Slamboree 2000 - Sunday, 05/07/00

By Alexi Franklin

Now, the way it worked, I went to see Gladiator tonight, so I started watching the PPV about halfway through.
On my cable, they show a replay right after, so it all
- obviously
worked out.
I started watching at the live Flair/Douglas match, and I just finished watching the PPV, and it's funny, they show an ad for Slamboree
- coming up next!
Featuring Sid.
I guess producing another commercial would cost too much.
Next, an ad for a Disco Inferno PPV coming up.
They feature a clip of him in a bunny suit.
Please don't hate me if this report isn't as good as my last PPV report.
- Please.
I'm going to do my best.
You'll laugh, you'll cry
- at the bad wrestling
and you'll be mildly amused and informed by my report.
Oh yeah, visit my site, WCWUniverse.com. It's the Ultimate WCW fan page.
- blah blah blah.
Just trust me. It's a good site. If you like DDT Digest, you'll like WCWUniverse.com.

Another ad for Slamboree.
Why do they do an ad for the show when we ordered the show?
We see the Millionaires Club come off their bus.
The New Blood is in their locker room.
Another ad for Slamboree.
Opening Pyro.
We're (not) LIVE! from Kansas, Missouri.
- In the westerns, they call it missourah
- helpful.
MATCH ONE: WCW Cruiserweight Title Match -- Chris Candido (c) w/Tammy Lynn Sytch w/saggy used up ass v TAFKAPI w/Paisley
- Tammy's on the mic.
  - She looks kinda beefy.
- She does a striptease-type thing.
- TAFKAPI comes out.
  - Let me get this straight from Vince Russo -- Los Fabulosos, Sonny Onoo, Kaz Hayashi -- they suck. Prince Iaukea doesn't.
- Lockup.
- TAFKAPI takes control with a side headlock.
- Irish whip into a lariat.
- Candido takes control with a body scissors takedown.
- TAFKAPI takes it back with a suplex with a bridge for two.
- 10 count punches.
- TAFKAPI's sent outside.
  - The entrance ramp goes right to the ring apron
- Candido, up top, hits a splash on TAFKAPI.
- They brawl.
- Iaukea into, and onto, the ramp.
- Candido gets a chair.
- Iaukea reverses a piledriver into a back bodydrop.
- Iaukea makes a cover for 2.
- Iaukea with a standing hurricanrana.
- Candido comes out and chops Iaukea.
- Iaukea's sent outside.
- He goes back to the apron.
- He suplexes Candido out of the ring.
  - Insert snappy, witty comment here.
  - Laugh at aforementioned comment.
  - Drag out joke for too long.
  - Return to recap.
- Iaukea with a sloppy powerbomb.
- Iaukea tries his flying DDT.
- Candido catches him, puts him up top for the Frankensteiner.
- Iaukea blocks it.
- Iaukea screws up a sunset flip.
  - How the hell can you do that???
  - I could do one.
  - Right now.
    - Oof.
  - Maybe not.
- Iaukea did something in the ring to Candido involving him being in control.
- Paisley and Tammy squabble.
- They catfight a little.
  - Tammy's wearing a girdle or something, it's weird.
  - She's so out of shape, it's disgusting.
- She hits Iaukea on the head with a chair.
- Candido does a move, I missed it.
  - Sorry.
  - Great way to begin a recap.
  - Oh, it was a diving headbutt.
- And he wins.
- Paisley and Tammy go at it.
- Candido is sent out.
- Ah, the weird girdle thing was underwear, which we get to see when the strip her.
  - It's really quite disgusting.
  - I'm going to go vomit.
- Paisley and TAFKAPI to their thing in the ring.
  - That rhymes.
  - I'm going to use that line when I'm a wrestler.
MATCH TWO: WCW Hardcore Championship -- Terry Funk (c) v Norman Smiley & Mystery Partner
- A montage of the bumps Funk has taken in WCW.
- Funk is headed to the ring.
- People backstage tell him he's in the bathroom.
- He says something about a possum. And an ass.
  - I don't want to know.
- Norman attacks Funk from behind with the fire extinguisher.
- Terry was looking in on some guy in a stall when he was attacked from behind.
- A chair, a ladder, and the tarmac gate thingy come into play.
- Norman's partner shows up, in catcher's gear.
- They're both in Royals outfits.
- Norman goes at Funk with the chair.
- Funk into trash cans.
- And a table.
- Norman puts a can on top of Funk's head and hits it with a chair.
- Norman is thrown into a stack of things.
- The mystery partner is on top of some mats, and he's throwing boxes
  - Empty cardboard boxes
- at Funk
- Funk throws chairs back.
  - The stack of things is the Astroturf for the indoor soccer team.
- Norman and Funk take turns running into and hitting one another with blunt objects.
- We still do not know the identity of the mystery partner.
- The mystery partner finally helps out.
- More hardcore brawling.
  - This is fun to watch.
  - Not type.
  - Buy the damn show you f'n cheapskate and leave me out of it.
- They finally make it out to the arena floor.
- Funk's in control.
- Funk has the mystery partner with him, and he's dragging him to the ring.
- Slowly.
- The mystery partner is unmasked as
  - suspense builds
- Ralphus.
- Ralphus shows some cleavage
  - Ass cleavage.
- His shirt is off, and his pants are too, pretty much.
  - He has a belly button the size of a baseball.
  - I feel sick.
- Norman up top with a ladder.
- Funk sells it well.
- Norman does the hardcore big wiggle.
- Funk tries a chair shot, but Norman gets it and does it instead.
- Ralphus comes out
- He hardcore wiggles Funk.
- And shows a lot of ASS.
- He gets hit with the chair.
- Norman gets hit.
- Ralphus, back up, gets hit,
- Norman, back up, gets taken down with the small package for the win.
  - Ralphus looks so sad, I want to hug him.
  - If he wasn't a smelly fat hairy sweaty sixty year old truck driver.
- Norman and Ralphus dance the night away.
  - Too Cool stole that gimmick, and Norman and Ralphus are a billion times better.
David Arquette drives up. Mean Gene talks to him.
- Blah blah blah.
- Alexi Franklin -- details man.

