WCW Thunder - Thursday, December 16, 1999

• Dan (not the WCWSN reporter) points out:

  Something I picked up on while watching Thunder. When Nash and Hall came out to the ring with the ladder, as they were sliding it in I noticed the word "interview" on the side. Just seemed kinda' odd to me. I'm waiting for the next time Hacksaw Duggan comes out and his 2x4 has "FAKE" written on it. Keep up the good work.

• Jon L. speaks about The Juice:

  Hey, man. I just have to say that I thought Juvi's terrible Rock impersonation was funny. Different from the way that I think WCW's myriad impersonation of "wrestling" shows lately are just terrible. But I guess it's like heroin -- once you take it, you have a REALLY hard time stopping. Or so I've heard, anyway.

• Steve asks the question that burns on everyone's mind:

  I wonder how your going to react to a Thunder that has no wrestling and three minute matches. It's a whole new Thunder. As long as Hogan comes back they could have Konnan singing for all I care, well maybe not Konnan. Keep up the good reports.

  Well, if this current trend keeps up, I just might end up doing something that will send me to the Central Florida Mental Hospital, where I can relax with luminaries such as Triple-A, Scott Hall and possibly Norman the Lunatic!

• MattZak3 mentions:

  Do you realize that TAFKA Prince Iaukea's valet was Storm from the Nitro Girls? It is a dumb gimmick, too.

Well, one of my readers, Ben, attended last week's taping and says that it was Van Hammer who attacked Singh. If that's the case, then I assume Hammer was also responsible for the hit on Jim Duggan from this week's Nitro.

That's right. "Lying" Lee Marshall!

I kid you not, Marshall was interviewing a guy who had won his round. Honestly, Marshall seemed to be more knowledgeable of the arm wrestling world than he is professional wrestling. He also keeps from cracking those ridiculous "Weasel" jokes.

• We see clips from Nitro in which The Outsiders handed Sid's ass to him.
• "Silent But Violent" brings out Chris Benoit!
• Seeing Sid and Benoit together is a David-and-Goliath-like image.
• Sid has a message to the Outsiders, who supposedly sit in the back whining and crying.
• Sid says the Outsiders fueled a fire that they cannot burn out.
• Sid says this is a war the Outsiders cannot win.
• Sid says the beating at Nitro was only the beginning, as he plans to powerbomb Kevin Nash to the earth's core.
• Sid says there will be no escapes or retreats. Only surrender.
• Benoit has the mic.
• Benoit talks about Scott Hall telling him to rent a WWF tape to see ladder matches.
• Benoit will give credit to Hall for being king of the ladder matches -- today.
• Come Starrcade, what goes up must come down, says Benoit.
• Benoit: "You're going to find out what getting down with the Crippler is all about."
• Sid calls out the Outsiders for a warm-up tag team match.
• Curt Hennig's music airs on the PA, bringing out Hennig, Shane, Creative Control and La Parka.
• Hennig says Sid and Benoit do not get it.
• Hennig says The Outsiders will wrestle Bret Hart and Goldberg in a House of Pain match.
• Hennig says the crap Sid has laid on The Powers That Be have gone too far.
• Hennig says Sid and Benoit will wrestle... against each other.
• Hennig says the TPTB mentions if Sid and Benoit don't fight each other they will be suspended for six months without pay.

• Juvi: "Finally, the Juice has come back to New Orleans!"
• Juvi: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE WE ARE..."
• Sigh. Blow me.
• Juvi sits down at the announcer's booth.
• Juvi: "I am the Juice, and the Juice is loose."
• Who did I piss off to get this treatment?

• Vampiro comes out alone tonight.
• He'll be facing the StallMaster 5000^TM tonight.
• Apparently, if Vampiro beats Dr. Death at Starrcade, he gets five minutes with Oklahoma.
• Vamp attacks Buff at the ropes, gets whipped and shoulderblocked, badly I might add.
• Oklahoma walks to ringside.
• Vamp kicks and thrusts Buff.
• Vamp whips Buff to the corner.
• Buff gets a monkeyflip in, but Vamp gets up quickly.
• Vamp has his way with Buff and goes up top, but Buff brings him down the hard way.
• Buff with some rights.
• Buff whips Vamp, but it gets reversed.
• Buff counters a headscissors with a short powerbomb.
• We take a look at Aaron Neville in the crowd.
• Buff kicks Vamp in the head.
• Buff comes off the ropes, misses a clothesline and gets sent out of the ring via standing side kick.
• Vamp goes outside and stands off with Oklahoma.
• Steve Williams comes from behind, but Jerry Only makes the save.
• Oklahoma retreats from a charging Vamp.
• Williams drops Only on the guardrail.
• Buff heads back inside.
• Vamp goes up the turnbuckle but Oklahoma nails him with the BBQ sauce.
• Buff heads up top and nails the Blockbuster for the win.
• YOUR WINNER: Buff Bagwell via Blockbluster in 3:37.
• Post-match, Williams assaults Vamp outside and hits a powerbomb.
• The heels pour BBQ sauce on the beaten Vampiro.
• That sucked. Neither Buff nor Vampiro looked like they were making an effort to work.

