- Chris C. passes along a link you may or may not have seen:
Due to the fact that you will be the next DDT Digest reporter to post, I figured I would pass along this humorous link:
You know, it's possible that the WWF could use this as an angle considering that Malenko rarely gets used on the bigger shows (I guess defecting wasn't the best career move after all), but this was done already with Big Bossman and Al Snow's "Pepper" many months back.
- Crowbar, Daffney and Ozzy greet David with pleasantries.
- Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett plots somewhere in the back.
- We start off with a tag title defense.
- Konnan with the usual mic stuff.
- Disco Inferno interrupts during the Arriba La Raza.
- Disco says Kronic made him mad.
- Disco says Rey and Juvie will beat the hell out of Kronic.
- So, who are the heels here?
- Jeremy Borash gets on my shit list already by calling Kronic the greatest tag team in the world.
- They show the Disco beatdown from last week's Thunder.
- Juvi gets dumped to the outside.
- Clarke beats on Rey and kicks him outside too.
- Adams brings Juvi back in.
- Juvi goes to the ropes and tries a dropkick on Adams (on the apron) but bounces off the middle rope.
- Adams controls for a while but Juvi manages to go up top.
- Adams catches Juvi as he leaps off and puts him in a fireman's carry faceplant.
- Adams misses a kick and Rey gets tagged in.
- Double suplex on Adams.
- Juvi hits an elbowdrop on Adams.
- Double-whip leads to a double-clothesline — on the Animals.
- Clarke gets tagged in and plants Juvi as he tries a bodyscissors.
- Adams with the full-nelson slam on Rey.
- As Clarke dumps Rey from the ring, the Harris Brothers come out with a camcorder.
- Adams goes to the aisle to deal with a Harris and gets blindsided by the other Harris.
- This allows Disco to hit the Last Dance on Clarke outside the ring.
- They get Clarke back in the ring and Juvi hits the 450 splash for two.
- Double-dropkick doesn't do much either.
- Dropkicks on the legs.
- Juvi holds Clarke in a wishbone for the Rey nutcracker off the top, and this gets the win.
- YOUR WINNERS: Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Juventud Guerrera via nutcracker legdrop in 4:15.
- That was on the verge of something acceptable, but I have to take off for the Harris appearance.
- Apparently, Vince Russo had brain surgery as a result of that match, and we'll see footage of this later.
- They talk about the Flair/Kiebler wedding.
- Cat and Jones act like faces walking out and slapping hands with the fans.
- Cat talks about Russo laying up in the hospital.
- Cat says Russo's injunction against him was thrown out.
- Cat says he's in charge.
- Cat plans to put the Booker/Nash title match at Fall Brawl in a cage.
- Cat books Nash in a title match tonight against Scott Steiner.
- Cat refers to "Mr. Slapass" Jeff Jarrett and says he'll take on...
- "Me!" says Mrs. Jones as she grabs the mic.
- Apparently, Jones wants a piece of Jarrett. * sigh *
- Jarrett walks out.
- Jarrett accepts Jones' challenge.
- Jarrett will handcuff his wrists together to prove that men are superior to women.
- Jones leaves the ring as Cat makes fun of Jarrett's manhood.
- The two brawl and Scott Steiner hits the ring.
- Jarrett hits The Stroke on Cat.
- Steiner follows with The Least Painful Submission Move In The History Of Our Sport Next To Barry Darsow's Barely Legal Armbar.
- We head to commercial. Later on, the announcers explain that Booker T and Goldberg will be referee and enforcer, respectively, in the main event.
- Surely, there's something better for Jarrett to do in the ring than fight women... again.
- Last week's Vito received a beatdown from the Natural Born Thrillers.
- Vito talks about his opponent and the stipulations for this gimmick match.
- Reno comes out to the theme music used by Yuji Nagata back in '97. But, he's missing the floormats.
- Vito controls at the start.
- Vito hits a legdrop and some punches.
- Vito slams Reno and goes up top.
- Vito hits an elbow and Palumbo gets on the apron to distract Billy Silverman.
- Reno bumps the ref, and Vito suplexes him.
- Vito goes up top and grabs the stickball bat.
- Reno counters a swing with a T-bone suplex.
- Reno hits Roll The Dice.
- Johnny The Bull runs in and helps Vito up. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen.
- Johnny aims his stick at the heels and...