MATCH THREE: "The Perfect One" Shawn Stasiak v "The Old Hairy One" Curt Hennig
- Stasiak out first, then Hennig.
- I want to go to sleep. I'm tired.
- Stasiak starts with an arm drag.
- Then a hip toss.
- Knee to the gut, fist to the temple.
- Hennig with a scoopslam, schooling the rookie.
- Stasiak with a headlock.
  - This feud doesn't interest me at all.
  - This is so damn boring.
  - I wish this was the Jung Dragons.
- Hennig, after trying a couple times, finally fights out of the headlock.
- Stasiak with a sunset flip.
- Hennig punches Stasiak until dropping him with a kneelift.
  - At ringside, the Misfits in Action (LeRoux, Chavo, Hammer) in technicolor camo.
  - Another retarded, haphazard group.
- From the outside, they come back in. Perfect One with a flying top rope lariat.
- Hennig is sent outside.
- Hennig scoopslams Stasiak on the entrance way, almost.
- His back gives out.
- Stasiak puts Hennig in the sleeper hold.
- Some guy in the crowd shills Positively Page.
- Hennig fights out of the sleeper.
  - I wish I could fight out of this sleeper.
  - By sleeper, I mean this match.
- Stasiak misses a top rope maneuver.
- Hennig with two punches to the gut.
- A bunch of chops on Stasiak.
  - His left nipple lands in section 28c.
- Hennig hits a back bodydrop.
- Punches in the corner.
- The ref stops Hennig, Stasiak kicks Hennig in the gut when he gets back up.
- Stasiak hits the sloppiest, ugliest monkeyflip of all time with Hennig
- Stasiak hits the Perfect/Hennig/Fisherman's Suplex for the win.
MATCH FOUR: WCW US Title Match -- Hugh Morrus v Scott Steiner (c) w/Midajah & Kim
- Morrus on the mic.
- He calls Bischoff a "brain fart," I think.
  - Uhh....
- He asks to be no longer called Hugh Morrus, but rather as Huge E. Rection or Captain Rection.
  - I suppose that's Russo's idea of humor.
- Steiner out with Midajah and Kim.
- They are so hot.
- The proceed to kiss and rub BPP.
  - I want to die.
  - Please.
  - Now.
- Steiner starts off dominating with chops, kicks, and stomps.
  - Madden calls Kim Kanner "Shakira"
  - What's up with that?
- Captain Rection comes back with some chops.
- On second thought, I refuse to call him that.
- Steiner outside.
- They do a closeup on Midajah & Kim's breasts.
  - I want to die.
  - Please.
  - Now.
- Steiner attacks HUGH MORRUS from behind.
- Morrus with an atomic drop and some punches.
- Spinning heel kick. Side slam. Rection...er Morrus in control.
- Hugh with a big top-rope elbow drop.
- Going back up, they push him into a tree of woe-ish position.
- BPP takes control.
  - More breasts.
  - *Sigh*
- BPP with some elbow drops.
- BPP attacks the ref.
- BPP hits a HUGE belly to belly suplex, then he does some pushups.
  - Midajah and Kim jump up and down.
  - So, so, so unfair.
  - Why do they have to be so hot?
  - And me never able to get with anyone like that?
- BPP with another belly to belly.
- BPP with a big bearhug.
- BPP with an overhead release suplex.
- BPP flexes and yells at the crowd for a minute or so.
- Rection with a boot to the face.
  - Sigh.
  - Captain Rection. Huge E. Rection.
  - That's the best they could come up with?
- BPP sends Morrus down again.
- Double underhook slam.
- Rection with a inverted bearhug and a tombstone piledriver.
- Hugh goes for his moonsault, now the "Raging Climax."
  - *sigh*
- But he misses and just sorta kicks BPP in the head.
- BPP gets up and puts Hugh in the Steiner Recliner.
- R&B Security comes out and stops the Misfits from interfering.
- BPP's still got Rection in the recliner.
  - *sigh*
- But Booker T comes out and kicks Steiner with the Harlem Sidekick.
Mean Gene's with Kanyon backstage.
Blah blippity blah.