• Juvi calls this the Jabroni Match of the Week. Well, he has a point.
• Evan comes out with Spice.
• The Prince gets his overblown entrance.
• This is a non-title match.
• Paisley asks The Artist what words will come out of his mouth next. He says, "Sage."
• Bell sounds, and Prince points to Evan.
• Evan with a fingerlock.
• Iaukea whips Evan, who gets in a Thesz Press and some punches.
• Evan with a springboard bodyblock for two.
• Prince takes down Evan and drops an elbow in the gut.
• Prince sends Evan outside with a dropkick.
• Madusa enters the ring area.
• Madusa tries to get into it with Spice, then Paisley.
• Prince hits a back elbow in the corner but misses a top rope crossbody.
• The women enter the ring as Evan hits a missile dropkick.
• WTF?
• Evan tries to break up the catfight between Madusa and Spice but gets rolled up for the win.
• YOUR WINNER: TAFKA Prince Iaukea via pinfall in 2:04.
• Post-match, Madusa slaps Evan and walks off.
• Evan gets up from the mat, helps Spice out of the ring and walks off with her. Atta boy.
• That sucked, but at least Evan is finding better taste in women.

• As Douglas gets the mic, the lights go out, a bell sounds and we have Midnight in the ring.
• Patriotic music brings out Duggan. Shit.
• Duggan and Midnight clear the ring to start.
• Duggan gets a "U. S. A." chant going.
• Saturn and Asya return to the ring.
• It will be Duggan and Saturn to start.
• Duggan sends Saturn to the turnbuckle, applies an armwringer and elbows the arm.
• Duggan then applies a hammerlock.
• Duggan with a chinlock. ALREADY?!?
• Duggan lands a right.
• Duggan with a forearm to the back.
• Duggan hits a clothesline, which sends Saturn into Midnight.
• Duggan and Midnight hammer on Saturn some until Duggan covers for two.
• Saturn tags into Asya.
• Duggan pulls Asya by the hair and tags Midnight.
• Midnight grabs Asya and slams her to the mat.
• Midnight whips Asya, successfully executes a leapfrog and hits a dropkick.
• Tag to Saturn, who gets control.
• Midnight blocks Saturn's punch and gets her in.
• Harlem Heat make their way to ringside.
• Saturn takes down Midnight and beats on her.
• Saturn with a backdrop suplex.
• Tag to Asya.
• Asya with a suplex.
• Asya drops an elbow as Duggan tries to grab her.
• Asya hits a legdrop.
• Asya stomps away on Midnight.
• Midnight whips Asya into a double-shoulderblock.
• Oh yeah. Shane Douglas has been at the booth since the start of this match. You could tell I care, can't you?
• Tags to the men.
• Duggan clubbers away on Saturn.
• Duggan sends Saturn into the corner for the TEN PUNCHES OF DEATH!
• Duggan whips Saturn into a scoop slam.
• Duggan sets up and hits a running clothesline for two when Asya saves.
• Midnight enters the ring to take care of Asya.
• Duggan with a boot choke as Asya sends Midnight outside.
• Stevie Ray roughly sends Midnight inside. Great, another year-long build-up to a Heat break-up?
• Asya covers Midnight for two.
• Duggan whips Saturn into Asya.
• Douglas enters the ring and tries a clothesline, but hits Saturn.
• Duggan covers and gets two when Malenko brings the 2x4 in the ring.
• Duggan gets the 2x4 and beats on Saturn while Charles Robinson's back is turned.
• Duggan covers Saturn for the win as Harlem Heat vacate the area.
• YOUR WINNER: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan and Midnight via 2x4 in 7:20.
• Post-match, the Revolution beat down Duggan and reveal a pair of Stars and Stripes tights while doing so.
• Aaron Neville grabs the 2x4 and clears the Revolution from the ring.
• Booker T returns to the ring to tend to Duggan.
• Decent enough, mainly because Duggan wasn't in the ring for the majority of the match.