- He hits Vito. Wow! Swurvz r001! * sigh *
- Anyhoo, Reno covers for the anticlimatic win.
- YOUR WINNER: Reno via pinfall in 2:10.
- Post-match, Vito gets back up and beats on everyone with a kendo stick.
- The rest of the Thrillers run in for the save and it's 6-on-1.
- The heels hold Vito as Johnny beats on him.
- ANOTHER f***ing swerve. As I stated last week, it's gotten to the point where the only effective swerve is to not have one.
- Booker T, Sting and The Cat charge in and threaten the heels.
- Borash says the reason why there hasn't been a scaffold match (Shane Douglas and Kidman do one at Fall Brawl) in nine years is because they're "too damn dangerous." That and they're the most boring matches in wrestling.
- Madusa bitchslaps Torrie to start.
- Madden makes a veiled reference to Jim Cornette falling off the scaffold in a late 80's match, but doesn't mention him by name.
- Shane Douglas runs-in and Madusa holds her own against him.
- Madusa goes up top and misses a missile dropkick.
- This signals the DQ.
- YOUR WINNER: Madusa via DQ in 0:37.
- Douglas gives the referee a jawbreaker.
- Douglas puts Madusa in an STF as Torrie rants at her.
- Kidman runs in and takes out Douglas.
- Madusa beats on Torrie while this goes on.
- Madusa wants to add Torrie and herself to the scaffold match this Sunday.
- Douglas and Torrie accept.
- Say, let's just give this match "Capture The Flag" rules and completely put the match in the toilet. After all, if you're going to bury a match, don't just half-ass it bury it, go all the way.
- Crowbar helps David Flair with his tux.
- In the bride's room, Jimmy Hart hands Stacy an envelope.
- Mike Awesome (in a blue suit) exits the bus in yet another failed gimmick.
- You know, I don't know where it says to give a wrestler lame gimmick after lame gimmick. Awesome's 6' 7", around 280 lbs. and moves like someone fifty pounds lighter. Just let him run wild and tear the shit out of everyone and he'll get over.
- Nash says he'll push Steiner, Steiner lays down, Nash covers, they both go to the back.
- The two turn the monitor off and discuss this plan.
- Jarrett goes on an anti-woman tirade in the ring.
- Jones and Cat hit the ring.
- Cat tells Silverman to give the cuffs and key to him.
- Cat handcuffs Jarrett...
- And he cheapshots Jarrett.
- Jones interrupts and tells him that she wants to do the job.
- Jones snapmares Jarrett and sends him outside.
- Jones shoves Jarrett into the safety rails.
- Back inside, Silverman gets bumped.
- Jones with a ballshot.
- Jones grabs the guitar.
- Jarrett blocks the guitar swing with a kick to the gut.
- Jarrett manages to grab the guitar with his hands and brains her.
- Jarrett covers for the win.
- YOUR WINNER: Jeff Jarrett via pinfall.
- Post-match, Jarrett grabs a chair but Mike Awesome runs in for the beatdown.
- Awesome hits a clothesline off the top and Jarrett flees.
- Madden mentions that Nash turned his monitor off in the back, thus none of Jarrett's teammates knew he was in trouble. FINALLY someone explains what is going on here.
- Match was a wash, of course.
- The two argue over who should lay down and Steiner throws a marker at Nash.
- "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan walks out. Say, I thought Duggan was fired.
- Duggan gets the first real pop of the night with a "USA" chant.
- Duggan thanks the fans for all their years of support.
- Duggan recants his cancer battle of two years ago.
- You know, I don't like Duggan's wrestling skills, but I can appreciate that he acknowledges his fans.
- Duggan talks about one opponent no one can beat — Father Time.
- Duggan says that unlike other people in WCW, he is willing to step aside so the younger guys can move up.
- Duggan hesitates a little, then announces his retirement from WCW and wrestling.
- A misty-eyed Duggan says that all he's carried was his 2x4 and the U. S. flag.
- Duggan talks about passing the torch to someone young and strong.
- Duggan asks Hugh Morrus to come to the ring and carry his flag.
- Duggan salutes Morrus as he enters.
- The two shake hands and Duggan passes the American flag to Morrus.
- The two men embrace.
- Lance Storm and Major Gunns (looking rather uninterested) appear on the entryway.
- Storm says no one gives a damn about Duggan or his country.
