WWA Eruption- Sunday, April 14^th, 2002

Melbourne, Australia

By Greg

Prepare to be amazed... At how bad a PPV can be.

Okay, in case you don't know me, my name is Greg Conley, and I wrote for this site back in the summer of 2000 as the Thunder reporter. To put it lightly, I sucked. My reports had frequent mistakes, I found a lot of stupid crap funny, and I'm not very proud of them. And that really wasn't the lasting impression I wanted to leave on the readers and former writers of this great site. So when I saw that the WWA Eruption was coming on, I just couldn't resist. I mean, come on, Hardcore Midgets!
The pre-PPV show starts off with Tantric's beyond bad "Revolution" song, played to clips from the WWA's first PPV, along with many stars who won't be appearing at the PPV. Jeez, you figured they'd at least update the damn clips.
Jeremy Borash is your host, and like usual, he's pretty damn ugly, and he REALLY wants us to order the PPV.
Jeremy Borash: "We've got hardcore midgets."
And to truly get us to order the PPV, we see clips from the last PPV, which starts off with midgets beating the crap out of each other, some clips from the sweet Six-Way Cruiserweight Match, Scott Steiner beating up the previously cited midgets and Disco Inferno (as Tenzan made a completely random and unnoted appearance, pushing Disco towards Scott), Sabu and Devon Storm facing off in a match with eighteen blown spots (clips played to some badly done, generic guitar riffs), "The Front Row" Nathan Jones hits a bunch of Test-esque moves on Lodi and Lenny, and since they're too lazy to fill a thirty minute show, we get replays of all the other clips.

This is more pathetic than Nathan Jones' nickname. I mean, you can't even fill the show with thirty minutes worth of clips? And if they felt they had to repeat themselves, they could've at least done different introductions to the clips.
And for Christ's sakes, change that damn music!

A limo pulls up to the arena, and Jeff Jarrett is banned from coming into the arena by the WWA Officials (who don't even call him Jeff, they call him "The Chosen One"). Jeff responds to this with a punch to the face.
For the 8^th time tonight, I hear Tantric's "Hey, we're going to be one-hit wonders, why not record them a stupid song?"
Jeremy Borash and Disco Inferno are the announcers.
There's a big ass volcano in the aisleway, and then really bad fireworks (like ¹/₁₀₀th of what the WWF uses just for Kane's entrance) open the show.
While Borash and Disco talk about what's going to happen, the arena is completely silent.
Sid Vicious, walking with a cane gets out of limo, and walks around looking completely doped up.
Their ring announcer is simply a fat, Australian guy. "The World Wrestling All Stars, Wrestling ExtravaGANGA." I love accents.

He announces the two commentators, and acts like they're going to come down the aisle.
Disco: "We're right here."
The announcer acts totally confused.
And it's always a good sign when the audio cuts out for twenty seconds.

First Round: Cruiserweight Title Tournament: Nova vs. AJ Styles

There is a mini-tournament for the title tonight, as Eddie Guerrero left the federation to go back to the WWF, whilst he still held the title.
Did you know Nova invented mini-tournaments?
AJ Styles showed a lot to me at the last PPV that he certainly didn't show me in WCW.
Nova did have a cocky heel character at the last PPV, but that gimmick's all but been abandoned.
Off the bat, Nova headscissors AJ Styles, and his head smacks into the second turnbuckle.
AJ and Nova exchange shoulderblocks.
A few "You ain't Loki nor Tajiri" kicks by AJ Styles.
Nova does an odd move, where he acts like he's going to plant Styles with a powerbomb, but instead drops him down face first.
Scissors kick to the back of the head gets two for Nova.
Stomach breaker by Nova, followed by a submission move called the Twisted Sister (which he keeps on for all of three seconds).
Psychology + Cruiserweight = BAD
Big boot from Nova gets two.
Nova is looking quite a bit like Chris Jericho here, as he's let his hair grow out to Jericho's length.
AJ plants Nova with the Styles Clash (A move where he puts you in a piledriver, locks your legs, then drops you face first), and pins Nova at four minutes.
Disco: "I've never seen that move before."
It shows a lot of confidence in a product when the announcer didn't bother to watch the last PPV.
Nice, short match, but you could tell Nova was making sure not to get hurt as to ensure his spot in the WWF developmental territory.
Hey, Nova also invented the WWF developmental territory.

