• Wow...writing a house show report for DDT Digest. This is kinda like when you go to the video store expecting to rent some foreign film with subtitles and chicks with hairy armpits and then all of a sudden your girlfriend turns to you and asks, "can we rent Drunken Master?' But nevertheless, this was my first house show visit in a long time. My fondest memory was being in attendance on the night Ronnie Garvin was too drunk to realize that he was REALLY pummeling Flair with his "hands of stone." I'm sure more than his hands are "of stone" by now. Either that, or he's passing lots of them.

• If you'd like to learn more about your author, or have some kind of affinity for things that don't really make much sense, visit the Celebrity Superfight Main- Event, my home, as well as the home for everything a man really needs: wrestling, women, cartoons, and 80's television. Oh, and there's a picture of Scott Hall holding up a big pair of "Huggies," so that's a plus. Anyway, onto the report.
  
• I attended this show with my girlfriend Holly, who, though a very nice girl, is a devout feminist and finds no pleasure in Professional Wrestling.  However, she was quick to don the colors of the nWo Black & White--not because I ASKED her, persay, but because of her undying support for Horace.  The seats were bad, the hot dogs were three bucks a pop, but, by golly, the show must go on.  And on.  And on.

• "Your family's poor" Kenny Kaos d. Erik "Fear the Pants " Watts
  • Sitting in section 30, which would be nosebleed seats if I didn't live in podunk central Virginia, I almost choked on my chilli/cheesedog when the generic WCW music started up.   The last thing I wanted to give my girlfriend a first impression of WCW was Erik Watts.
    • As a pathetic side-note, I remember attending a house show years ago in which Erik Watts (then a fan favorite...at least to ...eh, at least to me) defeated a silver-pantsed Chris Benoit.  And I enjoyed it.  Thank God for puberty and the development of some values.
  • The moment of the match (if you could call it that) happened when Kaos, suddenly in touch with the Speed Force, hit Watts with a running clothesline that knocked Erik sideways onto the top rope.  Watts proceeded to flail about as if independent from his senses for a moment, before turning upside down and crashing onto his head.  He kinda looked like my dad, trying to get up off the couch after watching the Orioles LOSE.
  • After what seemed to be a magical world of clotheslines, Watts mildly impresses me with a Scorpio-like spinkick.
  • The JNCO wonder shows that even after years of practice you can still be green, as he goes to the well too many times.
  • Kenny Kaos (who sounds like an Avengers villain) turns a Watts big boot into a roll-up and gets the three-count.
  • At this time, my girlfriend is wondering if there are any nachos left.  Dumb girl, watch the bad wrestling :)

• Evan "I'm not Watts, but I play him on TV" Karagias d. Bobby "Drinkin' an'" Eaton
  • This match brought me back to my wistful childhood, attending shows in Greensboro, NC, and watching the Midnight Express battle Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson for twenty minutes.  These wistful memories fade slightly when I realize that I was indeed watching Robert Gibson for twenty minutes.
  • The guy behind me yells for Beautiful Bobby to get back together with Dennis Condrey.
  • I note that it appears as if Eaton has already devoured Condrey.  They don't call him "Eaton" for nothing.
  • The guy behind me retorts that you only get a beer gut like that in "them honky tonks down in Alabama."  Whatever THOSE are.
  • This match lasted longer than high school.  All of it.  Most of the match consisted of the wrestlers walking around in circles.  The wistful Midnight Express memories were quickly becoming wistful memories of the crazy people down the street from me when I was a kid, who just went out into the street and walked around in circles.
  • Brandon:  "If I scream lurid sexual remarks to Bobby, do you think he'd stop wrestling?"
  • Holly:  "You might get his phone number, babe."
  • With that, I notice how only a REAL man can get away with having burgendy trunks with big white stars on the butt.
  • After the birth of my first three children, Karagias finally manages to knock Eaton down and hit what could be the worst corkscrew moonsault I've ever seen.  Imagine if Hector Garza had broken both of his legs, was blindfolded, and under heavy medication.   Put him in a wind-tunnel, and that's what it looked like.
  • After the match, the announcer pimps the WCW Mastercard by basically just naming off names.  I wonder aloud whether or not there is an Erik Watts Mastercard.  I could buy lots of pants with that thing!
    