MATCH FIVE: Chris Kanyon v Mike Awesome
- I'm tired, I don't care about this match. I don't want to recap it.
- Awesome and Kanyon brawl some.
- Outside, Kanyon ends up in the railing, then the steel steps.
- Basic stuff until Kanyon does a somersault splash off a chair onto Awesome.
- Awesome gets up and jawbreaks Kanyon on the top rope.
- Double axehandle.
- Up top, Awesome hits a flying lariat.
- Two count.
- Back outside, Awesome's in control with chair shots.
  - I'm tired.
    - I'm like an 80 year old woman.
    - I'm tired.
    - I've got worms.
    - I want my Metamucil.
- They brawl into the crowd.
- Back into the ring.
- Kanyon with a sunset flip, two count.
- Awesome with a running Liger bomb.
- Awesome and Kanyon, outside again.
- Awesome gets the chair, nails Kanyon..
- Chokes Kanyon with the chair.
- Up top, with the chair, but Kanyon pulls the top rope and balls him.
- Kanyon hits a reverse neckbreaker on the stuck Awesome.
  - Wow.
- Kanyon twists around Awesome and hits another reverse neckbreaker.
- Kanyon covers, Awesome reverses, gets two.
- Kanyon with an innovative move. I don't know how to describe it.
- Kanyon gets another two count.
- Kanyon tries a Powerbomb, but Awesome reverses it into a HUGE powerbomb.
- He hits another one, Kanyon took it all on his neck.
  - That was REALLY not clean and looked like it hurt like hell.
- Awesome goes outside, moves the ring area padding out of the way.
- Kanyon tries to jump on Awesome outside the ring, but Awesome jumps in first.
- Kanyon wriggles out of a running powerbomb.
- Awesome hits a overhead release German suplex.
- Kanyon outside, Awesome sets up top powerbomb him from the entrance way onto the bare floor, but Kevin Nash comes down.
- Nash with punches.
- Kidman, Vampiro, Candido, and Douglas come in.
- They all beat down Kevin.
- Ric Flair comes down.
- Sting comes down.
- Kanyon's back into it.
- R&B Security is in.
  - Slobberknocker!
- Millionaires Club wins.
- Kanyon is celebrating, but he lost by DQ.
Buff Bagwell promo.
Total Package promo.
Backstage, Russo has Elizabeth change her clothes.
- Don't worry, we didn't get to see it.
- Or maybe we did and I didn't tell you.
- ?????
MATCH SIX: Buff Bagwell v The Total Package
- Since they didn't clear up if the match on Thunder was a title match or not, and there's no defense tonight, we don't know who holds the Tag Titles.
- Total Package comes out and does his clothes thing.
- Buff Bagwell comes out.
- Brawling, lockups, turnbuckles.
  - Yawn. I want to go to sleep.
  - This match already is asleep.
  - How many times have we seen this match?
  - Too many.
- Total Package in control with an inverted atomic drop.
- 10 count punches.
- Buff goes outside. Luger chases.
  - Where's Meng?
    - At home crying.
      - I'm not obsessed.
        
