WCW Monday Nitro - January 29, 2001

By Aldo

A couple random musings before we get started:
- Regarding (now former) WCW Hardcore Champion Meng (who was on a per-show deal) signing a contract with the WWF and returning as Haku, I quote Homer Simpson: "D'oh!"
- I managed to catch the Cruiserweight Gauntlet Match on Thunder and it was splendid. Some of the segments seemed rushed, but I'd still say that was a **** affair. Plenty of action and no resting for almost twenty minutes makes me a VERY happy camper. It was nice to see Shane Helms get an extended performance to show what he is capable of. In addition, Kidman looked better in that match than he has in MONTHS, and kudos to the booking team for giving newcomer Jamie Knoble the rub over an established cruiserweight. I can only hope that the eventual Rey/Chavo match-up will be just as exciting.
The usual WCW opening stuff.
We are live from Baltimore, MD for tonight's show. Your hosts are Hudson and Schiavone.
Match #1: "Primetime" Elix Skipper vs. Yang (w/ Leia Meow) vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Knoble in a Four Corners Match
- As Penzer made the announcements for this 4-corners match, he noted that this match has a ten-minute time limit. Haven't heard THAT from a WCW announcer in a while!
- This MAY be a little fast for me.
- Jamie Tucker is your referee as Schiavone announces that the "time limits are reinstated."
- Knoble and Yang start off.
- Off the whip, Knoble ducks under Yang.
- They trade go-behinds and go to the ropes.
- Knoble floats over the ropes but gets met with a neckbreaker, sending him outside.
- Yang goes for a dive, but Moore headscissors him out of the attempt.
- Skipper makes his presence known with a dive to the outside.
- In the ring, it's Yang and Moore.
- Moore counters a Yang powerbomb with the Bottoms Up (legdrop DDT).
- Knoble tries a German Suplex but Skipper makes the save.
- Skipper hits the Dragon Suplex for two.
- Yang levels Skipper with a clothesline.
- Yang goes up top but Moore cuts him off.
- Skipper whips Moore to the corner.
- Knoble with a front suplex on Skipper.
- Blown spot while Moore charges to the corner leads to him getting tossed out of the ring.
- Yang goes up top and then goes airborne on Moore.
- Skipper follows with his own dive.
- The feed cuts out, so I miss a Jamie Knoble dive.
- Yang with an Asai Moonsault as the crowd bashes New York.
- In the ring, Moore slams Skipper and goes up top.
- Yang cuts Moore off and throws him off the top for two when he gets pulled out of the ring.
- More shenanigans out of the ring, including a tombstone piledriver by Knoble on Yang.
- Skipper puts Moore on the top rope and goes up top.
- Skipper tries the ropewalk but Knoble sends him out of the ring.
- Knoble blocks a DDT and goes up top.
- Moore regains momentum and hits the Bottoms Up from the top rope on Knoble for the win!
- YOUR WINNER: Shannon Moore via Bottoms Up in 4:56.
- Pretty high energy stuff. Hopefully, someone will be elevated from all of this.
  1/4
Ric Flair (w/ clipboard) and Animal make their way out.
- At least we get a match first.
- Flair makes fun of the Baltimore Ravens.
- Flair runs down The Cat, earning a "You Suck" chant.
- Flair says the commissionership could change in a short time.
- Flair says Kevin Nash got lucky last week.
- Flair says DDP and Nash showed up last Wednesday "half in the bag."
- Flair says in his WCW, people have to show up ready for work.
- Flair shows a clip of Thunder, where DDP and Nash are laying down. Flair doesn't mention that it was probably due to a beating, though.
- Flair gives Nash one more opportunity to qualify for the main event at Superbrawl against Scott Steiner.
- Flair tells Nash he has to beat Totally Buffed in a handicap match.
- Any outside interference calls off the match, obviously.
- Nash is looking on a monitor in his dressing room.
- As Flair holds up a contract for "another huge player," Nash trashes his television set.