Scott Steiner and Midajiah arrive at the arena.
The Starettes (AKA, sluttier Nitro Girls) dance in the ring.
They show clips of Jerry Lynn destroying Eddie Guerrero, just to try and seal up their wounds since Eddie didn't even think twice about leaving them.
Commissioner Sid Vicious comes out to the ring, wearing a cheap looking blue suit.

Isn't there a rule that wrestlers only wear black suits, and not blue to avoid looking like an old business man, like Sid does right now.
Sid's walking with a cane, as a result of his leg being horrifically broken at WCW Sin in January, 2001.
I'm just kind of sitting here, nodding my head along to Sid's bad mic skills.
"The Front Row" Nathan Jones will face Scott Steiner for the WWA Title tonight.
Sid: "Thank God for letting me step into the ring."
Don't get me started on that guy.

First Round: Cruiserweight Title Tournament: Chucky Chaos vs. Jerry Lynn

Yes! Jerry Lynn is using Dope as his theme song.
Chucky Chaos is a Judas Young looking guy.
In case you don't know who Judas Young is, he basically dresses like a punk.
Chaos jumps Lynn right off the bat, and sends him to the outside.
Chaos does some kind of somersault onto Lynn. God knows if I'm a reliable source for Luchadore moves.
Lynn drops an elbow on Chaos as he re-enters the ring.
Lynn plants Chucky with the Cradle Piledriver and wins the match at one minute.
Ugh... There were three matches I figured would be good, and all three were the ones from the tournament. Two down, and this PPV isn't shaping up well.

Meanwhile, Puppet the Psycho Dwarf is one angry midget.
Hardcore Midget Match: Puppet the Psycho Dwarf vs. Tito

Yes, Hardcore Midgets.
Puppet cuts a promo, calling the fans "dirty Aussies."
Tito jumps Puppet, and does ten punches in the corner (standing on the second turnbuckle).
Tito kicks Puppet in the crotch.
Disco: "Right in the... Uhhh... Whatever midgets have down there."
Disco: "Tito's gotten his offense from midgets like Sky Lo, Little Beaver, and Rey Mysterio Jr."
Puppet has been seen on Jerry Springer, Jenny Jones, among others.
He's also a part of a traveling freak show where you can pay a $1 to lick a midget.
Folks, I can't make this up.
Puppet slams Tito onto three setup chairs for a two count.
Tito gets the upperhand, and screws up a Buff Blockbuster attempt.
Puppet sells it anyway, and Tito covers for a two.
Tito throws a garbage can into the ring, and sets it up between the third and second turnbuckle.
Puppet reverses a whip, sending Tito into the trashcan.
Vader Bomb from Puppet.
Disco: "Midget Bomb!"
Running neckbreaker from Tito.
Disco: "That's a move I patented."
Yeah Disco. It's one of your ten moves that you repeat every single match.
Swanton Bomb gets two on Puppet.
Tito puts a trashcan over Puppet's head, and smacks it with the weakest chairshot ever.
Tito throws an eight foot ladder into the ring.
I can't believe I'm calling a Hardcore Midget Match.
Tito jumps off the top of the ladder, and smacks the trashcan into Puppet's face to win the match at six minutes.
The midget match got more time than the two cruiserweight matches combined.
Sad, but true.

Queen Bee, a Playboy playmate, is shown getting ready for their evening gown match.
Midajiah is also doing the same, but Tito runs in, wearing Scott Steiner's beads.

Man, he got in there really quickly.
This reminds me of the WCW event when Stasiak and Douglas are both out in the back, and then two seconds later, they're redressed and carrying the casket.

