anyone on fire because it's stupid but he won't turn down a challenge.
- Tenay asks Sting if it's worth risking his career over the match.
- The lights go out and we hear some grunting and beating noises.
- We come back to the set being on fire and Sting yelling for Vamp.
- DDP has three words for Bischoff: "You rrrrrreally suck."
- DDP talks about how Bischoff says he made him.
- DDP says that he made himself by busting his ass in spite of Bischoff.
- DDP talks about how Bischoff turned his wife against him.
- DDP then talks about how "Mikey" took out Kanyon.
- As DDP rambles, we see Liz dragging Kim to the ring (and a nice panty shot as well).
- Liz puts Kim on DDP's knee for a spanking.
- Unfortunately, we get crowd shots as DDP spanks Kim. Laaaaaaaaame!
- As Chuck Palumbo picks up Liz and brings her out of the ring area, we see a shot on the TurnerTron of Mike Awesome in Kanyon's hospital room.
- Awesome rambles a bit before we cut to...
- The champ enters first for some reason.
- Vince Russo will be the guest announcer, despite having no voice due to being choked out.
- Steiner gets the next entrance.
- Apparently, Russo throws down his headset and gets the mic.
- Russo calls Billy Silverman out of the ring and says he will referee the match.
- Nash enters.
- Russo runs away into the crowd as Nash gives chase.
- Jarrett kicks Steiner from behind and stomps away.
- Jarrett whips Steiner, who reverses and hits a clothesline.
- Steiner drops an elbow.
- Steiner with a gorilla-press drop.
- Nash walks toward the ring again.
- Steiner chops away in the corner.
- We see Russo and R&B security walk from the entryway.
- Steiner takes notice and charges at Russo on the walkway.
- They fight over the bat and Steiner threatens to deck Russo.
- We see that Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott have Steiner's girls.
- Scott gives chase as Russo heads to the ring.
- Nash gets ahold of Russo's bat and nails him with it.
- Jarrett strikes Nash from behind with the bat as he goes for a powerdrop on Russo.
- Jarrett with assorted offense on the mat.
- Jarrett takes Nash into the corner and lands some punches.
- Silverman has words for Jarrett, which allows him to use the ref as a shield for a Nash clothesline.
- Jarrett grabs the title belt and takes a swing but misses.
- They fight over the belt and Nash nails Jarrett with it.
- Nash revives Silverman and covers for one when Russo pulls the ref out.
- Russo guitars Silverman and takes the ref shirt.
- Jarrett nails Nash with a chair.
- Jarrett covers and Russo counts for two.
- Mickey Jay tries to head to ringside but R&B security blocks his path.
- Scott Steiner returns to ringside and bowls over R&B security with clotheslines.
- Steiner clotheslines Jarrett into the ring as Mickey enters the ring.
- As Steiner exits the ring, Nash powerdrops Jarrett for the win and the title.
- YOUR WINNER AND NEW WORLD CHAMPION: Kevin Nash via powerdrop in 4:55.
- The faces celebrate as we fade...