- Flair makes fun of the crowd and the two leave.
- Is there ANY use for Animal in WCW besides hanging out with brother Johnny?
We go to the two-shot. Schiavone reiterates that Flair is making Nash requalify for Superbrawl due to Nash "lying down on the ground." They show us some clips with the Heel Squad exiting Nash's locker room triumphant.
Jeff Jarrett wants DDP... TONIGHT!
A production tech accidentally bumps into Midajah, resulting in a broken leg by Steiner. And a spit in the face from Midajah.
Match #2: The Cat (w/ Miss Jones) vs. ?????
- George and Weezie cut a rug before the match.
- Cat says no one Flair brings can keep him down.
- Cat actually uses "ass" in his spiel tonight.
- Cat says anyone who interferes gets a thirty day suspension.
- Shawn Stasiak and Mark Jindrak walk out.
- Cat tells Beetlejuice (Jindrak) to go to the back.
- Stasiak says he doesn't need any help in whipping The Cat.
- Stasiak refers to being commissioner, booking him and Jindrak into a tag title match against the champs (Sean O'Haire and Chuck Palumbo) and makes fun of the other Thrillers.
- Stasiak shoves Cat, and that results in a nice side kick by Jones.
- Cat handles the two men quite well, then we go to the back with O'Haire and Palumbo talking strategy.
- Cat with a side kick on Stasiak for two.
- Cat whips Stasiak in the corner.
- Cat works over Stasiak on the middle rope.
- Cat goes to the ropes and gets met with a leaping back elbow.
- Stasiak with a side slam for two.
- Stasiak sends Cat through the ropes.
- Cat gets a heads-first view of the announcer's booth.
- Stasiak picks up Cat and rams him into the ringpost.
- They go back inside, and Stasiak slams Cat.
- Stasiak goes up top but wastes too much time.
- Cat rolls Stasiak up for two.
- Stasiak with a running lariat.
- Stasiak with a punch in the corner.
- Stasiak whips Cat, who counters with a headscissors for two.
- Cat reverses a whip, and Stasiak tries the sunset flip to the usual results.
- Stasiak gets sent to the corner, but he ducks the Feliner.
- Stasiak with a clothesline.
- Cat fires back with the usual punches and chops.
- Out of the corner, Stasiak hits a Samoan Drop.
- Stasiak goes up top but hits nothing but mat.
- Feliner ends it, thankfully.
- YOUR WINNER: The Cat via Feliner in 5:03.
Outside of Chavo Guerrero, Jr.'s locker room, Hugh Morrus beats the SHIT out of The Wall and throws him through the door!
Mike Sanders tells Crowbar that opportunity is knocking but Crowbar isn't answering. Sanders says he's pulled some strings and puts Crowbar in a match against Lance Storm.
Earlier today, we go to a DDP book signing. One fan in the line is making an ass out of himself. He gets into a fight with someone and as DDP breaks it up, one of the participants slips and falls. This angle would reawaken later in the night.
A black Humvee pulls up. The more things change....
Totally Buffed give Chavo, Jr. their Amway pitch and offer a tag team partner for his match tonight.
Gene "Jurassic Slapnut" Okerlund interviews Jeff Jarrett.
Match #3: Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Kidman (w/ Tygress) vs. WCW Cruiserweight Champion Chavo Guerrero, Jr. and ?????
- As the faces head out, they show us clips of the Cruiserweight Countdown Match from last Wednesday.
- Chavo comes out next, but stops halfway down the aisle.
- "Iron Man" brings out Animal.
- One of these things is not like the others...
- Chavo and Kidman start us off.
- Kidman slides under Chavo and gets in a headscissors and dropkick.
- Tag to Rey.
- Double-whip lead to a sort of High Times maneuver.
- Guillotine legdrop from the top rope for two.
- Chavo reverses a whip to the corner.
- After a European Uppercut, Chavo gets sent to the corner, but floats over.
- Rey drops him face-first and Kidman gets tagged.
- This leads to a Bronco Buster down the line.