        Honest.
  - I saw the end of this match already. I won't ruin it for you. It's not that good, however.
- Total Package and Buff "wrestle."
  - I would kill for a Benoit/Malenko lockup fest right now.
  - I can't stand this BS punch, kick, punch, stomp, stomp, throw outside.
  - I can, actually, but it just grates if that's it for the entire card.
- Buff has Luger in some sort of Steiner Recliner type thing. Luger low-blows Buff.
- Backstage, Liz attacks Russo with the bat and she runs to the ring with the bat.
- Luger's back in control of the match, with bionic forearms and the sort.
- He signals for the rack.
  - I also do weddings and bar mitzvah.
- Buff hits him from behind, and he steals the bat from Liz. He hits Luger with it.
- Swinging neckbreaker.
- Buff goes up top, Liz hits him with the bat.
- Luger racks him.
- Bagwell submits.
- Luger and Liz reunite.
  - Awwww.
  - Now for the crappy ending I told you about.
- Chuck Palumbo runs in. He takes Luger out, and he's dressed like Luger.
  - Except that he's taller and skinner, so he looks like an anorexic.
  - Coupled with his sideshow bob hair, its not pretty.
- Bagwell helps Palumbo rack Luger.
- Bagwell takes Liz to the back.
Shane Douglas chats with Mean Gene. He wants to be called "The Franchise." He plans to beat Flair.
- Surprise, surprise.

MATCH SEVEN: "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair (w/ saggy...) v "The Franchise" Shane Douglas (w/insert something witty and/or obscene here)

The Franchise comes out with his music.
- Big surprise. He came out to his music. Way to go, Alexi. What should he have come out with?
  - Go to hell.
Kansas City will get to see Ric Flair get his ass kicked.
Flair comes out.
He's going to kick his ECW ass.
- ECWhat? There's another promotion out there?
They trade lockups.
- I went to Gladiator tonight. So, I'm watching the PPV starting now. I'm going to wait until the replay swings around.
- Good movie.
- Long movie.
- My mom is less than pleased.
- It's a school night.
  - Boo friggin' hoo.
- Since I know she isn't going to read this,
- BITE ME.
Nature Boy in moderate control until Franchise hits a back elbow, back bodydrop.
10 count punches.
Eye poke by the dirtiest player in the game.
- Indeed.
They trade chops. Nature Boy, being the master of the chop, wins.
He goes up top
Madden notes it's the 2,459^th time that Flair has not hit a top rope maneuver.
- It's hard to disagree.
The Franchise locks on the figa' fo'.
Near pinfalls as Naitch rolls back and forth.
He gets to the ropes.
- Whew, that was close.
Franchise with some chops taking Flair down.
Flair gouges the eyes.
Low blow.
- Ouch.
Franchise rolls outside. Flair chops him at the railing.
Lariat into the railing on Franchise.
Flair and Madden jaw with one another.
Franchise on the announcer's table.
- I wonder who's going to run in to end this match.
- Maybe it will be a *gasp* clean pinfall.
- Probably not.
Back in the ring, Franchise goes in the boot for the chain.
Knocks Flair in the head.
Snap suplex.
Uno
Dos
Tre...oh wait, Latinos aren't allowed in WCW.
- Russo is a racist bastard.
- Bastado!
Near pinfall on Flair.
Flair and Franchise trade chops.
Flair wins the chopping.
- Hi
- YA!
- Whoo!
Flair punches the Franchise.
Naitcha' boy shuffle.
Ab stomp.
Field goal kick on Franchise's little franchise.
The diving thingy on the back of Franchise's knee.
Some weird knee jam maneuver.
Setting up for the figure four, Flair's hit in the back by a guy in a sting mask with a bat.
They try to tell us it's Russo.
- I don't buy it.
- But I bought the PPV.
- Silly me.
Bagwell is in as well.
- Why didn't they defend the belts? Bagwell and Douglas I mean.
- I'm betting the person impersonating Russo impersonating Sting is David Flair.
Total Package comes out and forces the guy in.
Predictably, Russo comes down and knocks out Package.
- Guess who the mystery guy was?
- I'm a f'n genius.
- Not to be confused with the f'n show
Nash comes down at approx. 4:20 on the beatdown clock.
Slowly.
Really, really slowly.
He takes out David, then Russo.
Daphne low-blows Nash.
- Well, at least that's some continuity.
- What more can you ask for?
- I guess a clean finish.
- Or some Mexican guys.
Russo's music hits and that's a wrap.
I just noticed, the entrance way ramp leads right to the ring.
- Weird.
- I guess that should make me watch WCW instead of the WWF.
- All that pesky climbing-into-the-ring action is SO early 90's.
- As if.
But wait, we get to live it all over again.