• "That Brown Cat" Ernest Miller d. Prince Nakimaki
  • Penzer tells Ernie Brown that WCW has asked him not to let the Cat speak before or after the match.  Kitty throws a tantrum.  Ah, but cats are resourceful creatures...
  • The Cat finds a loop-hole in the order and takes the mic DURING the match.   According to "shaman," The Cat has come to Roanoke, Virginia for only one reason--to show stupid people that the Cat is the greatest.  I believe he came to Virginia looking for Denny's, also, but he didn't make his thoughts vocal.  But who can resist Denny's?  The Charlston Chicken Sandwich, only $4.29 during lunch!   <------$$$$$
  • As I wish for Denny's, lots of bad wrestling takes place, including kicks by Miller, more kicks by Miller, and something that looked like a kick.
  • Miller pulls a BPP and kicks the Prince in his Artist.
  • Holly (clapping):  "He kicked him in his pee-pee!  Yay!"  Keep in mind that the girl is twenty years old.
  • After the "kick the ref/get kicked back" Ric Flair gag, the Cat puts Poof-head out of his misery with the Feliner.
  • I like the Cat just as much as the next guy....heh, anyway, the Cat was at least animated in the ring.  But so far I feel my night will not be complete without seeing either Konnan impaled on a large spike, or a Bobby Duncum, Jr. match.

• "Mr. Wonderful" Scotty Riggs d. Bobby Dun...Dunca...Dungum...Duncum..
  • The image of the furry Texan cascading to the ring brings for the harsh realization that Konnan will probably not be impaled on a big spike tonight.
  • I've sat through Erik Watts matches, Norman the Lunatic matches, Shockmaster matches, and Warrior matches, but I refuse to sit and watch the lonesome cowboy mosey around in the ring while the ex-pirate fawns over his five-day shadow in the hand-mirror.
  • Holly and I choose this time to take our bathroom break.  Highlights include questionably wet restroom floors and a man who spills nacho cheese all over his new Goldberg shirt and uses the F-word with flippancy I have not seen since "Casino." Holly asks me when the good wrestling will start.  Smart girl.
  • When we return, Duncum is hog-tying Riggs up in the corner.
  • Brandon: "I miss Erik Watts."
  • Suddenly I hear Scotty Riggs' music, and look up to see Bobby Duncum sitting in the middle of the ring, pounding the mat in frustration.  I wish I would've been paying enough attention to see how the match ended, but I was too busy stabbing myself in the eyes with a fork.
    

• Intermission
  • This was actually more exciting than the matches so far.  Would it have been bad for WCW to book Booker T, Sting, Ric Flair, Goldberg, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Saturn, Raven, Mach-ho Man, Big Poppa Pump, Buff Bagwell, or anyone remotely interesting and/or talented for matches in my town?  The last Monday Night RAW I attended saw the debut of the People's Elbow and Steve Austin driving his custom pick-up into the arena and chugging beer while standing on the hood.  This house show has featured Ernest Miller predominently.
  • The difference = ratings
    

• Scheduled:  Raven vs. Hak (w/ "Head....Cheerleader" Chastity)
  • Being a Raven fan, I mark like McGwire when I see Raven's dorky next door neighbor Jim make his way out.
  • Unfortunately, three and a half seconds into his pre-match speech, Hak states that Raven is not in the building.  That Hak "hurt" him so badly that Raven is on the shelf.  He even makes a pouty face and says that he is "crying for Raven."
  • I consider locking the arena doors and pulling a "Cat" style beating on everyone in the building.
  • Hak wins the Homoerotic Moment of the Night (tm) by telling a fan:   "I'll pull you into this ring and make you squeeeeal like a pig!"
  • The idea of Chastity with an apple in her mouth is not wholly unappealing.
  • Hak sits on the top turnbuckle and wastes all our time.  He says that if we don't all "sit down and shut up" that he is going to bring Chastity and Meng to the ring at the same time, and HO HO HO don't you just know what that would lead to!   Actually, he doesn't say anything like this, but as I desperately dig into my imagination to find something good to say about this, Tongan porno jokes are all I can think of.
  • Hak makes it two for two by making the Understatement of the Night (tm) by leading a "boring" chant.  E-C-DUB!  E-C-DUB!
  • I graduate from college before Hak finishes his speech...after his victories over Bam Bam Bigelow, Kevin Nash, Goldberg, and (?) Fit Finlay, that he can beat anybody in the back who wants to "come get some."  I ask Holly if she's like to "come get some" nachos for me, but she declines.
  • The cheesy nWo porn music kicks in, and my eyes light up...could it...COULD IT BE THE H-BOMB?!?!
  • Unfortunately, it is Scott "Can't run...must walk" Norton.  Hakky Sak asks Norton to wait "right here" while he goes to the back and gets his "toys."
  • Holly makes the aforementioned "lurid sexual remark" about Hak's "toys."
  • Norton eats Hak like Cosby eats Jell-O.  Powerbomb, splat, 1-2-3.
  • Norton makes his way to the back as Hak-enschmidt throws a temper tantrum in the middle of the ring.  So far it's 0-5, but maybe Sting will drive his custom pick-up truck into the arena and chug communion wine while standing on the hood.  But then again, maybe not.
    