Buff Bagwell/Stevie Ray vs. Ernest Miller/Brian Christopher

Disco: "Damn, what a loser Stevie Ray is. He lost the Tag Team Title ten times."
Stevie has really let himself go, as it seems his tights are keeping his gut from just exploding.
Disco: "Hey look, it's Judy Bagwell's son. She's a former World Tag Team Champion too."
Buff seems less than excited to be here.
Ernest Miller's got some bad James Brown ripoff music.
Disco: "Hey look, it's Jerry Lawler's kid."
What a good plan; take all the guys that are alienated from the WWF forever (minus Jarrett), and throw them into one match.
Borash had to sit next to Christopher on the plane.
Let's hope he didn't do anything of Regal caliber.
Bagwell's so damn rusty in the ring, that when he tries to pose on the second rope, he damn near slips getting on the first rope.
Match is completely dead for the first few minutes, as the fans only seem to be popping for the big moves.
Christopher almost manages to screw up a hiptoss, and follows that up with a bad bulldog.
Tag out to Ernest Miller.
The Cat does a split, then karate chops Buff.
Running neckbreaker by Buff.
Disco: "Here comes my patented move."
Borash: "One of your three."
HAH!
Our Patron Saint is tagged in, and pounds away like only Our Patron Saint can...
Badly
Buff Bagwell is tagged in, and let's just say that his offense and Stevie Ray's have a lot in common.
Both men clothesline each other.
I'd call it a hot tag, but to be a hot tag the fans have to actually cheer.
Cat kicks Stevie in the balls, then does the same exact split/karate chop combo.
Buff blows a sunset flip, as he overshoots the move, and has creep back over to Miller to try and get Miller down.
Buff can't get Miller down, and he chops him.
Buff accidentally big boots Stevie Ray.
It takes both Miller and Christopher, along with a big push, to get Stevie over the top rope.
Miller and Christopher with a move similar, but worse than High Times.
After almost slipping off the top rope, Christopher executes a Top Rope Legdrop (Psychosis!) to win the match at eight minutes that I'll never again have back.
Brian calls The Cat back into the ring after he begins to leave the ring.
Christopher also calls those "fly" Starettes back into the ring.
The camera guy gets some provocative shots of the women's asses.
Christopher also brings a lot of children into the ring.
And while this is going on, the camera man gives us a shot of a security guard for twenty seconds.
The Too Cool ripoff music begins, and the kids just stand there dumbfounded, unable to simply move left, left, right, right, between clapping their hands.
Disco: "Boy, these Australians are really terrible dancers."
Disco leaves the announce booth to go into the ring.
He begins to do his Disco dancing.
And we all know what happens next.
The Cat and Christopher knock him down, then the kids even stomp Disco a few times.
What a shitty match, along with an after-match segment that completely blew my mind as to how bad something can be.

The WWA's version of Gene Okerlund is in the back with Allan Funk, who is now "The Funkster."

He looks a lot like 1985 Hogan, but the one problem is that a gimmick like this isn't funny.
It was funny last month when he did it, but now, it's just dumb.

Pierre Oulette vs. The Funkster

Pierre looks completely different than what he has in the past.
He begins to sing the National Anthem, but of course, The Funkster's music interrupts it.
Funk's even got "Eye of the Tiger" blaring.
Pierre attacks Funk to start.
Funk clotheslines Pierre a couple times, but just like in 80's fashion, he goes for a bodyslam, and Pierre pounds his back.
Pierre plants Funk with a powerslam.
Borash talks about Pierre having his first match at 16.
Disco: "He had his first match before he lost his virginity?"
Pierre goes to a sleeper.
This is simply an excuse to have The Funkster do a Funk-Up.
Pierre avoids an attack, dumping The Funkster to the outside of the ring.
Disco's spending the whole match talking about how Funk reminds him of someone.
Back in the ring, Funk does a move that Hogan was never able to do, a sunset flip after bouncing off the second ring rope.
Pierre regains the advantage, planting him with the Michinoku Driver.
Top Rope Legdrop is only good enough for a two count.
Funk tries the big boot, but gets clothesline by Oulette.
Running powerbomb from Pierre.
Pierre acts like he's ripping The Funkster's heart out.
Disco: "And he rips Funk's heart out. What a move!"
?
Pierre executes The Cannonball (Swanton Bomb), but Funk is able to Funk-Up.
Disco: "I know who he reminds me of...Bobby Eaton!"
Funk drops Pierre face first after he goes for a headscissors.
Big Boot by Funk.
Piledriver by The Funkster.
And the Big Legdrop gets the win for The Funkster at six minutes.
You really have to wonder, is this going anywhere?
Disco: "At first I thought he reminded me of Bobby Eaton. But I figured it out, he reminds me of a young Barry Windham."
Why the WWF doesn't give Disco a chance as an announcer on Jakked, I don't know.