MATCH EIGHT: Vampiro w/pipe v Sting w/bat
- A recap or something of the whole Sting/Vamp thing.
  - Something?
  - And you call yourself a reporter...
    - Actually I don't. I copy all my news in the hopes people will visit my site, in turn feeding my ego.
- Metallica song hits, out comes Sting.
- With a bat.
- They brawl on that elevated ramp.
  - They seem like models.
  - Except they wear face paint.
    - That doesn't count.
  - OK, they're kicking ass.
- Nice splash onto Vamp onto the floor. He bumps his head on a table.
  - Owie.
- Sting takes Vamp to the announcers table.
- But they beg him to go, so he leaves and DDTs him at ringside.
- Sting, in the ring, "Whoo!"
- He goes back outside and fetches Vampiro.
- Low blow on the former Franchise of WCW.
  - Some people complained they were calling Douglas "Franchise."
  - How many nicknames does Sting need?
- Vamp has his pipe.
- Hits Sting across the chest.
  - Here's a good question.
  - If his name is Crowbar, why does he use a pipe?
  - That should be on the SATs.
- Vamp just beats him with the pipe.
  - What I wouldn't give for a corkscrew plancha right now.
- They're back on the catwalk thingy.
  - It's really weird looking after all these years.
  - Not an entirely bad idea, it lets the fans in the upper deck
    - Hypothetically, since WCW doesn't have any.
    - Ouch.
  - See the action.
  - One thing for sure, it'll stop people from watching WWF.
- Vamp in control, pipe shots and a stinger splash.
- Up top, setting up for the Frankensteiner, Vamp gets a Super Power Bomb.
- Sting lays into him with the pipe.
- Stinger splash.
- Again, with the pipe.
- Scorpion Deathdrop.
  - Where's the run in?
- Another Scorpion Deathdrop.
  - Where's the run in?
- 1, 2, 3.
- Sting wins.
  - Where's the run in?
  - Do wrestling matches end like this?
  - What is this, this *pin-fall* ?
- Not done, Sting comes back at him with the pipe.
- Lightning.
- The lights flash.
  - Spooky.
  - A mosquito bites me.
  - I hope I don't die of Malaria before the end of the show.

