HEY! THIS IS THE SAME GRATUITOUS SHOT FEATURED LAST YEAR!
This is the last WCW pay-per-view of the millennium. And what a way to wrap it up -- with a Scott Steiner-Sid Vicious main event.
Starrcade is called the grandaddy of 'em all because it's the longest-running big-name card in North America, predating WrestleMania by two years, and the Royal Rumble by five.
But I think the grandaddy is dead. In recent years, WCW has taken its flagship show and has failed to make it anything special. There hasn't been any build-up to a Starrcade main event since '97, and even then, the match failed to deliver because of overbooking and Hollywood Hogan.
Many of Starrcade's early main events, such as Flair vs. Race ('83), Flair vs. Rhodes ('84 & '85), Flair vs. Koloff ('86), the Iron Man finals (Flair vs. Sting in '89) were fantastic. In the last ten years, we've been treated to a lot of crap, with only a few great title matches.
In '93, Flair and Vader put on what was the last fantastic Starrcade main event. Most of the rest of the decade was garbage -- just watch Sting vs. Black Scorpion ('90), Hogan vs. Beefcake ('94), Hogan vs. Piper ('96), Hogan vs. Sting ('97) and Goldberg vs. Nash ('98).
Tonight, an aging Sid (coming off a long layoff) is expected to provide us with a compelling main event against Steiner. Uh-huh.
- Lots of explosions, and then they go straight to the action.
- The man who climbs a ladder and retrieves an envelope hanging above the ring gets a Cruiserweight title match.
- Let's get this straight Sid Vicious sits out for eight months and gets an immediate world title shot, but the cruisers have to go through a ladder match for a shot at a lesser belt? Makes sense to me!
- Cruiser champ Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes out to commentate, and is then followed by his potential challengers.
- Leia Meow leads out the Jung Dragons.
- Lots of action in this one... Kaz Hayashi starts out against Shannon.
- As you can imagine, this is a fast match with lots of switches and throws. I'll provide the highlights here.
- Early on, Shannon attempts to toss Kaz over with a belly-to-belly supplex, but the Japanese doesn't get all the way over. He hits his head and looks genuinely stunned for a few seconds.
- Tags and stalling... then the Dragons and Karagias & Knoble start fighting outside.
- Two Count uses the opportunity in an attempt to get at the envelope. The Dragons break it up.
- Ladder spots begin.
- Karagias and Knoble throw their opponents into a ladder set up in the corner.
- Knoble tries to climb, but Karagias pulls him down.
- The partners start to fight, and Yang wipes both of them out with a missile dropkick.
- He then whips Knoble into a ladder.
- Corkscrew moonsault off the ladder...
- Leia's impressed.
- Now, the usual stuff begins... but it's still entertaining.
- Sugar Shane throws Yang outside, and takes a running leap over the top onto him.
- Here comes Kaz, over to take out Shane.
- Karagias over, wiping out Shane and Kaz.
- Shannon with an Asai moonsault, hitting Kaz and Karagias.
- In the meantime, Knoble sets up a ladder inside the ring and attempts to get the envelope.
- Yang rudely interrupts.
- Nice.
- Anyway, to steady the ladder (apparently), Yang sets up another ladder as a platform.
- Karagias tosses Yang, gets up to the platform, and catches Kaz, who tried to jump at him.
- Powerslam from the platform.
- More spots follow.
- Shane pulls this neckbreak on Knoble...
- Leia's so shocked, I swear I can hear her toot, live on
pay-per-view.
- After this, two ladders are set up in the ring, and the usual pull-downs happen.
- Leia decides to get involved, pulling Knoble off a ladder.
- There are now four ladders in the ring -- two standing, one flat on the mat and another in a corner.
- The Dragons build another platform.
- Two Count throw the Dragons into the horizontal ladder.
- Two Count moves up, and are pulled down by Karagias and Knoble.
- Hayashi meets Knoble up top, and knocks him down. Kaz is dropped to the mat by Karagias. Yang knocks Karagias down.
- In the most impressive spot of the series, Shannon skins the cat and
pulls down Yang.
- Two Count gets control of the ladder.
- They shake hands and grab the envelope together.
- Good match.
- Very good match.
- Lance Storm bitches out Hacksaw Duggan.
- Mike Sanders says... something to Jeff Jarrett.
- In a homoerotic spot, Knonik enjoy each other's company in the sauna.
- Clarke tells Adams they're being paid well to wipe out Big Vito and Reno.
- Lance Storm comes out to mock America and its recent presidential election mess.
- And, as is typical for my fellow Canadians, Storm likes to point out that his country is better... uh, just because!
- Miller comes out and does the usual stuff.
- He dances, Storm vacates the ring.
- I'll just get to the high spots of the match.
- Uh, there aren't any, unless you count Major Gunns' ass.
- They rassle in a limited way (thanks to Miller's ineptitude) until Duggan comes out and half-heartedly helps Storm win with the Canadian Maple Leaf.
- Post match -- the Canucks turn on Duggan.
- America, you can have him back with my compliments.
- Mike Awesome arrives.
- Buff Bagwell burps about being an on-air talent.
- He interviews the Smelly Animals.
- Konnan, you are such a waste of space.
- Elsewhere, Sanders and crew mock Reno and Vito.
- Daffney walks with Crowbar, and Funk attacks in the back.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- They move to the arena, where Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Crowbar and the world's oldest man fight some more. The usual brawling, foreign objects, table spots...