• "Dogfaced" Rick Steiner d. Diamond SCUM Dallas SCUM Page in a TV TV TV GOOD GOD TV Title match
  • Rick Steiner proves that he's picked up for the loss of Chris Jericho's mic skills by making the same "I want to have sex with your wife" joke three times in the same sentence.  Welcome to the dog pound, I guess.
  • D-SCUM-D-SCUM-P tells him to "talk to the palm" cause he "is the bomb."  That would've been really funny.  Instead, he says something about ramming down Steiner's throat.
  • Does that constitute "lurid?"
  • I don't particularly want to recap this match, because it's your basic Page match.  The spinning neckbreaker, the Frankenstein resurgance, the "OOOH THAT WAS ALMOST A DIAMOND CUTTER!" spiel, and so on.
  • After Page goes for a second iamond Cutter, Steiner proves that education DOES matter by shoving DDP off and into the referee.  Page barely hits the ref, but the man in the stripes sells it like a trooper, bouncing around like Rosie O'Donnell on a trampoline.
  • Steiner takes advantage and drops PPD with ...what do you call it?  The SBOD?
  • The ref magically regains consciousness and counts to three.
  • Post-match, Diamond Dallas calls the Dogface Grampa "scum" and gives him a diamond-cutter!  What a jerk!
  • When Dallas tries to steal the T-SCUM-V Title, the referee asks him politely to obey the rules...and HE gets a diamond-cutter!  Oh, Diamond Dallas Page, say it ain't so!
  • All I can say for that match is that I was bored more than "two-times two-times two-times GOOD GOD two-times."
    

From Dave at Daveland:

Hey there, this is Dave Walls from 90.9FM in Lynchburg, VA, but enough about me..

Welcome to the Roanoke Civic Center, where we had an "exciting" night of WCW action! (Ehh..it was decent)

Before the match
Crowd: Surprisingly small..maybe 6 thousand. Definitely not as many as last October when WCW brought Thunder to the Civic Center.
There was a new ring announcer, whom I had never seen before. He looked a little green, and wasn't nearly exciting as Dave Penzer. (Take that one for what you will..) Tall, blonde haired guy..It had been mentioned earlier that it was Penzer's birthday, so that's probably why..

Unfortunately, Penzer wasn't the only no-show. The card, as announced a month ago on Worldwide and in a radio spot that was heavily played in the Lynchburg/Roanoke area.:

• Hak vs. Raven
• DDP vs. Scott Steiner
• Brian Adams vs Booker T.
• Benoit/Malenko vs. Rey Jr/Kidman
• Also in action: (Opponents not announced)
• Buff Bagwell
• Blitzkrieg

A week ago, on Worldwide, the card was re-arranged:

• Hak vs. Raven
• DDP vs. Booker T.
• Benoit Malenko/Rey Jr. Kidman
• Kanyon vs. Prince Iaukea
• Stevie Ray vs. Brian Adams
• Erik Watts vs. Barbarian (ugh)
• Jim Duggan vs. Scott Norton (another barn burner)

The card that was passed out at the door:

• DDP vs. Booker T.
• Benoit/Malenko vs. Rey Jr./Kidman
• Erik Watts vs. Kaos
• Ernest Miller vs. Prince Iaukea
• Bobby Duncum Jr. vs. Scotty Riggs
• Jim Duggan vs. Scott Norton
• Hak vs. Raven (hardcore match)

Here's what we got:

Match #1: Erik Watts vs. Kenny Kaos

• Pretty funny..Watt's music is started, and Watts looks through the door to the side of the entrance, realizes he's on, and does a very loud "Oh S***", runs back, and comes out, in character. Everyone in the arena saw this, too..What a moron.
• Kaos comes out, to a decent pop, sans the "Warning! High Voltage!" music
• Actually, Watts got some MAD heat from the crowd. Not bad. This crowd really wanted to see some wrestling.
• Watts showed some personality, as well..He made fun of Kaos being much shorter that Watts, so he wrestled the first minute on his knees..Nice touch. He was met with a Kaos boot.
• YOUR WINNER: Kenny Kaos via rollup after a failed Watts powerbomb.
• Not a great match, but good enough to get things rolling.
• RATING: 6 out of 10