• Smiley comes to the ring dressed in Alabama college football garb and some weapons.
• David and his headless teddy bear gets the second entrance.
• David attacks with the crowbar to start, but Smiley blocks with a garbage can lid.
• David with a trash can shot.
• David whips Smiley into a bodydrop.
• Smiley hits David with a trashcan lid.
• Smiley sends David into the corner and hits the spinning bodyslam.
• As Smiley does the SMBU, David cuts a rug of his own and beans Smiley with a trash can.
• David with a lid shot.
• David whips Smiley, who gets a boot in.
• Meng makes his way to the ring.
• Smiley sees Meng and throws David's teddy bear at him.
• Meng destroys the bear as Smiley runs like hell.
• Meng chases Smiley backstage as David wins by countout.
• YOUR WINNER: David Flair via countout in 1:57.
• Post-match, David grabs what is left of his teddy bear and walks to the back.
• That was a bona-fide DUD. What a surprise.

• Sting says enough is enough.
• Sting says he knows it was Luger in the mask, so Sting wants him now.
• As TP's music plays, TP (in a Sting get-up) charges at Sting.
• Sting beats the hell out of TP for a while.
• After TP's disguise as exposed, he gets a clothesline in and stomps away on Sting.
• We see Elizabeth as Juvi says it's Ric Flair behind the get-up.
• Sting makes the comeback and hits a Stinger Splash in the corner.
• Stinger Splash #2 connects, but TP blocks a third with his leg.
• TP grabs the bat, but Liz tries to get it from him.
• TP catches Liz, threatens her and charges at Sting.
• Sting dodges the bat and hits TP from below.
• Sting racks TP but bumps Liz in the process.
• As Sting tends to Liz, TP attacks from behind with the bat.
• TP gets a few jabs in before security breaks it up.

• Scott Hudson hypes Oklahoma's entrance.
• Juvi's reason for Williams' nickname: "He almost looks like Death."
• Oklahoma joins the crew at the booth.
• The German chorus group brings out The Wall and Berlyn.
• They lock-up.
• Wall comes off the ropes with a shoulderblock, but Williams no-sells.
• Williams with some rights and a scoop slam.
• Williams drives an axehandle to Wall's back.
• More rights.
• Williams hits a chop in the corner. And another.
• Wall gets whipped into the corner but blocks a charge with a big boot.
• Wall hits another boot as Juvi mocks Oklahoma's mannerisms.
• In the crowd, Chavo Guerrero, Jr. hawks merchandise.
• Wall slaps Williams' chest.
• The crowd chants "Chavo."
• Wall gets sent to the corner.
• Williams charges but misses in the corner.
• Oklahoma pulls off a boot but Berlyn chases him off.
• Berlyn clocks Williams with his "international object," DQ'ing The Wall.
• YOUR WINNER: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams via DQ in 3:04.
• The Wall shows his appreciation with a right.
• Williams clotheslines Wall over the top rope and exits the ring.
• Nice way to get Williams and The Wall over. The fans were more interested in Chavo than the fight in the ring.

• Hennig and Shane make their way out.
• Dustin gets the next entrance.
• Dustin calls Jarrett a "slap-happy [MUTE]."
• Dustin says he will be Jarrett's daddy Sunday night.
• Hennig attacks Rhodes from behind but eats a clothesline and slam.
• Shane ends up in the ring and Dustin sets him in the corner for a field goal kick.
• Dustin scores three points but Hennig comes from behind.
• Hennig beats on Dustin in the corner.
• Hennig with his kneelift off the ropes.
• Hennig with a facelock and Dustin's music plays on the P. A.
• The lights dim and some figure "flies" to ringside. Que?
• Now the lights go black.
• The lights come up and the figure has a guitar.
• As the figure ka-bongs Dustin, the bell is called for the DQ.
• YOUR WINNER: Dustin Rhodes via DQ in 2:27.
• The figure reveals himself as Jeff Jarrett.
• Hennig and Shane hold Dustin as Jarrett comes off top with a piece of the broken guitar.
• Jarrett hits The Stroke and celebrates as we cut to commercial.
• Enough with these gimmicky finishes already.

• Sid gets the first entrance, followed by Benoit.
• Sid gets a mic to cut a promo as opposed to cutting other wrestlers up.
• Sid calls out TPTB to take off their dresses and fight like real men.
• Well, Sid's getting some good face heat, I'll say that.
• Hennig and company come to the entryway.
• Hennig says this will be a handicap match.
• As the match starts, CC beat on Benoit while Sid dumps Hennig from the ring.
• Sid powerbombs Shane and chokeslams La Parka.
  