We get a not-so-special look at Nathan Jones (since I saw it six times during the pre-game show).
Scott Steiner makes his way out to the ring, along with Midajiah.

Steiner takes their location as an opportunity for a new sexual innuendo, saying that all the Australian freaks went "Down Under."
Steiner goes on for two minutes saying absolutely nothing, until Nathan Jones comes out.
Nathan Jones looks like the perfect candidate for a "Devil" character, if he actually was to develop a hint of charisma.
Sid comes out, and tells Nathan to wait until the main event.
Steiner: "Hey Sid, the last time I saw you, I broke your leg."
Sid's going to be the Enforcer at ringside.
It's not like Sid can stop anything.
"Ohh no, Steiner's going to use a chair. Let me slowly get out of my chair, and limp over to take it away from him."
The match would be over, Steiner would be in the back, and the arena would be cleared out, and he'd finally say, "Steiner, put down that chair!"

Cruiserweight Title Match: AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn

I'm just happy to see Lynn because he has Dope's "Take Your Best Shot" as his theme.
The two exchange headscissors, and both block each other's dropkicks.
The crowd claps for their showdown, but their exchanges were nothing compared to the stuff Storm and Lynn would do in ECW.
AJ goes for a front suplex, but Lynn flips out of it.
Lynn flips over AJ in the corner.
AJ then misses a moonsault attempt, but lands on his feet.
Lynn is able to lock AJ in an armbar.
Lynn finally deals out a hard move, executing a hard hit clothesline.
Borash brings up AJ's run in WCW.
Air Raid rulz!
Lynn executes a move that I wish I knew the name of.
But hey, it doesn't matter, because two seconds later, Lynn puts AJ in the deadly airplane spin submission hold.
Styles gets out of it, and executes a frankensteiner.
A move is almost botched by the two, but Lynn is able to make AJ land on his head. Two count.
AJ flips over a suplex attempt.
AJ then flips over Lynn, and executes an inverted DDT on Lynn.
Both men duck under each other's clotheslines, and the series ends with AJ executing a sweet Superkick.
AJ goes for an Acid Drop, but Lynn executes a Northern Lights Suplex that sends AJ into the second turnbuckle.
Lynn goes to the apron, but AJ clotheslines him to the floor.
AJ executes a cannonball to the outside, and then he lands on his feet.
Nice move that gets a two count once they get back to the ring.
Lynn's bleeding from his mouth.
Ohh no, he might be internally bleeding!
Styles goes for the Styles Press, but Lynn frankensteiners him out of it.
AJ then reverses Lynn's Cradle Piledriver.
They exchange probably fifteen rollups and sunset flips.
Lynn hits a German Suplex, but AJ lands to the side, forcing him to move himself so Lynn can get a two count.
After the classic "both men are down, will they make it up before 10?" AJ executes a neckbreaker that gets a two.
AJ goes for a running powerbomb, but Lynn slips out of it.
Lynn executes a powerbomb that gets a two count.
No one man has really had a solid advantage in the match, but it's just getting annoying at this point.
Cradle Piledriver by Lynn, and Styles kicks out of the move.
The announcers make a big deal of it, but I'm sure RVD did it twenty-five times in ECW.
Borash throws out "everything but the kitchen sink."
With absolutely no move to set it up, Styles executes the Styles Clash.
Lynn kicks out of that move.
AJ gets crotched on the top rope, but Lynn gets thrown off.
Corkscrew senton bomb from Styles! 1-2-3 at 13 minutes.
God damn it, that was a sweet move.
AJ Styles is the new WWA Cruiserweight Champion.
Decent match. Certainly not great, as the two guys went back and forth way to much, and no guy had the advantage for more than thirty seconds it seemed.
AJ and Lynn shake each other's hands.
Why? ATTACK HIM! Don't you see that it would setup a match for the next PPV if that happened, instead of a random match like they'll end up having, if these guys even end up with a fourth PPV.