- Chavo punishes Kidman in the corner.
- Chavo takes the Bret Hart chest-first bump in the corner and a clothesline.
- Tag to Rey.
- Rey goes up top and hits a moonsault for two.
- Chavo tags in Animal, and all revenues have ceased as Animal completely destroys both cruiserweights. * sigh *
- Kidman with a bodypress on Animal, and he sells for 0.01 seconds.
- Animal lets the faces take out his legs for a short period.
- Kidman goes up top but gets powerslammed.
- Rey tries a hurricanrana but eats a sit-out powerbomb.
- Animal tags in Chavo, who covers Rey for three.
- YOUR WINNERS: Chavo Guerrero, Jr. and Animal via pinfall in 3:26.
- Nothing says "cruiserweight protection" like a has-been stiff squashing two lighter opponents.
- F*** You, WCW©.
- I'm not rating this.
We go to the Humvee and... THE DOOR OPENS! SMELL THE DRAMA! Also, smell the narcotics as we see fifteen seconds of Ric Flair's earlier interview segment.
Ric Flair comes out for the Big Contract Signing.
- Flair says the newest player to join his WCW is...
- Dustin Rhodes.
- And somewhere, a fan cheers.
- THIS was the big surprise?
- As Dustin walks out (w/ new music), the announcers verbally fellate him.
- Flair says he's got enough money to make Dustin a rich man and asks him to sign his contract.
- Dustin looks over the contract and asks Flair to do a "Slick Ric spin."
- Flair goes over his dress suit and Dustin asks what's wrong with his cowboy boots?
- Dustin says he wanted to size Flair up to see if "it" (his boot) would fit where it belonged (Flair's... well, you know).
- Dustin says Flair sucks.
- Dustin threatens Flair, and he steps back.
- Flair says he'll pretend this never happened, but Dustin grabs him by the collar.
- Dustin and Flair rant incoherently, and Flair says someone is coming out to make Dustin wish he never did what he did.
- Here comes Animal, and the two go at it.
- Flair gets into it, and it's a two-on-one.
- Sadly, the crowd is reacting more to the heel Flair's chopping than anything else.
- More country music brings out...
- Big Dust himself!
- We take it back to 1985, as Dusty beats the shit out of Ric.
- Dusty's actually drawing a pop, though.
- Dusty with the customary Bionic Elbow.
- The Runnells clan send Flair and Animal packing.
- Dusty gets the mic.
- Dusty says for eight or nine months Flair has been grabbing his friends and holding back other athletes. Pot, kettle, black.
- Dusty says Flair has been sidestepping.
- Dusty says that the people Flair has been kissing up to won't be here anymore.
- Dusty says he kicked Flair's ass night after night.
- It's pretty funny to hear Dusty Rhodes talk about putting over the youngsters.
- Dusty makes threats to Animal, as well.
- Flair and Animal hit the ring again so they can get beat down some more.
- As I said earlier, the more things change....
- The crowd ate this up with a spoon, though.
Match #4: Lance Storm (w/ Team Canada) vs. Crowbar (w/ Daffney)
- Team Canada comes out in full.
- Storm thanks the boss and says his team supports Flair.
- Storm says the crowd will get a wrestling clinic.
- Crowbar attacks during the Anthem.
- Skipper and (former teammate) Awesome hold Crowbar for a sidekick, which gets two.
- Daffney throws silly string into the audience as Storm batters Crowbar in the corner.
- Crowbar gets a second wind and fires away with rights.
- Into the other corner, Storm eats a boot, a headscissors and a pair of clotheslines.
- Storm with a jawbreaker.
- Crowbar escapes a powerbomb and whips Storm.
- Storm counters with a kneelift.
- Snapmare by the proud Canadian.
- Backbreaker gets two.
- Here comes the chinlock.
- Crowbar fights back but gets a knee to the chest.
- Meanwhile, Daffney is squawking like a hawk.
- Despite repeated stomps, Crowbar gets to his feet.