• Snap suplex by Benoit on one of the CC.
• As Sid and Hennig fight outside, Benoit pulls a ladder from underneath into the ring.
• Benoit sets up a ladder but CC take over.
• Benoit avoids a double clothesline and shoves the ladder into CC.
• Benoit gets a Crossface on one of the CC but his twin makes the save.
• Hennig gets ahold of the ladder and nails Benoit with it after a whip.
• YOUR WINNERS: Sid Vicious and Chris Benoit via DQ in 1:47.
• Sid re-enters the ring and tries to powerbomb a CC member, but his twin and Hennig nail Sid with the ladder.
• A five-on-two beatdown follows.
• What purpose did that have toward building to Starrcade? Sid's issue is with Kevin Nash while Benoit is feuding with Hall. C'mon, throw me a bone here.

• Juvi calls Kanyon "Shampoo." Sigh.
• Biggs presents to the crowd "a taste of champagne."
• Kanyon: "You people just don't get it."
• Kanyon says he's been to Hollywood and from the looks of it, this ain't it.
• Kanyon says he's on a roll and cannot be stopped.
• Kanyon says no one can beat him.
• "Self High Five" brings out DDP.
• As DDP has words with Kanyon, he gets gum spit on him.
• Scott Hudson leaves the table as Biggs gets the headset.
• They battle to the outside.
• DDP sends Kanyon back in.
• DDP hits a neckbreaker.
• DDP tries a Diamond Cutter but Kanyon blocks.
• DDP comes off the ropes with a urinage (called the Diamond Death Drop) for two.
  • I thought that was the name for Scott Hall's crucifix powerbomb during his stint as The Diamond Studd.
• Kanyon chokes DDP near the ropes.
• Kanyon chokes DDP on the middle rope.
• Kanyon drives DDP into the turnbuckle.
• Kanyon whips DDP into a tilt-a-whirl but DDP counters with a headscissors.
• Kanyon gets in a powerbomb for two.
• Kanyon stomps DDP in the corner.
• Juvi is really, really bad on commentary.
• Meanwhile, Biggs says that Juvi's work last week could earn him a green card.
• DDP shoves Kanyon in the corner and whips him.
• DDP charges but eats boot.
• DDP hits a clothesline for two.
• DDP with a couple of rights.
• As Kanyon hits a neckbreaker for two, Biggs hits the apron.
• Kanyon whips DDP, who reverses.
• Biggs ends up hitting Kanyon.
• DDP rolls up Kanyon for two.
• They fight over a backslide until DDP hits the Diamond Cutter.
• David Flair comes out from nowhere and hits DDP with a crowbar.
• David runs to the back as Charles Robinson starts the ten count.
• At the count of nine, Kanyon puts a hand over DDP for the win.
• YOUR WINNER: Chris "Champagne" Kanyon via pinfall in 4:33.
• Bam Bam Bigelow comes in to dispute the decision.
• Kanyon beans Bigelow with a bottle of champagne.

• Special gatekeeper Roddy Piper gets the first entrance.
• Kevin Nash comes out next, flying solo.
• From Nitro: New tag team champions were crowned.
• Bret Hart is next out.
• Goldberg gets the guarded walk at 9:58 P.M. EDT.
• We pan back to see Creative Control manhandling Roddy Piper outside.
• Jeff Jarrett joins in on the fun as Nash and Hart go at it.
• Goldberg runs out to beat on CC and Jarrett.
• Piper fights back with his pipe.
• Goldberg and Piper return to ringside.
• Goldberg rips the cage door open.
• Goldberg elbows Nash in the gut.
• Piper lays waste to Nash with the pipe.
• Jarrett enters the ring and ka-bongs Piper.
• Jarrett hits Goldberg with a second guitar but it's barely sold.
• Spear for Jarrett!
• Nash hits Goldberg from behind with the pipe.
• Nash drags Goldberg mid-ring as he and Jarrett shackle Hart.
• Jarrett shackles Goldberg to the other set of cuffs as Nash jabs the faces with a pipe.
• Piper is handcuffed last.
• Jarrett and Nash stand victorious as the crowd boos.
• Jarrett and Nash hammer the faces with a pipe and belt respectively.
• Jarrett and Nash leave the ring as Goldberg rips his handcuffs off.
• As we fade at 10:01 P.M., we see that Goldberg is busted open hardway.
• Several months ago, I remember Tony Schiavone on Nitro laughing about the competition having two-minute main events.
• Funny thing is, not only does this "match" fit the two-minute time frame, but it didn't even get started.
• And for that, I say: F*** You, WCW.©