Tenay interviews DDP and Arquette.
DDP talks so much, it's so damn obvious he's going to turn on him.
- I just feel it. I'm a soothsayer.
- What the hell is a sooth anyway?
Tenay interviews Kidman, Torrie, Bischoff, and Kim.
He's going to beat Hogan.
- I never thought he was going to say that.
- Ever.
- My powers have failed me.
- What a world! What a world!
MATCH NINE: Kidman w/Torrie v Terry "Hulk Hogan no more so I can save on royalties to Marvel" Bollea w/Horace Hogan
- The Bisch & Kim are out first.
- Then Kidman & Torrie.
  - Keeping my eyes peeled for surgically enhanced breasts.
  - I can't really see any difference.
- Hogan & Horace.
  - F.U.N.B!
- Schiavone "Time to play who wants to beat a millionaire"
  - Good one. Tony's getting better.
    - He still sucks, though.
- Hogan goes outside and chases Kidman.
- Back in, Kidman uses a wrestling move, an inside cradle to try and beat Hogan.
  - Wrestling, Hogan. Not a punch.
  - Or a kick.
- Sunset flip leads to a fist on Kidman's forehead.
- Kidman outside.
- Hogan sends him back in, brings a chair in.
- Bischoff tells him to not hit Kidman with the chair.
- So he hits the chair with Kidman.
- Hogan takes the slowest, sloppiest Frankensteiner I've ever seen.
  - But he still took it. I don't know if The Rock has ever taken one.
  - Or Stone Cold.
  - They probably have.
  - But I still respect Hogan.
- Brawling outside, Kidman uses Torrie as a shield.
- Then he punches Hogan in the ear.
  - That's got to hurt.
- 10 count punches by Kidman.
- Hogan makes his comeback.
- Lariat.
- Hogan's weight belt/Yavapi indian strap comes into play.
- Bischoff takes it away.
- And gives it to Kidman.
- He straps Hogan.
- A sloppy exchange ends up with Kidman outside.
  - I can't even tell you what they tried to do it was so messy.
- Hogan gives chase.
  - I wonder if they'll end up on the super-groovy ramp.
  - Sure hope so.
- Hogan in control in the ring.
- Bischoff refuses to make a count.
  - Europeans suck.
  - With their wooden shoes and oompa loompa music.
  - They think they're so damn superior with their accents.
  - Goddamn Europeans!
- Belly to back suplex by Hogan.
- Bisch still won't count.
  - Hogan's going to knock him out and lose by DQ, I bet
- Hogan hits two elbows, misses a third.
- Kidman goes outside, Hogan follows.
- Hogan into the railing.
- Kidman into the announcer's table.
- Back in the ring, jawbreaker on Hogan.
  - Like our states, I think most wrestling moves should be named after the proud native peoples of this continent.
- Hogan hulks up.
- He goes for the LDOD.
- Bischoff stops him, Hogan knocks him out.
- Hogan hits the leg drop.
- 10 count punches on the mat to Billy.
- Bischoff comes in with a chair, Hogan hits him with it.
- Hogan gets a table.
- Make that two.
  - This is new.
  - I wonder if there is a lucrative furniture contract that WCW assigns.
  - Like when the military gets bids for tanks.
  - I'm going to do that when I grow up.
  - Screw law school.
- Hogan sets up the tables.
- Bischoff is about to go through one, but Kidman intervenes with a chair.
- Kidman gets a 2 count.
- Hogan's juicing.
- Bischoff holds Hogan, to be hit with a chair in th head
- But Hogan stops him, lowblows Bischoff.
- Bischoff gets powerbombed through a table.
- Hogan gets a third table.
  - God DAMN I want that table contract.
- Hogan is in, Kidman attacks with the chair.
- Kidman sets up a table.
- He lays Hogan on it.
- He goes up top.
- He splashes the table, because Hogan rolled out of the way.
- Hogan covers, Horace moves Bischoff's unconscious hand to make the three count.
- The Hogan's celebrate.
- Hogan's wearing a crimson mask.
Backstage
- Outside, really.
Russo tried to run on a bus with Liz.
But Luger's on the bus.
So Russo drives off.
- Assertive.
A really, really long promo for the next match.
- I'm going to be a bastard and not tell you what match.
- How's them apples?
I guess it's so they can clean up the tables.
Castrol GTX is going to bring us the Great American Bash.
- Have they no shame?
- This PPV isn't even over yet.
Mean Gene talks to Jeff Jarrett.
Over the AC and my family, I can't heard him.
I'm sure he said he would win.