- Storm talks about kicking Morrus' ass in front of his has-been hero.
- Storm hits the ring and we have a match.
- Storm hits a charge in the corner.
- Storm kicks on Morrus and sends him out of the ring.
- Storm sends Morrus to the rail.
- Morrus blocks a ram to the rail and takes over with chops.
- Morrus gets back in the ring.
- Morrus walks to the apron and eats a headthrust by Storm.
- Storm hits a neckbreaker for two.
- Roll-up by Morrus gets two.
- Storm goes up top and tries a frankensteiner but gets powerbombed by two.
- Morrus goes up top and misses the moonsault.
- Storm puts on the Canadian Mapleleaf, but Duggan points out that Morrus' hand is under the ropes.
- The hold is broken, and Storm cheapshots Duggan outside the ring.
- Storm goes to the apron and applies a neckbreaker on the ropes.
- Storm goes up top but Duggan nails Storm with the 2x4.
- Morrus covers Storm for the pin.
- YOUR WINNER: Hugh Morrus via pinfall in 2:41.
- The rest of M. I. A. celebrate with Morrus and Duggan.
- Hope you enjoy your retirement, Duggan.
- And thank you, WCW, for not doing the obvious and turning Duggan Canadian.
- However, if they're going for the "challenger wins a non-title match but loses at the PPV" approach, I would have booked Morrus to go over with no help at all.
- It would have a two-fold purpose:
- Hugh Morrus is made to look like a bigger threat at Fall Brawl, and;
- By Lance Storm defeating Morrus, he gets the rub of defeating someone who established himself by winning a non-title match against the guy he just lost to.
- Before this, Madden made a funny comment about weddings working out in the end and mentions Randy/Liz, Mongo/Debra and Kevin/Nancy (Sullivan and Woman).
- The Nitro Girl known as Baby walks out as the Maid of Honor.
- David Flair comes out next.
- "Here Comes The Bride" brings out Stacy Kiebler and her parents.
- The crowd "Whoo's" as David grabs the mic.
- David says he's made a few mistakes the past couple months.
- David says he's let down his friends and family.
- David calls out Arn Anderson.
- Anderson walks out in a tux.
- Arn says he'll give David a few choice words of wisdom.
- Rule #1: There's going to be times when David's friends will invite him to a frat party or strip club.
- Arn says it's easier to get forgiveness than permission, so just go. Heh.
- Stacy is giving mean looks through all of this.
- Arn tells David to hide all monetary wedding presents (also known as hidden money).
- Arn tells David that if he comes home late at night looking like hell, the wife will be waiting.
- Arn says the woman will forgive him and tell him to lay down.
- That's when David should get the "hidden money" and run.
- David says there's one more man that should be here.
- David calls out his best man -- Ric Flair!
- Ric comes out with short hair from the Russo shaving months ago.
- Ric says about three months ago, he heard his theme music for the last time.
- Ric puts over Charlotte.
- Ric talks about how his family put their relationship back together.
- Ric says some more words about the wedding.
- The priest does his opening spiel.
- A couple of suits and some cops walk to the ring.
- One of the suits introduces himself as a cop.
- The cop says that Vince Russo put a restraining order on Ric saying that he couldn't be within 100 feet of this building.
- The suits handcuff Ric and lead him out of the ring.
- Stacy looks confused through all of this.
- As they haul Ric off, Stacy runs from the ring.
- Wow, only five minutes until they make Ric Flair to look like an ass in Charlotte. A new record.
- We go over Vince Russo's greatest beatings.
- As Jeremy Borash talks, we see an ENTIRE empty section in the lower tier.
- Blah blah blah, blackout, battery of tests, etc.
- Apparently, there was a blood clot in Russo's brain.
- Russo had visual problems, as well.
- Cubs Fan: Russo didn't put this much effort in Bret or anyone else's injury.
- He's got a point, y'know.
- Sting walks out to face...
- The Harris Brothers.
- Me thinks that this match was created from the Eric Bischoff Dartboard that was leftover from The Great Changeover.
- Sting dominates and hits a Splash on a Harris Brother.
- Sting crotches a second on the rope as he tries to get back in.
- Scorpion Deathlock, but a Harris chokes him with the chain.
- The Harrises choke Sting with the chain some more.
- One of the Harrises drops an elbow twice.
- Kronic runs in to make this more of a farce than it already is.