MATCH #2: Evan Karagias vs. Bobby Eaton (sans "Beautiful")

• Evan comes out, looking pretty ripped. A friend of mine got to interview him at the Roanoke Airport, and hung with him for several hours. He was very, very cool to me, as well.
• Bobby Eaton?!? WTF?
• OK, I know this is DDT Digest, but Bobby Eaton needs to retire. He refused to sell a single move of Evan's, and wasted 19:59 of a 20 minute match. The WHOLE match was one big stall by Bobby Eaton..refused to tie up with Evan, etc. This KILLED the crowd.
• The only thing that saved this match was the insane finisher Evan pulled off. Looked like Blitzkrieg's twisting moonsault. Whatever you call it, Evan did a full twist and corkscrew in mid air before landing square are Eaton. Crowd went nuts.
• YOUR WINNER: Evan Karagias with a twisting moonsault
• Still, a pretty bad match.
• RATING: For Evan, 7 out of 10. For Eaton, 0 out of 10.
• For the record, I met Bobby after the show, and he's a nice guy. Just couldn't wrestle tonight, I dunno..

MATCH #3: Prince Iaukea vs. Ernest Miller

• Say what you will about Ernest Miller's wrestling ability..the man can work a microphone pretty well..He got the most heat of the night.
• The Prince-Iaukea-job-to-everyone tour rolled into Roanoke.
• Pretty good wrestling on both sides. Prince works for the power plant, so you'd expect that..Miller did look better than he has in the past.
• Security sucked at the Civic Center. Lots of stuff being tossed at Ernest Miller in this long match. Funniest thing thrown: Empty bottle of alcohol..one of those little airplane sized things. In all honesty, though, I didn't expect this much stuff to be thrown. I attended the December 29th show in Philadelphia
• Match ended with Miller actually landing the Feliner. I had a pretty good view (4th row seats), and Miller's foot did hit the Prince. Better than before.
• YOUR WINNER: Ernest Miller with the Feliner
• Kanyon may have been a more high energy match up, but Ernest Miller delivered the goods here.
• RATING: 7 out of 10

MATCH 4: Bobby Duncum Jr. vs. Scotty "Narcissist" Riggs

• The Bobby Duncum "Who Cares?" tour rolls into Roanoke.
• Scotty comes out looking in good shape. Decent heat.
• Nice little prematch spiel by Riggs: (Looking at Duncum's cowboy gear) "Only 2 things come from Texas...Steers...and..q....Trailer Trash like all you Virginians!!" Heh. I liked that. (I'm originally from Delaware..;p)
• For the record, a slice of pizza at Roanoke Civic Center: $2.50.
• Duncum was sloppy..Riggs carried that match, with a few nice spots here and there..
• The ending comes when Riggs copies any 1980's WWF match, and pins Duncum using the ropes for leverage.
• YOUR WINNER: Scotty Riggs with no real finisher. He did hit a flying lariat, just like the "Narcissist", Lex Luger!
• Duncum leaves, yelling "I fought Jericho at World War 3..that counts for something!!"......just kidding.
• RATING: 5 out of 10.
• Riggs needs some polishing, but there's talent there.

INTERMISSION: Crowd's mood was part "bleah", part "this sucks so far". No one signed autographs, BTW..

MATCH #5: Hak vs Scott Norton

• Rats, no Chastity. Big ol Kendo stick, though..
• Hak blabbers away on the mic for what seems like an eternity, waiting for silence. Yeah right.
• Hak says he hurt Raven so badly, that he didnt show up. *sigh*
• Hak challenges anyone in the back with balls to show up..
• nWo black and white music brings out...Scott Norton!! Oh hell yeah!
• The old school nWo theme sounds weird now..Just havent heard it in a long time.
• Hak says we got a match, but he needs to go get his toys. Big pop.
• Scott Norton clocks Hak, and chokes him out..away we go!
• A lot of brawling outside the ring..Norton using the ring bell on Hak's head..Ow! I can hear the bell!
• Hak comes back with the Kendo stick, and jabs Norton with it..Norton recovers, and proceeds to beat the living hell out of Hak.
• Hak lands some punches, and tries to hit the Russian Legsweep, but Norton blocks, kicks Hak, and PLANTS Hak with a powerbomb!
• 1-2-3!!! HOLY CRAP! NORTON WINS!!
• I hope Kevin Nash was watching..THAT'S the way to throw a powerbomb..I thought Scott was going to throw Hak through the mat!
• YOUR WINNER: Scott "Flash" Norton with an incredible powerbomb.
• I'd like to see this develop into an angle..Norton can wrestle hardcore..Anything's better than Brian Knobbs..
• Great match, except no tables, chairs, etc. Not really a hardcore match, but a great match nonetheless..
• RATING: 8 out of 10
• Good to see that Norton can still win a match every now and then!