MATCH TEN: Jeff Jarrett v Diamond Dallas Page v David Arquette - WCW World Title Match
- Michael Buffer does his thing.
- Tony explains the concept of a cage match.
  - Thanks.
- The cage lowers.
  - It has more charisma than Brian Knobbs.
  - That's one guy I'm not missing.
  - But I do miss Meng.
  - Russo needs to get his head out of his ass and push Meng already.
  - If Meng goes WWF, I go WWF. That's my solemn pledge.
- The Chosen One comes out.
- David Arquette comes out.
  - This is taking for friggin' ever.
- Arquette has a really, really gay outfit on.
  - I normally don't use that word as an adjective, but if you see it, you've got to agree.
  - It looks like a Village People costume.
- DDP's comes out, runs to the ring.
- DDP and Arquette are in the ring, Jarrett on the apron.
- He comes in.
  - Ooo, suspense.
- Arquette runs away, Jarrett chases him. DDP comes after him.
- They brawl. A lot.
- I don't feel like writing "in the ring" and "out of the ring" for the next 10 minutes.
  - They brawled. You didn't miss much.
- DDP hits a nice Rock Bottom.
- Arquette misses a splash.
- DDP & Jarrett brawl.
- To spice things up, there are a couple ladders scattered about.
- DDP accidentally squashes Arquette between Jarrett and the cage.
- DDP tries to mash Jarrett's balls on the ring post. Jarrett kicks him.
- DDP & Jarrett brawl.
- DDP accomplishes in mashing Jarrett's balls.
  - Horses eat mash.
  - So should hobos.
    - Goddamn hobos!
- Page gets a ladder, sets it up.
- Jarrett's juicing.
- DDP & Jarrett brawl.
- DDP takes forever to get to the second level.
- So Jarrett stops him.
  - Wouldn't it be funny if the ladder broke and they couldn't get into the second level?
- DDP powerbombs Jarrett off the ladder.
  - Nice.
- Brawl.
- Jarrett into the ladder.
- Again.
- Now, DDP into the ladder.
- Jarrett drops the ladder on DDP.
- Jarrett brings in another ladder.
- He doesn't get to the second level.
- DDP and Jarrett climb opposite sides of the ladder.
- They knock one another off.
- DDP finally gets to the second level.
- Jarrett gives chase.
  - There is a lot of plundah in the second level. Garbage cans, lids, chairs, tables.
- Jarrett hits DDP into a bunch of stuff, and goes for the third level.
- But DDP stops him.
- DDP's bleeding now too.
- They brawl with their respective hardcore items.
- They break down a wall of the cage.
- DDP sets up the table.
  - The floor is like a net, so it's unsteady.
  - They both go through the table.
  - Good match so far.
- DDP and Jarrett leave the second cage and they brawl on the roof of the first.
- They tease throwing one another off the roof.
- Arquette goes up to the second level, finally.
- He goes up to the roof of the second, heading to the third.
- Mike Awesome comes out of nowhere, pearl harboring DDP.
- Attempted Powerbomb, but DDP diamond-cutters him.
- Jarrett and DDP climb up to the top of the second cage.
- Into the third cage, there are a bunch of guitars.
- They trade guitar shots.
- Arquette has a guitar, on top of the third cage.
- Arquette hits Page
  - !
  - I honestly did not see that coming.
- Jarrett and Arquette embrace.
- Jarrett takes the belt.
- He's the new champ.
  - If Arquette was against DDP the whole time...
  - what was the f'n point?
  - That makes no sense.
- Kanyon comes out and brawls with Awesome.
- Awesome throws him off the top of the first cage onto the supercool ramp.
  - Damn
- Awesome and Jarrett celebrate.
- And that's it.
The Good: The cage match was outstanding. Ralphus amused me. The Awesome/Kanyon match went well. Midajah and Kim's breasts.
The Bad: The CW title match was boring. Flair/Douglas, Bagwell/Luger, and Stasiak/Hennig just didn't interest me.
The Ugly: Yo' mama. Tammy Lynn Sytch. No Meng, no high flying, no slid technical wrestling. A very homogenized card. You, if you don't visit WCWUniverse.com
- I'm shameless.

Slamboree 2000 - Sunday, 05/07/00

By Alexi Franklin

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