- Kronic chokes the Harrises with their own chains.
- Adams whips a Harris into a chain clothesline by Clarke.
- Sting covers a Harris for the win.
- YOUR WINNER: Sting via pinfall in 2:29.
- Okay, so you have a main-eventer squash two tag team jobbers until they gain advantage by cheating, then you job said tag team to the main-eventer by having two other guys run-in and do all the work while said main-eventer just covers for the pin.
- Furthermore, the referee disqualified Torrie Wilson in a previous match for having her boyfriend interrupt, yet in this contest, the ref sees the Kronic interference with his own eyes and doesn't do a thing.
- Whatever. Next segment, please.
- David Flair enters the scene and says he replanned the wedding.
- Stacy refuses at first but then thinks it over.
- Madden says that Stacy's father should have booked this in a bingo hall because there are no restraining orders there.
- Stacy re-enters the ring with her parents.
- The priest does his overblown spiel again.
- During the "Whoever has any cause to stop his marriage..." bit, Stacy raises her hand.
- Stacy says that something has been eating at her all day.
- Stacy mentions the time that she told David she was pregnant.
- Apparently, David Flair is not the father.
- Stacy then runs to the back.
- Predictable, but it moved the storyline.
- In the background, Mike Awesome macs on Pamela until Jeff Jarrett attacks him from behind.
- Awesome holds his own until the Natural Born Thrillers hit the scene.
- Awesome gets thrown into some equipment.
- The Thrillers talk about doing something to Awesome on top of the bus as we fade.
- The Cat walks to the broadcast booth.
- Booker T comes out in his referee outfit, which makes sense because he is refereeing this match.
- Dueling Booker T and Goldberg chants from the crowd.
- Booker talks about his steel cage match with Nash at Fall Brawl.
- Booker with his catchphrase.
- Here comes the challenger, Scott Steiner.
- Next out is your WCW champion, Kevin Nash.
- Goldberg gets the final entrance. He's your special enforcer for this match.
- Which, in wrestling-speak, means "Yes, he's running in, too."
- Goldberg takes his seat in the center of the aisle.
- Steiner is wearing his Virgil-esque noseguard.
- Bell rings.
- Nash does the FINGERPOKE OF DOOM.
- Steiner responds with his own.
- Nash walks out of the ring, but Steiner grabs him.
- Nash responds with knees.
- Nash whips Steiner into a side slam for two.
- Steiner reverses a whip and hits a Steinerline for two.
- After a second two-count, Steiner beats the crap out of Booker.
- Just remember, this is YOUR main event for the night.
- Nash takes the hint and helps out with a double-team elbow.
- Goldberg comes in and takes out the heels.
- Steiner comes back with a shot on Goldberg.
- Steiner brings Booker outside and chairs a meeting with him.
- Nash with knees in the corner as we see that Charles Robinson has taken over...
- Wait, there he goes out of the ring.
- Steiner with a suplex on Goldberg, but he barely sells.
- Double-whip leads to a clothesline.
- Goldberg's selling can be best describe as "mildly distracted."
- Steiner whips Goldberg into the "rail of pain," as called by Schiavone.
- Steiner grabs a chair and bashes Goldberg's back.
- Steiner goes to the apron with a chair.
- Nash whips Goldberg into Steiner, but Cat inteferes, allowing Goldberg to get a clothesline.
- Meanwhile, Booker has Nash down in the ring.
- Booker stomps away in the corner.
- All four men in the ring.
- Goldberg with a powerslam on Steiner.
- Goldberg sets up and spears Steiner.
- Booker sets up for the Bookend but the Partridge Family Bus drives up to the ring.
- The Natural Born Thrillers runs in and all hell breaks loose.
- So, uhm, what became of Awesome?
- Just a big beatdown on Goldberg and Booker.
- Nash powerdrops Booker.
- They bring Booker on the hood of the bus and put him through the windshield.
- The heels handcuff Goldberg to the front of the bus.
- Steiner takes a pipe and clubs Goldberg in the stomach.
- Jarrett climbs into the bus and waves the heels out of the way.
- As the bus starts, Goldberg breaks loose.
- We fade out at the 7:44 mark. F*** You, WCW.©
- You know, I could have lived with this if they kept the original bait-and-switch plan and gone with a tag match, but they're slapping their audience and viewers in the face by not going to a finish.
- I'm not rating this.