My pain continues, as for the millionth time I'm subjected to clips of the Sabu vs. Crowbar match, along with that horrible music that I've learned to hate with a passion over the last two hours.
Cage Match: Sabu vs. Devon Storm

Let's just hope this match doesn't end up like the match at Revolution, where they managed to blow the simplest of spots.
This match is pinfall only, and you can even pin the guy out of the cage.
German suplex right off the bat by Devon Storm.
Sabu goes off the ropes, and executes a springboard DDT that gets a two count.
Storm goes low on Sabu, giving him the advantage.
I just noticed that Bill Alphonso's now there with Sabu tonight.
Storm powerbombs Sabu into the cage not once, but twice.
I was really hoping he'd do it three times so I could say "not once not twice, but thrice."
Storm follows the two powerbombs up with a dropkick that sends Sabu right into the cage. Two count only.
Snap suplex by Storm, followed up with a Top Rope Splash that garners a two count.
I think Disco has said "Sabu is bleeding profusely" four times at this point.
Ohh yeah, and just because I need to say it, Sabu is busted open.
Frankensteiner off the top rope by Sabu, and we get to see Sabu's back, which is also busted open.
Sabu is jabbing a sharp object into Storm's head.
Who do you think you are, Ian Rotten?
Sabu goes to the top, but Storm Northern Lights Suplexes him.
Storm whacks Sabu with the chair a few times.
Storm puts the chair on Sabu's back, then rams him into the corner (while the chair is still on his back).
Storm does the same thing with a Northern Lights Suplex.
Storm tries to throw Sabu into a chaired corner, but Sabu gets away.
Storm is thrown into the corner, but flips over Sabu.
Pin attempt, and when Sabu kicks out, Storm flies right into the chair.
Sabu throws the chair at Storm's head.
Sabu jumps off the chair, and kicks Storm's head into the chair.
Arabian Facebuster by Sabu.
Sabu goes for a moonsault from the top of the cage, but Storm moves out of the way!
Crowd: "Holy shit!"
Borash: "The Federal Communications won't allow me to repeat what the crowd is saying, but ditto."
Storm tries a couple moves to put Sabu out, but they're unsuccessful.
Storm climbs out of the cage, and grabs the steel guardrail.
He sets the guardrail up on the steel steps.
He unlocks the door, but is quickly dropkicked, and planchaed on by Sabu.
Sabu brings out 'Da Table.
Storm regains the advantage, and drops Sabu stomach first on the guardrail.
Storm suplexes Sabu onto the guardrail.
The guardrail then falls on Sabu, and that must've hurt like a bitch.
Storm cracks Sabu with the guardrail a few more times.
Storm is setting up two tables on top of each other.
I still remember Storm and Disco fighting in Wildwood over the summer, and the table literally breaking before anyone touched it.
Storm sets Sabu up on top, then climbs to the top of the cage.
Storm jumps off the top, and SPLASHES SABU THROUGH THE TWO TABLES!
Whoa!
Amazingly, Storm gets right back up, and puts another table in the ring.
Sabu sets the table up, but is met with a chairshot by Devon Storm.
Storm hits a few chairshots, but Sabu throws the patented fireball at Storm's face.
Wait, did I say face? I meant chest, because that's the only place it hit.
Sabu puts Storm up on the table, and goes off with a moonsault that completely misses, and doesn't break the table.
A legdrop off the top of the cage ends the match at 17 minutes.
AHHHH! Sabu's using that damn music!
Match was damn good besides for the stupid fireball part.

We see a lot of the fans' signs, which are obviously planted by the WWA management.
Evening Gown Match: Midajiah vs. Queen Bee

The girls are both wearing their usual tight dresses.
I thought the point of an Evening Gown Match was to, you know, wear an Evening Gown.
Queen Bee's a former Playmate, and she looks like a combination between Midajiah and Jasmin St. Claire.
Yep, this is some Family Entertainment.
Hey look, blue thong.
Everyone's just rolling around, giving an excuse to show breast and ass cleavage.
Queen Bee seems more concerned with fixing her hair here.
Chinbreaker by Queen Bee.
Lots of ass kicking moves.
No, seriously. They're just frequently kicking each other in the ass.
Bodyslam by Midajiah, and she strips Queen Bee's clothes off.
Here comes the two midgets from earlier. They both strip Midajiah's dress off.
Hah!
Seeing a Playmate run away with two midgets, while a scantily clad woman run after them was the highlight of my night.
Disco to Borash: "You're the kind of guy who gets midgets to strip down young girls."