- Storm chokes Crowbar on the middle rope.
- Storm whips Crowbar to the ropes.
- Repeated counters of a tombstone piledriver lead to an inverted DDT by Crowbar for two.
- Crowbar chops away and whips Storm into a flying shoulderblock for two.
- Storm misses a short lariat, allowing Crowbar a backdrop suplex.
- Crowbar slingshots over the top rope with a bodypress.
- Crowbar then hits a moonsault off the ropes for two.
- Storm goes outside and eats a baseball slide dropkick.
- Crowbar with a bodypress to outside.
- In the ring, Storm suplexes Crowbar inside, but Crowbar counters.
- Storm with a German suplex.
- Storm tries the Benoit locomotion suplexes, but Crowbar rolls him up.
- Crowbar with a Northern Lights Suplex for two.
- Crowbar mounts Storm up top and follows suit.
- Storm blocks a headscissors and pulls Crowbar into the center of the ring for the Mapleleaf!
- Crowbar taps.
- YOUR WINNER: Lance Storm via Canadian Mapleleaf in 6:52.
- Good match.
Ric Flair wants Lance Storm to wrestle The Cat for the commissionership at Superbrawl. Jeff Jarrett walks in and DARES Ric Flair to stop him from taking out DDP.
Match #5: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page
- Jarrett makes his way out.
- Jarrett says he wants DDP in this ring right here, right now. You think Jesus Jones will want royalties off Jarrett's speech?
- DDP walks out and goes into the sea of fans.
- Unfortunately, some people officers stop DDP.
- Jarrett tells the cops to arrest DDP for assault and battery, possibly stemming from the earlier statement.
- The kid who DDP "hit" tells the cops that he got hit, thus confirming what I thought.
- Jarrett tells the referee to count to ten so he can win by countout.
- As Scott James raises Jarrett's hand, the fan cheers for Jarrett's "victory."
- YOUR WINNER: Jarrett via countout.
- No rating.
Moments Ago, Ric Flair congratulates Jeff Jarrett on a job well done as DDP gets hauled away.
Match #6: WCW United States Champion The Franchise vs. Rick Steiner
- Douglas gets the first entrance.
- Douglas runs down the Ravens.
- Douglas says The Cat doesn't have the Spaudlings to take care of him, so he had Rick Steiner do his dirty work.
- Douglas says he went to Ric Flair and made this a non-title match, saying that Steiner hasn't done a thing to earn this title shot.
- Schiavone then says that Rick Steiner is one of the best performers of the last ten years. I'd debate this, but we'd be here for hours.
- Rick Steiner makes his way out.
- Douglas starts with clubbing blows to the back.
- Douglas tries an armdrag, but Rick comes back with the usual.
- Rick about trips on the bottom rope while beating up his opponent.
- They go outside, with Steiner dominating.
- Back inside, Douglas begs off on Steiner.
- Nice to see a heel begging a face for mercy. You don't see that too often anymore.
- Steiner goes to finish off his opponent, but Douglas shoves Mickey Jay into the path.
- Steiner leaps over Mickey but gets caught in an inverted atomic drop.
- Douglas takes over with the usual.
- Indian Deathlock by Douglas.
- Steiner makes the comeback near the three-minute mark.
- Belly-to-belly suplex by Steiner.
- Off the ropes, they completely blow a spot. Looked like Steiner was going for a Samoan Drop but Douglas ends up falling on top of him.
- Douglas tries an enziguri but Steiner hits a submission move.
- Douglas makes the ropes and the two go outside.
- In the ring, Douglas tries the Ric Flair pin, but gets two.
- Douglas calls for the Pittsburgh Plunge and gets two out of it.
- Hudson says that Rick's brother Scott would be proud. No one is paying attention to storylines here, as Rick came out opposing his brother on Nitro two weeks ago. I'd expect this out of Schiavone, but not out of Hudson, despite the fact that he is devolving by the week.
- Douglas whips Steiner and kicks him on the rebound.