Match #6: DDP vs. Rick Steiner

• What the....no Booker T either???
• Rick Steiner comes out to some pretty good heat. Wearing the belt backwards like DDP..this is a dumb trend.
• Steiner challenges DDP to a TV Title match. The belt falls off his huge gut while talking. Heh.
• Rick Steiner: "You may not want any of the Steiner boys, but your wife sure did!" Eww..that's a very nasty thought. *shudder*
• DDP comes down, playing the face, I guess..Pretty good pop.
• DDP says he'll take every chance to push his fist down a Steiner's throat.
• I'm not a Rick Steiner fan, but his wrestling has picked up a bit, since he's gone heel.
• Typical DDP match up (i.e. Top rope clothesline, the turn-around pancake clothesline, BANG, etc...)
• Rick hits a bulldog, and DDP's neck isnt broken. Kickout at 2..
• Ref bump..ok, here we go..
• Rick pulls out the brass knucks from his drawers...Eeeeeww..Steiner clocks DDP, and gets the 3 count from a groggy Mickey J.
• YOUR WINNER: Rick Steiner with the brass knuckles.
• After the match, Rick continues to stomp a hole in DDP. When he gets DDP for another bulldog, BANG.
• DDP grabs the belt, thinking he won, but Mickey J takes the belt back, and is met with another Diamond Cutter. Page grabs the belt and leaves.
• Steiner wakes up, yelling "Where did my belt go?"..geez, I know he needs a belt to hold his pants up, but sheesh..settle down.
• Steiner then proceeds to stomp a hole in Mickey J., yelling "Don't ever give my belt away again!". Hopefully, he'll do it soon.
• Not a bad match..A bit predictable, but hey, I wasn't expecting a PPV caliber match here tonight, anyway..Plus, give DDP credit. Any man who makes Rick Steiner look good deserves a raise, in my book..
• RATING: 7 out of 10

Match #7: Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko (w/ Arn Anderson) vs. Rey Misterio Jr (w/ belt)/Kidman

• Guess it's time for the main event..what a short card.
• Sign in the crowd: "4 Whoresman: New Breed of B*tches". I can't believe they got that one in, knowing WCW's sign policy. Then again, security was so lax, I could have been selling crack in the Civic Center, and I wouldnt have gotten caught.
• Insane pop for Rey Jr/Kidman. I still like Kidman's theme better, but oh well..
• I can't call this whole match..It would be suicide to try and keep up..
• Highlights: Benoit hits the flying headbutt..Insane! Malenko gets the Cloverleaf on Rey, but Kidman saves. (Actually, Jesus saves, but that's another conversation all together)
• Arn did his fair share of interfering..He's still got it.
• Benoit/Malenko ruled this match, until they made the fatal mistake of trying to powerbomb Kidman. Do we learn nothing?
• Match finally ends with Rey hitting a split-legged spinebuster from the top on Malenko.
• YOUR WINNERS: Rey Jr./Kidman after a split-legged spinebuster from the top rope.
• RATING: 10 out of 10

• THE GOOD: Scott Norton winning! Tag match was awesome..All 4 gave all they had. The Cat actually looked good, and stepped it up. Evan Karagias's finisher was insane, and worth the price of admission alone. Getting to hang out with Evan before the show was very cool..I hope he gets a push sometime..
• THE BAD: All the friggin no shows: Booker T., Raven, and believe it or not, Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Not like I wanted to see Hacksaw, but sheesh..Also, all the promised matches that didnt happen. That's misleading, and it's bad business. The crowd left with the attitude of "Eh, it was ok, but not great".
• THE UGLY: The thought of Rick Steiner and Kimberly...EEwww...Kimberly is MM-MM-Good, but Rick Steiner....Ugh..Also, the sight of Bobby Eaton wrestling. Sorry Bill, but he was terrible..Made Meng's selling of moves look good.

Well, thanks for the chance to report. I'm Dave, and I'm outta here. Be sure to check out Daveland.