WWA World Heavyweight Champion "Front Row" Nathan Jones vs. Scott Steiner (w/Midajiah)

Sid Vicious comes down to be the Enforcer.
Midajiah's back with Steiner, and amazingly, she's already back into her outfit.
If it's possible, Steiner's larger than he was back in WCW.
This match should be really bad.
Hey, Nathan Jones is a Former World's Strongest Man.
Yes, so was Mark Henry. That doesn't mean he has to be World Champion.
Nathan can't send Steiner down with shoulderblocks, leading to Steiner giving him a double middle finger.
Nathan gets angry, and he knocks down Steiner.
Zzzzz...
After leaving the ring, Steiner comes back in, then throws Nathan out of the ring.
Surprisingly, the big Jones springboards himself in with a clothesline.
Ten punches in the corner.
Since when does the face hit all ten punches without doing something flashy at ten?
Nathan goes to the top, and Steiner shows his strength by pushing him to the floor.
Screw that, Steiner truly shows his strength by power whipping Nathan into the guardrail, sending it off its hinges.
Back in the ring, Steiner executes a backbreaker.
Steiner clotheslines Jones down.
Nathan gets a brief advantage, but runs into a boot from Steiner.
Belly-to-Belly by Steiner gets only a two count.
Surfboard from Steiner.
Man, Steiner STILL sucks.
Jones gets out, but another low blow takes care of that.
Steiner executes what Jeremy calls a Northern Lights Suplex, but it's really just a belly-to-back.
Steiner executes the poor man's version of a Scorpion Deathlock, I'm guessing trying to break his leg like he did to Sid.
Steiner goes to the bearhug.
Slowly...
Flashing...
Back...
To 80's....
Where's Akeem?
Steiner clubs Jones some more, adding to my pain.
Sideslam by Nathan, and sadly, the fans are popping for this joke.
Nathan demonstrates his great moveset by breaking out the clothesline and elbowdrop.
:GASP!:
Jones goes for a chokeslam, but Midajiah jumps off the top rope onto Jones's back.
Ever-so-lightly, Jones throws Midajiah off of him.
Steiner hits Nathan with the belt while Sid is checking on Midajiah, and Steiner goes for the pin with his feet on the ropes, but Sid makes the referee stop the count.
Nathan rolls Steiner up when he gets back in the ring, but he can't get the win.
Cradle by Nathan gets a two.
Steiner jumps off the top rope, and right into a chokeslam by Jones.
Wow, a chokeslam. He's talented.
Midajiah breaks up the pin.
Sid goes to Powerbomb Midajiah, but the referees break it up.
Steiner hits Jones with the Title Belt once again, allowing Steiner to lock the Steiner Recliner in.
Jones passes out, giving Steiner the WWA World Title at fourteen minutes.
Wow, that match managed to suck and blow at the same time.
Sid tells Scott that he'll raise his hand, but he wants Steiner to give him a chance at the title if he gets the chance.
Steiner: "The only thing I'm going to do is give you a chance to get your leg broken all over again."
Steiner comes back out, and says that Sid should shove that cane up his ass.
Sid and Steiner argue some more, and the PPV then signs off without a goodbye.
Badly put together clusterf**k.

Anyone notice that Jarrett appeared at the beginning, and never appeared in the show? Yeah, that was worth the $2,000 flight, plus the $10,000 or so Jarrett got working the show.
The Good: Storm/Sabu, Nova/AJ Styles, and AJ Styles/Jerry Lynn were all very good matches. Plus, similar to Mark Madden last month, the "in" comments were great.
The Bad: Just about anything that I didn't note up there. The WWA could've done so many good things with this PPV, but they just ended up screwing it up.
The Beautiful: Stevie Ray. How I miss you, you sweet, beautiful piece of man.

WWA Eruption- Sunday, April 14th, 2002

By Greg

Back to DDT Digest

WWA Eruption- Sunday, April 14^th, 2002