- Douglas goes for the CHAINS OF LOVE, but Steiner gets a big clothesline in.
- The dreaded SHITTY BULLDOG OF DOOM gets two.
- Steiner with a Death Valley Driver for three!
- YOUR WINNER: Rick Steiner via Death Valley Driver in 5:38.
- Post-match, Schiavone bastardizes the legacy of Louie Spicolli by calling Rick's move a "Steiner Driver." Ehh, I can't be bothered to comment right now.
  3/4
Match #7: Totally Buffed vs. Kevin Nash
- The heels come out in Baltimore Ravens jerseys waving pennants.
- Buff cheers for the Ravens.
- Buff asks who is going to the parade.
- Luger points out that the Ravens are Cleveland's team.
- Luger says Baltimore's team is in Indianapolis and hasn't won a Super Bowl in 30 years.
- Luger makes a Ray Lewis crack, complete with jumpsuit comment.
- Luger says the Ravens absolutely suck.
- Buff gazes at Bennie Thompson, the Special Teams Coach, and asks what he is looking at.
- Thompson just about jumps the rail but changes his mind.
- Luger reiterates that his team took out Goldberg.
- Totally Buffed mocks the Goldberg chant.
- I'm kind of liking Totally Buffed on the mic. Does this make me strange?
- As we go to commercial, we get a shot of Nash walking.
- Nash makes his way out.
- Nash pulls Buff out of the ring and rams him into the apron.
- Nash enters the ring and assaults Luger in the corner.
- Before Nash can get off the Framed Elbow, Buff makes the save.
- The heels flex and turn around into a double-clothesline by Nash.
- Nash sends Luger out of the ring and goes to chokeslam Buff.
- A low blow by Luger leads to a neckbreaker by Buff.
- Buff chokes out Nash and pushes Charles Robinson around.
- Luger with a backdrop suplex on Nash.
- More choking by Buff.
- Nash fights his way out of a double back suplex attempt and dominates the heels.
- Buff gets sent over the top rope.
- Snake Eyes on Luger in the corner.
- Nash signals for the Jackknife and as he hits it, Buff takes out the ref.
- No ref to count until Alex Wright (in a ref shirt and rib tape) comes in to count.
- Wright stops at two and does his dance.
- Nash takes out Wright and Luger.
- Nash then jackknifes Buff and The Cat runs in to count...
- But Alex Wright pulls Cat out.
- Cat decks Wright and hits the ring again to make the three count.
- YOUR WINNER: Kevin Nash via Jackknife Powerdrop in 3:50.
- Nash gets a mic and says he's on a roll tonight.
- Nash calls Scott Steiner out... NOW.
- The sirens bring out the world champ.
- We fade out just in time for people to see Triple-H destroy Steve Austin during a contract signing on TNN. Good timing, folks.
The Good: These Fusient Nitros are much easier to watch than the shows from the Russo/Sullivan/Whatever Era. As per usual recently, there was an energetic cruiserweight match to start the show and an even better outing in Storm vs. Crowbar. Although the rest of the matches weren't as good as these two, they ended with a clean, logical finish. Not counting the Jarrett/DDP non-match, of course, but the cheap countout was needed to build heat for the eventual match at Superbrawl. And the crowd really enjoyed the return of Dusty Rhodes.
The Bad: However, the thing with Animal squashing Kidman and Rey REALLY bugged me. The occasional cruiserweight/heavyweight match is fine (note, I said OCCASIONAL), but having a big guy just completely obliterate two guys, the biggest of which measuring no more than 5' 10" and 200 lbs., does nothing to elevate the division. If WCW wants to re-establish the Cruiserweight Division, they need to avoid feeding the smaller guys to the 'roided monsters like rats to a snake.
The Ugly: I was fearing that Bennie Thompson was actually going to get into the ring and make a total ass out of himself. Of course, it would have been MUCH worse if Totally Buffed had to put Thompson over.

WCW Monday Nitro - January 29, 2001

By Aldo

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