- Daffney shrieks.
- Mercifully, it ends when Funk piledrives Crowbar and pins him to win the title.
- Daffney shuts up.
- Terry Funk is 102 years old.
- Lance Storm says Duggan was a waste of time.
- No kidding.
- Lex Luger arranges his socks.
- Kronik comes out and says that Maria paid them to destroy Vito and Reno.
- She denies this.
- So, there's a brawl between the teams until Reno turns on Vito, revealing himself to be the guy who hired Kronik.
- So, Reno paid Kronik to beat the hell out of him until he decided it was time to betray his brother. Tell me how this makes any sense.
- Ah, never mind. Another crappy angle.
- For the record, the match ends when Reno pins Vito.
- Post-match, Reno joins the Thrillers.
- Two Count says they'll both fight Chavo for the title.
- Chavo out to attack Shane and Shannon with the belt.
- Buff interviews Hugh Morrus. Same old crap.
- Another hardcore style match. The winner must put the loser in an ambulance.
- They take it outside early and brawl around ringside.
- They brawl up the aisle to where the ambulance is parked.
- Bigelow swings at Awesome and breaks a window.
- As Bigelow waddles away clutching his hand, Mike looks scared by
Bigelow's sheer power.
- For some reason they brawl back to the ring.
- They then brawl back to the vehicle.
- It ends when Bigelow climbs to the top of the ambulance. Awesome hits
Bigelow who falls back the big man's sheer weight puts him through
the roof and into the vehicle.
- Awesome wins.
- The Thrillers piss off Mean Gene.
- Douglas, who used to bitch about how old Flair was, starts ranting about how he's been in the biz 20 years.
- Shane, you're old.
- Anyway, this match ain't nothin' special. However, it does include a long bearhug sequence.
- The contest ends when Chavo comes out to help Shane. He gives Douglas a chain that Shane dropped.
- Then Chavo points to the ref that Douglas has a chain, and Morrus/Rection wins by DQ.
- A clever swerve by Chavo!
- Well, not really. In this era of blatant weapons use and outside interference, can anyone explain why the ref would DQ Douglas for merely holding a chain?
- Gene talks with Scott Steiner as Frankenmidejah watches on.
- If she smiles too hard, I think all that collagen will squirt from the corners of her mouth.
- Another promo for the man who can save WCW...
- Bagwell sniffs asses with Nash and DDP.
- More crappy hardcore wrestling.
- What a waste of Jarrett, Rey Mysterio Jr. and Billy Kidman.
- The match is what you'd expect.
- Pure wrestling highlight: Kidman shoves Jarrett's head into a popcorn
maker.
- Not long after, we get a clear picture of where Mysterio's career has
gone.
- The most irritating part of this match is that Tygress joins the broadcast team. She yelps like a dog often.
- Madden has the line of the night. When Mysterio starts to use a broomstick as a weapon, Madden turns to Tygress and says "Tygress! If he breaks that, you won't be able to fly home."
- Jarrett ends it by pinning Kidman with The Stroke.
- Buff interviews Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker, former WCW jobber and longstanding Power Plant trainer.
- Luger attacks Parker, to build heat with Goldberg.
- After all the rasslers come out, Ric Flair walks to the aisle and wheezes to Sanders.
- If Sanders gets in the ring, Nash and DDP get the belts.
- Nash starts with Inspector Palumbo.
- Nash uses his stunning arsenal clothesline in the corner, forearms and hip checks.
- DDP is tagged in. He carries the young guys for about ten minutes while Nash rests.
- Finally, Nash is tagged in, and despite interference from Sanders and the Thrillers, he's able to grab Palumbo and pull of this stunning finish...
- Whip to the rope, boot to the mush, jackknife, pin.
- New champs.
- I want a refund.
- Apparently, Goldberg's career is on the line.
- It goes like this...
- Goldberg attacks Luger outside the ring, dominates him inside the ring, hammers him up the aisle, survives a brief Luger offensive... and then Parker and Buff come out.
- The distraction allows Luger to use brass knucks.
- Buff jumps off the top, and "accidentally" hits Goldberg with a blockbuster. It didn't look like a mistake.
- Luger tosses Buff outside and signals for the Torture Rack.
- Goldberg blocks the move by grabbing the ropes, he hits a judo takedown,
a spear and The Jackhammer©.
- 1-2-3.
- For some reason, Buff attacks Parker.
- He then clubbers Goldberg with a chair.
- What a mess.
- Sid's out first, dressed in elegant black leggings.
- Midejah's breasts shift like rocks as she walks to the ring with her 'roid freak.
- The match begins.
- Sid hits a quick enzugiri to start. As Steiner gets up, Sid bounds to the ropes and nails the champ with a moonsault. Steiner, stunned by what he's seeing, is unable to defend himself as Sid whips him to the corner and performs a stunning double-somersault elbow drive.
- Oh, hold on... I nodded off at the start of this match and started dreaming.
- Let's start again.
- Sid's out first, dressed in elegant black leggings.
- Midejah's breasts shift like rocks as she walks to the ring with her 'roid freak.
- The match begins.
- They brawl a lot and Steiner swears at the crowd.
- They perform basic slams and backbreakers and I nearly fall asleep again.
- They trade playing the victim as the match nears its end. Sid survives the Steiner Recliner, Steiner survives a choke slam, botched interference by Frankenmidejah and Jarrett, and a power bomb attempt.
- Finally, Steiner ends it with a Steiner Recliner.